Marriage… In the beginning it was all fireworks and giddiness. The wooing of your spouse was forefront in every action and thought. Date nights and cuddling were the norm. Marriage… there are woes that come along as the relationship ages – and as YOU age! In a conversation with Casting Crowns front man Mark Hall and his wife Melanie, Priscilla discusses the fun & silly wooing days – contrasts them with the woes that are experienced along the way – and how a marriage can remain strong for those who keep their focus.

hey I’m Priscilla I’m so glad that

you’re joining me today it’s gonna be a

great episode of the chat this is the

place where we come and we just hang out

together

talk about things that are important and

today I’ve got a couple of folks that

are important not only because they are

known by lots of people they minister to

a lot of different people but because of

their private lives the integrity that

they hold in their private lives as

husband wife team that are serving the

body of Christ and doing it well we’re

gonna talk to them about marriage we’re

talking about your marriage why marriage

is such a beautiful thing and how God

can even take your messes and make a

miracle out of them in your marriage

it’s gonna be a great show so stay tuned

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when do you think about when you look at

me

I know we’re not the fairy tale you

dreamed we’d be you wore the veil you

walk the aisle you took my hand and we

dove into a mystery

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how I wish we could go back to simpler

times before all our scarves and all our

secrets were in on the light now on this

hallowed ground we draw on the battle

line and will we make it through the

night

it’s gonna take much more

and promises this time only God could

change our mind

maybe you and I would never men to

become Z but could we just Bieber to

give

if you can bring your shattered dreams

and I’ll bring my good healing still be

insane

the only way will last forever is broken

together

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you

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how and must have been so lonely by my

side we were building kingdoms and chase

and dreams and left love behind

I’m praying God will help my broken

heart to lie and we won’t give up the

fight

it’s gonna take much more

and promises this time only God could

change our mind

maybe you and I were never meant to be

complete but could we just Bieber

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to give

if you can bring your shadow treat and

I’ll bring my good healing still bees

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the only way last forever

maybe you and I’ve never met to be

confident but could we just be belong

together

if you can bring your shattered dreams

and I’ll bring my could heal them still

beasts

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the only way will last forever as broken

together

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I think that that song is beautiful I

mean it is a not only beautifully

written and crafted but beautifully sung

and it’s sung by an incredible guy who

has an incredible wife they make up an

incredible team that has been a gift to

a whole lot of people would you please

help me to welcome today mark and

Melanie Hall well that’s a good song man

thank you

every word was you you wrote those words

right and tell me where it came from

what made you want to want to write

about being broken but together instead

of broken well I think there’s a lot

that comes with marriage there’s the

fairy tale that we all have there’s the

the idea of how perfect it’s going to be

all the problems that we’re not going to

have all the mistakes we’re not gonna

make all the cycles we’re gonna break

I’m writing a song right now you know I

got a pen but it country song though I’m

kidding but so there’s all these

expectations that go into it and there’s

so much preparation into the first day

that wedding day but there’s often not a

lot of preparation for the second day

and then you get in there and it and you

start realizing oh oh maybe I didn’t

know everything about this person you

started seeing little things and and all

your little your all of our ideas of

what this was supposed to be starts

being compared with what’s real and then

she starts realizing he is a slob you

know and and and I started realizing

nothing you were perfect but but but you

get in and you and you realize there’s a

lot of brokenness in our back in our

past that doesn’t go away yeah and when

those problems happen and mistakes

happen and and we just had some friends

going through really hard times really

really hard times and didn’t see that

they were gonna make it through even

when this song was being written and I

remember talking to a friend in the car

and that’s talking about the truth that

at some point you’re going to have to

lay down what you thought was going to

be those expectations are a killer

aren’t they and we got a seat this is

what is yeah this is

we are now we can healing can happen but

it’s gonna have to happen from here we

can’t go back to there you know I can’t

grow the mullet back I can’t get all

cool and it was it was it was pretty

awesome but we can’t go back to that we

got to go from here and that’s a lot

what people are wanting is they want the

fairytale again and both problem with

the fairytale is that it’s a fairy tale

yeah so that the more you’re actually

getting to know each other more and that

can be a tough go can be a tough process

but I’m thinking about the you know the

woman or man that’s watching and they’re

thinking it is so broken my marriage is

so broken there has been infidelity on

either side or we just can’t trust each

other for you know someone has been

irresponsible with finances or whatever

is so so broken I cannot imagine that we

could be broken because your song is so

beautiful because it’s not that you are

displacing the fact that there is

brokenness that can happen in a

relationship you’re saying that you

don’t have to be broken apart but that

that breaking can in some way be used to

fuse you together but there’s somebody

that’s thinking I can’t even imagine

that this brokenness could could bring

us closer together how do you encourage

somebody that’s in that situation one

thing would be we need to tell our

stories more to people we need to tear

some of the plastic off when we are

there on Sunday and say you know you’re

not gonna believe what guys brought us

through this last year because because

we’re not transparent people who are

hurting think they’re the only ones who

are and then isolated we’re all a mess

and it’s like a church that says this

I’m leaving this church because it’s so

messy like good luck with that

yeah and wherever you go as soon as you

get there it will now be messy I read

the New Testament it was a it was a

wreck all of them were a wreck yeah yeah

as soon as people show up it gets messy

and marriages is that and I think the

more we can share what God’s brought us

to show your scars tell your stories and

it creates a place for people to be able

to talk and to share people are all

alone

with their struggles and the one person

they thought they could go to they can’t

so now they don’t have anybody else to

go to because they go to their women’s

group or their men’s group and

everybody’s all awesome for Jesus and

we’re really not we’re broken with Jesus

and it’s got to start there Melanie what

are you finding as you think about the

women that you’re watching in the local

church or watching kind of out there

that are giving up on their marriages

what are you finding are some of the

main reasons why women are giving you

know throwing in the towel and just not

hanging in there I think that I think

that they feel no hope I think that they

do not see and trust that God can bring

Beauty from the ashes and I think that

they lose sight of that hope and I think

they give in to what they see and they

give in to their friend on the street

that did the same thing and they

couldn’t do it so we surely can’t work

through it and I think often times it’s

that you know this thing that he did is

so much you know so bad that there’s no

healing from this or but but I think

that that what has to happen is they

have to realize that we’re we’re all

broken we’re all just as mark was saying

that we’re all sinners how does Christ

see each of us that we’re not perfect

and I think when we realize that that

this you know man’s infidelity not to

excuse it by any means but this man’s

infidelity

could she have played a role in that

happening somewhere along the way is

there something that that that needs to

change and alter and and in that rather

than saying well what he did was so much

worse than what I did or how I am or

this attitude of arrogance or pride that

I carry around is not near as bad as

this infidelity that he had when in

truth God sees my pride and arrogance

just as badly as as he does infidelity

and the consequences of the actions

might be different the consequent cause

the view of them so I think but I think

it’s it’s one believing in the hope that

God offers out that he can bring beauty

from ashes that he can bring healing he

is the healer and and trusting in that

in those situations where

you’re just so bad I went through I’ve

been through this with several friends

that husbands had been unfaithful and

walked them through it and just asked

them you know is this is this what you

want too are you going to commit to the

to the covenant that you made with God

and when they said yes just walked with

them through the truth of what does God

say about your marriage and what does

God say about this because you can

forgive if you choose to to do that and

walk for but it does require me putting

aside my feelings and humbling myself

and and and being committed to the

covenant that we’ve made can you give us

an illustration from your marriage of

something where you you had to humble

yourself to get past this hump in your

marriage you couldn’t both be the winner

of this battle somebody had to give way

in order for your marriage to thrive you

got an illustration for surely you do 23

years

you got you got I’m really kind of proud

of how humble I am you should write a

song about that ya know I figured my

teenagers on ask it on a scale of 1 to

10 how would you rate your humility I’m

about an 8 that makes you a to

congratulate but I think I think for me

I can just tell you what she’s had to

get over you know I moved out of the

house okay in one week okay

I was 20 years old I moved out of the

house started Bible College surrendered

to ministry and got married in one week

and move to a new state we know yeah so

she had to pretty much finish raising me

so I was just used to everybody doing

everything for me mom maybe a sandwich

you know that kind of thing so she’s so

that’s a good woman you got right there

yes yes it is yes she is but so that was

a big one for her it’s just getting over

me growing up I had had to be a the

first monster home for you to get over I

got no comment

well what about you Mele what do you

think he’s had to kind of get over a

loud past I think I am most people that

know me what if you asked them to

describe to you you know what I’m like

they would say oh she’s organized and

administrative and she’s gifted in that

and she has to plan a lot and so I think

most people would probably include that

in their description of me but I’ll tell

you that even though that might sum up

in essence a part of who I am it also

gives me entitlement to be prideful and

because often times that I’ll say gift

or talent or however you want to call

that tends to make other people it makes

you feel like you’re better than other

people that aren’t so organized and they

don’t plan so well and they’re messy and

and they’re not neat and they don’t plan

ahead and they don’t know what we’re

doing next month on the 20th and so I

think that was a huge thing for me that

God brought me over that hurdle of

recognizing my own arrogance and saying

you’re just different though don’t lift

yourself up you know you’re talking like

Paul talked about in first convinced

about the body has many parts and the I

can’t tell the ear that it’s more

important than the other you know that

to say that I’m gifted in one way and

recognize the gifts that he had that was

that was a huge hurdle for me to jump

over but I’m so glad that I did cuz now

I can embrace and and enjoy the gifts

that he has and recognize where my gifts

fit with his and how God can use that

together to accomplish everything you

are talking about something right there

because that that’s I would I would

venture to say is true for most of us is

that if we’re good in one area and our

husband is not good great in that area

we would just tend to think well if you

just were great in that area that our

marriage our life would be so much

easier if you just get it together and

vice versa I think husbands do the same

things with with wives we bring in our

ideal skill set of what we want that

spouse to be like and then we’re mad

when they’re not that and it begins to

cause the love and the passion and the

intimacy contrition

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the

feast your eye for one change the world

for one change the world

you

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orphans don’t need stuff orphans need

families join me Steven Curtis Chapman

and show hope as we help provide orphans

with forever families after all these

years how have you managed to keep that

intimacy and friendship in your

relationship just seeing you to sit here

on the couch and in between tapings

you’re laughing together and talking

together you have a full full life

together and not even just because of

Casting Crowns you got four kids you

know you got people that you’re your

homeschooling and you’re trying to

manage your life around that how do you

keep the fire burning in your

relationship with each other

I think we’re we’ve been married 23

years and we’re still figuring it out

you know we’re not authorities on much

of anything but I’ll tell you I know

that it’s kind of like with me and Jesus

I’m a different person when Jesus when

he and I’m in the word I’m digging in

and that fellowship was close I don’t

need you to appreciate me quite as much

that’s when I’m drawn from him right so

I can show up to church and just love

you and you walk by me and don’t speak

that’s fine he’s probably got something

on his mind but if I’m not spending time

with God I’m not drawing from him now I

need you to appreciate me a little bit

more I need you need to speak to me when

I speak to you what why don’t these

people understand all I’ll do around

here and instead of Jesus being the well

for me people become it well when I’m

when I’m not digging in and diving into

my faith and and drawing from from Jesus

I have to draw from her more I need her

to be all the things she’s not even

created to be

she can’t be those things for me only

Jesus can be those things so a lot of

times I think I’m expecting things from

her she wasn’t set up to give me give me

those things and if I would just dive in

to my walk with Jesus and be full when I

get there you know you hear a lot of

people say that about church I don’t

like that church because I don’t get fed

well eat before you

go show up full and then all you got

left to do is just love on the people

there their worship goes the same way

with with me and her when when I’m sort

of coasting in my walk with God

she better appreciate it all I do around

here I just want to say that that is a

tweetable quote if you are not getting

fed at your church don’t switch churches

just eat before you get there you can

have your own a banquet feast thing

going on with God forever at church I

love that so when I’m full all I got

left to do is pour into her when I’m not

that’s when it gets ugly and so so as

much as I need to draw from her as much

as she’s made to you complete me like

the movies I’ve got to understand that

that complete perfect thank you but as

much as I want to think that I’ve got to

understand Jesus completes me and I pour

into her and even though I’m saying that

doesn’t mean I’m doing it every day I’ll

be the biggest dork in heaven I’m

telling you so we’re not here being

perfect we’re here telling you though

that we know what’s making us not and we

know that when there’s a problem first

it’s me and Jesus am i spending time

with jesus second am i spend time with

her because if if we’re just passing I

can tell ya you know I can tell what by

the way she reacts

hey you doing fine you know that kind of

thing is like oh yeah that’s fine there

is a whole older level so but the thing

is I will try to go in my own defense

and in my flesh I’ll try to go to the

I’ll try to nitpick the very thing that

just happened mm-hm

that made her react that way oh you’re

just saying that because I did this

right and then well I’ll try to nitpick

down into and that will just both become

lawyers and and yeah if the closest I

get to almost having a point deep in my

head I know you know we haven’t talked

in two days yeah and that’s what this is

that’s what this is about

yeah so Tom with Jesus matters

everywhere in life and in even in my

marriage and then my time with her yeah

matters everywhere it’s not me being

awesome it’s just me being around

and and I and I’m not really good at

being around yeah especially when you’re

in ministry mm-hmm nobody’s calling me

up to go bang mailboxes I mean everybody

that calls me is to do something great

mm-hmm everybody’s got something they

prayed about just know I need to be

there for ya Oh Lord told me you need to

come over here it’s gonna be awesome and

we pray about this for eight years and

all the people are coming yeah send me

an email on this yet I’m sorry I’m so so

learning how to say no is some more dill

learning had to do yeah when you say no

you’re also saying yes to something else

someone else that is very very important

yes yes and because you know well I know

she’s here this is just a season this is

just today we’ll get through we’ll just

have to do it but those seasons get

pretty tough they do and they get longer

and longer the water you let them go

well I’m glad yells marriages thriving

because you know again I’m not I’m not

saying it’s perfect but it is thriving

it’s healthy on the underside and that’s

what this record is all about let’s see

see I want to turn physic but that’s not

the right way it’s this way so the roots

are all down there underneath the

surface they’re thriving that’s what

make our marriages work it’s what makes

our churches work it’s what makes us

work on the outside is when we are deep

deep deep down with Jesus and we’re

spending time with him and so I’m

grateful to you guys because you really

have helped us a lot today listen this

record thrive is gonna be out January

28th so it’s it’s out it’s ready for you

to go and pick up a copy as soon as you

possibly can

I they don’t know this but I’m actually

stealing this copy they did not give it

to me I’m just hanging out and then they

have a book by the same name thrive

it’ll be out February 11th run run and

go get a copy and when you get a copy

don’t just get one get two because you

need to pass one on to a friend of yours

that needs to know all about what it is

to thrive in

Jesus would you please help me to thank

mark and Melanie

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