Women are just misunderstood. Or is it that men are just not clear on what women wished they knew about them? In this episode, Priscilla will discuss just what it is that women wished men knew about them and how this plays into the interactions with each other.

hey there welcome I’m so glad that

you’re here I’m always so glad that you

are here this is our virtual living room

the chat that’s where you are where we

chatting about things that are important

to you hopefully we’re things that

should be important to you we’re gonna

challenge you encourage you and today I

think we’re gonna inform you and someone

in your life this is a great show I have

a panel full of incredible wonderful

articulate godly women who are gonna be

talking about all of the things they

wish men could understand about women so

listen this is not just a great show for

you to watch but you don’t want to grab

your husband for this one girlfriend

you’re gonna get your boyfriend your

teenage son who may be starting to date

try to understand women we’re gonna dive

into the female brain and figure out

what men need to understand about us

this is gonna be a great show you’re

gonna want to stay tuned we’re gonna

have great

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hey there welcome to the chat I’m so

glad that you’re here this is our

virtual living room and I’m glad that

you have joined us I hope you were

pulling up a chair or getting snuggled

up in your bed wherever you are I pray

that you will Stu stay tuned in because

we’re having a great conversation

we’ve already had part one of the

conversations so if you haven’t seen

part one you need to go back and start

there this is part two of a great

conversation I have an incredible panel

of women that are joining me to help men

understand what they need to know about

women about the women in their lives

their wives their girlfriends we’re

changing relationships today that is

exactly what we’re doing and to help me

do it are some incredible women I want

to introduce to you this is Patsy

Claremont and Nicole C Mullen and Angie

Smith and Annie Downes would you please

help me alright we’ve been having a good

conversation and I just want to keep the

conversation going right where we left

off I think we kind of left off on a

theme about leadership in the home and

we touched on Nicole you touched on just

a bit about how you know we we sometimes

have to jump in there and lead maybe in

a Bible study with our kids cuz their

husband isn’t necessarily doing it how

in the world help us to figure out how

in the world we need to let our husband

lead when there are some things he maybe

just didn’t do and give us some

perspective on that Patsy married

somebody asked les what is the key to 51

years of marriage and he said she

travels I’m sure I’ve got the answer I’m

a feisty kind of person and my husband

is as well so it’s been an interesting

51 years with lots of static at times as

we’ve had to work things out and when it

got really really hard we went in for

some help so that we could learn how to

individuate because we married as kids

and when you marry as kids you grow up

childish so one month lead raised me and

the next month I’d wait a minute

something before we even get to this

leadership thing

just said we went in for counsel I think

there are a lot of men in particular

that are adverse to the whole idea of

marriage counseling so took us 25 years

before he’d go in okay said hell how do

you encourage a guy that’s watching

right now he’s trying to learn how to

better relate to his wife how would you

encourage him about the importance of

being okay with getting some counseling

yeah I think is it is innate in the

man’s heart to be a lion and so he

really growls over the thought someone

else would try to come into his pride so

this is what I did in my home when lass

and I kept hitting the same wall over

and over it was just one topic we

couldn’t get past it we couldn’t resolve

it out one day out of desperation I fell

to my knees I cried out for God to

intervene in our behalf and he left he

just went right out the door and a

little while later he came back and he

said I’m ready let’s go for some help

and so he told me to set up the

appointment I called and Doc counselor

said oh I don’t work that way will you

come in separately at first and then

I’ll bring you together he makes his own

appointment I said I’ve I’ve been

working on in the toilet he just finally

said yes you’re messing it all up she

said that’s the way I work so he came in

and when I said you have to make your

own appointment he was kind of upset I

said you can’t blame me for this and I

said it would be really too bad if I go

and I learned all sorts of things you

don’t know he said where’s the number

and we went together okay so when we

talk about taking the lead which even

you just brought up with him having to

make his own phone call to set up that

that counseling session what do you say

to a guy who’s watching right now it

doesn’t really recognize the importance

of stepping into that leadership role

because it is hard for us not to step

into it for him if he ain’t gonna be in

that role somebody’s got to and so we

feel like we have to do it what do you

say to a guy who’s not quite sure about

the importance of leadership or feels

like

not equipped to do the Bible study with

the kids or something like that

I say take it one step at a time in one

area at a time I’d say not to try and

turn not that you’re turning everything

over because he should be the leader but

there might be a hesitancy because he

feels inadequate so you may have to

start with okay well honey you’re better

at numbers than I am you know will you

do the checkbooks because I’m not really

good at that you know and you encourage

him of that and if if he makes a mistake

don’t mock them you know don’t chide him

as if he was a child you know just okay

I’ll help you like okay well we do

without bread this week and food okay

but you know but I’m still here with you

honey you know you may have to encourage

him until he gets more confidence and

better so give him room in some way yeah

room 2 leading room to grow what do you

think it’s doing though to a wife what

does it do to a wife or a woman when her

husband doesn’t rise up to that role

what what does a man need to know that

it does to are just to the way we feel

about ourselves the way we feel about

our home when our man in rising up even

as a single woman I want to ask you this

because when you see guys around that

are supposed to be potential mates for

you and you watch how they are not

necessarily leading in church or trying

to rise up and be who God has called

them to be and follow his plan for their

life how does that make you feel what

security or lack of security do you see

I think it’s interesting because what we

deal with the singles in that you can’t

wrestle through because there’s no

commitment mm-hmm so there so when once

y’all are married you get to say I think

you get to say okay I’m gonna work we

have the rest of our lives to figure out

how do I let go and let you lead and get

it and when you’re dating or when you’re

doing whatever else the hanging out

business we do it it is it is hard to

figure out how do I let him lead us and

now do I need to do that yet okay so let

us have it tell a single guy right now

what a single woman is looking for yeah

I think a single woman is looking to be

led I do think that’s true and that’s

probably not really a pop super popular

thing to say but I think that single

women are looking to be part to partner

with someone who will help direct the

Train I think that’s true I mean I think

the the single girl I lead a small group

of college girls

I have a lot of single friends and we

all are looking when we look at the

single guys we look toward the ones who

they don’t have to be standing up at

church but are they standing up in their

life mm-hmm you know like they don’t

have to be leading worship but do they

worship you know like we watched their

lives ago yeah that’s a good man yeah

that’s a good man and I would follow him

if he asked me to follow him somewhere

even if it meant no bread that’s the

kind of guy right yeah because there are

ones that stand up on the stage that I

wouldn’t follow yeah and so so you can’t

we can’t just watch who they let you see

we have to watch who they are yeah can I

you mentioned something real specific I

got to just sit with you for a second

you said this whole hanging out business

that we do is and sisters so I’ve heard

that there’s this arrangement it’s kind

of like where y’all are special friends

and what he means by that is I don’t

have no commitment to you I’m not paying

for our dates we’re not in any kind of I

just want to hang out with you would you

tell want to be alone but I don’t want

to can you do you feel like your

presence a single woman’s presence and

in the life of a man like that what it

really is doing is just boosting his ego

like he’s almost using you to make him

feel like he’s wanted so he keeps you I

think we do it to them too but I think

it’s an illegitimate way to meet a

legitimate need yeah I think we just

start filling in gaps for each other

yeah and then all of a sudden you go if

this was 1954 we’d be engaged but I’ve

never even held your hand you know like

and you just go this isn’t this what

does a single man need to know that it

does to a single woman what continues

today to take her out takes takes her

off the Mike’s off the market result

when she’s in a long-term relationship I

know what he’ll tell a single guy right

now what that does it takes her off the

market and makes her not the other boys

don’t want to date her because they

think she’s with you mm-hmm

and it tells her you are worth my time

but you’re not worth my heart and that’s

that’s hard I think you should write a

book on that I think I’ve lived it

enough I’m probably good so yeah I mean

I mean that’s what it that’s the feeling

is you want to be with me but you don’t

want to get in it with me and that and

that’s a hard thing to feel I don’t care

how old you are that’s a hard thing to

feel that you’re willing to spend time

with me but and I can imagine that this

would work long-term and and it doesn’t

feel like

you imagine that because isn’t it the

don’t men just need to understand that

it is the truth that our heart goes

their way before their heart ever goes

anywhere I know the longer and the more

we’re spending time with them and

they’re spending time with us and

calling us it just pulls and so once

they’re done it’s every hallmark movie

after the second phone call baseball

field right I mean like it is yeah it is

all that we we go there because we lie I

go there because I long for that I long

for that friendship to turn into that

relationship and so I will go I will

fall trap into the friendship hoping

that it goes there when that was never

promised me in the first place yeah okay

you mentioned the Year 1954 that just

made me want to bring up the traditional

roles of a woman in a relationship you

got dishes and you got dinner to cook

and you have laundry to fold and kids

need to go to school and the house needs

to be and span I want to know how

you all feel about traditional roles in

a marriage relationship in a male/female

relationship and how you feel about your

husband’s involvement and participation

in those particular activities in your

home I have a little bit of a unique

situation in that my husband is a

musician yes and so it’s sort of feast

or famine as far as when he’s home and

when he’s gone and so when he’s gone

he’s gone which I think feeds into the

whole like independent then he comes

back in and I’m like I got this under

control I didn’t you know we just ruggle

women who struggle as their husbands are

on the road so much yeah and so we

become like we have to be the spiritual

leader because we’re the person listen

there are a lot of women whose husbands

are not musicians who struggle with that

because their husbands are working 70

hours obviously very managing their home

absolutely trying to figure out how to

balance the fact that they’re the whole

manager but then their husband comes

home and he’s the leader right they

can’t quite balance that but how do you

deal with those traditional roles in

marriage you expect participation what I

need to know well I’m the right person

to ask to answer that here’s what I will

say I am blessed to have a husband there

is literally not a single thing that I

do in the house that he doesn’t also do

laundry cooking dish

we are we are a team that way and now I

have to say he’s an amazing man I give

him full credit for that but if I had a

husband who had the kind of job that he

does where he was gone and then came

home and just decided he could sit on

the couch and play video games for the

rest of the time I would probably

struggle with that and so we’re sort of

a Jewish probably struggle with that

Angie or would you say I’d struggle with

it I struggle with it and so I think

it’s I think though we do have to be

careful to to keep that an open line of

communication to make sure that it isn’t

something where he’s feeling you know

because a lot of people are like is that

emasculating for a man you know like we

have that we have to have that

conversation but we also have to have

the and this is kind of where my heart

breaks is that I feel like I’m not doing

something right if I’m not doing

everything yeah

and so there is it’s a both sides kind

of thing you know some people would go

well it’s not me only for a guy to be

folding laundry or whatever and it’s

like yeah that’s what they all need to

know right now if you want to butter

your yeah I have a friend who calls that

chore play

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there are busy women like you and I who

normally have her schedule so packed and

fulfilled every moment of the day that

we are running on fumes completely

exhausted because everybody is just to

flat out busy

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we forget that every single day

position yourself of God

you need to come

and whatever you are here

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what will happen when we have churches

that really let the word of Christ dwell

in them originally what will happen when

we have teenagers and children who

really let the word of Christ dwell in

them richly we think marriages are gonna

be healthy we think churches are gonna

be transformed that communities are

gonna be impacted as Christians start to

obey the text in their context and their

setting you think about the Bible the

Bible is the revelation of God in fact

John says that it is the revelation of

Jesus Christ if we are to know God then

we must know him through the button

explore the Bible will help us to do

that so the heart behind explore the

Bible really is Colossians 3:15 and 16

let the Peace of Christ control your

hearts verse 16 is let the word of

Christ dwell among you richly so we want

to say hey churches church leaders

pastors do you want a congregation you

want a small group do you want a

sunday-school class filled with people

that speak to one another in wisdom that

encourage each other that admonish one

another that are filled with gratitude

and their hearts too guided that they

sing and they celebrate the salvation

that God’s given them do you want a

group of people like that then you have

to let the word of Christ dwell among

them richly the exploration of the Bible

book by book for groups of all ages from

senior adults to adults to young adults

to students to kids of all ages if

everyone is studying the same book

imagine the possibility of revival based

upon the study together in community as

a group studying the text in its context

imagine the possibility of letting the

word of Christ dwell in you richly

whenever we’re squeezed whenever people

in our groups or in our churches are

squeezed whatever is in them is going to

come out

if the word of Christ is deeply in them

then that’s what’s going to come they’re

gonna speak to one another with wisdom

they’re gonna sing songs to God they’re

gonna be filled with gratitude what’s in

you is going to come out of you so we

want to do everything we can to help

churches and help small groups and

cynical classes get the word of Christ

deeply richly in the people you got some

wisdom for some guys out there that are

watching and are wondering how they’re

supposed to fit into or maybe they don’t

do much in the traditional sense in

their home their wife does that and

there’s no problem with your wife

serving your meal I enjoy fixing my

husband’s plate for him when I get the

opportunity but maybe he’s just soaking

it up too much and not participating at

all what would your because you’ve been

married 51 years you gotta have some

listen when I’m married a guy who does

everything I do he does it all we know

he jumps right in he it doesn’t bother

him at all and I think it makes him look

even more masculine yeah hello I’m not

the right person to address that because

I have been blessed with a man who is

not not intimidated by any chore in the

house but you know what you are kind of

addressing it because you just said I

have been blessed by which means you

really appreciate yes well I definitely

approve and I have a guy like that too

that doesn’t mind getting involved in

things like and it is it just is a

blessing it is and I think men need to

know that we appreciate you getting

involved in those you know kind of

non-traditional roles yes and my husband

will do it but there has been a time

there was a period of time when he

didn’t mm-hmm I know when he didn’t

pardon you half I was having his coffee

but anyway that’s a famine it can make

you feel unprotected it makes you feel

as if you were out there by yourself ah

yeah your beer by yourself and so I

think for a woman who already struggles

with the independence in our nature you

know it’s it feeds that a little bit

more if we feel as if we were added by

ourselves if I’m doing everything and

you’re doing nothing and we would have

these conversation

I mean back in the day a lot of them and

I would say now my husband he will wash

clothes he would do the dishes he can

cook better than I can cook the whole

night you know so there’s nothing above

him or beneath him I should say to do

and so but before it it can build that

wall and it can built resentment as well

yeah well you feel like I’m doing

everything but you’re you’re able to sit

there I mean we still have these

conversations occasionally yeah I don’t

really have the luxury of you know

coming home and just sitting on the

couch and watching another football game

I don’t have that lemony direction that

we’re tired to actually like we actually

are tired as well and we would love your

participation because the kids still

have to get made yeah they still have

the act tonight things don’t have to

yeah it has to happen so when you don’t

we don’t go there yeah I think we’re

what we’re saying is it benefits you

we’re just trying to help you out okay

but you did say Miss Patsy it’s kind of

sexy when a guy is helping with some of

the stuff around the house and that will

be we won’t you know we’ll have some

energy left over for the evening so I’d

like to talk about the evening hours for

just a moment can we just be real and

say that guys are way more interested in

sex than I probably ever will be yes

it’s not that it’s not enjoyable or

could be enjoyable but it’s just they’re

just it’s just like food and water to

them whereas conversation probably is

that to us we want to talk we want to

have intimacy in that way what does the

husband need to know what do guys need

to know I want to talk about this from a

single woman’s perspective in just a

minute to in a different way but I also

want to know what does a married man

need to know that he can do to help his

wife be more interested in sex

I think kindness paves a great icon to a

woman’s heart you be kind and soft and

thoughtful and helpful honey

boo-boo and if you’re nice and kind

wanna be chilled all the sudden the

honest yes but if you’re mean and you

look great then it’s just active do you

feel that it’s hard to when you see a

man put on this exterior that is

friendly and kind and alert and

attentive to the people at his office or

the folks at church and then he’s kind

of shut off and not responsive and seems

uninterested in you and in the home do

you think that’s one of the major turn

offs or you and I having relationship

later on absolutely yes yes absolutely

I just I’m looking for someone to come

with a solution is what I’m watching

Downton Abbey okay no I think for me

it’s like I don’t and and this is just

my own again this is my own little

personal say I love you Todd I think

there is something to me and it’s this

is just my own struggle that when I feel

pressure to do something my personally

kind of like pulls back and if I if I

just feel like it’s this constant yeah

you know and I know that it is and so

that’s something that we all have to

kind of work through but just Pat it end

of the day it’s you know but the end of

the day is not the only time there are

also other times so you know it may just

be something early we don’t go around

for the most part now some women do but

I don’t think we’re consumed with it

throughout the day you know it’s like

we’re not we’re not stimulated by our

our site yeah and sometimes it may be a

good thing sometimes you know I’m saying

I mean but guys that’s how they’re wired

how do how do they stimulate us how do

they cause us to be interested and

intrigued with what is important to them

what would you say that a guy needs to

do and know about his wife that will

cause her to be intrigued by that Wow

whoa you haven’t answered anything

[Laughter]

what does your have to do what happened

during the course of the day that by the

time you got to the evening you were

like I am right deep no that’s a good

question I think we’re right back to the

yeah

behind the time being – being helpful

and just the thoughtfulness when the

thoughtfulness comes yeah yeah so it’s

not necessarily the big things like you

said earlier just simple you’re

conscious of us that you care that

you’re listening when we’re talking to

you all of that connection throughout

the day builds the foundation for later

on whenever later is for you to that I

know that your affection for me is

single you know what I’m saying it’s not

leading this well at that – and then at

the same time it’s not altering the day

due the day your eyes are roaming I

don’t I don’t want to ever have to doubt

that you’re wanting me and you’re

wanting everybody else you wanting

someone else you just want it Queen

wanting sex and absolutely there’s a

huge distinction because sometimes you

just want sex but it hasn’t gonna do

with me you can you know I’m saying so

if I feel like that it’s personal it’s a

lot more personal feel like it’s just it

that you want then it’s like then you

can do it with you know I’m saying

you’re getting trouble but I’m not you

would be in big trouble

yes okay but it doesn’t feel like it’s a

person they’re pushing you it’s just

like a need yeah yeah which I think

because it is that way for guys their

thought process isn’t what are all the

steps yeah okay – it’s just you didn’t

know that what it does to us when

there’s just sex without intimacy

without any relationship without that

personal mess that you were talking

about we just kind of feel like a piece

of meat yes cuz I got they have an

argument with you and still want to have

sex and we don’t get your ass off limits

everything is done it makes me happy it

makes it okay and it’s just this that if

if there’s just constant tension you’re

fighting you’re fighting you can’t get a

resolve then get naked because there’s

some

about five years ago about there

something about the vulnerability in

that and also it’s a distraction from

pretty soon you forget what you were

arguing about anything okay you’re right

let’s talk about this for today get

naked Annie I could need to ask you

though from a single woman’s perspective

what what does this single man need to

know is important to a woman in terms of

her sexuality and staying pure how does

he assist her yeah in that you know it’s

just so hard it is so hard because

culture tells you that that’s not worth

holding on to much anymore and and so I

think a guy would need a single guy

would need to know that that’s still

important if you want the kind of woman

that he probably wants that’s that’s

important to us and it should be

important to him to not only and how he

treats us but in how he lives his life

and the other put the other places he’s

looking it’s important that that it

matters to us it’s important to her eyes

it matters too so you think that’s

actually in tracked attractive about a

guy a single man that is stoic about

hanging on to his eternity he wants to

make sure that yours is protected

there’s I mean I don’t need him to you

know I don’t need him to be running

purity conferences you got it but but

but to know that that is something that

that he is treasured mm-hmm you know and

don’t you think that sets the tone for

leadership that if he’s the one who is

saying these are where the boundary

lines are yeah you know I mean and

having that be the way that it’s

approached instead of it’s like kind of

we’re figuring it out as we go I think

that setting that precedent of

leadership to me because that feels like

such the thing that they like that’s the

thing for them that if they can slow the

train down I can trust you and all these

other things if I can trust you yeah

good stuff good stuff we have had a

great conversation today when you agree

great conversation and yes thank all of

you guys so much I’m so glad that you

guys are here and you are gonna want to

know more about what each and every one

of these ladies are doing remember we

had a part one so that conversation you

need to go back and see this is part two

of a conversation that we’ve already

been having and every single one of

these women in their own right has

something that they need to share with

you in their books in their music and

their speaking and teaching so would you

please click on the links below because

it will take you directly to them so

that you can find out more about them

follow them on Twitter they are

wonderful women filled with wisdom for

single women and married women alike it

has been a joy to host this conversation

and I want you to help me to thank these

incredible women for

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you

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