Chiiiiile we love to keep a baby on schedule but are we doing this for ourselves? What we’re learning from Pastor Tina is that baby basics aren’t just for babies. How much sleep are you getting? Are you eating all of your meals? Sis, it’s up to you to check on you! Pull out a pen and paper so you are prepared to set these guidelines up for yourself too. ___________________________________ Watch the FULL “What I Know Now about Motherhood with Tina Watkins-Quaye” episode on the Woman Evolve TV App. For audio-only, head over to Spotify, Google Podcasts, or Apple Podcasts. REGISTER for Woman Evolve Conference: www.womanevolveconference.com Stay plugged into the Woman Evolve community: www.womanevolve.com www.womanevolve.tv download the app from any mobile device’s app store, first 7 days are FREE! Want to support this ministry? Text WEGIVE to (833) 611-9066 FOLLOW US ON THE SOCIALS: Instagram: Woman Evolve and Sarah Jakes Roberts Twitter: Woman Evolve and SJakesRoberts Facebook: Woman Evolve and Sarah Jakes Roberts

hi I’m Tina and I’m a wife and a mother

of Two and a writer and a singer and a

bunch of other things

um today I want to share with you what

I’m learning now that I wish I had

learned a little earlier in hopes that

you will you know be a little more

advanced than I am as you deal with this

so I’m learning self-care again

uh I mentioned that I’m a mother

two one of them is a four-month-old baby

and as I take care of her I’m really

learning how to take care of myself

again and what it boils down to is

discipline doesn’t sound like self-care

but literally I am learning the

discipline of thinking of taking care of

myself by regulating what I think

um self-care for me used to be about you

know exotic trips and escaping the

day-to-day and as my life has changed

and as the demands of motherhood and of

being a wife and a full-time writer and

all these other things that I do are

ramping up I’m realizing my life needs

to be something that I don’t need to

escape from and in order for that to

happen my thoughts need to be

disciplined and regulated well enough

that I don’t need to escape from them

and so there are a couple of passages

from the Bible that have been really

driving this for me

um one of them is from Romans 12 and 2

and it says do not conform to the

pattern of this world but be transformed

by the renewing of what your mind the

other is from James 2 15 through 17. it

says suppose a brother or sister is

without clothes and daily food if one of

you says to them go in peace keep warm

and well fed but does nothing about

their physical needs what good is it in

the same way Faith by itself if it is

not accompanied by action is dead and

these two scriptures

um are foundational for me because I’ve

been through a lot in my life and in the

last few years some of my testimony

included just the last couple years

overcoming alcoholism and addiction and

obesity and financial ruin and all these

different things and for a time uh that

scripture from James was about

putting my faith into work through my

hands through what I could do outwardly

and in some cases what I could avoid

doing outwardly and what I’m realizing

in this season is that the work is not

so much of what I can do with my hands

but what I can do with my mind and that

is very difficult it’s um much easier I

think to accomplish things that have an

outward reward and that you can see and

track and in this case

um the mental work the inner work that

it takes to become better is a lot

harder and it’s less rewarding

and so for me

um what happened along with me beginning

this journey of improving myself from

the inside out or I guess ramping up

that Journey because I’ve been on it for

a while is that God granted me this

child and with it the grace to take

maternity leave for about six months and

to really not only re-establish our

household and develop new ways to care

for her but to develop new ways to care

for myself or better ways because

they’re the basics this stuff never

really changes and so for me it’s been

difficult because

while I’m aware that I’m making progress

and that my mind being disciplined is of

critical importance like it’s

life-changing importance right now

um none of it’s being seen like my

husband can’t even see what I’m thinking

um thank God he’s not a mind reader and

doesn’t pretend to be but

um it is a lot like being planted in the

ground which is called the germination

period where you’ve prepared the seeds

and the right environment for them but

they’re covered and there’s no

um sign of outward growth it’s all

happening beneath the surface and so

that’s where I am it’s kind of also like

and this is a more handy analogy

um my phone does updates every now and

then and I get so frustrated because I

just look at it and it won’t do all the

things I need it to do like phone calls

and Facebook app and you know all the

productive things that you want your

phone to do

instead it just gives me this little

spinning you know whirly gig that says

it is updating and then it turns itself

off completely

and then when I turn it back on it

functions way better in ways that I had

nothing to do with changing but the

operating system has reset and reworked

so that all the functions of the phone

are optimized and that’s kind of what

I’m doing here on maternity leave I’m

you know in my PJs most of the time

nursing this adorable baby girl and

making sure that she can sleep okay but

it doesn’t look like a lot is being

manifest with the work of my hands and

so

some of what I’m I’m building in this

time is muscle memory we all have a way

of thinking and a way of operating

whether we acknowledge it or not that is

a habit it’s a pattern and it’s a way of

doing life and what’s happened with me

with this very uh handy kind of example

of my little girl is I’ve become very

intentional about those things initially

for her and now the intention is very

much about me and so around the third

trimester I started doing the classic

you know nesting exercise which is where

you set your mind to preparing for the

baby to come and as I talk about the

discipline of renewing your mind and the

discipline of setting new habits so that

your mind can think and operate

differently the tools I want to give you

which are just kind of what I’m dealing

with every day and the the hopes that it

helps you

um or what I’ll call the baby basics

it’s really not complicated it might be

a little embarrassing if you’re 40 years

old like me

to acknowledge that the same things a

four-month-old needs are the same things

that you as a grown-up need but that’s

what it is so the baby Basics are first

of all being intentional setting your

mind to what needs to be changed

um it’s important to recognize that when

I was nesting or preparing for our child

to come into our home I had the

intention of her in mind of this you

know newborn’s well-being and I

understood what that might mean and I

had some experience in doing it before

and so I was able to identify she needs

somewhere safe and peaceful to sleep

that is temperature controlled and you

know the noise can be controlled and I

was able to to approach this with a goal

in my

um and when you’re adopting this kind of

self-care and disciplining your thoughts

it’s important to have that goal in mind

this is not self-care for an event like

summertime is coming and I need to be

summertime fine like that won’t get it

if it’s for a specific event you you’ll

fall short because when that event has

passed you still have to live with

yourself and whatever muscle memory

you’ve built in will we always default

to what’s comfortable so you will

default to just good enough to be

summertime fine for that summer and so

if you’re making a lifestyle change it

has to be bigger than that so I set my

intention on getting the environment

right for my little one and I’ve had to

set my intention on getting the

environment right for me too and that

means you know if I claim to be a writer

or a singer or an actor you know what

things have you put in place to make

sure that you can sit quietly and write

do you have a notepad and pen or a

laptop or an office if you’re a singer

are you able to regularly access a piano

or a recording studio or to exercise

your voice in a way that other people

won’t hear and judge and criticize if

you’re an actor do you have a space

where it’s easy for you to sit down and

record a clip for your reel or an

audition so there are all of these

things about setting your environment in

place intentionally that we have to set

the space form

you also have to set in place and this

is again baby 101 What’s the schedule

like when is she awake when is she

sleeping when is she eating when is she

taking a nap I’m 40 and these things are

still important I can’t just you know

what might do what my default was before

which was uh falling asleep when I got

sleepy and waking up when I woke up

um without an alarm or any intention to

uh all right I need to wake up at 6 a.m

because I am most productive in the

morning and this optimizes the amount of

time where my brain functions best and

if I’m waking up at 6am and I need eight

hours then I’d probably need to go to

sleep around 10 p.m not the 1am that I

feel sleepy at and so you have to uh as

as rigid and as

Elementary as it seems you have to set a

bedtime for yourself as an adult and

said what time you need to wake up and

along with that when are you eating if I

eat at nine o’clock that I’m supposed to

go to sleep at 10 I’m not going to sleep

well so you’ve got to set a feeding

schedule and I I compare this to my

four-month-old because I acknowledge it

seems so basic it seems so unimportant

and so unsexy you know these are not the

things that look like they’re

manifesting major rewards for you as you

do them but they are so critical

um the other things that you have to pay

attention to as the basics to improve

your muscle memory and develop the

discipline of changing your thinking

um all of these elements are are

constants that set you up for Success

the other thing and this is the most

important is knowing your limits

at some point in my past I you know was

highly

I’ll just say operational I could get

things done I was living and breathing

but I was not optimally functioning I

was not at my best all the time and what

would happen is some life event would be

thrown at me as they are if you’re

growing good or bad and to face that

thing I would have to basically scoop

myself up off the floor because I was

tired or I was sick or I was

overextended or I was drunk or I was you

know not feeling energetic enough in the

moment because of what I was eating all

these different things would war against

my ability to deal with a life event and

where I am now is recognizing that if I

am at my best all the time then when

those things happen it’s not about me

not only rising to meet that life event

but also trying to pull myself up to do

so I can literally just turn and face it

head on and deal with it from a place of

me being my best self instead of having

a drag myself up from barely surviving

to meet something that needs all of me

um so part of that is knowing

um when I’ve had enough getting better

at identifying when I’ve reached a limit

when I’ve reached my limits I’m not my

best me I don’t think it’s clearly I’m

not as diplomatic I don’t solve problems

this easily and I basically leave

the world in that moment and so I had to

learn how to set limits with myself you

know paying attention to whether I was

getting physically uncomfortable or

whether my mind was as clear as it

usually is and whether I was functioning

well and then when I identified that

being gentle with myself

I had to make sure I didn’t become

overly self-critical and start running

down the list of things I have failed to

do or engaging in negative self-talk

about how you know terrible this is I

just had to accept it and you know

settle myself down to rest and take care

of myself a little more gently in that

moment so

all of those things

um renewing my mind being intentional uh

knowing my limits watching what I am

eating and setting a daily schedule and

making sure that I have a functional

environment for all that to happen in

those are the basics

but resetting my mind around what they

mean in this season and being

intentional about developing that

discipline means I can develop a muscle

memory around them develop a habit so

that my default every day is something

that works to bring out my best need and

that’s what I want for you I’m warning

you now it is not attractive you will

not feel like you are climbing mountains

and churning out projects but it really

will help you to be at your best every

day and the world needs that