Women are just misunderstood. Or is it that men are just not clear on what women wished they knew about them? In this episode, Priscilla will discuss just what it is that women wished men knew about them and how this plays into the interactions with each other.
hey there welcome I’m so glad that
you’re here I’m always so glad that you
are here this is our vault virtual
living room the chat that’s where you
are where we chatting about things that
are important to you hopefully or things
that should be important to you we’re
gonna challenge you encourage you and
today I think we’re gonna inform you and
someone in your life this is a great
show I have a panel full of incredible
wonderful articulate godly women who are
gonna be talking about all of the things
they wish men could understand about
women so listen this is not just a great
show for you to watch but you don’t want
to grab your husband for this one
girlfriend you’re gonna wanna get your
boyfriend your teenage son who maybe is
starting to date and try to understand
women we’re gonna dive into the female
brain and figure out what men need to
understand about us this is gonna be a
great show you’re gonna want to stay
tuned we’re gonna happen
[Applause]
[Music]
[Music]
I am so glad you’re here we’re gonna
have a lot of fun talking about things
that should matter to you but also
should matter to the men in your life so
you still have a couple seconds grab
your husband grab your boyfriend grab
your teenage son tell them to sit down
and watch this got a panel of women who
are going to be talking to us about what
we wish men understood about us to help
us do that is the beautiful and talented
writer speaker author Patsy Claremont is
coming right on here woman her name is
Nicole C Mullen will you please welcome
home recording artist emotionally and
then Angie Smith blogger writer speaker
incredible woman in ministry Angie
significant and then a knee down who has
an incredible ministry too young woman
will you help me to welcome any down
below thank you so much for being here
this is quite a panel quite a group of
women we’re talking about do you know
what we’re talking about today do you
know why I have asked you here today my
friends I’ve asked you here because
there are men that don’t understand
what’s going on with the female
understanding what is going on with us
what’s going on with our minds while we
do the things we do or don’t do some of
the things that they would like for us
to do and we’re just trying to figure
that out a little bit so I’ve asked you
all here because you’re from different
seasons of life different sides of the
spectrum a little wisdom here you’ve
been married how long was 51 years
that’s something to celebrate Nicole I
know you’re married as well tell us how
long you’ve been married
two years I can’t believe that
Wow and Angie how about you twelve
you’ve been married for 12 years I’m
kind of along the same lines of you
we’re going we’re going into our 15th
year now so kind of where you are and
then tell me yes
we love that just single but but single
and said you told me how often you’re
satisfied about being single five out of
seven days five out of seven days a week
okay we want to walk away from this time
that we’re gonna spend together with men
better understanding something about
their wife something about even maybe
their mom or just the women in their
life to help us to better relate to each
other one of the main things I think one
of the main hiccups in relationships
between men and women is this area of
communication men just don’t seem to
value it the same way we do you know
talking tell a man a guy somewhere who’s
listening the value of communication
from our perspective and what they can
do to to help us feel heard and listened
to and cared about Miss Patti you look
like you have something to say about
this okay
come on first of all I just have to say
that between us I added it up we have 97
years of experience here so somebody
ought to be listening here’s what I
think about communications men are
working too hard
trying to figure us out we can’t even
figure ourself out we don’t want them to
understand we just want them to listen
we want to feel heard because when they
start kind of chirping in and what we’re
saying it can be annoying they just
listen to us and every once in a while
not
shake honey and you are you were so
right yeah yeah and it’ll be good for
them and good for us yeah and I think it
would help if they would like turn the
television offer at least down maybe put
the iPad aside you know to act as if
they’re listening what actually probably
anything I think it’s like the age-old
thing that we hear about men and women
where women are going just kind of
wanting to share and men want to fix and
so that feels like the struggle that not
that I deal of course not that other
people might that I feel like you know
sometimes I’ll I’ll go to my husband and
just sort of want to want it like let
some things come off my chest and how
are they support how was it guys
supposed to know when he needs to be
your hero because I mean that’s why you
one of the reasons probably why you fall
in love with the guys because in some a
sense you feel safe and secure and he
bites for you and you love him so for
that reason so how is he supposed to
know if a guy’s watching right now he’s
trying to figure out how am I supposed
to know what I’m just listening and what
I’m supposed to step in and do something
about what you’re telling me you gotta
have a code you know you got a half
signal so you just gotta say this is a
time I just need you to listen yeah cuz
it’s not fair to the guy to have to
guess well you know we want them to know
and that’s not fair they can’t know so
we just need to say I just need you to
listen or this time I really need you to
give me your counsel on this or I really
need you to protect me on this because
I’m feeling so heart vulnerable so you
have to the men who have single women in
their lives we want that from your
husband’s too we want to be able to sit
down with Angie and Todd and for me to
say I am working through this and Todd
to go I hear that you know like God puts
y’all’s husbands in my life kind of as
big brother how to cover yeah help for
those times when I need someone to step
in and go that is not fair yeah you know
we have Carlos Whitaker is someone who
will look at me go that’s not fair that
that happens I’m really sorry and that
is all you need yes ago okay I I needed
a man
to say I’m protecting you a little bit
in this even though you’re not my wife
you’re not my sister but I recognize and
so I think sometimes single I mean
married men need to know that there are
single women in your life who love that
about y’all’s friendship too and I want
to ask you something as a single women
single woman do you get a little bit
nervous that this guy who you might be
dating is listening to you and he said
he’s leaning in and he’s concerned about
the things that concern you and he seems
all interested do you worry that after
you get into a marriage relationship
with this guy that it might change
because I hear a lot of single women
that are concerned that the same guy
they’re dating is not going to be the
same knight in shining armor after the
ring is on the finger you say I do and
you’re just into the regular rhythms of
everyday living so I think that that’s a
worry that we would face because we hear
women with wisdom saying it gets hard
and you have to have signals and you
need to be able to say so I think but
the other benefit is me being not 21 and
getting married I’m gonna marry a man
who’s been around a lot of married women
at this point you know like I’m 33 so
whoever I’m gonna end up with probably
has had a lot more experience having
sisters and friends get married and see
their buddies be husbands does that make
sense yeah but so yeah I think but I
think that’s a little bit of a we’re
really great at talking over dinner once
or twice a week I wonder how that would
work seven days a week you know right
right I was talking to Annie in the back
room and I said I always tell the single
women watch how Batman treats his mama
mmm and now if he doesn’t have any
respect and he’s critical of her and he
doesn’t check in on her then I’d be real
careful about that relationship but if
he’s good to his mama that’s a pretty
good indication he’ll be good to you
that’s good what would you guys say
would be the most important attributes
of a man that you would want to be
married to in relationship with that
you’d want for your own daughter now
that it’s specifically those of you who
have been married what do you find now
in hindsight are the most important
characteristics you better be looking
for in a guy cuz some guy right now is
needing to hear and know what is most
valuable as he pursues a woman maybe in
his own week I would love to know when
you think about who someone like me that
you love is going to end up with yeah
what are the characteristics you want
me to look for and you want in a guy
this is a good question and I don’t know
that my answer would be the same now as
it would have been when I was dating
yeah my husband and I you know we’ve
been married 12 years but just the Lord
had those 12 years be pretty jam-packed
mm-hmm with events and I meet a lot of
people who or who start dating and
there’s this just like pounding hard and
everything feels you know emotions are
so overrated yeah in relationships
because they actually don’t have
intellect they’re not very serious
they’re not small you’re not smart you
actually shouldn’t follow them yeah yeah
you really shouldn’t and I think it’s
easy to sometimes and to in your mind
skip past the things that you’re seeing
as a gap in the person that maybe you’re
dating and think well when we’re married
we’ll move into that well whatever and I
think looking back now several years ago
kneeling in a cemetery
burying a daughter with my husband what
mattered in that moment was not how much
I felt attracted to him or how much I
felt you know there were just all these
superficial things that have been on the
table and then you’d get your knees and
the dirt together and it’s like no I
need someone who I can have these kinds
of moments with and so it’s a hard it’s
hard to give advice because some of it I
think you learned but just just really
see the character of a man in different
situations how does he deal with crisis
how does he deal with you when you’re in
crisis what is your you know I think a
lot of it goes back to communication but
what would you guys say I I would
definitely say that he would need to be
kind and it really helps if they’re
funny yes because life is intense and
can be complicated then les brings a lot
of levity into hard situations and it
makes them that much more bearable
what will happen when we have churches
that really let the word of Christ dwell
in them originally what will happen when
we have teenagers and children who
really let the word of Christ dwell in
them richly we think marriages are going
to be healthy we think churches are
going to be transformed that communities
are gonna be impacted as Christians
start to obey the text in their context
and their setting you think about the
Bible the Bible is the revelation of God
in fact John says that it is the
revelation of Jesus Christ if we are to
know God then we must know him through
the button explore the Bible will help
us to do that so the heart behind
explore the Bible really is Colossians
3:15 and 16 let the Peace of Christ
control your hearts verse 16 is let the
word of Christ dwell among you richly so
we want to say hey churches church
leaders pastors do you want a
congregation you want a small group do
you want a sunday-school class filled
with people that speak to one another
and wisdom that encourage each other
that admonish one another that are
filled with gratitude and their hearts
together that they sing and they
celebrate the salvation that God’s given
them do you want a group of people like
that then you have to let the word of
Christ dwell among them richly the
exploration of the Bible book by book
for groups of all ages from senior
adults to adults to young adults to
students to kids of all ages if everyone
is studying the same book imagine the
possibility of revival based upon the
study together in community as a group
studying the text in its context
imagine the possibility of letting the
word of Christ dwell in you richly
whenever we’re squeezed whenever people
in art groups or in our churches are
squeezed whatever is in them is gonna
come out if the word of Christ is deeply
in them then that’s what’s going to come
they’re gonna speak to one another with
wisdom they’re gonna sing songs to God
they’re gonna be filled with gratitude
what’s in you is going to come out of
you and so we want to do everything we
can to help churches and help small
groups and circle classes get the word
of Christ and deeply richly in the
people when you are so outnumbered it’s
so unable to complete that impossible
task so in over your head that you
couldn’t see the light of day even if
you drive you are exactly where God
wants you this is a God who loves
weakness he loves weakness because his
strength is perfected in weakness
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are you choosing to stand firmly on the
promises of God’s work on the faulty
shaky philosophies of our culture
because the way we stand now has every
bearing on the way this thing is going
to end up
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all right this is kind of a sticky
little question all right you guys are
all very successful you are articulate
you have kind of paved a path in your
own careers and the venture that you’re
on in your life so I want to talk to you
about what men need to understand about
a successful woman because sometimes men
are intimidated by the single all right
cuz all are successful and there are a
lot of men that are a bit intimidating
when they see this successful woman
coming so what does a man need to know
about a successful woman that what does
she still appreciate what is still
important to her what does she value
regardless of how much money she makes
or how well-known she is talk to me
about what a guy needs to know about a
successful woman it took quite a while
for me to be able to communicate to less
that I can be in a stadium with 10,000
women and they can be all tickled over
what just happened but what matters most
to me is when he says to me you did a
great it met the truth I need to hear
from his heart how he feels about what I
do and he found that confusing because
he thought we just heard from 10,000
people or yeah they were all clapping
for you know what what do you need that
for they don’t hold the position they
don’t hold my heart in their hand and so
I need to hear from you is your love
language
words of affirmation would you say that
is one of your love languages that you
need to have those words spoken over you
by your husband ah that and a good
credit card
[Laughter]
okay we’re going to talk about financial
security but what about you I love that
so much
be that the simple things really matter
you know not just the big things
sometimes I guess we can I don’t know if
you are you appear to be successful
people may think that it takes big
things to impress you I like the little
things you know I like just being able
to sit around and no makeup and sweats
and hang out you know I love good
conversations you don’t have to buy me
things that’s not me and at the same
time to remember that I am NOT just what
I do you know I am NOT just Nkosi Mellon
the artist
I’m Nicole Cemal I’m the person the
woman the wife the mother the daughter
the friend that’s who I really am not
just the things that people applaud and
so for me that’s really important but
can I say one more thing I’m gonna go
back to something you said earlier Annie
about having married couples I’m help
kind of protect you know and to speak
into your life I think it’s very
important for single women to have
married couples I would caution against
just a single one very good talking to a
married man even as a big brother little
sister because that can get kind of you
know saying so if we can do it in the
know is we do not want you meeting you
said Todd and Angie yeah I’m saying so I
wanted to just kind of that’s good and
you won’t remember it but I thought
about it today there was one year that
you were singing and it was the year of
I know my redeemer lives it was the
devil words and your husband was sitting
in front of me and when you got out on
that stage to sing he started weeping
and he cried through the end
your thing and there was such a sense of
we are a team you know and this was an
extension of himself and I think that
that is so important is we’re respecting
our husbands as our shepherds and and
we’re making sure that they maintain
that and as a result it’s we give them
the opportunity to just like see you
know embrace and I think that can be a
little bit tricky because I wasn’t doing
what I was doing when we first got
married and I don’t know if you guys
were no see so I think that some of that
is a little bit different too you know
like he didn’t marry into this we sort
of had to learn it yeah it was I’m only
a Nicosia Molly because of David Molly
yes yeah and he as I was an artist yeah
he decided to step back so that I can go
ahead he’s my boy my producer Wow you
know saying so every time I take a bath
to take a bow for him as well yeah we’re
not in competition that is that’s
exactly hit it’s the same team I’m dying
to hear from you because you’re on the
other side of the coin in the sense that
single and successful do you find that
there are men that are a little bit
detoured by the success yeah you know
it’s really interesting because I
haven’t I didn’t know this would be my
life either and and so five years ago
who had a married would have graduated
into this lifestyle and whoever I picked
now or picks me now is choosing this
lifestyle right you know but you know
the thing I that I wrestle with is that
just because I work hard doesn’t mean I
don’t need you that’s good you know just
because I’m I am we’re and you don’t
have to have my job I don’t need you to
feel like if I’m gonna marry Annie I’m
marrying her job you know like no I want
to respect you and celebrate you and
what you do and so you don’t need to
feel like you’re supposed to be in
full-time ministry to live with me yeah
yeah I don’t need mister Aniyah right
he’d be funny chivalry chivalry do you
still need that as a successful so you
know sometimes when we bus home from an
event from a girl’s a grace event and I
get home at 2:30 in the morning and I am
lugging four suitcases I just go lord I
need you to
work this out you know like this is I am
tired and I need to feel like someone
else takes care of me sometimes
alright I want to talk about along those
same lines I want to talk about
leadership male leadership and how
critical that is to you as women who
honestly could lead yourselves you could
figure out your own finances you could
take care of doing a whole lot of things
yourself how do we balance that with the
fact that we hope that a man will be in
our life the leader that he’s been
called to be I love it when a man steps
in and steps up I really appreciate it
especially when you say numbers because
you say I could do that myself but I
couldn’t do that myself I am no good at
it and my husband is a calculator for a
brain yeah God knew I would need that so
yep yeah okay I’m gonna just be a little
bit vulnerable on that I would love that
okay I struggle with that you struggle
with leadership and with ID okay talk to
me I do it’s not cuz of what I do it has
nothing to do with that this is just a
the way you’re wired it is I mean it’s
part of and it’s something that God is
constantly working on in me and that I
was talking with my friend Jenny the
other day and she was talking about
cleaning her house and she didn’t mean
anything profound by it but she just
said you know at the end of the day my
family helps me and there are things but
I’m the only one that can get it to a
hundred percent mm-hm and she was
talking about cleaning her house but I
think a lot of times and it’s not
necessarily truth but I feel that way we
do feel that it’s gonna be done right we
have to do it yes and so that’s just
something where I have and and I’m
getting better about it but I I had to
learn that one the hard way I’m still
learning
yes because just handing that over and
saying when there are some things that
it’s to be totally honest I actually
probably could do better but that’s not
the best thing for my marriage yeah you
know that’s my worry into that because
at this point I have had to learn to do
everything you know like I don’t get to
go I’m really terrible at taking out the
garbage like sorry take out the garbage
okay so there’s not a lot of things that
I can go well I’m saving that for when a
husband comes along to leave me I’m like
no I’ve got to have a balance check
account and I’ve got you know yeah and
so I worried that I see myself and in
that and Angie of like how do you decide
how do you side how to let him lead and
where to let him lead what left a
question and not let that lets us get
this way how does a man who is watching
right now how does he help his wife to
grow in this area with this struggle
that she has with leaning in and leaning
on someone else and trusting in that
leadership how can he help her along in
that path so that they don’t end up
butting heads and fighting against each
other in the process what does a guy do
to make it easy on her to learn to let
him lead I think he sits down with her
and assert that very question I think
they need to have some dialogue about it
and they need to be honest with each
other because we don’t know how she’s
wired and what her greatest needs are
only she knows that so we would be
guessing if we said it out of the
content of our needs just like a lot of
women out there they are better at
numbers than their husbands and they do
a better job but if there are
overarching all these little specifics
about but you know balance me check but
it’s taking out the trash
you know biblically leaving the home and
those are specific things but the
overarching principle of a woman
relaxing into the leadership of her
husband and say how these to be yeah it
is a great place to be it is I think it
really starts to sound like I’m trying
to be super spiritual and I’m really not
but I think it really comes I know it
comes down to really do we trust God you
know I’m saying if I trust God then I
can trust that he’s going to even if my
husband fails at it you know I’m saying
even if he puts his in the doghouse you
didn’t say I can still trust God because
I’m falling into my position in my
position is to be I hug the lecture
woman who if he’s not gonna do it I can
do it you know say obviously you know
I’m saying times where we have to go
because I trust God and then God put me
in the family I will submit that even if
I could do it better absolutely do it
and I need you to help me here I need
you to take care of the finances here
because I cannot that’s not my strength
and because I’m helping him I do that
but then there other times I have to say
honey you know what I’ve been doing
Bible studies with the kids every
and the boys will really respect you
more than me as if you were daughter you
want to sample then then they boys will
listen to you more and you know what
because I grew up in a Christian home my
husband did not he decided to do it and
I had to step down and there were times
my husband said certain things that I
may not have agreed with the but I was
going to trust God with it so I had to
do this and say okay you know what
that’s not exactly how I see it and I’ll
tell the kids later see him grow and
we’re here to help so there are times we
have to undergird them and say okay baby
if you get out I’m here I got your back
you know I’m saying you can do it we
have to speak that into them until they
actually get to that position where they
can stand you don’t saying what that is
yes you know doing all this okay when
you said you have to do that was that
put on lip liner yeah you have to do a
little bit of that too we might get to
that conversation so look this this is
just part one of a conversation that we
are having with an incredible group of
women who have already helped not only
the men in our lives but also us to see
just a little bit more clearly how we
can relate with the people that we love
so much in our relationships and the
dynamics of our homes so would you just
help me to thank these incredible women
for part one of this conversation and
listen I want to tell you that you need
to make sure that you look up every
single one of these women we have links
for you right here below of the screen
you’re going to want to click on every
one each of them has incredible
resources that are going to help to
encourage you your relationships and
everything that is happening in your
life so it’s been a great time you got
to join us next time to go for part two
of this incredible conversation we’re
gonna go even deeper than this
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