Make sure you grab Dr. Anita Phillip’s new book The Garden Within wherever books are sold.

there is

only one person

on the whole planet

that I would get up

on a Saturday morning for

one person

well maybe not one but there’s one

person this morning

good morning good morning good morning

what’s up family

how are you doing we are

one week

from Juan Manuel

and I know if you did not go you’re

probably tired of hearing him but I just

want you to know this is a safe space

you can tell us

you can tell us you’re frustrated and we

just want to feel safe enough to

continue to get on your nerves talking

about it we had a time a time a time

um

an incredible time this time last week

this time last week Doris hadn’t opened

yet no doors were open we were about to

have the men’s panel which

um was unexpectedly a pretty good hit

you know but

um

I am getting on here let me tell you

something

um there are a few people who make woman

evolve what it is

um if you’ve never been to a woman

evolve event like woman evolve this

literally it’s about Sisterhood it’s

about connection it’s about authentic

encounters with God and the ability to

be all of yourself and so Kayla’s one of

them I show Kayla some love yesterday

but there is another person who is at

this point as much woman evolved as as

Eve in in myself and

Dr Anita Phillips

and if you do not have our new book

we’ve been to get in your business it’s

Saturday morning I don’t have to be in

the therapy yet hey Frank hey that’s

hilarious me and Eve we

the co-partners absolutely not to get on

here with makeup on and I’m getting on

here oh I slept in this oh okay man I

laid flat on my back

it ain’t left them like a little

backrest

I’m gonna just get finished blotting

that out and we’re gonna be okay okay so

can I tell you one of the things that

makes me so proud of woman evolve is

like this is what I feel right and I

know like you can’t boost your own stuff

but I’m about to boost my own stuff

um like woman evolve is not

just a spiritual experience like it’s

not church as usual

um it is an opportunity to really have

um a conversation about where you are

traversing in the world of your mental

health your spiritual health your

emotional Wellness your business

relationships and to do it in a space

where we want to talk about real things

and

um I’m gonna tell you guys a little back

story so I’ve always known that I wanted

to have this somatic experience as a

part of Romney ball close the door close

the door you left the door wide open

come on now exactly what you’re saying

somatic the way my heart just leaves

um I did that I wanted it to have this

somatic experience because I recognized

the power of coming in alignment with

our bodies and though I don’t feel

equipped to guide someone through those

experiences I knew that when God gave me

this vision for one revolved that it had

to be a part of it where women were

really embodying themselves in a way

where they could assess how am I doing

those moments and so when I first had

this Vision I didn’t know how I was

going to fulfill it and I don’t even

know how I think maybe you reached out

to me and told me like you’re I’m what

you’re looking for but

um not you text me kind of close to

2018. I was like

um would you do a meditation but I had

seen the the I had seen women involve on

tour and thought I need to be

part of this I need to be doing this and

I just said God

and then you just and you dropped me a

text and we’re like could you do a

meditation and I’m like I don’t know how

to do that but yes yes

and now you first of all you didn’t know

how to do it because that’s what you do

and different I had never done it in a

in a faith space like that in that way I

did it and so I really was like okay God

let’s go and it was it was a thing your

book is that how do you feel about it ah

I feel good I feel hey

is he over holding our book because I

just want you to know because that also

includes

because we was because we do the things

together

we do them together you see my sister

you see me you see me you see my sister

how you feel about it it feels amazing

to actually

um have I really feel like I’ve done

what God asked me to do like I feel so

good like it took longer than I thought

it would and I had everybody worried

including the publisher but I knew that

I had to get to that place where this is

what God gave me and I have put it out

here I didn’t cut a corner I didn’t

self-sabotage by giving up and saying I

couldn’t make it make it I just I went

until it was finished and it feels so

good to give something to people that I

really believe God gave me for them and

not just something I wanted to say so I

have the privilege of being on um I’m in

the woman evolve app which

um it’s mostly women who’ve gone to

conference but women who wanted to come

to conference and weren’t able to attend

and I am watching them you did a live in

the heart and health act and I’ve had an

opportunity to see their feedback I’m in

the woman evolved book club in which you

just completely destroyed us at our

Thursday book club meeting where it you

really just offered us an opportunity to

to glean and have group therapy as we

navigate the things that are coming up

in this book

um I think the commonality between the

two is that

as people of faith I think so much of

our

traumas so much of our pain that is

emotional we’ve just kind of made it

spiritual right you know

um praying that God will take it away

um trying to just make our spiritual

lives overcome some of the real healing

work that we need to do some of the real

confrontations and discovery that we

need to have with our emotions and what

I am encouraged by is seeing how Our

Fate is being strengthened by the

vulnerability of really dissecting our

emotions and that’s kind of how you

start the book

it’s talking about this intersection of

faith and emotional Wellness now I want

to be careful because you know you’re my

friend you got the degree

um

would you say there’s a difference

between mental health and the

conversation that we’re having In the

Garden within I would say not

necessarily different but we’re diving

into emotional health and emotional

health really is the foundation for our

mental health when people say mental

health we think about the mind so we go

straight to our thoughts and so I

emphasize the word emotion emotional

well-being is often included in the

definition of mental health but really

mental health should be included in the

definition of emotional well-being

because it is from our emotional life

that our minds spring and so just like

the plant lives in the soil the Mind

lives in the heart the thoughts are are

drawing their sustenance from our

emotional well-being and so that’s why I

emphasize that word and it’s important

to me because we do need to bridge this

thing between our fear and our heart

because they’re Inseparable our spirit

is the seed that goes into the soil so

again the emotion life our emotions

feeding our mind and then our behavior

is the fruit and our soil feeds that too

there’s nothing in the garden that is

not first impacted by the soil and

there’s nothing in your life that’s not

for impacted by where you are

emotionally absolutely nothing I almost

you know the only the only reason why I

would consider going back to school is

to really take oh take classes towards

unpacking

um emotional Wellness I’m fascinated by

it I think primarily for the same reason

that I think you started your journey

which was just trying to uncover what

was happening in your own world and

searching for answers I

um guys I’m talking about Dr Anita’s

book The Garden within

um Dr Anita Phillips this book is out

everywhere books are sold literally

everywhere books are sold go on Amazon

and you may have it on your doorstep

tonight go to Barnes and Noble like go

and grab this book you will not be

disappointed

um I

did not know about going to therapy

um for myself I didn’t even know that it

was something that I could benefit from

I kind of like went through what I went

through I made a better choice I got on

the other side of it but I never

confronted all of these emotions that I

had along the way until I started

listening to podcasts and reading books

listening to podcasts and reading books

was my first introduction to something

that felt like therapy but that didn’t

have required me to sit down and uncover

my own business what I love about the

Garden within you guys and I have read

so many books about emotional Wellness

about mental health and about traumas

um this book does not require you to

have a doctorate in order to understand

that Dr Anita has been masterful in

Breaking this down in a way that you can

understand easily but also that has so

much depth and so many layers connected

to it that you also recognize that this

is really healing me like I’m not just

reading about what’s possible for me I

am reading a bit

about healing me while I’m reading it

and you are so generous and that you

don’t do it as an outsider most of the

time when we go to therapy like they’re

not sharing what’s happened in their

world they’re not sharing their

experiences which on one hand it’s like

do you really understand what I’m going

through or are you just telling me what

was in the textbook but Dr Anita tell me

about you being intentional and bringing

in your own experiences as this guide to

lead us to Healing no for me I wasn’t

always in this place with regard to my

emotions I used to intellectualize

everything I used to be proud that I

wasn’t an emotional person and so this

has been a journey for me that’s

sometimes painful Journey but also an

incredibly fruitful journey and so I’m

sharing about what my family’s gone

through and what it meant to grow up

with us through had a mental illness

which is also the transformation of my

own personality about getting to know my

children and and being a better mom to

them just the life that this is required

of me and I have to walk through I I

it’s been the most painful couple of

years of my life while I was writing

this book and so I promise there’s

nothing in here that I have not lived

out myself because I’m not looking to

tell you what to do I’m looking to show

you how I walked so I’m glad to hear

that it sounds

um that it’s not hard to read I didn’t I

didn’t want that and I want people to

hear me saying I was on a journey of

self-understanding because I I like to

say this book is not self-help it’s

self-understanding this is not four

steps to Freedom it’s the pain of

transforming my understanding of myself

and that’s what I want people to do too

because it’s so so free to actually hurt

yourself be you if you’re here if you

haven’t found you the right therapist

yet or you’re afraid to dip into therapy

your personal faith and you’re wondering

where this intersection is like be this

is an incredible starting point

um and what I love too about it is like

certainly you are a person in faith but

you’re not

it’s it’s not giving you need to have

your bible to read it as well no if this

is you know when you were talking about

women evolve a few minutes ago and

you’re saying like it’s not just a

spiritual experience but it’s all these

areas of your life I was thinking myself

woman of all this about the so what yeah

so what okay we and that’s not

diminished in our relationship with

Jesus but we’re saved you know we okay

but so now what how does this go

translate into my life right right and

that that mission that heart of work is

why I why I love women of all why I joke

and say I’m the assistant pastor of

women

because I’m so committed to that making

sure our people have to so what now how

do I live with this and this book is

about okay how do I live how do I live

with this being a human being having the

strong emotional Center and not really

knowing what to do other than suppress

it so I have my spirit renewed and my

spirit is alive but but what now what

and I feel like that’s what I wanted to

give I wanted to give them that so I’m

going to ask you the questions that come

up when I hear you know I I was priding

myself on you know not being emotional

to me I think that’s powerful I think

that’s amazing like nobody has time to

be emotional

um I I you know sometimes when I’m in

the midst of it and I’m like I don’t

have time to deal with that I don’t have

time to be emotional like to me that is

a sign of strength it’s a sign of

responsibility a sign of maturity it’s

something that I too have prided myself

on like don’t be emotional when it’s

time to get stuff that I need you to get

out of your feelings so that we can get

things done like that is how I am wired

um because I don’t want to be walking

around like oh oh oh here therapy me Dr

Anita help me here we go guys are y’all

ready I’m about to let y’all my mother

oh Lord

I told my husband yesterday I feel like

there’s a water balloon inside of me

that is like waiting to burst and when

it bursts that I am going to cry but I

don’t know how to make myself cry how do

I do that I want to be I want to come

outside of my box of

non-emotionalism and like I don’t even

know how like how do I even do this like

make me happy make me cry

you cry but I will ask you how do you

why do you feel like there’s a water

balloon inside you

depression come from

I just like my I feel like well I told

you even before conference that I felt

like my heart was bursting

um

with joy and nerves and fear and I I

think that I received evidence for some

of the things that I was concerned about

I saw God show up in a way that I didn’t

know was possible I

um like I and so now we’re

post-conference and I have I’ve had a

few things happen post-conference that

it just feels like this is worthy of an

emotional response of some sort like it

feels like I should be but I don’t

understand yeah

it feels like a water balloon doesn’t

feel like it like you’re saying like if

you sit still do you feel something in

your chest if you sit still in a safe

place and this may not be entirely safe

but I would say take the time to return

there

I know y’all know you got some download

video links somewhere

the moment a quiet time when you have an

hour or two and the kids are asleep or

someone else has them and you really

have the time and put that video put

those videos on

and watch that camera sweep that room

40 000.

and watch God come through every speaker

listen to the words of the song You

versed on time God I was listening to it

yesterday and thinking I didn’t even

notice how many times it mentioned

memory and history and the and then the

whole thing was generational there was

so much conversation about generational

things sit down with all of that and

just see revisit and see what happens

see what happened

[Music]

yeah and and experience the joy too you

know you were gonna have that

conversation about how Joy can be scary

and so it’s almost like if I let my

guard down now and we came out of

conference and there were things that

popped off if I let my guard down now

what will happen but I encourage you to

go to conference I want you to go

I see what you did there

I want you to go to conference I do

think I was going to be emotional at

conference but I think I was so busy

like making sure yeah I mean listen

friend

I every time I get my eyes on you I have

my eyes on you I’m surprised you

couldn’t hear me praying in tongues in

my head bursting out because I was just

like I can’t even as close as we are I

still can’t imagine what it’s like to be

carrying that and being the birther of

that so yeah now you go to conference

sit down in a good room with a big

screen

oh that’s what I want to do okay all

right that’s it see the garden was in

she just watered my garden I love that

what are you what are you most excited

about people taking away from the book

how incredibly beautifully and what it

really means to be fearful and

wonderfully made in their bodies the the

miracle of our biology that God actually

designed it based on the garden yeah

that he breaks this literal Garden it’s

not a metaphor it’s more than a metaphor

we are literally functioning as garden

zone as they see the neurons as they see

their heart so they see that nervous

system and it’s explained and how it’s

showing up in their lives that no matter

what we can always stop and realize my

very construction is a miracle and not

in this abstract spiritual way but like

in ways we can see

and remember that whatever’s happening

in this moment God designed an answer

for it on the day made the Universe on

daily great creation he designed an

answer for what we’re dealing with now

and put it inside of us

I just want people to feel like they’re

carrying sacred

everywhere and that their emotional

lives are such a part of that our

emotional lives are such a part of that

and that it is worth this vulnerability

journey to break out of the shell that

we place around our emotions and flow

into this incredibly powerful life and

that all of it’s possible to happen

inside of them no matter what’s going on

around them and that moves us from

trying to control the environment to

having power on the inside to be able to

go from control to power is is a big

thing I want to see people do stop

trying to control everything around you

and realize how much power there is

within you I do think I think that I

would have had and you know

I’m grateful for what I have now but I

think my relationship with God my

relationship with faith would have been

a lot easier if I had this emotional

um awareness that I have now still

walking through it of course but

um there I think the disconnect that I

thought I was experiencing between me

and God or me and Jesus like I think

that I chalked it up to my behavior or

there being something wrong with me and

everyone else got it but I think I just

had so much noise in between me and what

they were telling me God who God is and

who Jesus is and you know I had all

these questions like how I’m nothing

like Jesus like I am like and Jesus is

nothing like me and I because I know

this because I know me and like there’s

nothing we have nothing in common like

who you guys are talking about is not

who I am at all and I’m so far from that

that I don’t even understand how I’m

supposed to be in relationship with

Jesus so I actively was like it is not

for me and I think I know that Grace

chased me down I know that God did not

let up until I decided okay I’m just

gonna try it by faith like I guess I’m

gonna try it but in unpacking

um all of this luggage that I’ve been

carrying all of this pain and Trauma and

disappointment that I’ve been carrying

um I think that I learned to

um really allow the presence of God to

meet me where I am but their

relationship with Jesus has been

strengthened as a result of the work

going because this is what I think I

think in church

we do spend a lot of time lifting up the

name of Jesus as we should yeah and

lifting him up as our savior and really

seeing his divinity but there is power

in us really also recognizing the human

nature of Jesus and how as a result of

him being so human his divinity is that

much more powerful yes exactly because

it cannot be diminished Yeah by Humanity

his divinity was not human diminished by

his Tears by his fears by his anger it

was not diminished it was

made one you know he really showed us

what it meant to be human and to do it

correctly and he was so emotional he was

so emotional and so expressive of his

emotions in public he never repents he

never apologizes and he never sees the

moments of weakness as a human as

something to separate him from his

father

he went to God in prayer and the most

what we would consider vulnerable

emotional we painful State and didn’t

edit it at all

he’s just never edit himself emotionally

that’s incredible doesn’t that make it

like if you if you can separate

Jesus from Christianity if you can

separate religion from Jesus and you can

just

experience this beautiful person

that was 100 God and 100 man

and be in relationship with every part

that the human Jesus and the Divine

Jesus right to me that makes Faith so

much easier yeah like I’m not praying to

someone who doesn’t get it I’m not and

and it and I think it also takes him out

of this Genie in a Bottle mentality

where I just need you to answer my

prayers and I need you to do this you

know this miracle but like I just need

you to be with me like I need you to

help me understand this anxiety I need

you to walk with me through this pain

like isn’t that like doesn’t that remove

the barrier it does remove it and it

makes him who he actually is right

because he is actually up there

praying for us from this place of

understanding how we feel because the

Bible says he felt everything we felt

that has to that matters he doesn’t say

yeah I thought that too he knows I felt

that too I feel every single thing that

you felt and he showed it I mean when I

see Jesus in Gethsemane go into his

disciples and saying can you pray with

me for one hour can you tarry with me he

was saying I don’t want to be alone

right now I am so distracted that’s like

seeing him ask for help seeing him need

his father’s Comfort seeing him need

that’s what he was modeling for us so

when the Bible says we can go boldly

before the throne of grace in times of

need like we have to learn to be boldly

needy

oh okay so this is so good because I was

talking to someone this week and um she

was sharing with me that like she

doesn’t want to feel needy and I was

telling her you got you know that so you

got to read this book because like

having a need is not a sign of weakness

like having a need does not make you

less than and I have really embraced

this like it’s okay to have a need which

I think I think especially growing up in

black families like I ain’t never been

raised another family so maybe I want

folks maybe Brown folks many other folks

got this going too but it’s like it the

greatest gift you can give your family

when they’re struggling when they’re

building when they’re trying to create a

world is to diminish your needs like the

more you can diminish your needs the

easier you are to be in the family unit

and then that translates into our

relationships I will diminish my needs

so that you can be who you need to be

like do I need emotional security do I

need Integrity do I need infection like

yes I need those things but I will

diminish my needs for the sake of you

being okay and we have I have been

trained many people I know have been

trained to diminish our needs over and

over again so much so that having them

makes us feel weak make us feel like

we’re betraying their relationships and

yet we do have them we do have them we

need connection we need a sense of value

I’m of worth and we need safety we need

to feel safe and we are so often willing

to move through life without those

things and so we’re hungry all the time

and it’s like running a marathon without

eating even when people run a marathon I

used to be a runner we eat before we go

we eat things but we have snacks

strapped all over your body so that you

can have snacks along the way so that

your need can keep being met so that you

can finish the race not only finish it

but not be injured and not collapse but

we run the race to our goals

with all of these unmet needs we’re

trying to get things done but we’re not

getting our need for connection met

we’re not feeling worth and value and so

we show up with imposter syndrome

because we didn’t feed what we needed

emotionally to have that sense of worth

along the way we thought when we get

there we’ll feel it but when we get

there we don’t have it when we get there

we still don’t feel safe because we’re

not taking care of our emotional needs

we think we have to put those aside to

get the job done and we do get the job

done but we don’t enjoy the job we don’t

get the fruit of what we thought so we

get there we don’t have the joy we get

them we’re like man I thought I would

feel like this and all I feel is empty

because we didn’t take care of our needs

we need more than gold achievement wow

we need more than gold we do and going

being boldly needy

that’s when we’re supposed to go to God

boldly needy and to each other to our

friends what do we need and I think that

emotional intimacy and friendship is one

of the most powerful places that we can

cultivate this but we think that

emotional connection deep intimacy with

someone else emotionally is only

reserved for romantic relationships then

we get in a romantic relationship and

wonder why we’re not having the

Fulfillment that we want long term

because the emotional intimacy that we

need is a skill to develop that to open

up and connect and so I encourage people

to do that in all their relationships

that are safe and sometimes you have to

risk take a risk the relationship might

not feel safe yet sometimes you have to

take a risk okay so let’s talk about

that a little bit so someone who finally

Embraces the fact that like okay I’m

allowed to have needs

um but I am in relationship with someone

friendship with someone who

is incapable of Meeting those needs or

they are not emotionally developed

enough to understand that having needs

are normal

I still need that I still need that need

met what do I do we can always begin

getting our need met with our savior in

our spirit space but we can also look

into new relationships

we can meet new people we can open up

people are looking but a lot of times we

do have to take the first risk step and

just say I’m going to open up and if

that need isn’t met here if this isn’t a

capable space then I will open up

somewhere else but it’s not the end of

the world if I open up and the need

doesn’t get mad oh my God I’m never

opening up again like we have to

try again yeah sometimes it’s worth the

risk I feel like we did that

for sure we did that because I felt so

strongly in my spirit I’m like man God

is God is giving me this sister not just

assigning me a sister he’s giving me

this sister and we could spend a decade

testing it out

or I can just say hey let’s do this and

take the risk to open up a heart and I

paid off remember you guys would the

Garden within Dr Anita Phillips you guys

have to go get this book I remember the

first time

um so much more than what we are

unpacking here like yes this is a part

our conversation is a part of but

there’s so much more in this book like

literally this conversation is just

skimming the surface you guys have to go

get this book go on Amazon go on Audible

put it in your air you’re going to play

it over and over again like it’s an

audible doctor and need it it’s reading

the book I read the four one so it’ll be

like having this conversation again but

it’s in your airport yeah

um I remember real quick about me just

because I see so many people both yeah

when we talk about asking people for

what we need

um try to keep it try to help try to

keep it to the actual need so like I

really need to feel connected to you and

I don’t always feel that and talking to

you more helps me feel connected like

every now and then I would like to

oriented right can I get on the phone or

can we hop on a FaceTime like it helps

me so feel connected to see you versus

like well I need to have time with you

on the phone yeah and you’re not meeting

my need your the phone call is not

necessarily the need the phone call is

what you think will meet the need is I

need to feel more connected to you and

when I come to someone and say man I

just I need to feel connected today I

need to still not alone today it would

help me if maybe we could talk on the

phone or some or something we come with

what we believe will meet the need and

then we demand the thing that we think

will meet the need but sometimes if we

come to people with the knees then it

doesn’t feel like I’m demanding

something and then when I didn’t get it

the way I wanted to get it then I’m

going to walk away we do that with God

we say God give me X Y and Z because we

believe it’ll meet our need instead of

just saying God I’m scared and I need to

not be and then see what he offers in

that space versus God I need a job I

need this I need that because I got to

work like we do need those things but

God I need to be provided for I don’t

feel provided for what’s really the need

underneath the solution that you’re

offering and asking God for does that

make sense because even in asking to get

our needs met we seek to not be

vulnerable

right right right no emotional exposure

like I wanna right but I don’t want to

don’t want exposures right like let me

just tell you with a little bit of this

right right

and there’s so much more opportunity

when we step into that vulnerable space

A lot of times people will meet us there

if we’re really vulnerable when we step

I was telling someone today like I think

if you tell this person that this is a

need for you like I don’t know anyone

who loves you even if

they are aren’t capable of that maybe

they don’t have the communication skills

maybe they don’t have therapy like even

you know my parents might think about

therapy but to say hey Mom and Dad I

need to feel connected to you like love

is fueled for to get the tools like love

is fuels make it happen yeah and if

someone really loves you it doesn’t

matter whether or not they have a

therapy like maybe they’re going to end

up taking you on a walk in the park and

they don’t even know that you don’t want

to be outside but someone is you know

what I mean like I want to make you

breakfast but I can’t cook you know what

I mean like I’m gonna take

when you when you wake up but I’m gonna

try and meet that need love is the fuel

that makes that happen and giving

someone a chance to show up for you and

to meet that need even if they don’t

know yet they’re going to be practicing

right because it’s gonna be new for you

it’s gonna be new for them to give

somebody the chance

um I have to tell you I you know um you

talk to me a lot about this is I I at

home am like

I’m the one who shows up for the kids

like I said well I’m not the one who

shows up for the kids but like the

day-to-day stuff like all last year like

I have taken it either one is my

responsibility to be like no as a mom

I’m supposed to be doing this I’m

supposed to be doing that and finally I

was like PT I I need help like I need

like he’s like listen if you tell me

what you need I can show up they’re not

gonna they may not have hot breakfast

they may have cereal like I’m not going

to be putting lotion on them today

but it will I’m not going to be putting

their vitamins in the Vitamin Pack they

will get them

let someone meet the need because it’s

what you need in the way that they can

meet it if that makes sense right yeah

it doesn’t have to be your way yeah

because again we’re going from that’s

control

but we want to move to power which is

here I am I’m internally aware I know

what I need

I’m I need to be less overwhelmed I need

to be trying to do that I’m trying to do

everything and then back away and allow

it to happen a different way and that is

okay because we can then go take care of

ourselves and so that’s one way to get

the need met externally we’re also

meeting our needs internally and I’d get

into this in the book so much about how

we can learn self-regulation in our

bodies that I’m able to self to soothe

myself and I’m able to bring myself into

a different emotional place by tapping

into certain things in my body so that

even when I can’t control the external

world I can’t have power with my

internal experience

and a lot of us don’t believe we can

have power of our internal experience

because there’s so much noise in there

and so everything has to happen outside

of us so I want us to go outside but I

also want us to do that from an anchored

place inside and that’s hard we haven’t

learned how to do one or the other we we

try to do one or the other but there’s a

balance there yeah and I think that we

pushed each other in that space too like

well how are we feeling you know Joe get

your feelings wheel out and see how

we’re doing but what can we do

internally as well that’s in the book as

well it’s not only how do I get external

needs met what is my relationship with

myself with God and with other people

and to be able to look at that

holistically so that we are less afraid

to come out and ask for our needs to get

met because internally we’ve grounded

ourselves I think that’s so good because

if that person cannot meet our need

externally for any number of reasons

like it’s not always like they’re like

girl forget you I don’t care take care

right that’s just raggedy they don’t

want to do that right like they don’t

have the capacity they don’t have have

the tools I am now not at a deficit just

because they couldn’t need it because I

do know how to ground myself with that I

do know how to seek other support like I

have to know how to take care of myself

and I think that for me one of my like

trauma responses was like at the end of

the day I was looking for someone else

to make me feel this maybe I want to

feel better I want to feel good I want

to forget like make me forget and I

needed people to pull me out of my body

to put me out of my experiences and now

because I can live with myself which I

think is

the thing that I’m probably most proud

of is like I can live with myself I can

live with my story I can live with my

imperfections I can live with my

strength like I can live with myself now

when I have a need I I or I’m in

relationship I’m not meeting someone to

pull me away from me I’m inviting

someone to experience me and um that’s

that’s that’s incredible to me that’s it

you know and explaining it that way that

yeah I’m inviting you in to walk with me

and be a part of my life and and let’s

be with each other but I’m not

desperately clinging to you because I

can’t be alone with me yeah yeah yeah

yeah that’s everything

um

you guys Dr Anita Phillips book is out

let me tell you something so

um I I had a book come out on Tuesday

but no no no hear me out listen

um if you have to choose my publisher is

going to hate this if you have to choose

I’m so sorry guys if you have to choose

between getting all hope is found and

getting the Garden within

um I want you to get the Garden within

um I just

I

y’all just get both the books

oh my gosh that’s a lot for me okay let

me finish

um

what this book will do

for

who you are as a person for what you

deserve

um

that it would mean a lot to me if you

got this it would mean a lot to my

Ministry it would mean a lot to any

sermon anything I’ve ever done for you

if you took care of yourself in this way

um as much as it is about supporting my

friend

um

because of who I believe you are because

of what I want my legacy and the Earth

to be like I believe I’m gonna get a

crown in heaven for telling y’all to go

buy this book right because

you deserve to be well you deserve to be

taken care of you deserve to be nurtured

and nourished

um you deserve to be whole and to have a

relationship with God that really

honestly makes you believe that I can do

all things through Christ not I can

throat with you if you look in the

context of that scripture it’s really

about surviving anything that life

throws your way and the only way we do

that is by taking the time to really

become one with ourselves to find all of

the pieces that life has tried to

shatter and pulling them together in a

way that says it is well in my soul you

know and you deserve to be well so

please please please guys please go out

and get this book

um I slept in my makeup so I wouldn’t

have a lot to do this morning so I’m not

gonna I’m not going to cry enough but I

think it’s I think you should release

those emotions

that’s what I think you should do

I love you so much and um

the just in the forward that you wrote

first of all people are going to be

affected by that

um you’re an incredible you you

communicate so incredibly thank you for

writing the forward to this book thank

you for being willing to let me know

that

um the ways that I’ve touched your life

because I love letting you know you’ve

touched mine

I love you so much

and yeah

I want us to pray for these women

um and some men who are watching I’m

going to ask you to do it

um

that God would bless them

with friendships like this

okay so I have to tell you

um

I

I don’t even man I have to tell you I

went through a season of real loneliness

um in the Friendship part of my life

um as I was rediscovering myself after

getting married I was balancing the

responsibilities of living in a new city

and figure out who I was and I just

didn’t have time for friends and it

wasn’t until I came up for air that I

realized that part of what I was missing

was just a space where

um I could be cranky and Raggedy and

Brilliant and creative and I didn’t even

know that that would come in the form of

friendship

I am very introverted you guys like

um I I like to say I have a drive but I

know the pretty dry personality so I

need a woman involved even I need Kayla

in the crowd making us hold hands and do

things because I would never meet people

um if it wasn’t for that but God has

allowed me to experience the same

Sisterhood that makes woman evolved

special through our relationship through

some many relationships but certainly

through hours and so

[Music]

um

Holy Spirit what a friend you are yes

like gift you are when we feel lonely

and

isolated

and yet you’re there with us you know

the needs before we can express them you

know the people before we meet them

God I am praying for anyone who is tuned

in this morning that first that they

would experience your presence and your

spirit through an Instagram live on a

Saturday morning Saturday afternoon no

matter where they are in the world that

they would first experience your

presence as friend your presence saying

it’s okay to have needs your presence

saying it’s okay to come undone your

presence saying I need you just as much

as you need me to

and in the process of that guy as they

identify their need for emotional

intimacy for friendship for people who

represent joy and safety in their life

God I pray that you would call their

people to them not people who want from

them not people who take from them not

people who are content with them

pretending God I pray that you would

give them the courage to be vulnerable

enough to have authentic relationships

with people who want to meet their needs

and to people they can be needy with I

thank you God for the gift of friendship

that some of the most powerful work that

you do is in the area of friendship and

connection and so God I pray right now

that even right now they’re watching a

random live that there would be an

opportunity for them to connect with

those who were called to their Destiny I

thank you God that these friends are

going to be friends who are anointed to

see them in every season I thank you

that they’re going to be protectors I

think that they will have wisdom I thank

you that they will restore how their

hearts have been broken and damaged by

other friendships I thank you that

you’re going to do just as I said last

week and you have proven to be true

that you’re going to do in just a few

weeks of friendship what years of

friendship has not been able to do I

thank you for Dr Anita Phillips thank

you for making her a sister and a friend

in the time that I needed it the most

God continued to pour into me that I may

serve her well that she may experience

me and you whenever we are in connection

I thank you for her book I thank you for

her mind I thank you for allowing her to

survive and to keep digging for answers

in word and in textbooks to bring us to

a space of healing God even though she

has been traveling all over the country

promoting this book I pray that she will

see them as seeds and that she will not

miss the moment where their Harvest

returns I am a part of her Harvest as

our countless others I thank you God

that you graced her with this anointing

and that our lives are all being changed

as a result of it continue to give her

strength continue to give her peace can

continue to give her joy unspeakable for

the work she has done cannot be undone

and generations will declare thank you

God for Dr Anita Phillips in Jesus name

amen

I love you

love me

and we love you guys get this book

get this book ah well there you go I

would say goodbye

bye