Life is meant to be enjoyed, and a special place exists within YOU where freedom emerges and your BEST self shows up daily. That place is called Balance!
hey one family
hallelujah we are so excited i am pastor
stephanie i’m angie and we are the host
of the same room and this is such a full
circle moment
and we are just so thrilled that we get
to have this conversation with our
pastor pastor terrain roberts can we
give just honor the pastor of this house
right now
you see for some of you
that may not know
obviously pastor turay he is the
founding pastor of this movement one
church is literally touching the globe
and we mean the entire globe they’re
places that we cannot even pronounce
that it is reaching them with the gospel
of jesus christ pt is a businessman he’s
an entrepreneur he is a producer he’s a
best-selling author and that’s where we
get the chance to have this conversation
with him on his third book and so if we
want to talk about balance he’s a father
he’s a husband a father that’s six okay
he is the perfect person to have this
conversation with don’t you think angie
yes
we want to know how you do it listen so
pt please join us and please let us just
give him a shout as he joins us on the
stage
[Applause]
yeah um just like i mentioned like
honestly this
moment is so surreal because i remember
what happened the day that we got into
talking about the same room i was at
church you know and the service was
going on um and the message that they
really just awakened this desire in me
about conversations that bring change
and after that service angie and i had
lunch and we talked about the same room
so it is such a full circle moment angie
how do you feel about this moment i’m
excited i’m excited to be here i know
it’s a little bit unconventional but i i
think god is unconventional um so i’m
excited i feel like this is gonna be a
powerful conversation
it is and when you think about god
everything that god
does he does through conversation that’s
right like creation was a conversation
you know let us make us who’s us that’s
the godhead so god was in conversation
with himself so things move by
conversation so i think that the shade
the shade real quick
i think it’s a brilliant a brilliant
idea because uh conversation moves
culture conversation
changes the world so this is i’m ready
for this conversation yes no this book
is so timely first of all because even
when you look at the times that we’re in
you know we are still surviving and
learning how to adapt um post the
pandemic and we are still experiencing
the pandemic our first lady um was just
experiencing coverages a few days ago
you know and so when we look at that we
are learning this new normal um and so
balance if anything revealed to us how
imbalanced we are it was really the
pandemic and so this book is so timely
and we’re just grateful to have this
chat with you
yeah and it’s it’s interesting because
you know we actually you have all this
on your plate what made you decide to
write a book on balance was it your
personal testimony like what how did you
get there
i felt like um that balance was
something
that everybody struggles with like you
you never hear somebody when they’re
talking about balance you never hear
somebody come along and say man i am so
balanced
my life is so balanced it’s always
i’m trying to find balance in my life uh
and to to be honest when i started the
book and i started to write about
balance
um
it
was actually different than what it
ultimately became because i started
writing before the pandemic
and so balance in 2019
you know or balance even in january or
2020 is a completely different
conversation
than balance the conversation of balance
and you know post covet and so
so i wanted to i’m a person i’m a
solutions guy like i don’t look at a
problem i don’t look at the difficulty i
don’t look at the never
been done before
and shrink
you know if it’s something that humanity
needs if it’s something that i really
feel like
you know my generation the generation
the time is struggling with i just
believe that god has a solution
and so so my my approach was to tackle
this subject
that
you know many people were addressing but
obviously it wasn’t working you know
they’re they’re and it’s not it’s so
much more and i know we’ll get into it
but but there are plenty of books on
time management um work-life balance
that they’re you know and they’re great
books and we need all of that but but
we’re still out of balance and so
obviously that’s not the answer and so i
just trusted and believed that through
my own journey of seeking and searching
and and and transformation to lay hold
of balance that god would give me
something that would impact the world
and he did amen and even in the book
right you talk about the five signs of
imbalance
i think which is so convicting because
when you read something you’re like well
that’s not me let me give it to my
cousin right let me turn to my neighbor
and tell them they need balance but
could you even just run through that
with us the five signs of imbalance in
in recognizing the need for this book
absolutely and i’ll tell you why i wrote
that chapter it’s so important
if if being out of balance
um is the majority of people’s testimony
people when they approach balance
they’re trying to find balance
that means that imbalance has become
normal
right and anything that becomes normal
is very difficult to detect
so so if we’re saying i’m out of balance
or i need balance we are
in essence confessing
that our lifestyle
is imbalanced and so i wanted to
to create
a
dissatisfaction
and an intolerance for being imbalanced
because when we’re out of balance
we don’t produce well we don’t do
anything well we don’t we don’t
relationship well we we don’t we don’t
innovate well we don’t create well we
don’t connect well we don’t do community
well
so so that so that that’s why sometimes
positioning
tongue speaking
positioning yourself to do all things
well so the five signs of imbalance and
listen there could be 20 signs but i
wanted to to identify five of them that
i think that many people can connect to
the first sign is stagnation right you
feel stuck right two weeks ago you were
good right but for some reason now you
feel stuck and you don’t feel like you
can move forward
being stuck is unnatural
everything in the world moves the the
earth is moving right now we’re moving
time the sun is is setting slowly but
surely right even internally things are
moving your heart just touch it take a
moment right now just
that’s movement
and so where movement is missing and
stagnation obviously is we’re moving
this mission missing something is off so
stagnation is is is one sign the other
sign is
um a lack of vision right anybody ever
been there you started we’re in april
now
january 2022 you have vision whoa dawg
i’m about to do this i’m about to do
that
and the vision was so clear it was so
clear that you were moving toward it
there was no obstacle you saw it you’ve
got it you spoke it you meditated on it
you breathe it all that kind of stuff
and come march
wait what am i doing again
and so oftentimes even that that moving
toward it moving towards your vision got
you out of balance and so so
clarity when you lose clarity of vision
that’s that’s another sign um weariness
is a sign right and there’s a difference
between tiredness and weariness all of
us get tired you know you you work all
day you get tired you go to sleep your
body is set up for that weariness is
different though
i define weariness as the gradual
gravitational pull down to the tarmac of
disaster
the gradual the gradual subtles doesn’t
happen all at once you get weary you
keep going but what you don’t realize is
you’re going down
and and your your creativity is slipping
your innovation is slipping a lot
sometimes your integrity starts slipping
weariness is not good and you have to
deal with it uh what’s another one i
said i gave you was that three yeah um i
think it was jealousy jealousy and envy
yes jealousy and envy listen when you’re
out of balance you’re jealous
uh i don’t wanna i made it like i was
calling you i didn’t mean like that when
the person is out of balance it is
easier i want to say this right because
i don’t want you to feel beat up on it’s
easy to be jealous
and envious of other people
because you’re not living in the
environment that affirms you
when you’re balanced you’re affirmed you
you’re firm that who you are you are
enough and you are so busy doing you
that you’re not moved in fact you are
encouraged
by the success of other people because
it’s connected to the success that you
feel when you’re balancing a line and
the other one and this is a really big
one the fifth one uh and again there can
be 20 is a decline in your thought life
where your thinking goes automatically
to the lowest possible interpretation of
a situation you ever been there
you know i i have this this thing that i
say it’s about thinking the highest
thought right but when you are
imbalanced your thinking starts going
down someone says something to you and
they could have meant no it could have
been a harmless communication but
because you’re out of balance you’re
like what you’re saying
i said hello i know but it was the way
you said it
ma’am i just said god bless you but why
do you feel like i need to be blessed
you know and so those are the five
i just want to
get like a like survey the room how many
of you guys fall into one of those
categories raise your hand
oh dang all of us
so this is this is really a good
conversation i mean i know i can relate
to a lot of those and honestly before i
didn’t think that i had no idea that
those were signs of imbalance right
um and so and i didn’t even realize how
how powerful and purposeful balance is
so this is a great conversation yeah no
because even when we were talking about
this part of the book um one of the ones
that jumped at me was wariness and for
the very reason that you shared right
that it masquerades itself as being
tired and i think that when we think we
are balanced i’m not recognizing that
it’s so easy to live in the dysfunction
of imbalance because we’re like oh this
should just be the natural outcome of
you know productivity of busyness i’m
tired um but i recognize that in my life
i was dealing with weariness
and there’s something we wanted to read
you know on page 79 79 of your book you
said wariness blinds us from our true
depraved condition it masquerades itself
as the more acceptable tired creating a
dangerous illusion because what you do
to remedy tiredness is much different
and less involved than what it takes to
address weariness and so i believe that
a lot of us you know connect to this you
know living in la the hustle and bustle
of life how do you
remedy like what is the difference
between the remedy for weariness and the
remedy for tiredness very good there is
some overlap but tiredness essentially
take a nap
you know go to sleep there’s nothing
wrong with being tired because we’re
wired you know six days biblically six
days seven day you rest right why
because you’re tired and not because
you’re weary
because you’re tired you worked you go
to sleep you get your good night’s rest
you’re good right that’s the way it
works i’m tired at the end of the day i
go to sleep i wake up in the morning i
should wake up
rejuvenated and there’s some things you
should do before you go to sleep to make
sure that happens but we’ll talk about
that later weariness is different
when you’re weary you’re you’re you’re
spiritually emotionally psychologically
and physically drained
and just getting some rest doesn’t fix
that
you you need rest and sometimes the
remedy is more of a one two three punch
where you start with rest because you
are physically tired you have to address
that right because we are you know
multi-part beings we are physical beings
and so our body does need rest so you do
need to take time and get a little bit
of rest but the cure for weariness goes
much deeper
you know you’ve got to connect remember
i said i said spiritually
emotionally and physically so i have to
deal with some of the spiritual things
watch this that have been depleted
because that’s what happens see we were
created in the image of god
which means that we are creators
we are creative
and if you look at what god did god
worked for six days and on the seventh
day god rested i i got an insight about
that if you are constantly creating
watch this
you don’t create out of
an external substance
you create out of an internal substance
in essence you create out of yourself
and so if you are constantly creating
you are constantly expending you
you’re expending you so you have to
replenish you you don’t replenish you
with sleep
you are spirit so you replenish yourself
with the spirit
you replenish yourself with god right
so so so it is so you get your physical
rest but then you also have to connect
you have to connect with god you have to
connect with the source of your soul
psalm 23 says he restores my what
my soul
so so when i am weary my soul needs to
be replenished and that’s why rest won’t
do it you have to work spiritual
disciplines that i talk about in the
book
so one thing that you know we could
relate to
was weariness in relationships
and you had this
very interesting idea right of the power
of no oh
and we we were we read we were like oh
we gotta ask pt about this you said that
there was a 90 10 ratio
no 90
of the time 10
yes and we were like whoa
that’s a lot of notes that’s a lot of
no’s
so we just want you to kind of explain
that principle and how do we
how do we not take it too far like like
how do we keep it in check because you
know i do love the idea of saying
but how do we not go too far with it you
know just kind of tell us how we can
discern no that’s a brilliant question
so i will
be
completely honest
um
i was going for shock value when i said
90 of your your your responses ought to
be no and 10 but that does not mean that
it wasn’t true
the the reason why no is important well
let me let’s back up more specifically
to the question the 90 10 thing
you and i are
are not random beings
we we are unique and god has a very
specific and detailed plan for our life
and so you take that reality and you put
that in a world full of noise
and full of busyness and full of
everybody’s trying to sell you something
everybody’s trying to get you to believe
something everybody’s trying to get you
to be into them all of that is coming at
you non-stop so it may not necessarily
be that you get 99 proposals on your
desk and you only should choose one you
and i get 99 000
invitations to believe something
something to think something to buy
something to do something all of the
time
and if we are unique
purpose oriented very very highly
intentional god has high intentions for
us then we have to be very very delicate
and sensitive and thoughtful about what
we say yes to
and you have to see yourself you’re not
random
you know i think that everyone you know
one of my disciplines and i talk about
you know some of the disciplines in the
book but one of the things that i do
every day
is i revisit before i greet my wife
before before i step foot in my day
before i take one meeting i revisit who
i am
every
single day because i realize that when i
step into my day they’re going to be a
thousand things that come at me to try
to tell me who i am what i ought to
think what i ought to prioritize what i
ought to be working on all this sort of
stuff and you know if you just scroll
through social media listen
you can get
schizophrenia
or the symptoms of schizophrenia just by
scrolling through social media one post
you’re happy the next one you’re sad one
person you feel good about yourself the
next one you want to cry
you know what i mean you’re angry over
this and oh hallelujah over that i mean
you just go through these emotions
i mean seriously you if you do i was
going to do it right now but you would
be distracted but but just try it one
day 10 posts what just as
as an exercise look at the first 15
posts that come up on your feed and
write down what it makes you feel
and you will see how divine there’s this
there’s this word
in the scripture and it was trans the
greek word it was translated devout and
it’s a greek word i believe it’s
pronounced ilube or something like that
just you find it you know okay but it’s
the word that was translated devout and
it’s powerful it says this individual
was a devout man i thought development
you know just kind of almost boring
but it doesn’t mean that it’s it’s a
word that is comprised of two words and
it literally means to take well one word
is to take the other word as well so it
means to take
well
we have to learn how to take well we
can’t take anything and everything that
comes our way so we have to be selective
so that oh yeah
so that we can give the yes where it
matters
the reason why no is so important is
because your yes is expensive
it is expensive
your yes costs you your time
it costs you your energy
it can cost you your money it costs you
your availability your yes is expensive
and so here is the thing if you don’t
have a healthy amount of no’s
and you’re giving away your expensive
yes when destiny shows up you won’t have
the price to pay for it
you won’t be able to afford what you’ve
been praying for
what you’ve been working hard for
because you spent you invested
the currency of your yes on things that
don’t matter so how do you how do you
know when to say yes though like you
know because sometimes like even let’s
talk about like career right god may
send an opportunity through someone you
would have never expected to be able to
give open that door for you so sometimes
if you like are saying yes some of the
times you might lean to say yes to the
bigger things not knowing that the
something smaller and from the back way
is the thing that you should say yes to
so how do you discern when to say yes
and no i love that question it starts
with that time you spend
every day because what i’m looking at in
the morning is i’m looking at
who i am
i’m looking at what god said
i’m looking at the vision see i don’t
you can’t figure out your vision on the
fly
because i’ll give you 42 visions life
will give you 42 visions so it has to be
something that you in your relationship
with god
have have written down so that
when it shows up you know if it is and
you know if it isn’t right and so
sometimes and then so that that’s the
that’s the big answer but then the other
answer is sensitivity and instinct yeah
like because sometimes to your point it
won’t look exactly
like what you thought but the
characteristic of it
the scent of it
the tone of it there will be something
about it that is familiar to you
doesn’t mean it’s a yes yet if it looks
very different from the vision that you
laid out but it’s certainly some maybe
it’s a maybe
and you can explore a little further i
love that question it’s a brilliant
question no this is so good because i
think that we’re used to you know having
the same like we need to give god a hard
yes but it’s not recognizing that we
need to give themes the hard no
because i think what what comes with no
is the guilt of no ah you know i
remember i was watching this um
interview that oprah did and she talked
about how no was this unfamiliar word to
her and and this is i mean it’s oprah
right over that everybody loves um
talked about how she did not want to say
no to things out of fear that she may be
unloved or rejected
and when she started practicing no it’s
like a shocker like oh the purpose for
relations in my life didn’t change and
she talked about you know feeling
powerful but when you think about the
guilt that comes with it you know i’ve
you’re my pastor
and i’ve heard you share about your
story with starting this movement
and the hard nose you had to give
whether it is to voices of fear
voices of people how do you take us
through that journey of in life about
knowing that we can say no without the
guilt yeah it is a brilliant question
it is difficult because when you think
about it
when someone asks you for something
and you are able to say yes there is an
instant gratification there
because you didn’t create conflict
you you pleased that individual you know
you didn’t have the rejection the the
fear of rejection for rejecting them
right your nose rejection so so it’s
very easy
um
to to get that instant gratification
that that’s that it is totally normal
and it’s also very easy
to feel guilty i had to tell
a wonderful friend recently no
um
and it was painful
it was painful because
um
i i love this individual you know i i
love this individual
and and i want to support this
individual
and and i am loyal to this individual
and the reason why oftentimes we feel
guilty particularly as being a loyal
person is because we feel like if we say
no
then we’re not being loyal to that
relationship we’re not being loyal to
that situation right we’re not being
loyal right
and loyalty is very tricky pastor
stephanie it’s very tricky because
um and i am fiercely loyal let me tell
you something right now i am if i am for
you i am for you my god i am for you and
they have this phrase called loyal to a
fault and i don’t necessarily believe
that that’s wisdom
because loyalty shouldn’t bring you to a
fault
so so loyalty has limits and let me tell
you what the limit for me
what the limit of my loyalty is
the limit that my loyalty is oh it’s
deep it’s long it’s
the boundary is out there but there is a
boundary and here is the boundary
the boundary of my loyalty to you
is when my loyalty to you
makes me disloyal to me
[Music]
that is the only exit that is the only
escape route
for loyalty and if you love me as a
friend
as a friend
then you will give me permission
to be loyal to me
even if it means saying no to you
saying no for the sake of pervert
for preserving my vision is not
disloyalty to you
and sometimes you need to put a good
old-fashioned no out there to qualify
the relationships that are in your life
because some of your relationships only
work because you say yes all the time
and that is not a real relationship
i need to know that we that you will
love me in my yes
just as much as you love me in my know
that my no
does not affect our relationship if i am
saying no because i am trying to protect
the boundaries
so know is about boundaries and when you
don’t have boundaries you will be taken
advantage of
when you don’t have boundaries you’ll be
manipulate manipulated and when you
don’t have
boundaries you can’t fulfill your
purpose so what i’m hearing is if you
say no in relationships and
the person you’re saying no to makes you
tries to make you feel guilty
or you feel a fear of losing that person
then you have to reevaluate that
relationship right absolutely let them
go you should be able to say no
oh you oh you can’t handle my no you’ve
been handling my yes
yes
now i choose me for once in my life and
you’re not good with it hit the road
jack and don’t you
right
yeah no it really qualifies
relationships and it doesn’t mean and i
want to say this because i’m big on
relationships and i used to have the
gift of goodbye
but i’m doing better because sometimes
because sometimes it’s not goodbye
sometimes it’s just hold up it’s not
goodbye sometimes you have to teach
someone
how to respect your boundaries you
almost can’t be mad at the person if
you’ve been saying yes yes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
and you have created in that
relationship that
when they
initially respond
uh
negatively
don’t be so quick to judge because you
had a part in that yeah give them an
opportunity i know i’m switching because
you switched
you switched i know i’m switching on you
i’m gonna give you a minute because you
haven’t seen this part of me i’m
choosing me and sometimes the right
person will come back around yeah yeah i
think it’s important to say that that is
so good because even when we think about
jesus right i think we have this
misconception that he was just like this
yes man and that was far from the case
right you see how jesus was someone who
was able to set boundaries and i
remember even um reading this article
and they talked about how abusive
relationships um don’t respect
boundaries that the moment you start to
set boundaries um you’re met with a lot
of resistance and so what we are making
an excuse of is just someone who does
not know how to respect our boundaries
but i love it so much when i see jesus
knowing how to set boundaries and the
difference you know going back to what
you mentioned about that time that we
set in prayer because your book really
dives into this redefining loyalty
stillness and just to kind of press into
stillness a bit because when we look at
jesus we see someone who understood like
the parameters of his purpose and so
even the things that would have been
good that were not god he said no to you
know because he’s like this is not
within my purpose and sometimes maybe
where we struggle is god what is within
my purpose
right not just the good thing but what
is the god thing to do because there are
a lot of i don’t think satan will come
or you know you refer to him as knights
in the book and i love that so much
knight wouldn’t show up to you in a way
that it is a clear no
he will show up to you and like it’s a
maybe yes but it’s a maybe no
and so just talk to us a bit about
stillness
stillness is everything um you know in
the book i talk about the difference
between self-awareness and soul
awareness
many people are self-aware but they are
not so aware
self-awareness is great you know you you
you are understanding
what you’re doing and why you’re doing
it and as a result of it you can modify
your behavior and i think that that’s
fantastic that is that’s great soul
awareness is much deeper it’s
self-awareness but at a much deeper
level and one of the reasons why people
are self-aware but not so aware is
because they don’t take the time to be
still
to perceive their soul and if you are
self-aware and not so aware you will
misinterpret the hunger of the soul and
try to satisfy the hunger of the soul
with natural carnal self self
based or physical things and so how do
you get to the soul it’s it’s it’s the
deepest part of you and in order to get
to the deepest part of you you have to
be still
life is noisy it is extremely noisy and
not all noise is bad noise right there’s
good noise and so what is good noise we
know the bad noise the bad noise is you
know just stuff that’s coming at you all
the time and distracting things and you
know and all that kind of stuff but then
there’s good noise and good noise can be
family
you know they’re good it’s a good thing
could be children it could be you know
you’re responsible it could be serving
in church that’s all good noise right
but in order to get to the soul you have
to silence all the noise
you have to to to be still you know that
word sabbath we think that sabbath means
rest and and rest is a part of sabbath
but that word that many of the words in
the hebrew text for sabbath does don’t
mean rest it literally means to cease
to cease
to stop
popular passages i believe it’s in psalm
46 it says be still
and know that i’m god so stop sometimes
we can’t perceive god nor our soul
because we’re moving we won’t stop
and this is why it’s important you know
and it’s more than just getting away
because you know i talk about getting
away and that’s important one first of
all some people can’t get away sometimes
you can’t afford to get away or
sometimes life means you you can’t get
away physically
but you have to learn to get away
spiritually you have to learn to shut
down shut down um uh the noise but but
you have to quiet it you it’s still be
still
and know that i’m god and then when you
tap into the soul and you will all of us
the depths of who we are we’re souls god
when god created us he didn’t create it
as a living self
he created us a living
soul
so the deepest part of our soul and we
have to be still to connect with the
soul because the soul wants to take you
somewhere
the soul knows what balance is
the soul knows what that place of life
and it knows what it needs to get there
and so the only way that you can tap
into the soul to really really truly
figure out what’s going on with yourself
is to create opportunities for stillness
yeah that’s so interesting i think that
um
one of the themes that is going to just
flow in every area of balance is fear
because i think that you know we know
fear is the antithesis to faith but it’s
crazy because fear is the antithesis to
balance as well because we talked about
relationships where you’re fearful
you’ll lose something or people will see
you differently um and then now
we talked about ambition
right ambition and how fear can drive us
to lose balance because of our ambition
you from watts right listen i’m the
daughter of immigrants
i’m the daughter of immigrants i grew up
you know off normandy i mean you you
came straight from straight straight
what is it uh straight out of confidence
you’re out of nigeria
nigeria
you know what i’m saying have any of you
guys and i just want you just to raise
your hand if you came from
poverty or if you came from you know
humble beginnings and you fear going
back god already took you out and then
there’s this fear that you just can’t go
back can you raise your hand a little
bit oh it’s a lot of us in here um and
so i wanted to talk about this thing
called ambition which sometimes can be
masquerading i mean it’s fear
masquerading as ambition right where
it’s like you think that you’re running
towards success but really you’re
running from poverty and there it sounds
similar but it’s very different one
you’re running because of fear the other
one you’re running towards abundance
right like you because of abundance so
how do you
balance when i mean do you even have
those times where you’re like look i’m
working so hard because i don’t want to
lose my position that’s what it is you
don’t want to lose your position you
don’t want to go back to who you were
can you talk about that a little bit
yeah this is so good you guys are
bringing up some really really good
points
yeah i um
i was even thinking about
the book
you know and and
just because you have a good book
doesn’t mean that it’s going to fly off
the shelf many good books on the shelf
that never get
uh never get purchased and i even think
even with this this this promotional
process
um you can get you know there’s a lot of
pressure you know pressure to you know
hit all the best seller lists and and
all this pressure to do that
and
and there have been times where i had to
stop myself and say wait hold up because
i was hustling and i was grinding but i
was hustling and grinding for for the
fear
of not
hitting some of these lists
and and god said no you got to just
you you have to define success right now
because because the the all the lists
and all that kind of stuff that’s all
wonderful it’s a wonderful
accomplishment but you can allow what
you know some algorithm that you don’t
even know like that no one knows what
the algorithm is for the new york times
bestsellers list no one knows because
it’s a whole bunch of factors and they
are really good at hiding it because
it’s
it’s a prestigious honor and they don’t
want anybody to try to trick the system
anyway
so um so i had to define success for
myself but and i got healed from it
and what we’re talking about is a
deficit mentality
versus an abundance mentality
and here’s what i mean there are people
who are wildly successful right now
wildly successful
and they’re doing great things but fear
is driving them yeah they grew up poor
uh they they decided that they were
never gonna you know live the way that
they live maybe they barely they feel
like they barely made it or whatever
and so it is a deficit mentality or
fear-based mentality that is driving
them to excel us on the outside we can’t
tell the difference we look at the
success and we say wow you are wildly
successful but if
your ambition or if the success
is driven by fear you are missing out
for a number of reasons first of all you
will never be successful enough
yes you will never be successful enough
you will always be chasing
the the carrot if you would you will
never so you won’t be able to rest you
won’t be able to have peace you won’t
even be able to pause and celebrate your
achievement why because you’re running
from something you’re running from some
so it’s fear-based
and
it means that you’re capped
because
studies show
that when you ruminate over something
negative so that individual that that is
running from their past they don’t want
to be where they’re they how they grew
up they don’t want to you know they want
to go beyond they’re running from their
past which means that they’re ruminating
on a negative experience
when you ruminate on negativity there is
a cognitive impact there is a cerebral
negative thinking ruminating on negative
things
increases protein deposits in the brain
research has shown this
and
excessive protein deposits in the brain
is what leads to early dementia
so there is a cost so you’re running
you’re running you’re running i’ll never
do this i never do that you’re running
you’re running you’re running one
you’re you’re hurting yourself you’re
harming yourself to your cap because the
greatest innovation and creativity does
not come from a lack mentality it comes
from an abundance mentality
so there’s a chapter in the book called
the gift of rest where i talk about how
every significant
accomplishment that i’ve had i mean i’m
talking about things that that broke me
into the next dimension of my life none
of those things happen from the from the
place of stress
strife
hustle
none of it
all of it happened from the place of
rest
right what do you mean by the place of
rest the place of rest is when you live
in the consciousness and the mentality
that i’m not out there trying to get
something
i am pursuing what i have already feel
like preaching
faith
is the substance
of things hoped for things hoped for is
not the best translation expectation is
a better translation so faith watch this
is the substance of my expectation so my
expectation has substance if it has
substance it exists
so if i’m working
to try to possess something that doesn’t
exist i am approaching it from a deficit
mentality
or are you tracking with me
or a fear-based mentality but if i
acknowledge that it is there already
there is a freedom that it brings to me
i have an abundance mentality i’m not
trying to get it
it’s already there i’m just possessed of
that after the lord okay
when god anointed joshua
he did not tell him to go get something
that was not his he said every place he
preaches that the soul of your feet
shall tread upon i have
given you
i feel the spirit of god so so
inside preach
[Applause]
so as long as i’m trying to watch this
i’m
expending creativity and energy
no no i’m not expending i’m wasting
creativity and energy because watch this
it takes more creativity and energy to
get something you don’t have
than it does to pursue something that
you know was yours already i feel god it
don’t take me no energy to walk
downstairs and get in my car i know it’s
in the garage i’m getting ready to roll
off but if i’m hoping that it’s there if
i’m wondering if it’s there if i’m
worried about the repo man i’m not
trying to get nobody business but i’m
running
that’s a whole different energy because
i am concerned about it not being there
but if i know it’s there on my way down
to it i’m thinking about how i make the
next million dollars on my way down to
get into my car
are you tracking with me
now we’re tracking we are tracking
so so so you’re you’re wasting
when you your approach is so so i say to
the person who’s successful but they’re
running from something you’re successful
but how much more successful
would you be
if you were flowing from an abundance
mentality
as opposed to a lack mentality no pt
this is so good
and and i love how this came up because
even when we talked about stillness
earlier
if you come to god from a place of
scarcity then the stillness is
ineffective
and i think a lot of us find ourselves
there i know that when we were having
this conversation about how fear hides
in ambition or passion and it took me
back to a time where
i realized that i was focused on it was
not operating from the fear of god but
the fear of missing god and so you’re
having stillness you’re doing the things
you’re praying fasting worshiping all of
it but you’re doing it from a place of i
don’t want to miss god and so you’re
filled with anxiety even when you’re
coming into the presence of god wow
right and so this this perspective shift
is so powerful because when we come
before god from this place of abundance
our language and prayer changes
you know our language and how we expect
things changed and we’re not you know
coming out of prayer and it’s like who
challa i hope this happens tomorrow
so that that is so powerful yes and
you know we’re while we’re on the topic
of expectation right there this is my
favorite part of the book y’all he has a
part in the book where it talks about
losses and lessons okay
and i felt like you were speaking
directly to me honestly and i’m i know i
keep calling y’all out but
if you
if you
if you know what it feels like to feel
disappointed by god i know that that’s
true can you raise your hand
oh yeah i know what it feels like
and so there was a um
the thing about disappointment i don’t
know if you guys know about diabetes
right
or if anybody in here has diabetes but
in my mind diabetes is to the body what
disappointment is to the spirit
because diabetes is like a sneaky type
of disease right
so you really don’t know what the damage
is doing in your body until it’s too
late wow so it started effects it starts
to affect different things it starts to
affect your eyesight your legs you don’t
mean like your limbs uh your heart your
everything and you may not even know it
until
it’s irreversible right
the thing about disappointment is that’s
what it does to the spirit it starts to
affect you talked about it starting to
affect your confidence and starting to
affect you know how you show up and your
productivity literally disappointment
could just make you give up right and
make your body feel it makes your spirit
fail you know so i want you to talk
about that because
how do you balance we all know like
what’s the scripture where it says
everything happens oh there’s a time for
there’s a time for everything right
there’s a time for everything mourning
laughing crying you know everything how
do we balance the highs and the lows of
life the disappointments and the wins
because you said you got to know how to
lose absolutely that chapter i get
really really vulnerable
um about some things that that took
place in my life
one in particular i’ll bring it i’ll
just tell you about because i think
it’ll answer your question and speak to
it well was um
you know we we
produced a
television show
and this is in 2019 we produced a
television show
um sold it to abc studios
um
it was a put pilot which meant that the
studio put millions of dollars into
producing it we were on the set of
seinfeld we had seinfeld set
right so you just talk about
confirmation like oh man you know
seinfeld had you know i don’t know how
many you know series you know 20 30 even
he was ridiculous and uh and we sold the
show you know we sold the show and and
um i mean i was excited all the trades
were talking about it was a pilot
everybody was basically saying oh yeah
this this is definitely going to get
picked up right
and there were
serendipitous moments all the way
through god was all
over it i mean from start to finish god
was just moving and blessing and and it
was just amazing we had all these god
moments
and uh and so
it was in april of 2019 and it was time
for you know all the network was sending
all their their talent and their
producers to new york for the upfronts
where you know you basically talk about
your show and you get you know that’s
how they make money that sponsors and
all that kind of stuff we’ll buy and we
had our bags packed to go to new york
because you know this is a done deal you
know and that phone call didn’t come
we’re like all right what the flight
gonna leave you know you know and at the
very last minute
um the network decided not to take it to
series
and i was
devastated but it was crazy because i
was devastated but i didn’t think i was
because i was so busy encouraging you
know all the producing partners you know
because you know i’m the you know i’m
the faith guy you know what i mean no no
it’s okay you know god is good you know
everything for a reason
[Applause]
and it took my confidence way down but i
remember one thing and and
and obviously i got it back but i
remember one thing that i could not deny
and this is important to your question
if god was in it
in all of the yeses
if god was in it here
and god was in it there and i was
accepting all of god’s yeses because to
get from what i just i know i just kind
of ran through with the studio bot and
all that kind of stuff do you know how
what that takes yeah what you have to
put together the team that you have to
put together right the the pitch the the
the the anointing to pitch i mean the
show was sold in the rooms saladin
patterson was the writer of the show
he’s a master
um and if you google him you’ll see all
the things that he worked on so you know
bringing the talent all that was god
every step of the way then sold it then
you know then they gave us you know they
spent all that money right
i had to decide
and i had to come to the realization
that if god was in all those yeses
why would he not be in that no
so so a lot of times
we know how to win
but we don’t know how to lose and that
was the lesson because who you are
when you lose
says more about who you
are in your response to winning
and so i had to learn
how to lose and here is how you lose
here is how you master losing
you master losing by mastering
perspective
most people think that if you lose
something you’re a loser
[Music]
most people think that if you fail at
something you are a failure
that is not true
winners lose all the time they just
never define themselves by it
are you tracking with it so as it
relates to that i believe that we have
to trust god god if your yes was good
enough for me
then your no must be two
yeah that is so good pt and i want us to
really dig into that to a little bit
um and i say that because you know we
there is one thing when you we on this
week we
to comprehend that right i think it
takes process yes to comprehend that god
you know what you were in this like how
did this door close and i want to ask
you the balance between um mourning
something right and worshiping at the
same time and this is why because you
know i don’t know who and if any of you
have ever had a pregnancy dream right
and not because you’re about to be
pregnant
but that there was something that god
was about to fill you up with it was an
idea a vision that you were gonna birth
right and so we were having this
conversation and this analogy of
miscarriage comes to play because when
you think about very unqualified to talk
about this but when you think about a
pregnant mother um when she conceives a
child
that experience is unique
that child is unique there is emotional
investment there is mental investment
there’s expectation there’s an
expression of herself
that would be revealed through the birth
of that child
when the child is miscarried
it is
it’s not just mourning the child it is
mourning the expression of self
that would have been revealed through
that the birthing of a child or the
birthing of a project
how do we
get in that place of
really mourning yeah right because i
love how you talk about disappointments
and i say this so that we do not hide
our disappointment
with
the fact the fact is god is good but
there is a process to get to that place
of
god you are in the know yeah and how and
when you think back on you know what you
experienced with this project what was
your process like in getting back to
that place of worship i just want to add
to that too
it’s also how do you want to get
pregnant again yeah it’s the fear of
doing it again that’s really good
yeah um i think balance after the blow
the chapter balance after the blow
really speaks to that more than anything
but i do think that you have to first
and foremost you have to honor
your feelings yeah a lot of times
particularly spiritual religious people
we feel like we don’t have permission
everything has to be okay
i just lost my baby but bless god
hallelujah
no no no no slow down slow down slow
down slow down
slow down slow down we’ll get to
hallelujah one day
but you just lost
your child
your job your relationship a loved one
slow it
way
down yeah
and honor that grief
uh and honor that grief because you you
can’t be
self-aware so aware or just real if you
don’t honor the fact that that something
truly hurt you there there there is
there is a process
you gotta grieve you gotta grieve you
gotta grieve you can’t grieve forever
you can’t grieve forever because because
everything has a season you reference
ecclesiastes there’s a time in the
season for everything but you got to get
that grief out
um you you’ve got to get that that that
that disappointment out and here’s one
thing that we must understand
when when god
i’m going to call it this it’s not true
but i’m going to say it for so that we
can connect when god disappoints us
or we are disappointed maybe this is
more accurate we are disappointed by
what god allows to happen
it is important after you grieve to
recognize that all of us no matter how
brilliant
have a degree of ignorance
and i don’t say ignorance in a negative
sense ignorance ignorant not without
knowledge we all have a degree
of blindness
and anytime that we are disappointed
disappointed particularly as it relates
to something that god did it reveals to
us that we had watch this an ignorant
expectation
we had an expectation that did not have
some knowledge
in it
that was pertinent to it we have to
accept that all of us as human beings
we’ll be disappointed in life because we
are not omniscient we are not all
knowing god
is
and what makes it challenging is we
won’t always have answers
to why
this painful thing took place so we have
to honor our
our grief we have to honor our emotions
we have to honor our feelings about it
and then we have to come to the
realization that there was something i
did not know
and that’s when you have to get to a
place
where when you can’t see god’s hand in a
situation you have to trust his heart
you have to trust that he is good now
angelica you said something that is
really important
and you say how do i
get to a place
where i have the faith to get pregnant
again pregnant literally
pregnant figuratively and here’s how you
get there first of all it’s through
honoring that process if you grieve
properly if you grieve properly
you will ultimately get to gratitude
because there is relief in grief itself
yeah if you grieve in a healthy way
there is actually the fact that you were
able to
to see it all
and to process it all and to to to and
you should grieve i believe you ought to
agree with others i believe you ought to
agree with the therapist you agree with
with people who love you you’ve got to
grieve in a healthy way there is a
release that comes and if you’re a
worshiper that will get you to gratitude
like i was standing over there in that
corner when i lost my father and i was
struggling but ultimately i had to give
it up i’m not happy but god you are good
i cannot deny
um and then you will come to a place and
it takes time
where you realize that it’s just a
season yeah no matter how difficult it
is
wherever you are right now
i had a great we just had a crazy season
11 days ago right and it was hard and it
was tough and i’m away from my family
and i’m feeling it’s crazy and and my
wife doesn’t seem like you know it’s
getting any better and she’s coughing
and i love my i’m crazy like i’ll give
it all up for my family like for real
for real we’ll go get in a one-bedroom
apartment to be eight of us in there and
now ty’s my son-in-law so ty that’s nine
time up in there too and a doggy and a
fish and a turtle
if that’s what it takes to keep my
family together are you tracking with me
seriously so i was in this place and
what you can’t see when you’re in the
season is that it is a season that’s
right and that season is going to pass
so you got to know it’s seasonal and
then you have to come to a place and i
talk about it and and balance after the
blow and so you get the book and hear it
in its entirety but you got to come to a
place where you realize that life
is worthy of trusting again and if you
add if you tally up
your life if you just tally it i know
that the blow is devastating and i get
that right
but it’s just a season if you tally up
life
you will deduce
that it’s worth trusting again watch
this because not to trust is to is not
to live that’s right
i’ve got to believe dave david i’ll
leave it with the scripture david put it
this way he said i would have fainted
unless i believe psalm 27 unless i
believe to see the goodness of god in
the land of the living in other words if
i don’t believe i’m going to see good
again
i’ll faint
i’ll lose heart and i’ll become nothing
that is powerful and i think even to
your point in balance after the blow
when you talk about seeing through the
season um it really goes like dives into
exactly what you said and that is so
good
yeah and so
as we close out i do want to share a
story because i feel like what god
showed me at home in my house is similar
to what you’re saying about the
importance why balance is so important
yeah so one day i was in my house and
this praying mantis this beautiful green
praying mantis um just lands on the
window right and i was looking at it i’m
like okay you know it was beautiful so i
was like really paying attention to it
and it stayed there in the same spot for
like all day
and i was like i would keep coming back
like this prayer mentioned still and it
didn’t even move
and then um i was led to research like
what a praying mantis is like what in in
their um nature
and i learned that praying mantis first
of all mantis means prophet so it’s
literally when you hear it sonically it
says it’s like a praying prophet you
know what i mean um but the mantis stays
very still
because when it when it goes after its
prey it goes it has so much precision it
rarely misses
you know what i’m saying and so god was
showing me something he was like you
know
some people want to be busy all the time
busy all the time but he was showing the
importance of being still because when
god says go you’re gonna go and you’re
gonna hit and you’re gonna hit the
target you know what i’m saying
so so that’s why balance is so key and
so important yeah and and even just to
piggyback on that you know even what you
shared when we talked about laws balance
really gives you that perspective of
abundance in every season that even in
the lost god i’m abundant and it like i
had a lot of convicted moments reading
this book and it really for me it showed
me the areas in my life that i was
operating from scarcity because even
just this week i had to so on thursday i
had to fly out to philadelphia and there
was a conference on friday then come
back saturday and
this conversation
we have been like going back and forth
with the book it’s so it means so much
to me um how this was delivered and i
was like god you know i need to just i
need the time to just like woosa into
this and when i was reading the book i
said wait that is coming from a scarcity
mindset i have abundance in god even if
all i had was two hours to prep not that
i had two hours but then it hit me that
even if all i had was two hours to prep
for a conference
that is enough more than enough time for
the holy spirit to drop a download in me
and it showed me that
whatever god brings on your plate
that your abundance is not in you your
abundance is in him and i got that
through balance i’m like wait how am i
moving through life am i moving through
life from a place of scarcity or am i
moving through life from a place of
abundance and that was one of the key
perspective shifts that just i mean
really um changed my life from reading
this book so pt we we thank you can we
just
give a
round of applause to pastor terrain
can we give it up for the same room
these questions and and
and what you guys are doing
with the same room
is next level i’ll say all the time it’s
power and conversation even when i teach
i try to be conversational you know i
get crazy every once in a while but but
um thank you so much for having me and
thank you all for being thank you guys
for having me thank you