A beloved actress, writer and speaker, Lisa Whelchel has captured the hearts of fans since she was thirteen years old. For nine years, Lisa starred as Blair Warner on “The Facts of Life” and went on to become a popular author and speaker. She continues to be in the spotlight and recently participated in CBS’s “Survivor: Philippines” hit series. Join Priscilla Shirer and Lisa Whelchel for this fun episode of The Chat!
going to be a great opportunity for us
to get to know each other even better I
always love when you come to the chat
with Priscilla we’re going to sit down
in our virtual living room and have a
great conversation with a wonderful
guest you’re going to want to stay tuned
okay so grab your favorite drink
cappuccino hot tea coffee you know
whatever it is you’ve got and get
comfortable we’re gonna have a great
time together
you were here we’re gonna have a great
time together today because we are gonna
be talking to one of my favorite people
on the planet she is funny she’s warm
she’s had influence on lots of people
for lots of years you’re going to
recognize her as soon as you see her
please welcome Lisa Whelchel okay I
gotta tell you right off the bat that
this woman is my friend she is my friend
she is just a delightful person we have
known each other for about 10 years now
and throughout that time I have watched
you transition for many phases of life
and the reality is though people who
have only seen you from afar have
watched you transition through large
portions of your life yes those who have
known me longer than you exactly right
because you know I wasn’t even born yet
everybody remembers the facts of life
didn’t you grow up watching the facts of
life okay wonderful program and you
played Blair and you know we might as
well just start there okay I know most
of your images probably start there and
I got to ask you because Blair was this
icon of de mujer I’m sophisticated you
know she just kind of had it all
together and you played her so well how
is she different than Lisa Wilson
whelchel are you because I think you’re
inferring that there is something
different because do you don’t think I’m
the mirror I’m bothers well can we just
say that you look amazing you all agree
that she look we could totally say that
amazing take it I actually think you you
don’t look that much different than you
did in 80 week and you you look you look
wonderful I want to talk about that a
little bit later on how you have you
know as women our bodies change so much
yeah hormones and all that stuff just
kind of changes throughout life and yet
you’ve done a great job of just taking
care of yourself so I do want to talk
about that okay but I want yeah no I’m
totally different from Blair you are oh
yes
this is Blair’s out dress I don’t I had
to borrow this from Blair otherwise I
would be in my pajama pants and my Crocs
in my t-shirt which is kind of my go-to
I’ll go to the show like why didn’t we
do that we should have won t-shirts and
we totally should have I I don’t know I
mean I’ve got it
so you’re much more comfortable just oh
yeah yeah like these shoes they will be
off in five seconds yes this is we I
walk off here halfway through I’m
they’re off and tell us about that time
frame in your life when you were on of
the set of facts of life you were a
Christian even then yes what did that
look like in Hollywood for you as how
did you have to navigate loving the Lord
and living for him and yet being in this
setting where I’m assuming that the
majority of people that you were around
especially at the height of your fame
when you couldn’t even you can’t even go
to the grocery store without you know
everybody being around you and how are
you able to balance both of those things
or were you able to do it well you know
what it wasn’t an issue I think because
I became a Christian before I went to
California and so it really wasn’t like
I went to Hollywood to kind of become
famous I really did know I was a child
of God don’t get much more famous than
that I didn’t go looking for Who I am I
knew who I was I didn’t go looking for
something to fulfill me I had you know
something that filled me up so there was
not a lot of there wasn’t a lot of
emptiness for me to go try to fill up
and so I didn’t you know go down the
pads looking for something and I wasn’t
even that interested in it and so it
wasn’t I mean I had my issues but I
would have had those issues staying in
Texas that really had nothing to do with
Hollywood so you were born in Texas yes
grew up most of your life in Texas yes I
mean you’re young years until you get
adopted when I was 12
moved to California to be on the new
Mickey Mouse Club and then stayed out
there until I had kids in junior high
moved back to Texas to raise them and
then just now moving to have her
children when she was in junior high she
means when her kids were in junior high
because otherwise I would have had
something to talk about how was I able
to balance apparently not so you had
your children you got married right
after the the series ended I mean it was
like that same year we filmed the last
episode the facts of life in March of 88
I got married in July of 88 got pregnant
89 that had child in 90 91 and 92 yeah
so obviously mrs. Garrett taught me the
facts of life
okay this is a huge life transition
because you’re going from this Hollywood
lots of attention your way being on the
set you have spent nine years was at
nine years you don’t y’all film in
series so you you’ve got a whole life
change very quickly because now you’re a
wife and you’re a mom and you’re gonna
later on in your children’s life you
move to Texas so you’re out of the
limelight completely but when your
children were young that first decade
you made huge life change from facts of
life to wife and mom what did that look
like for you nothing was the same
because I did I went from you know
having somebody do my hair my makeup and
my clothes and the whole world you know
kind of my little world revolved around
me too almost immediately getting
married and then having these three kids
in in diapers at one time and I lost all
the money that I made on the facts of
life I wasn’t working we were living on
a pastor’s salary in a rented house
because we couldn’t afford the down
payment for to buy a house okay wait
wait wait wait stop right there okay we
want to know how in the world all the
money that you made from the facts of
life got lost somewhere we just
defecated all that make up something
really glamorous and dramatic but it
really was just bad investments and you
know people that kind of took advantage
and then you know I’m not a big spender
but I’m not good with money either so
all of it just you know it just kind of
flittered flitted away I wanted I had to
do with a in a real estate went bad in
the banking crisis the oil crisis all
that just all at one time it was one of
those perfect storms kind of thing and
was it devastating to you or were you
kind of at the place in your life where
it was okay because you were moving on
to something different and you knew that
you could regroup and rebuild yeah you
know I think I’ve always dug just wired
that way I’m wired two for one thing I
think it’s one of the reasons why God
tells us to remember his the things he’s
done for us in the past so when we’re in
the middle of it we’re not gonna go oh
noes God gonna show up I mean I have
just so many stories from the time I was
little of God coming through that no
matter what happens it’s like okay you
know what he’s gonna come through I
don’t know how but he’s going to and
lesson the desert time the wilderness
time I’m going to get they’re going to
be treasures there in the darkness that
I wouldn’t be able to get if things were
all going well so I mean it just has
been naturally easy for me because I do
have such a real vital understanding of
God’s love for me and who he is that I
just say okay what is here to learn here
and I’ll learn what needs to be learned
here and everything will turn out okay
and it always does
okay I want to get back to your I want
to get back to your children and where
you were in your life as a new mom in
just a second but I’ve got to ask you
this question we see so many young
people in Hollywood that their life just
turns out to be a disaster there are
several I can name right now that you’re
starting to see them kind of go off the
deep end and you’re going oh man I wish
they had some people around them that
would kind of harness them during this
tender phase in their life how did you
escape the loopholes that a lot of the
child stars that we know from the 80s
didn’t have the opportunity to escape
and so how did it happen what do you
account that to you know I think two
things I think commenting on some of the
kids that are you see them kind of going
off the path right now that is not
abnormal for kids at that age it’s just
that they are covered by the notice yeah
right and so then it’s kind of amplified
but you know you look at any Christian
high school you know a household how far
the kids are going to go that way half
of the kids are going to go this way and
they’re raised the same way by the same
parents and so if your event filming it
then then this is going to get
dramatized and and so it’s going to look
like oh they’re going haywire well
follow them long enough maybe into their
40s and at 40 they’re going to probably
go through it and maybe not be in you
know in the limelight so I would it be
careful of just saying oh they’re going
off the deep end because I haven’t
raised three kids you know there I’ve
got some kids that are trying to find
their way on their own and I have some
kids they’re doing the straight and
narrow and I just think there’s room for
all of that because God works in in all
of that now for me I think I was too
scared to do that you know I think I and
also because I was
I was on my own I was clinging to God
and I think that’s another thing
sometimes you know parents get judged
because their kids are experimenting and
that may be because they feel safe
enough to it maybe because they feel
they are loved and they are accepted and
it’s not based on their performance or
whether they’re good or they’re back it
was based on your performance parts of
dairy my god to total that was very much
the kind of I understood my head grace
but I didn’t really trust it
and so yes it kept me out of trouble but
it also in a lot of ways kept me from
just resting in the gift of grace and
you know so it’s just have to be careful
with you know what you again I think we
were talking at this backstage what you
call good and what you call bad that’s
up to God to judge yeah yep okay so you
got through that phase in your life I
thought through that page also because I
really was I learned at an early age
just to have the time in the in the more
in the morning just in the word and in
prayer and filling you’ll do that for a
set I would do it before I got to the
set you would yeah and so that was a so
again that also there wasn’t this
emptiness I didn’t go looking in to fill
that out with drugs or with alcohol or
with boys there I just I felt I filled
up with the Lord and so I wasn’t empty
in searching and so that did keep me
from going down paths that could have
been destructive and you know one thing
that you told me a long time ago that I
thought was very interesting was that
you know if you are just in the past ten
years of your life or so encountering
real meaningful girlfriend deep
relationship you did not have that for
the majority of your life and was that
because of the position you were in that
you just didn’t have connection and
intimacy in female relationships that
was a part of it but I think also I was
really shy and that’s why I started
acting because my mom put me in acting
class to see if it would help me just
kind of come out of myself because I was
too afraid to talk to anybody and so I
think there was I built this shell of
protection around
which also kept people out and it wasn’t
until the last ten years as I began to
experience grace and not just know it in
my head but when you and know you’re
accepted kind of like what I said
earlier about kids if they know they’re
accepted then they can maybe make some
mistakes and it’s not so detrimental
well I was so afraid of making a mistake
in my life that I kept really small and
so I think that I just felt more
accepted and more what grace was like so
I didn’t have to be so afraid and then
let some of the barriers down and some
of the self-protection down and that’s
the only way that you can have real
connection and intimacy anyway and so it
was all kind of I was on television
junior high and high school and didn’t
go to a normal school so I didn’t know
how to have friendships anyway and that
paid it played a big part of it as well
so it was all you know all working
together given everything you know now
looking back on it if you could rewrite
the story again would you do it again
have you ever felt overwhelmed or like
your life was so stress filled and
stressful that you just you couldn’t
even enjoy your life anymore what if I
told you there was a little secret
there’s something that the Jewish people
have been doing for years and centuries
there’s a discipline that is a regular
part of their lives that has caused many
of them to be able to steer clear of the
stress-filled
existence that many of us you and me
often are accustomed to I want to tell
you about that secret we will always be
drawn don’t reduce things and God knows
this this is why he puts boundaries in
place they are a gift to us we are now
completely free standing in the Shabbat
space of God the margin that God has
given us so that we can experience the
freedom that God has come to give all
his children it’s gonna be a journey
through the Scriptures that is gonna
help us to enjoy life the way God always
intended
we’re not just doing a Bible study
together or on a missionary journey
we’re on a road with Paul and Silas in
tune we’re doing the Gospel playing
that’s what this is about and we are
entrusted to be the children of the day
please by all means
bypass me don’t forgot ask him you pull
these words off the page for you make it
far in my bones
you make me able to say when I get to
the end of the story what if I had
missed that what if I admit that it is
time to get back to the stuff of your
calling today in the day
given everything you know now looking
back on it if you could rewrite the
story again would you do it again would
I do what again would you do your your
junior high and high school years the
same would you exchange the normalcy the
friendships the whatever you may have
had in a regular life in Texas junior
high in high school for the experience
the fame the whatever good that came
even good that came from the life you
had would you do it over again
uh you know what I have I can go step
further there’s nothing in my life that
I would change because that’s a big
statement that’s a big say there’s every
single thing that even if I were to
think well yeah if I had done this and
this would have been easier when it
turned out better or you know would have
been less painful what I got in that
situation that maybe is a little bit
more intangible and all related to my
walk with the Lord was far and above
worth it so there is nothing that I
would change because every single thing
has been absolutely perfect for who God
has called me to be what would be one of
those gifts what would be the the number
one or number two gift that you got from
that season of life that you think the
Lord gave you to prepare you for this
next season well I would have to say one
of the most public things on television
than one of the most painful things was
going through puberty on television and
there was so much focus on my weight and
I you know I gained weight during
puberty and Blair was supposed to be
swelled and you know it was supposed to
be all felt and sexy and had great
clothes and I was outgrowing my Eastland
I kept in uniform and you know they sent
me to fat farms and they put a scale in
the middle of the rehearsal hall I mean
it was really very very difficult and
yet on the other side too I mean so many
things one I’m so glad that I mean I I
wouldn’t have chosen this on my own but
I’m so glad that I was able to be a
young teenage girl on television that
look normal so that I wasn’t more a part
of the pollution of the mindset of young
girls saying you need to be skinny to be
beautiful Blair I mean how perfect she
was kind of fluffy at times and yet she
carried herself like she was just
gorgeous and yet I choose to give that
message on my own and that’s the message
I would want my daughters to have on
television but it’s not something I
would have chosen I wasn’t you know
wasn’t that altruistic right but you but
looking back you see that it was
actually a gift to the culture for them
to see a beautiful talented actually you
were the symbol of beauty kind of
amongst the group of girls on that show
but you could have a little flesh on
your bones gonna be okay yeah all those
executives are looking at her net
because you look amazing you and we want
to know exactly why and how but first we
got to get back to the kid part okay so
you just left Hollywood you went home
yes wife mom and Tim you just kind of
all of a sudden we’re out of the
limelight yeah we lost him I don’t like
yes
into the deep end you enjoy that or did
you struggle isolating him alone and
kind of fired about it I loved it I you
know it’s I had a wonderful experience
in show business but nothing compared to
just my joy of those years with those
little kids at home I mean they were
hard and I mean it was I mean it was
three kids in diapers and on very little
money and then eventually homeschooling
the kids so I mean it was there were
some rugged years but i was doing what i
just had always i mean i’d always wanted
to be a mommy what would you say to a
mom right really the hardest emotional
time of my life why would you say that
you know just early marriage stuff and
exhausted and really some identity
transition you know it’s it any time you
go through such a huge shift of life and
identity any kind of change like that
that’s painful coming you got to break
it up before you kind of and it’s got to
be a lot of times destroyed before it
can be rebuilt though you know for what
god has you in that season and then
about the time you start feeling good
some other season
comes along but at least by that time
you can go okay I kind of know what’s up
here I’m going to ride this and trust it
and it’ll be good on the other side what
did you do right in those 10 years when
you were at home home schooling kind of
mommy nice was your world what did you
do right and what would you do
differently if you could go back and do
those years again okay I will be careful
about saying what I did right what I did
right for me and for my family because I
do think that right everybody has what
they need for their there right but my
favorite thing that I did was every
night from the time they were little
when they were little 2 & 3 and I would
put them to be at bed we would just
start with what are your you know it’s
we call it high-low what was your high
of the day what was your low of the day
as they got a little older when I called
it window time because it was a time was
the window to their soul was they were
in bed they wanted to stay up later and
so you know if it’s me even if it meant
talking to mommy they were staying up
later and I would just ask him questions
you know anybody hurt your feelings
today did you have do anything you need
to confess and bring out in the light is
there anything that you don’t understand
and we would just I would have that time
and a lot of times they would save up
something that would happen during the
day because they knew at the end of the
night they were going to have a chance
to kind of get it off their chest and I
mean it’s like you know the Catholic
Church has something going on with the
confession there is something that feels
good about that and so yeah not to
mention the rapport and relationship
that grows with between you and your
child and then when they’re a teenager
they’re used to having an opportunity to
tell their mom or their dad whatever the
case may be what’s going on in their
life that’ll be different with girls and
boys like with my daughters they still
wanted to talk although one of the
cutest things is my daughter once was
little and she has said something she
needed to confess for she had put the
you know blanket over her face because
she was so embarrassing and all it was
was that there was a boy in her
third-grade class that she said and I
blew him a kiss I went so it looked in
my son when he got into junior high in
high school you know boys they don’t do
this I hope you know I’ve got three boys
yeah
and I Lisa told me this habit that she
had of sitting on the edge of the bed
and kind of talking to her kids I that’s
what I do I kind of go in
to the room I’ve done it for a long time
now remembering what you said and in
hopes of having teenagers later and
young adults that want to know the door
is open so I go in and I’m waiting for
this thing to happen you said it’s going
to happen when they open up their mouths
and talk and bare her soul but my boys
just go oh yeah yeah it is different
with boys
so like when Tucker hit that mm age then
he got it was about really into music at
that time so I would just say he knew
that every night I wanted him a play a
song that he liked and then tell me what
he liked about it okay so find something
they like yes and talk about it oh yeah
their world and to learn about them and
then it got a little older I started we
took golf lessons together and so we’re
in the golf cart we’re not looking
straight ahead but I can be driving and
we’re you know this doesn’t have to look
at me but you’re nine holes or you know
18 holes I never could do 18 holes then
there’s going to be some conversation
that happens so also find something to
do with them that’s active that you know
in the course of the activity they’re
going to just start talking and then you
just you know capture that moment okay
yeah okay yeah also um it just sounds so
perfect miss Lisa just seems like he
just did it also right please tell us a
horror story from the world of the
children how will I will told you I have
done Horror Story videos okay so I wrote
a book called creative Corrections you
know but I miss Oreo and you know it’s
because nothing was working
especially with Tucker who has ADHD none
of the typical child-rearing methods
were working so I had to get creative
and kind of find ways that beyond the
top three you know timeout spanking and
yelling yelling my favorite uh but they
weren’t working and so I got creative
creative yes and that was great and then
until the hormones started showing up
and then that was not working so much
anymore but it was like I but wait a
minute
this works before so rather than ditch
it and realize this is no longer working
I reinforced it
did it even more and so of course on our
first boy our firstborn you make all
your mistakes and I learned you there’s
a totally different way of raising
before hormones and after hormones and
things that worked here are there woman
cars yeah another thing exactly yes that
too um you have to just throw it out and
do something different yeah I didn’t
know that so I kept really making the
boundaries smaller and smaller until
it’s like you know yeah but at one point
Tucker was much older I mean not much
older but he was the hormones had been
around for a while and we were yelling
because I was reverting and regressing
to yelling and he was on at one point I
realized we’re not going to settle this
by yelling so I said Tucker you know
just calm down and when you calm down we
will have a conversation and work this
out and I you know slammed the door and
guarded the back and he’s trying to beat
the door down and get in the bedroom and
you know finally he goes away I’m
thinking okay great you know we’ll just
handle this later about five minutes
later my bedroom door opens up and come
flying in through the bedroom door he’s
gotten a paperback copy of my book
creative correction off the shelf and
lit it on fire throws it into the
bedroom and says that’s what I think
about your parenting and and you know
what um that was a wake-up call on me
yeah but you know what it was a wake-up
call then he get a spanking after that
that’s what I want to know he did not I
spanked myself after that because I was
the one that was not treating him as a
young man I was still treating realize
that as a little boy and you know young
men I mean they need to be respected and
you know and I was not treating him with
respect
I really wasn’t and I wasn’t and a lot
of respect has to do with trusting them
and trusting God that he is working in
them and I learned my most important
lessons by doing it the wrong way why
would I not grant that to my children as
well and to realize they’re going to
learn their lessons the lessons that are
going to go deep by by making some
mistakes and then going oh wow that
hurts that’s like that’s not going to
work
to make the mistake that point and so I
switched gears after that and the book
came a flying deer room on fire first of
all I laughed I did that is histor I did
laughs and I said duck hurt you told you
win you so win on this book yeah and and
then I really started just trying to ask
him a little bit more question if you
feel more questions didn’t find out what
he was really feeling what is gone
through wedding and that made quite a
quite a big difference
creative correction that is the name of
one of Lisa’s many titles and you really
need to get your hands on a copy of that
book because but not your cancer over a
certain age because they will light it
on fire and soar what up do you think
you need to get the hardback so you can
just knock a good but really makes you
think about creative ways to kind of
align your children and to shape their
hearts and all that great stuff okay
listen this is just part one of our
conversation with Lisa we are going to
have a part two because we still need to
talk about your time on Survivor see a
lot of folks from this kind of that are
teenagers in their early twenties right
now they don’t remember Blair
I don’t know releases that they just saw
on Survivor we got to talk about that
because survivors hard yes it’s hard
work you were hungry weren’t you I was
hungry I was itching I was cold I was
stinky all I cannot I still don’t know
why you did that but anyway we’re going
to talk about that and other life
lessons she has learned would you please
help me by thanking her for being with
us today
you