The question isn’t, “Are obstacles going to come up in your relationships?” The question is, “What are you going to do with them when they do?”

here’s a garden this this represents the

love of a relationship and and all the

potential of a relationship and this of

course represents the offenses that are

going to come into your relationship now

you don’t have to be married to get a

whole lot out of what I’m saying right

now this will apply to anybody in your

life who is important to you and show

you exactly what the enemy will try to

do like for instance I don’t know if

Stephanie’s a good cook or not oh yeah

yeah good good and and I was talking to

my mom this morning no my mom lives here

in Charlotte and she reminded me of this

story is hilarious it just shows how

offenses can come because the question

isn’t of our offense is going to come

into your relationship that’s not the

question they’re gonna come they’re

gonna come the question is what are you

going to do with them

that’s what determines whether or not

you keep a strong relationship with God

with others with yourself so my mom was

telling me they were at my father’s

mom’s house so my grandmother my dad’s

mom’s house for Thanksgiving and she

made some stuffing do you know that yeah

and when she and my grandmother made

some stuffing and the way the way I

understood the story my dad was sitting

there eating his mom’s stuffing and

while he’s eating the stuffing he says

trying to give a compliment to his mom

he’s like mmm mom nobody makes stuffing

like you I mean other people try to make

stuffing but nobody can make it like you

and my mom is my mom is thinking while

he’s saying nobody makes stuffing like

you my mom is thinking and nobody is

going to make stuffing for you X

that’s your mom so you better invite

your mom to be your cook if nobody makes

stuffing like her and my mom said I

didn’t make that man stuffing on

Thanksgiving for the next six years and

I said can I tell the church that story

it’s a good illustration she said yes as

long as you clarify that I really do

make better stuffing than your

grandmother now I got you holding that

because he says this stuff um he says

these unintentional things cuz men are

stupid we just say stuff we don’t

realize what we’re saying and we just

say stuff and maybe then hasn’t done it

yet to me he looks like an intelligent

man but he’s gonna say something and he

it will be unintentional in his mind

he’s just saying it he’s just saying

something just it’s a cesta or sometimes

it’s not what they say it’s what they

don’t do it’s an unmet expectation that

is the breeding ground of offenses and

relationships

unmet expectations and let me tell you

the breeding ground of unmet

expectations unexpressed expectations so

you got to learn how to talk to people

otherwise like let’s say growing up in

Stephanie’s house birthdays were a big

deal but maybe a dance house they didn’t

make a big deal about birthdays cuz hey

what did you do you didn’t do anything

on your birthday

you were just born so maybe on birthdays

at Dan’s house nobody celebrates the

fact that you just came out into the

world like it was some great achievement

but Stephanie wakes up and her mom used

to make her pancakes on her birthday and

her dad had a special song that he was

saying I don’t know I’m making this

stuff up I never met Stephanie and Dan

before I was making a scenario and so

Dan wakes up on the birthday and he’s

gonna take her out to PF Changs that

night because that’s her favorite place

she said but now it’s morning time and

it’s like 7:00 and there’s no pancakes

and there’s no special song and there’s

no thing and so now all of a sudden it’s

the first birthday they spent as a

married couple and he wakes up and gives

her a little kiss and goes to work and

Lise R with an offense and you’re like

well that’s stupid that she shouldn’t

get so offended over that well you get

offended over some stuff to some little

things and you hold it and and it won’t

just be you offending her let’s say

maybe let’s say you’re working really

hard

this used to happen in me and Holly’s

marriage this is an example I did not

ask for permission to share when I

discovered that her recreational

preference was shopping

and yeah yeah so she said me too so you

come home on Saturday Hollywood come

home on Saturday and she would be

energized and she would have bags all

over her arms but to me those bags

didn’t look like shopping bags those

bags look like grenades to be launched

into our financial picture Here I am

trying to work she walking in with all

these bags looking at her and then she

has the nerve to say don’t worry cuz I

got it on and this is what the devil

wants all right now Dan is trying to

fall asleep on Saturday night and again

I’m just making this up but she handed

you this official I’m trying to offend

you she was just shopping it was just a

thing but then it’s working and doesn’t

she see how hard I’m working and how

does she expect us to get ahead

financially and like the last thing she

needs is another pair of shoes

and what’s the incident enemies like

yeah yeah that’s good then that’s good

she doesn’t care about you she doesn’t

respect you she doesn’t she doesn’t

appreciate all that you’re doing to

provide for her she’s working against

you it’s just a little offense meanwhile

Stephanie is still stuck on her birthday

it was four months ago she’s still mad

about the pancakes come here Stephanie

and she’s over here and and she’s still

she’s still nursing that that thing

about the birthday and see us every time

she thinks about it

yes a little deeper should drive it down

in there with every thought and reliving

it and thinking about what he said and

what she did and what they didn’t say

and pay attention to me and appreciate

me it drives it down deeper and marriage

is gonna give you because it’s the most

intimate relationship and the more

intimate the relationship the more

infinite the potential for offense and

so you’re gonna have like a million

offenses little offenses and if you

don’t learn how to deal with them

because sometimes the thing that you

liked about her when you were dating

will drive you crazy now that you have

to wake up with it every day

no offense to Stephanie I’m sure she’s

wonderful you’re like oh why would you

say that about her it’s true about

everybody here’s how the country

preacher said that he said before

marriage opposites attract

after marriage opposites attack a man

that’s how the country creature said it

and so I know it’s kind of heavy

that’s how fences are but it’s not all

at once it’s just one at a time so like

let’s say that before marriage you liked

her because she is mysterious and quiet

and that draws you to her but then in

marriage it can go this way to where it

was really attractive that she was quiet

and mysterious when you were dating her

but now in marriage she will never talk

and it’s like no but yeah but no but

just for example and it’s like why won’t

you tell me what’s on on your mind but

that’s why you liked her and before you

married him he was the life of the party

and he walked in and he just talked and

lit up the room and now why won’t he

ever shut up Dan will not shut up shut

up Dan

and so what actually was part of

building the foundation of the

relationship now its offense and it

happens a million different ways and the

enemy review all kinds of opportunities

and you don’t realize what’s happening

because it’s just one little

conversation after another you know it’s

just dressing on Thanksgiving

yeah a big thing it’s just me trying to

tell Holly how to drive in her sand well

then why don’t you drive if you do such

a good driver and we have a lot of

dysfunction in our relationship over

what happens in the car because I can’t

find my way places and she can’t drive

so she has a great sense of direction

but horrible driving skills I’m a great

driver with no sense of direction so the

other night we’re driving coming from a

movie as a matter of fact not the

Christian football movie but we’re

coming back and she almost got us killed

and I was mad because to me she wasn’t

paying attention and we talked about

that later and she was like well you

know if you want to be in control of how

the car works there’s a different seat

you can sit in

shut raka raka

[Applause]

that’s the biggest problem you have

nodes like the biggest problem we have

it’s just the one I’m gonna tell you

about it’s none of your business with

Ron here but see a fence by offense if

we don’t learn what to do about this the

enemy would love just one conversation

after another you don’t make a decision

to walk away from a relationship that

you love you don’t you don’t see them

becoming your enemy and Matthew 5:25

it’s just one unacknowledged effort

after another and you start thinking

well I’m the only one who ever takes out

the trash around here what I I guess

I’ll do it do it again like always no

it’s good I got it I got it on a problem

I would love to get up with the kid

again in the middle up and I know it’s

fine I know you got to work and now what

started it’s just a small offense now

what God joined together its separated

because of offense

[Applause]

[Music]

and now the crazy thing is Jesus said if

you let it get to this point if you live

your relational life on the basis of

well I’m not apologizing first apologize

first last time if you don’t learn how

to deal with these things you find

yourself in prison it’s not them that

you in prison it’s you hey Dan

why don’t we talk anymore

where did the love go then we haven’t

been to PF Changs in three years then

you built a fence the enemy’s agenda is

destruction the strategy is the vision

and his tactic is offense thankfully God

has given us another way to deal with

the fence if only we could find an

example of somebody who had every right

to be offended of somebody who had every

right to hold it against us of somebody

who had every right to stand at a

distance

[Applause]

but open his arms and said

[Applause]

this is the way of relationship

and the Lord gave me a real specific

word for somebody who needs

reconciliation in your relationship it’s

very simple what they have to do if

they’re gonna stay like they started if

we’re gonna get back to where we were

we’re gonna have to learn watch this

this is very this is very profound it’s

deep you’re gonna miss it

it’s what you’re gonna have to learn

[Applause]

you’ve got to learn to drop it you’ve

got to learn to drop it and I don’t mean

suppress it I don’t mean you don’t deal

with things after they happen but after

you’ve had the conversation they’re not

like pancakes on my birthday then drop

it touch somebody say drop it I mean the

moment the offense because you can’t

always control what’s handed to you but

you can control what you do with this so

what are you gonna do with the offense

come on then you can’t you can’t use

anybody else’s actions the enemy wants

you to drive it down deep you know he

wants you to think about it and miss all

the reasons that the person has has

worked their way into your life and miss

all the things they’ve done for you and

he wants to drive it but God says drop

it I believe that there are some things

that we need to drop tonight in fact

Jesus said this is so important that if

you are in church at the altar offering

a gift and a sacrifice but the primary

relationships in your life are

dysfunctional and need reconciliation

you can’t even properly connect with God

unless you drop it do it again Dan

drop it every time they do it I want you

to reinforce it one two three drop what

are you gonna do when they when they

don’t acknowledge you when they don’t

notice you what are you gonna do what

are you gonna do when they when they are

too busy to show you the love and

affection but you know that they’re

trying as hard as they can to you got a

I’m telling you being married being in a

close relationship is about not how

quickly you can get offended but how

quickly you can get over it

[Music]

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