The media rarely displays a happy wife. Turn onto any channel or open any magazine and the portrayal of marriage are heartbreaking. With daunting statistics on divorce and affairs, many have lost hope that they could be once again happily married to the person whom they once said “I do” to! Join us as we hear from Fawn Weaver, an investor, best- selling author, and happily married wife, about her mission to shine a brighter light on this biblical union and how you truly can become part of her Happy Wives Club!
hey there I’m Priscilla thank you so
much for joining me today I’m glad that
you’re here the chat with Priscilla
that’s where you come it’s a place where
we just have chats you know
conversations about things that I hope
will be impactful to you informative
challenging sometimes or just plain old
flat-out fun so today I want you to have
a lot of fun pull up a chair and grab
your favorite hot beverage cozy up and
let’s talk today on the chat with
Priscilla stay tuned
okay I had a friend of mine who is
single say to me recently Priscilla I do
not think I want to get married and I
said to her why why don’t you want to
get married and she said because all of
the married people around me make
marriage look miserable every time I’m
talking to them about what it is to be
married they’re just complaining or
they’re whining about something they are
the worst advertisers for marriage and
have you ever had people talk to you
about marriage and it just sounds
depressing right so I’m listening to my
friend and I’m thinking man we got to
find a way to be better advertisers for
for marriage because we need to be in
marriages where we are happy and content
and fulfilled so while I was thinking
about this I came across this little
book by a woman who is writing about
what it means to just be a happy wife
and I’ve been very intrigued by
everything that she’s discovered as she
has literally traveled around the globe
as she’s gone to different cultures
different races different backgrounds
she wanted to find as many happy wives
as she could and then try to figure out
what was the common thread that made
these women content in their role as
wives so listen whether you are a single
woman or you are a married woman you
were going to want to stay tuned as we
interview an incredible woman who really
is changing the way marriage looks would
you please help me to welcome Sean
Weaver to the program today
hi
one in have a seat thank you
cozy yourself up in those windows there
my friend we have a lot of talking to do
because there are a lot of women who are
very very unhappy in their marriages and
I want to talk to you first of all about
why you even went out on this quest to
find out what makes a happy marriage why
was that even important to you well a
part of it was is because I knew you and
I weren’t the only ones who were happily
married and I had so many friends around
me who actually were happily married and
as you said there’s so many that are bad
advertisements and then all the ones
that were happily married are not
advertising at all just completely
silent so you really just had one side
of the demographic that’s telling the
entire circle vocal where the vocal one
so you have 53 percent of marriages that
succeed 47 percent that fail and all
eyes are on that forty seven percent and
I said I want to know what the top 10%
of that 53 percent is doing okay do you
think that media do you think that
movies entertainment do you think that
it is controversial and good TV to sort
of highlight the bad and so that’s why
we’re also seeing more of that kind of
broadcasted out there for us to see
I think it’s twofold I think that number
one when you meet folks in Hollywood so
many of them are miserable so what
they’re writing about is truly their
lives but Hollywood isn’t reality so you
have the people behind the scenes that
are really playing out their lives in
front of the camera that’s a part of it
the other part of it is is happy then
sale yeah drama sales drama sells the
miserable wife the nagging wife the
annoying wife and the cheating husband
that sells it sells magazines
it sells television shows it sells
everything that there is to be sold
mm-hmm so you decided you’re going to
figure out how to highlight the top 10%
of the 53 percent of wives that are
happy in their relationships and I’m
just randomly choosing a 10 percent
number so it was just the top portion of
that that are genuinely happy this
doesn’t mean the ones that sweet things
under the rug and pretend that
everything is okay when they’re in the
public I mean the ones that behind
closed doors every person in the
community every person in their family
would say they’re the real deal that
couple right there has been happily
married 25 years or more
they’ve got something to teach you okay
how are you defining happy happy I’m
defining happy the way anyone else would
define happy whatever makes you happy
so just feeling whole content satisfied
with what you have I think there’s a
difference between satisfied and happy
okay come on because I know plenty of
people that are satisfied but you would
not necessarily say that they are they
would not describe themselves as happy
so for instance you have so many that
compare their marriages to other
marriages and if they just focused on
them their own marriage and their own
relationship they would be happy there
but they’re on ground or you better
believe it but then when you compare
what you have to someone else’s you
compare your real life to their
highlights UHN everybody’s instagramming
their highlights yes you do know that
right what we’re seeing on Instagram has
18 different filters as it was my light
of their day or their absolutely and so
you’re comparing it to the highlights so
when you’re talking about how do you
define happiness I say this when you
look at yourself and you ask yourself
what makes me happy and then figure out
do you have those things and not meaning
things like things you buy yeah virtues
absolutely attributes of life thank you
happy okay so you decide you were going
to not just interview the people that
live in your neck of the woods yeah you
decided to go on a real huge vast
journey what did that look like and how
did you choose the places in the world
where you went well I chose the places
that I went based on people that I knew
around the world so I reached out to
people I was in the hotel industry
before and so I knew so many people from
around the world and I would reach out
and say this is what I’m trying to do I
am trying to find that couple I mean
literally that couple that everyone will
point to and say if we could all have a
marriage like that couple that’s who we
want we are still holding hey they’re
still holding hand look at you
everything they’ve been through you know
infertility miscarriages they’ve been
through finances high finances low they
have been through everything in 25 years
or late years later they are still
looking into each other’s eyes they’re
laughing at each other’s jokes they’re
not tearing each other’s down
they won’t hang out around anyone who
tears their spouse down I want to get to
those people and so I reached out to
everyone and said point me to those two
couples and I would get on a plane and
fly to wherever that country was if we
go
I went I started in Canada and I went to
South Africa and then I went to
Mauritius I went to the Philippines to
New Zealand to Australia to kashta where
else did I go I don’t want to forget any
of these London Croatia Rome it I was I
was all over the place and the thing
that was fascinating to me is I went to
six different continents y’all
Antarctica there’s no one there
I tried I really tried nobody I tried
anybody there is one thing cold it’s
cold it’s cold I tried to do all seven
continents and finally I reach back out
to my publisher I said guys that’s seven
continent not going to happen but on on
those six continents what made a wife
happy and a husband happy was the same
no matter the background no matter the
religion no matter where you were raised
how much you have in the bank the
principles were the same and there are
12 common denominators okay give us a
few of those we’re sitting on the edge
of our seat what makes a happy spouse in
marriage well this this is the
interesting thing the number one thing
when I would sit down with the the wives
or the couples for most of the time I
sat down with couples if I asked the
question what is that one thing if you
told me write one thing in this book and
do not forget it what is that one thing
that I cannot forget to say almost every
single one the very first thing that
will come out of their mouths mutual
respect mutual respect mutual it’s got
to go both ways now you know that’s kind
of interesting it’s interesting to me
because I I would expect that maybe the
wife would think that her husband needs
respect yes yes but then I would think
that his response yes might revolve
around something else right you would
think let me tell you so this is this is
this is the funny thing that when you
sit down with happily married women
there is a
there is a connecting dot between all
the women that I sat down with they were
all strong okay they all knew who they
were and they all every single one of
them no matter where they were in life
no matter how great their careers were I
interviewed one woman who was one of the
top plastic surgeons in the world she is
married to a judge and to watch them
don’t over each other was the best thing
ever because when you are a strong woman
you realize doting over your husband
does it make you weak that’s right and
that respect because you’re giving it
they want to give it back and so for
every wife that I sat down with it was
almost almost instantaneous what would
come out of their mouths mutual respect
okay so then that means the flip side of
the coin of that if happiness in a
relationship and contentment and
fulfillment is found in mutual respect
that means the flip side of the coin is
that those who are in an unhappy place
in their life one of the reasons could
be that they’re not respecting that
their spouse they don’t have enough
security in and of themselves that
they’re able to build up and dote over
and lift up that other individual
because there’s an insecurity in them
yes that causes there to be maybe
competition absolutely and then you end
up in a home with with competing spouses
which is completely unnecessary your to
be on the same team so when you sit down
with couples that have been happily
married for 25 years or more the big
difference between those that are
happily married and those that are
unhappily married when they go through
challenges is those that are unhappily
married when they’re going through a
challenge they go in opposite directions
of each other they start pointing swords
at each other the couples that are
happily married they go through the
exact same challenge but the difference
is is they team up together and they
turn their swords against the challenge
okay so there they see themselves as a
unit as opposed to you me let’s fight
our own unique ways well it was I was
doing a talk for a financial seminar and
this was a little while ago right after
the book came out and one of the
financial advisors said you know we get
so many couples in here that are on the
brink of divorce and it has to do with
their finances and and all of the money
I’m set they’re having and so what would
you say is something that keeps couples
together even when they’re having
financial challenges and the story I
told them is the first time I came into
Nashville you’ve come into Nashville
when it’s been raining outside right
okay
so I’m coming into Nashville this was my
first experience and we’re coming in and
it says we’re going to have slight
turbulence ‘iz so we’re coming in and
literally the plane just yeah and keeps
going I don’t know how far we were
dropping but poor guy sitting in the
center seat was sweating he had on
headsets and he’s just like yeah poor
thing
yeah and it keeps doing that I tried
around and look at the flight attendant
and she’s like lalalalala oh yeah and I
mean we start going through these
turbulence –es and as we get closer she
starts coming through the aisle to pick
up trash everyone on that plane thinks
they’re about to lose their life the
difference is that she already knows the
ending she knows that 99% of those
planes that go through those kind of
turbulence are going to land and they’re
going to land just fine so she had been
through it so many times it wasn’t a big
deal and so for so many couples the real
big difference between is we were both
on the same plane this guy sweating who
thought he was going to lose his life
and this woman who’s like anyone have
trash trash anyone can I pick up your
trash the same exact situation yeah it’s
how you handle it that makes a
difference all right well Vaughn
Weaver’s taking out the trash today all
of our America yes she is we’ll be right
back in just a couple minutes stay tuned
hi I’m Priscilla and I wanted to take an
opportunity to invite you personally to
join me for a seven session Bible study
on the armour of God will dive deeply
into what it means to be equipped to
stand firm against the schemes of the
enemy he is very real and he has been so
strategic and targeted his attacks
against us why shouldn’t we be equally
strategic and targeted in standing firm
against him
and you and I have an opportunity to
suit up to put on some armor that works
and to go to battle and to see victory
declared in our lives and the lives of
those people that we love this Bible
study will be one that will change our
lives forever and will help us to walk
in victory so plan to join me won’t you
the armor of God
hey there welcome back we’ve been having
a very interesting conversation with von
Weber who’s the author of incredible
books one of which is called the
argument free marriage we all need to
get a hold of that one
don’t leave but also the happy Wives
Club and that’s really what we’re
talking about today there are one nearly
1 million women that have literally
joined the happy Wives Club you can too
at the happy wives club calm and it
enables you to just be connected with
other women who are choosing happiness
in their marriages and in their lives
and we are learning some of the
principles about what it means to be a
happy wife from this woman who travelled
all around the globe literally did to
talk about couples who are happy I’m
really intrigued and want to just sit
for just a few minutes on this topic of
a woman doting on building up the ego
really of God I don’t think that we
really realize the power and the
strength and the benefit that comes back
to us yes when we really build that guy
up that ego is serious business it’s
serious business and it’s so fragile
yeah it’s so fragile and so when people
ask me you know with with the issue of
really connecting with your spouse and
and how do you get your spouse to truly
trust you this fragile ego it’s a big
deal a big deal and being able to lift
your spouse up being able to and for
women especially and we were saying this
during the break I don’t really know
when it happened I’m 39 I’ll be 40 next
year and so the what the first two waves
of the feminist movement kind of worked
before us but when I sat down with with
one of the women I said what do you
think it is and she was there for every
wave of the feminist movement and she
said here’s the problem with the
feminist movement with all of the good
that it did and I believe that it did
good yeah the problem is is that they
told us that our children were to be
number one we take care of ourselves we
take care of our children if we put our
husbands out at the front door it didn’t
matter but we would never do that to our
kids and so she said with all of the
good that was there the problem is is we
still have not unwound from that point
where we put ourselves and our kids
first and we put our husbands behind all
of that
and the problem with that is is if
you’ve ever met a woman who is happily
married you got to hear y’all if you’ve
ever met a woman who is genuinely
happily married there is not a better
life yeah
there really is not a better life and
this is a part of that is being able to
lift your spouse up lift your husband up
and to know that it does not make you
weak if you say my husband is the best
thing since sliced bread it builds him
up but it also builds you up as well
it’s almost like you call the hero out
of him yes you do if he knows that you
believe that he’s your hero and that you
count on he was your hero and that you
need him even though you know you could
do it yourself ha ha ha you’re sent to
him I need you and you let him yeah in a
place of need and that’s necessity in
your life yeah then it’s like they rise
to the occasion every single time every
single time it’s okay so the first
probably the number one you think thing
you think that helps to solidify happy
marriage is mutual respect but even a
step beyond that making sure that you
are building in to and sowing into the
life of your spouse absolutely so and
that’s a part of that mutual respect is
in there but also when I would ask the
couples what is the number one thing it
almost every single time it was mutual
respect but then every now and again
there would be another one that would
come up but they would be
interchangeable okay the second one was
trust so every couple would either say
mutual respect and then trust or they
would say trust and then mutual respect
and the reason why that plays a role is
is when you are building up your spouse
going back to this because it’s really
important when you’re building up your
spouse and when you’re creating this
environment that allows for your spouse
to be able to share anything with you
then you are creating this sanctuary in
your home where they don’t want to be
anywhere else that is where they feel
the safest and for so many that are
unhappy it’s because they haven’t
created a safe place for their spouse
and men need a safe place if they don’t
have it in you they will find it in a
cave somewhere so an emotional cave any
motion that they will run to they will
run to you instead of
okay but what if you can’t trust your
spouse well that’s what what if what if
he has done enough thing yes that you’re
in a position where honestly you don’t
trust or maybe it’s the flip side that
maybe it hasn’t been physical infidelity
on your part or anything but it’s maybe
that you’ve talked so much to your
girlfriends or others about things that
your husband thought were private your
marriage even though to you it’s it’s
not a big deal what you’re talking about
you just but to him he feels violated
yeah so now he doesn’t trust so if
you’re in a position of distrust right
now in your relationship how do you even
begin this path toward trust what you’re
saying is the number two most most
important thing that you need to even
begin to be happy yeah well it depends
on how how deep that wound is so if it’s
something where your spouse has said
something to you and you made the
mistake of repeating it to someone else
and it came back to them and that broke
that that trust between you well that’s
something you can work out by just being
trustworthy from that point on until
they know okay so I can trust again and
that could take time that could take
years
you made that bed now you’re going to
lie in it you’re going to have to be
consistent right if the if the bro if
the broken bond was through infidelity
or something of that nature
this book isn’t going to help you
counseling mm-hmm ain’t none wrong with
counts there is nothing wrong with count
yeah it’s like you know you have a car
well you take it in to get the oil chaps
every on it you don’t have to wait until
it completely breaks down there’s a
consistent place that you take it to
keep it functioning well absolutely we
can do that with our marriages as well
without shame we absolutely can the
thing that is interesting about this
particular book and I think what makes
it very different from most marriage
books is for most marriage books they’re
trying to help you to go from broken to
whole and I looked at all the books and
I said but what what about for those who
have a good marriage or an OK marriage
and they just want to take it from good
to great or what about those who are
single hello they that they met him yet
or they have been him they’re soon to be
married I think this is so wise yes I
mean don’t you wish that there are a
whole lot of things people should have
told us when we were single yes so that
we could have been prepared to be to
live wisely when we were married you’ve
been married how long 12 years you’ve
been married for 12 years and
I want to I want you to tell us because
you begin to talk about a few moments
ago about this issue of when there is a
hurdle to get over a challenge to get
over not pointing swords at each other
yeah not going to our own quarters but
coming together and then facing the
challenge head-on together absolutely
there has been a huge challenge in your
marriage that the two of you have had to
face head-on tell us yeah well we were
talking about this earlier 12 years in
we don’t have children and it’s not
because we don’t want them and so it has
been a journey of discovering okay why
don’t we have children and there
actually is a physical problem so for so
many people they go oh just stop
thinking about it and you’ll get
pregnant okay well that works for some
for others the doctors will be very
clear that’s not gonna work for you we
fall into that latter category and so
it’s been the the trials of of that
process yeah but here’s the thing
because I’ve met a lot of women that
have also gone through infertility
challenges and now I want to say that
we’re maybe about to go through our
fifth cycle of this right and I would
say the biggest difference I see between
those who are able to remain happily
married through it and those who are not
because the divorce rate is higher when
infidelity is involved infertility is
involved that the thing that I see that
is the largest difference is that for my
husband and me we did not look at this
and say we need children to be happy we
had always decided that we would be
happy with our family of two so when
people say I want to go home and see my
family
I if I’m traveling it I’m going home to
see my family oh how many kids do you
have my husband mm-hmm we’re happy with
our family of two but how surely you had
to get your heart to that place Vaughn
because as for a woman there is nothing
that can be more emotionally crippling
than this longing inside of a woman that
desires to have children and is
struggling through that so surely this
is not something that you’re able to
just kind of roll out of the bed and
decide to be happy about even though I
know it’s a constant choice yeah but
surely this has been a difficult journey
for you how do you have to practically
continue down the road to happiness yeah
despite the fact that things haven’t
turned out you know the way that you’d
like them to up to this point yeah I
think my desire for God’s will in my
life is greater than my desire for what
other people say is important for
or even more important than your own
than my size so if he wanted us to have
children we’ve done every step believe
you me we don’t have any problems in the
bedroom we’ve done every step there is
and if the Lord wanted us to have kids
we’d have kids we do not have kids
that’s his call and my mom’s got I
absolutely trust my line it’s and and we
believe that if if we are to have
children it just means it up until this
point it wasn’t meant to be so I’ll give
you a for instance we went through the
process of adopting mmm we still don’t
have a child so we went through the
process of a of a closed adoption and
for those who don’t know the way that
this process works is you have a middle
a middle man if you will that has a mom
and for whatever reason whether it’s the
courts or anything else that mother
cannot raise that child and so we we’re
looking to adopt and this particular mom
she already had three children all three
were being raised by her mother she was
young this was the fourth she was
pregnant and so we went through the
entire process and you pay for that
person to live for the entire nine
months that they are pregnant but until
the moment that that child is in your
hands and papers are signed and then
there is a three-day waiting period yeah
just in case she changes just in case
she changes her mind so later on pins
and needles for months and days and we
have gone into the carpet store rolled
around on the carpet oh this will be
perfect for the baby we have done the
baby room there is a crib that is in
there there’s a rocking chair that is in
there the entire room is done we do not
have a child and it was interesting
because for I think so many that’s a
really that’s a moment that couples can
begin fighting they can begin arguing it
can become this really big deal and we
looked at each other and we just kind of
fight the Martina McBride song God’s
will yeah do you know that song I love
that song we just looked at each other
and said it clearly isn’t the time and
we moved on
and so it’s a choice it is happiness as
a choice
it is a moment-by-moment decision that
you make every single day in every
situation in every scenario it is a
decision that you have to me and I want
you to hear her clearly she’s not making
light of the tragedies that could happen
in your life or in your marriage because
there are many things that really can
wipe you out emotionally and yet no
matter what the scenario is it’s a
choice you still have to choose how am I
going to react to what has happened to
me how am I going to respond what kind
of path am I going to walk down and and
and what is the lesson that there is to
be learned in it through every test
there is a lesson we don’t just get
tests for the sake of being tested so
what is the lesson to be learned and for
us we look at every single test and go
okay so this is a test but the thing is
we haven’t stopped trying yeah and so
Thursday so walking down that path we’re
still walking down that path but in the
interim we’re we go check we’re going to
be happy we’re going to enjoy being
married and we’re going to enjoy our
time together that’s good well there’s
so much more so much more that you could
learn and I could learn of course about
what it means to be happy but in the
meanwhile you can join the happy Wives
Club you should and you need to get your
hands on this book because it really is
blessing a lot a lot of people and I
know really inspiring people towards
happiness in their relationships so that
we can be a good commercial for marriage
you know commercial thing is we need to
we have to be so you know you didn’t
mention something a minute ago that
we’re going to get to in part two and
you mentioned just the good things
happening in the bedroom I don’t want to
talk about those exactly but I do know I
do know that somewhere on this list
there has to be something having to do
with the physicality of relationships so
we can’t even begin to walk down that
road right now yes but we will when we
come back this is just part one of a
conversation that we’re going to
continue having in part two but for now
would you please help me to
this incredible woman for joining us
today come on y’all let’s thank fun
Oh