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I mean we really have to have the

conversations because if we don’t then

uh children and young people are left to

try to figure it out for themselves and

I think that really gets them in trouble

and it can uh just you know derail plans

and careers and all kinds of things

because we make bad decisions about

something that’s so natural and that

that’s it’s part of life it’s like

breathing it’s like eating it’s like

everything else and we don’t talk about

it as though it was some nasty thing but

God created it and so it is part of who

we are as human beings so that’s why I

thought it was important

okay so have you always felt like it was

important or as you were in your

practice did you recognize it like

there’s some resistance here and so

maybe I need to just like take the can

take the lid off the can and just see

what what I can do to help people become

more comfortable with it well actually

my grandmother who raised me was back in

her day she was very open about

sexuality and sex and so my cousins when

uh you know they were about to to engage

in the physical part of relationship my

grandmother was the person and she

always said this if you need birth

control let me know I’ll go to the

doctor with you so that’s when birth

control first started becoming available

so she felt because her first

relationship was one that she had no

power in that she was really open with

all of us with my cousins with myself

about the relationship so actually when

I made the decision that I wanted to

become sexually active it was my

grandmother that I talked to and she was

the one that went to the doctor with me

so that we could get clear understanding

on what was to happen now I know she was

a Pioneer you know in that area but she

did and so that opened the door for me

to have some openness

um and as I started to practice medicine

I thought there are so many things that

we just don’t discuss and this is so

important and so initially I would have

uh husbands and Wives come in together

so that you could ask your questions and

you could talk about it and then uh I’ve

always gone to the barber shop so you

know some of the misconceptions uh not

necessarily the talk about sex itself

but some of the things that people

believe are attached to sexuality or not

so there was a lot okay wait what I’m

now I’m curious so one of the things

that happens sometimes in men when they

find themselves in midlife and they have

the inability to perform

sometimes they think something’s going

on with the woman so it’s like she must

want somebody I mean it’s just this

ridiculous stuff so she’s not performing

with me or I can’t perform with her and

therefore there must have been something

you know there’s another man or she’s

not Desiring of me or something is wrong

it it just is so confusing and it is so

filled with uh things that are not true

that I just thought that I have there

has to be a place for people to have

where they can talk about this in an

intelligent grown-up manner so that we

can get some real truth so we can

separate the madness from from what’s

real