The media rarely displays a happy wife. Turn onto any channel or open any magazine and the portrayal of marriage are heartbreaking. With daunting statistics on divorce and affairs, many have lost hope that they could be once again happily married to the person whom they once said “I do” to! Join us as we hear from Fawn Weaver, an investor, best- selling author, and happily married wife, about her mission to shine a brighter light on this biblical union and how you truly can become part of her Happy Wives Club!
hey there I’m Priscilla thank you so
much for joining me today I’m glad that
you’re here the chat with Priscilla
that’s where you come it’s a place where
we just have chats you know
conversations about things that I hope
will be impactful to you informative
challenging sometimes or just plain old
flat-out fun so today I want you to have
a lot of fun pull up a chair and grab
your favorite hot beverage cozy up and
let’s talk today on the chat with
Priscilla stay tuned
hello also welcome this is the chat with
Priscilla I happen to be Priscilla time
so glad that you’re here I’m welcoming
you into our living room just pull up a
chair relax and enjoy we are actually
continuing a conversation we’ve already
been having we’ve already been talking
in part one of our conversation with
fawn Weaver who is the author of some
incredible books on marriage most
notably the happy Wives Club which is
really just spreading like wildfire all
over the place there are nearly 1
million women that have literally joined
the happy Wives Club you can too happy
Wives Club com this book really is
setting people on fire to realize that
they can be happy in their marriages
that the myth is not true that you once
you get married all the happiness goes
out of the window you can be content
fulfilled satisfied and happy and that
is the message he’s going to continue to
share with us right now in part two of
our conversation would you please all
help me to welcome fawn Weaver back to
the program so glad you’re here ok we
kind of left on a little note Clickbank
arc one yeah we need to talk about this
issue of sexual intimacy because it is
important to any relationship we have
mentors Jerry and I in our life that say
to us every time we get together with
them because they’re they’re real
serious about us having a good marriage
they’re like ok look I don’t care how
good ministry is going I don’t care how
good the kids are they’re going to get
in our business and ask about us and the
two barometers that they always ask us
as to whether or not to determine
whether or not our marriage is doing
well they say are you guys talking if
we’re passing like ships in the night
and we’re about the business of family
who’s going to run this errand who can
go there you know lunch kids all that
they’re like that’s not working
are you having conversations with each
other if we’re not that’s a red flag for
them and then they ask about our sex
life they want to know are you
consistently intimate with each other
because if you are not over time that is
going to erode away at your relationship
so they tell us about the importance of
communication and sexual intimacy yeah
so as you’re traveling around talking
about these happy wife yes
what are you happy lat talking to heavy
guys what did you find out about the
importance of physical intimacy in a
marriage
I’m going to I’m going to take both of
those okay that that your mentors ask
you about and they ended up being two of
the most surprising things to me two of
the most surprising findings the first
was that every country that I went to
when I would sit down with a couple that
was happily married for 25 years or more
one of the things that I noticed they
all had was a daily ritual okay every
single one of them I hope this has to do
with the communication part it does okay
yeah yeah I’m already a doctor it does
it is the communication so every single
one of them and I’ll give you an example
so an Israeli couple for almost 40 years
every night before dinner the hour
before dinner so they would have dinner
at 6:00 p.m. at 5:00 p.m. they would
have Porton appetizers one of them would
make appetizers one would pour the port
and this is something that they did for
decades their kids knew growing up mom
and dad we will see them for dinner at
6:00 p.m. that first portion we’re not
invited to and there was a couple in
South Africa a man like in man yeah yeah
in South Africa there was a couple and
they called it their daily board meeting
every morning while it was still dark
outside the wife wouldn’t wake up she’d
open up all the windows around their
bedroom husband would go downstairs get
two cups of coffee come back up and they
would sit against their headboard and
they would just talk about everything
they have on their plate that day if one
of them will not be home because there’s
a meeting they’re having that
communication so there is never a day
that passes that they were not doing
something together
so I got to I want to say maybe it was
country number seven I think I just left
the Philippines and I think I was in
Australia and I called Keith and I said
babe we need a daily ritual this is a
consistency I mean I’m literally in the
seventh country and every single couple
without exception is had a daily ritual
so they and really what that that’s
saying is that you are prioritizing your
spouse that’s what it means yeah this
hour or yes 15 minutes whatever yeah
this is dedicated to you absolutely I
mean if you think about it in any given
day we have what 1440 minutes if you can
owes that who just knows we have 1400
well I only know this because I was
speaking at a conference and this woman
had a question in the audience and she
was talking about how busy she is and
how she’s this businesswoman her husband
just doesn’t understand and I said
someone pull out a calculator and tell
me how many minutes are in a day
1440 minutes so you’re telling me that
you cannot figure out 30 minutes in that
timeframe to prioritize your marriage
we’ve got bigger issues in your business
hmm and so that is that’s how we we
looked at it and you know my husband and
I live very busy lives but we prioritize
every morning we call it Weaver Coffee
Hour and without exception we’re having
that coffee together and if we are
somewhere else we’re on the phone and
we’re having that time together he’s
having his coffee I’m having my coffee
and so having that daily ritual that’s
that communication you never miss it and
that builds trust so we’re going back to
the trust issue
all right thing we’re going to do it
daily ritual we’re going to do our daily
ritual daily right okay all right the
second thing that was very surprising to
me is when I would sit down with these
couples and I would interview them for
hours do you want to know how many times
sex came up how many times did sex come
up fun one time with all those couples
let me tell you why we’re the men
present in the computational time every
single time let me tell you why is
because when you are taking care of your
marriage outside of the bedroom it takes
care of itself
inside of the bedroom whew
that’s good is the those that have great
sex lives and people always say well you
should you should have that break up to
make up and that that mad sex is the
best sex I was like no no happy sex is
pretty doggone good it is it’s one of
those things when when you’re taking
care of we’re going back to building up
your spouse and in building up each
other and respecting each other so this
is what happens so many get into the
bedroom and all of a sudden they get so
serious it’s like it’s serious and it’s
work and that same laughter that you
have in the kitchen in the living room
that same friendship should come into
the bedroom because we all go through
life’s changes our bodies are changing
our hormones are changing so the thing
that made me go wild yesterday I gotta
tell you that spot man move but today
and then and that is just that’s just
the fact of life but being able to laugh
about those things and having that
friendship to say hey babe you did that
did it for me last week
now I didn’t work yeah listen and being
able to laugh about that and joke about
that but then being able to explore each
other to explore each other’s bodies and
but that is a part of exploring each
other’s minds outside of the bedroom do
you know what this is reminding me of
your mama
haha surviving every bomb I don’t know
if you guys know this but her mother is
a incredible woman named bunny Wilson
and bunny Wilson travel for years
speaking teaching writing books listen
if you are a single woman you need to
read knight in shining armor which her
mother wrote yes three decades ago yeah
no and it’s still and it still sells oh
my goodness it’s a sad about it I read
it in my teen years I believe yeah and
it’s incredible but that’s just one of
many books at your mama liberated
through submission is a mainstay yeah
but she would also write about God is in
the bedroom he has the name of a book
yeah God is in the kitchen Jen that’s
the name of a book God is in the kitchen
in my house by himself talking about how
God is found in all these every aspects
of our life in our marriage and that’s
basically what you’re saying I’ve seen
that when there’s health over here in
these aspects of your relationship then
the sex aspect takes care of it so it
takes care of itself but it isn’t to say
that that means it’s going to be so
perfect all the time you’re going to
have to make those adjust which is where
the communication communication open and
bring having that friendship absolutely
have a friendship well and I think this
is so important because I hope that
nobody’s missing because I’m starting to
just grasp the cyclical nature of what
you’re describing here that when there’s
health on this side yet that it filters
into this side yes one will take care of
the other yes which means that to
concentrate on respect yeah on trust to
really build your spouse up when you’re
doing these things then the other
because because on on one side or the
other for the male of the female one
thing for you might not carry as much
weight as it does for your spouse but if
you’re concentrating at least on that
thing that is a priority to you that you
know is your is a prior to your spouse
yeah but it’s going to automatically
feed into the other one yeah and there
will be health all the way around case
what your describe it is and I’ll tell
you something that I did and I always
get women who go oh my gosh I can’t
believe you did this but it was
worked for me so this was I will tell
you what I did somewhere around
Australia we’re skyping and I said honey
I want to be the best wife that I can be
and I asked him to do something that I
actually recommend that people do it
although I’ve gotten a lot of criticism
for this I asked him on a scale – of 1
to 10 with 10 being the potential wife
that I could be my best self as your
wife
where am I on that scale you know he
want to plead the fifth right now I am
traveling the world interviewing happily
married women I thought I was a really
really really awesome wife and so I just
knew I was getting a really high eight
huh low nine and seven you know seven
snow-packed seven is not bad yet for the
fact that I was a hotel GM in Hilton and
for anyone that goes to a Hilton I’m
like baby Brett seven seven equals zero
so does eight real eight equals zero if
you put an eight on a survey score for
Hilton that pert that hotel just got a
zero and so in my head he said seven I
said if eight equals zero my goodness
like I didn’t even get an eight and so
what I asked him my follow-up question
to that was give me a list of six things
that I could work on to become that 10
no mind you he’s not comparing me to
other people he’s comparing me to me
because his first response was well if I
compare you to this person you’re a
hundred I didn’t ask you to compare me
to that and that could also go the
opposite way I’m gonna pair you somebody
else that they think that their standard
the way they respect their husband here
that can ask them to absolutely and I
said just comparing you to the wife that
I could be at my best self what is that
and we should all want to know that from
our spouse there’s nothing there’s
nothing to me there’s nothing meri kasam
I mean though and they’re just gonna
give you a bad rating no matter how hard
you can see there are a lot of women
there’s been a little bit discouraged
right now because they may not be
married to somebody who’s supportive and
kind and encouraging and what they might
just be married somebody who is
demeaning yeah and wants to be cruel
this isn’t the book for you this in the
book for you counseling what you’re
saying it’s counsel go get the oil yes
yeah so this is a book you’ve got a good
marriage you chose a good mate cuz keep
in mind if we’re here in the United
States we did choose our mate and we had
a choice and so it is that book is for
those who already have a good marriage
at the very least an okay marriage and
they just want to go from good to great
okay so if you are below okay not the
book for you all right well at least you
know exactly who your audience exactly
would it that’s good when we come back
we’re going to take some questions from
some women in the audience that want to
just be prepared some single women that
they want to be prepared but also from
some married women as well that would
like even more great wise counsel from
our friend Vaughn Weaver so we will be
right back in just a few minutes
if you’re feeling discouraged and
defeated if you’re a bit overwhelmed or
maybe even feeling undone if you’re
wondering whether or not your future has
any hope of victory then listen this
Bible study is for you
strongholds are torn down by the Word of
God fortresses are dismantled by the
Word of God when you place faith in
Jesus Christ the righteousness of Christ
is credited to your spiritual bank
account that you are the righteousness
of God in Christ Jesus I invite you to
join me for a lesson in putting on the
full armor of God our lives are going to
be changed yours and mine because we’re
going to learn that we’ve got the
victory in Jesus name
all righty we’ve got some questions here
from our audience that we’re going to be
asking our guests Vaughn Weaver thank
you so much for being up for this
absolutely
some single women that have a couple
questions for us how many of you are
single in our group today how many of
you’re single all right so we have quite
a handful of single women that are
gathering with us today here’s a
question from Lindsay she wants to know
what is the one thing if you could just
boil it down to one what’s the one thing
you wish you were told before you got
married
don’t listen to advice of those who are
not happily married so that’s what you
wish you were told mm-hmm
don’t listen to advice of people who are
not happily married why would you listen
to the advice would you listen to
someone that’s going through bankruptcy
to help you with your finances and so
it’s it’s unfortunately we go back to
that what we were talking about earlier
it’s always those that are negative that
are so loud they’re so vocal they’re the
ones who want to give you advice and
they set you up for failure because you
start looking for stuff that would not
otherwise be there and if you look for
something you will create it oh oh yeah
so do you think then a single woman
should pursue a relationship with a
happy wife for the purpose of asking her
gleaning from her listening to what she
has to say absolutely be in the presence
of those who are happily married
especially happy wives and just hang out
with them don’t ask them a bunch of
questions just go just go and have
coffee yeah because those who are it’s
so interesting those who are happily
married the moment you sit with them and
you give them the ability to talk about
it it’s like turning on a water spigot
you cannot shut it off because no one
ever cares everyone wants to know about
the drama yeah and so when you give them
the opportunity to just say they’re glad
they’re glad they’re they’re grateful
life is good this woman says what advice
would you give to a single woman in
their mid-30s who has a desire to be
married but honestly there are no men
around who will pursue you and she has
underlined pursued now that they’re not
there they’re just not pursuing yeah
well here’s a good news if you’re not
looking for men you’re looking for a man
and
if you are looking for the one that the
one is already chosen for you so all you
have to do is focus on creating the life
of your dreams while you’re single and
allow for that to come to you well there
you go
in what ways can a new wife start out on
the right track right away with her
marriage and build happy elements into
her marriage thank you for this question
Bessie where’s Bessie are you back there
somewhere there she is back there that’s
what she wants to know yeah and what
ways can you start off right off the bat
yeah there was a there’s a real fiery
wife that I that I interviewed in Cape
Town and she was just I mean she was I
want to say 68 and she gave me a run for
my money hiking hiking hiking she had so
much energy and one of the things that
she said is is that if a woman begins
talking negatively about her husband
around her she will not go out with that
woman again and so what happens with
those who are newly married if you sit
if you put together say seven women
around a table you’re going to have six
of them that are complaining about their
spouses or their marriage or something
that they did wrong because that’s kind
of makes you feel in yeah but then
you’re going to have that one person who
is silent it’s usually the happy wife
and it’s because that happy wife doesn’t
want to seem as though they’re being
braggadocious or seem as though they’re
haughty or they’re higher than right
yeah and I get it the problem with that
is is we’re going back to the comment
you made earlier then the only people
that are ever talking are those six and
so if you are that one remove yourself
from that environment it’s okay to keep
it at a distance but if you really truly
want to create a marriage that is built
to last a lifetime and to be happily
married then you want to surround
yourself birds of a feather flock
together yeah what is the most important
thing for single women to look for in a
man if this is going to be a happy
marriage what is the trait that I’m kind
of got to keep my eye out for and that
guy that I’m dating hey so did we go
back to that first thing right how much
does he respect you and what does that
look like what does respect look like to
a woman respect looks different
every single person and so Jerry’s
respect for you is going to look
different from my husband from Keith’s
respect for me so the question for a
person that is single is is how much do
you respect yourself and is that person
respecting you in the manner in which
you respect yourself if you truly
respect yourself so there’s no real
barometer for that what is respect look
like the question is what does it look
like for you and but you should know
whether or not you’re being respected I
think we all get that sense we all know
whether or not we’re being respected and
if a man is not truly respecting you and
it’s you know yeah I was going to make a
joke about the cow in the milk but
that’s a whole other story okay tell us
about a hurdle though you’ve gone
through with this issue of respecting
your own marriage yeah is there
something you’ve had to cut it okay yeah
yeah yeah I want to sell as well because
I’m such a strong you arson
I left home when I was 15 so that’s a
whole other story and it’s actually in
the book but I left home really early
before my 16th birthday and I went
through a really tough period of time
and it’s so interesting because Here I
am interviewing all of these happily
married women I’m happily married I love
my life and then you get to the center
of the book and it’s like and then I
dropped out of school I left when I was
fifteen I tried to commit suicide twice
and everyone just kind of goes ah what
just happened here it’s everything
that’s in my life right now is a choice
it’s not because it began that way it’s
not because it’s always been that way
and so there were certain parts of me
still are that I have to battle because
there are certain habits that recreate
so when I go into a boardroom and I’m
running a board meeting I have to make
sure that when I get home I don’t try to
run my house like that’s a board meeting
you know what I think that’s a that’s
something that women need to hear that
it’s okay to be strong but there’s a
place for that strength in the way it is
demonstrated and where and when it’s
demonstrated place for a time and a
place for everything in the home is not
that place so did you struggle with that
did you find home you’re boring staffs
it’s a little how’d that go over with it
he’d look at me and go and so we are
what
here and and and I would immediately
know because the thing is is that I
respect him so much he really truly is
the most amazing person I have ever met
in my life is Keith wait see I know
right he made a picture and we need
someone put up a picture yes okay behind
one piece okay I’m actually on happy
Wives Club I have our 10-year vow
renewal and there’s a picture of him and
he’s he’s just a cutie pie Oh Lord he
really is so cute but he is just I have
such an amount of respect for him and so
anytime I would even feel myself lacking
that I immediately put it in check and
have to remind myself okay I may run the
show in the boardroom but when I come
home we’re equals that’s not gonna
that’s not gonna fly and it should not
we are team mates and that needs to come
through and everything I do and
everything I say but is that does that
come natural to me oh my gosh no no hmm
so do you have to sometimes hear
yourself and and then sort of backtrack
it out okay back it out yeah I have
heard often that the way to make sure
that your marriage is solid and strong
is to really make it your business to
study your spouse like go to the College
of your spouse in other words become a
student about what they like don’t like
what makes them feel respected and loved
and what does not
yeah do you think that’s absolutely you
should have a PhD in your husband no
doubt about it and husband should have a
PhD on their wives absolutely because
you should know their language and by
the way it’s a foreign language so that
four-year prerequisite in my school of
the foreign language it’s a foreign
language we we come from two very
different backgrounds my husband I
especially come from two completely
different worlds and so when you’re
talking the way you’re communicating you
have to understand their language and
you’re not going to just get that
immediately unless you marry someone
who’s just like you but most people
don’t ya know Jerry and I are so
different it’s a comical yeah comma
comma where you want to look at guys and
say now what
huh yeah and so that really is the way
it is okay so what does a woman do you
know she’s been married for a few
decades mm-hmm
hadn’t been happy hmm she’s just reading
this book she’s just hearing this idea
yeah that you can actually be happy yeah
in marriage and honestly just kind of
settled into the RET of unhappiness
because it’s the way it is it’s the way
things have always been yeah what is
even the first step yeah
toward walking toward happiness in her
marriage in her life so there’s an
interesting thing so that the happy
Wives Club there’s a Facebook page and
there is close to a million women just
on the Facebook page that engage on any
given day there’s thousands of them
talking to each other I’ll post a
question and say what’s your number one
piece of advice for newlyweds and all
that and they’ll just give all of their
different advice and it’s it’s amazing
to see but one of the things I do is
every day is I post an encouraging
graphic and I do this twice a day and I
had someone who sent me a letter an
email and we don’t send snail mail
anymore but she sent me an email and and
she was explaining to me her situation
she had been married for close to thirty
years they were losing their home her
husband hadn’t worked in a year it he
had been laid off hadn’t been able to
get another job and then just been
non-stop arguing so they went to therapy
and the therapist told her to write down
every single negative thing that comes
to her mind about her husband just write
it down don’t give it to him just write
it down so that she could get it out and
she said the same day that I began the
list I came across your page and I
realized that the same amount of time it
would take for me to write down
everything that was terrible about him I
could think about the last 30 years and
write down everything he’s done right
and so I took the list the therapist
told me I threw it in the trash and I
began my list of everything that’s great
about it and it was so awesome because
she ended because she said we’re still
in the process of losing our house he
still hasn’t found a job but I tell you
what we did find as we found each other
again and that’s all that matters mmm
it’s true and I think whatever we focus
on gross
yes whatever you put your attention you
is going to get bigger and bigger in
your mind and your heart and it’s going
to block out the view of whatever else
you’ve left behind so you get to choose
what’s going to grow
what’s going to grow absent so focus on
the good focus on the good and then
remember you had a choice and you chose
your spouse so what was the reason that
you out of all of the people in the
world that you could have chosen from
why did you choose them so if you start
there and put a pin in it yeah and then
kind of work your way backwards out of
this situation because every situation
is temporary the only permanent thing in
your temporary world is your marriage
because that’s the one thing that is
until the end of time you know what it
takes us back to this very important
principle where honestly no matter what
interview I’m doing or what we’re
talking about a lot of times they all
end up at this important issue of
gratitude being grateful yes for what is
good in the situation and finding it
meaning my mind for it dig for look
discover yes look for it yes because yes
sometimes the negative is going to be
louder it’s going to be easier to spot
it’s going to strike a chord with you
that sits with you at night and during
the day so you’ve got to be purposeful
and I have to be purposeful about
spotting the good in our spouse and then
highlighting it and not only
highlighting it to ourselves but
highlighting it to them make sure that
they know what you appreciate about them
because most of the time your spots in
mind they’re going to rise to whatever
standard they hear us call out over
their lives and so speak well of your
spouse it’s going to make sure that you
are a happy wife I love the fact that
you’ve spent so much time with us and
that you have written this book because
this book really can begin to transform
your destiny your life your marriage
your mind your heart put a smile on your
face so you not have a copy of this book
you want you’re going to want to grab
one as soon as you possibly can it’s
going to really make a difference in
your existence would you guys please
help me to thank our friend Fon
you