After 17 years of marriage, three beautiful children and a thriving ministry, Bob and Audrey Meisner appeared to have the perfect marriage. However, the truth was that they were struggling. After years of poor communication and a lack of transparency, Audrey had an affair with a man from their church and was pregnant with his child. Instead of filing divorce or aborting the baby, Bob chose to forgive Audrey and they made Christ first in their marriage. Bob adopted the baby boy as his own and the Meisner’s now minister to couples all over the world and try to help them salvage their marriages. Join us as we hear from the Meisner’s about how to love married life!
welcome I am so glad that you were here
listen we’ve got a great program for you
today because I wonder if you’ve ever
see the scene from afar or been a part
of yourself a relationship that was so
far gone I mean so much betrayals so
much resentment so much hurt so much
bitterness you never ever thought there
could ever be enough forgiveness in the
world to sort of be a healing salt or
Neath over a wound like that one we’ve
got a story today that is going to
reshape your view on how relationships
could be restored after incredible
brokenness this is going to be a good
one pull up a chair and join
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you
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have you ever wanted to meet a couple or
a person so badly you just been looking
forward to the conversation you’re just
excited about how much depth is going to
be in that conversation how your life is
going to be enriched once you walk away
from just sharing a cup of coffee with
them and a few wonderful deep words
authentic words about their life that’s
how I feel about Bob and Audrey Meisner
I cannot wait to hear all the elements
of their story that make it so rich
because the reality is the redemption
that’s there the forgiveness that’s
there the hope that you find in their
story will cause you to look at your own
relationships in a brand new way excited
to have this conversation would you
please all help me to welcome Bob and
Audrey oh I’ve been waiting to talk now
you got it been waiting happening right
now I know I’m looking forward to it you
guys have been married how long now 32
years so 32 years y’all know that of
them all things right I’m not a 34
laughs I’m a little bit like you it’s
like this part right here yeah yeah like
32 okay yeah rain isn’t the bulb no you
guys have been nice three times I don’t
you say don’t even need him that’s right
I told your husband and he agreed he
surely huh yeah he said that my
husband’s head look yes am I pretty much
the same that’s exactly right we’ve got
some good bald guys yes and why lovin it
but you had a different story to tell
let’s be about 17 years into your
marriage you did you hit not just a
little bumpy patch I mean you had hit
something that was really life-altering
can you just give us tell us your story
because I want to hear the details of
your nobody and these folks need nobody
wants a story like this that’s right you
know nobody plans to have challenges and
difficulties in your marriage you I
always are looking forward to happiness
ever after right and so when things like
this happen they catch everyone by
surprise yes but there are always
contributing components
you know that we bring into the marriage
you know from our past you know from our
culture’s from our customs
you know first introductions all those
types of things and it’s almost as
though it looks for the prime
opportunity to review itself when you’re
the weakest when you’re the most tired
and you just are feeling like an escape
because you’re giving everything that
you’ve got and now is that’s we were in
ministry people we’ve been in ministry
our lives and I literally my first I
think everybody has a first memory of
when there was a very LITTLEST you know
– yes very very do you have a first
memory facility I think so yeah we rely
little probably about four Mandara five
years old
yes I’m seeing that first mem yep and
mine is I remember in a treehouse I
remember the surroundings around me and
I was twirling around singing Hosanna
Hosanna Hosanna to the king of King it
was like I just loved Jesus all my life
okay and so I was that girl my mom and
dad loved God and in ministry went to
Bible School met Bob it sounds so
awesome I’m not telling you Ashley
everything hey kids we don’t have enough
time we weren’t just in love we were in
heat you’re in it yo welcome to the
interview merely wanted authentic and
real so we’re going to go there okay
perfect okay so yeah actually Bob and I
really wanted to get married bad and
quick fast okay so you did yes okay
she’s quickly rushing along no I’m like
okay I just found one you got married
here in Cebu yes yeah okay
bunnies were on the way I’m kidding okay
no we waited a little bit yeah we got
married had some kids and and I’m gonna
really fast forward okay please
what we loved about each other is that
our passion for the Lord really be world
changers we didn’t want to just live a
normal life and so that’s that was a
real passion that we cared not very much
that you set this backdrop because it
really does help to see with more
clarity what happened in their life when
you share that because I think sometimes
folks see people that are in the
position you’re describing see it from
afar and assume that everything’s going
to go so well with
because of their passion for that’s what
we are on that’s right absolutely what
we thought oh good on the outside
Priscilla like seriously you get good at
being professional Christians you just
know when you got to put that smile on
and when you the love for people with
genuine but I’m going to tell you what
happened I started giving giving giving
giving to the point where did you know
that you give so much and you eventually
will snap if you’re not receiving and I
call it under the waterfall of the
friendship in favor of God if you’re not
living under that waterfall of his
friendship and his intimacy and you
continue to give you become dry so quick
and you’re giving with nothing left to
give but you I was such a pleaser that I
couldn’t tell myself to stop I just kept
adding more activity to my life to get
busier and busier and help more and more
people we started working full-time and
then we added upon net pioneering a
church okay that is it’ll nuts
so tell us tell us what the snap look
like okay issue was in gay marriage and
how that played out and then we can go
and backtrack and kind of see what were
the what were the things that sort of
contributed to that okay so yeah I’m I
was giving out of a dry place we were
pastoring a church I was doing
everything I was exhausted but I kept
giving because I thought that’s what
good Jesus girls do and so at that point
a young guy starts coming to our church
and he starts saying things like oh my
gosh has anyone see how much work you’re
doing around here you know can I help
you know what oh that’s so nice yes you
can help you know and then it was turned
into
you are so beautiful if only I could
meet a girl you know half as beautiful
as you one day and all they smells like
oh that’s so sweet I got this a guy how
much younger than you well he was like
22 I was 36 with three kids at that
point our kids were 10 12 and 15 years
old and this is what happened in my
heart I like I like to talk heart
language in my heart I’m thinking I am
so glad that I could be friends with
this guy because I would never do
anything inappropriate you see I love
God I love my husband I would never and
I hope that those three words are
impacting someone right now because when
you say I would never you’re actually
full of spiritual pride because you’re
saying I don’t need God there and I was
saying I Gaveston control I can I can
have this okay and so it was just a
matter of time
because there’s no such thing as a small
compromise you see oh I can hang out we
can go for lunch we can drive together
you know those stupid rules and did it
start that way you just different
hangout for years for years just hanging
out that friend he and did you know that
they were just hanging out all the time
was there any was there any worry with
the just time there wasn’t a lot of
worry
you know because there is such an age
difference and you know I don’t want to
get into the character of this person
but but there was a moment in time where
you know i sat with Audrey over lunch
and I said hey I’m not liking this no I
don’t like what’s going on there’s you
know there’s things that are
interrupting our family life and yet she
gave me absolute confidence you know
everything’s fine everything’s okay
don’t worry about it and so you know
there there were enough warning signs
however you never really because we
loved each other so much and when you
when pride takes over it’s completely
blinding it is and and there as Audrey
said there’s no such thing as a small
compromise because sin is never
satisfied it always demands more and
it’ll take you further than you ever
intended I’m going and you stay there
longer together than you ever intended
on staying and I said it wrong what I’ll
tell you what when that friendship
turned into a sexual affair because it
did you see he was watering that dry
place in my heart and I was going there
and I started to become addicted to this
feeling of the words he would give me an
eye and I started to love this whole
thing and so it became a sexual affair
and then now I’m carrying a secret now
this is like this’s
you want to invite complication into
your life just write a letter to sexual
sin because it will complicate your life
and so it wasn’t one-time know what they
were fairly weak it was an affair and it
was emotional it was the whole thing for
three weeks that lasted and then I could
take it no longer I told him to move
away I broke up with him and then I was
going to keep that secret Priscilla for
the rest of my life and I promised Jesus
I will never do this again nobody knows
and I am never old Jesus you know oh
jesus oh Jesus
and I say that with your intention yeah
until I said oh Jesus and I heard his
whisper in my heart and he says Audrey
you’ve gotta tell Bob I felt it so
strong like that you know when the Holy
Spirit just like you can’t even rest it
was like the enemy loves darkness he
loves secrets and that very secret
I just knew and my spirit was going to
drive a wedge into the intimacy that we
had shared for all those years did you
think that the secret would drive more
of a wedge between you than the truth
yes okay somehow my heart knew that the
secret was worse than the act it was
done see that that’s heart that’s really
hard to say because most of us think the
opposite it’s a lot of terms is a godly
going to be worse in this dynamic in
this marriage or in this friendship if I
held the truth it’s going to cause more
harm well you’re okay my mind said that
my spirit said go tell hooker did Yuna
say my mind my logic said no just keep a
secret but there my heart
you see Jesus doesn’t leave us when
we’re stupid it’s a progress
yeah that’s awesome I like that one I’ve
never said that one before you threw it
out of me for so long it out so did let
me ask you this back up tangle but when
you’re saying to the guy move away this
is over
was that it not easy emotionally I’m
asking did he move away did it make it
look easy clean break he left the city
and I had never talked to him since okay
there was no contact it wasn’t easy for
my heart I felt like I was in love with
him which is so weird to say right now
well when you’re in a moment of when
you’re in a season of deceptions the
hard part about deception is you don’t
know you’re being deceived until you
look back on it later and realize you
were crazy are you kidding me you have
no idea that you were walking down a
path of it in the moment when you really
love it it’s so not to feel to win in
your high like you know how long between
when you broke it off and then you
decided to tell two days okay so two
days so you’re awake at night your gut
is yeah not exactly and you go to your
husband and you say I was scared out of
my course you were I’m not even a
confronter I’m not I’m the pleaser I’m a
sweet little sweetness and sunshine like
that’s my life and I and he
I was scared of his anger anyway you
know and I remember that day when I fell
I guess we got him alone in the office
and I sat down and I actually I think I
just hugged your feet and I told you I
had committed the sin of adultery and in
that moment what do you do you see I
began to create images in my mind and
more immediately of just leaving yeah
getting all emotional yeah let me let me
preface this because I want to be able
to experience the emotion of the moment
you see Jesus loves me on my worst day
and when we share our story I always
want to connect with the emotion the
memory will never leave and the emotion
is the only the opportunity to be able
to experience but the emotion that I
feel is that it was in that place that
he loved me the most you see so when you
remember it’s just like wow he loved me
he embraced me he held me he walked with
me through here so on that worst day you
know all I wanted to do was get
everybody involved because this is what
she did to me I’m a pastor I’m a leader
you know in our Christian community were
extremely public people with daily
National Christian television I mean
this is a big deal so what I thought
I’ll just leave and it only be a matter
of time that she would be exposed and so
leaving that moment I went to my office
and I stared at a blank wall and all I
said was lord help me Holy Spirit I
don’t know what to do help me and it was
just that simple act of humility you
know rather than taking matters in my
own hands but acknowledging my need and
just opening the door a little bit and
God began to create a rescue plan for my
life because anything that I would have
done would have prolonged the healing
process I would have complicated things
and you know I don’t want you to race
past that right there because most of us
react in our anger in our frustration
right there’s a reaction and you’re
saying that that reaction
apart from humility before God
for a council for for a tender heart
toward his wisdom you’re saying that
that reaction could actually prolong the
process of the healing that he wants –
it really does because you know we
quickly found out that we needed to be
on it on a need-to-know basis who needed
to know and what I wanted to do is I
wanted to let everybody know I thought
we need to give the elders and the
deacons together we need to create a
committee so that we can discuss how we
fix her because she’s the problem but I
call my friend a pastor friend of mine
Leo and the first question he asked me
says Bob who knows I said nobody he says
good let’s keep it that way I’m like say
what I mean we got to get everybody
involved and he says no you just wait he
says later tonight we’ll talk I said
okay so I went back and I told Audrey
that I had called Leo and so that
evening the children went to their
grandparents and we stats sat staring at
a speakerphone talked about pain
we could hardly be in the same room with
each other I was so oh yeah I would not
press I was perfect I was not sick no
you weren’t and what are you feeling are
you just mortified at what I have on my
family shot how old are your children at
this plan twelve and fifteen years old
yeah yeah yeah
and so that evening we just said and and
I was surprised because he was
challenging me and I was waiting for him
to say you know Audrey what were you
thinking yeah you know how dare you do
this you know and I was waiting for him
to shame her you know and and really
give her the whirlwind that’s what we’re
always secretly hoping for we’re always
secretly hoping hoping that the person
who wronged us offended us betrayed us
whatever that they’re going to get it’s
going to get they’re going to get it and
then it’s going to come it’s going to
all come down on them and we can walk
away with a little sense of
self-righteousness over and above them
so he’s challenging me with the heart of
God the heart of a father and he says
Bob why won’t you cover your wife
proverbs 25:2 says it’s God’s glory to
conceal a matter and for a king to
discover
understanding you see my father he
covers me yes he doesn’t shame me he
doesn’t expose me you know when was the
last time four so you made a mistake
repeatedly and you went to the line so
so and he says you know what I’ve just
about had enough in fact what I’m going
to do is I’m going to parade you in
front of everyone and shame you for what
you have done when was the last time
never and he never will because your
father it covers in covering there are
two primary principles the first is
protect okay to defend and then the
second is to promote healing I’m being
challenged as a husband and a father to
cover my wife to defend her to fight for
her to protect her and then secondly the
second component is that when you’ve
been hurt or wounded
you know you clean that wound you search
it and then you bandage it you cover it
again the second component is to Bro
promote healing I had no idea their
depth of my responsibility as a husband
to be redemptive love to my wife would
your response have been different had
you discovered the affair and it wasn’t
over because I’m thinking of the person
who’s listening to you and the affair
that their spouse is in is not one that
they put a stop to it’s one that is
ongoing their heart is entangled they
they say that they want to leave the
relationship but I keep going back keep
making phone calls right would your
response have been the same because I
love what you’re saying it’s exactly
right it’s beautiful does it still apply
to saying the partner that you know they
don’t stand alone you don’t stand alone
what I wanted from my pastor and for my
friend was I wanted sympathy but
sympathy never healed anyone what I got
was truth and when you embrace the truth
even though it’s opposing to your nature
into your intellect yeah when you
embrace truth you experience grace and
grace isn’t an excuse but rather grace
is an empowerment of God to take the
promise
of God to draw them to yourself and make
them yours
there’s a preferred future that God has
for your life whether your spouse is
repentant or changing or not I can still
embrace the truth of God and experience
His grace that his realities would
become mine
we can’t blame our circumstances so in
our situation because she was so
emotionally and physically entangled I’m
telling you it wasn’t just days it was
weeks and months that she was still
emotionally involved and wanted to call
wanted to go back all of those kinds of
things I mean that’s tormenting today
yeah here’s what I want to know I need
to know how were you aware of everything
that she was thinking and the longing
she was still having for this guy are
you are you just seeing her countenance
or is she telling you this stuff she
would tell me and and you know I you
know not to you know embarrass you in
any way but we had to find truth because
this is a person I I thought I knew and
we’re facing this you know what happened
is it was life that got me to that point
and I had to with the fear of God and I
say that in all reverence I had to make
some hard choices in my own heart
because I had never liked conflict I
have never been having the ability to
confront I’ve never had I’m a pleaser I
say what people want here I’m really
good at saying what people want to hear
so it was the best time trying to get to
what would cause somebody who know they
are in hot water yes to take themselves
deliberately and intentionally out of
the covering of secrets and disseminate
and put themselves in a position where
they know this is going to be hard but
they’re keeping they’re continuing to
speak truth most people don’t have
enough courage for that enough resolve
for that and I just heard you say it was
the fear of God that did it it was
literally the fear of God I woke up
every morning I said god help me to hate
sin I feel like I’m in love with this
guy but I you hate sin I want to be like
you I want to hate sin like you help me
help me help me God and I would I had to
put all the puzzle pieces of our we
couldn’t get healed unless I put the
puzzle pieces
on the table and it had to be true you
know you can’t wait we can’t we can’t
race past that right there because what
she say it is she went to war for her
heart and sanity for her own emotional
stability she did not trust you did not
trust in the way you were feeling you
did not let your feelings direct you
anymore
you let the Kennedy your compass I had
to be a lover of truth I had never in my
whole life been a lover of truth I tell
you today I am a completely different
girl because even me a pleaser a lover
you know like that kind of girl
I’m a lover of truth now you see but you
had to wake up and say lord help me
today I didn’t pray I begged God I
begged God to take those feelings away
for that guy I was scared out of my mind
but I chose to put that channel that
fear into the fear of God to know that
what he says it’s real did you think you
were going to lose your family let’s let
the plot sticking a little people we
didn’t know and let me just jump in here
on the fear of the Lord because the fear
of the Lord isn’t isn’t the fear of him
no no to be disappointed or this respect
and reverence well it’s it’s more than
that what it is is it’s the ability to
be able to view sin the way he views it
yes okay to be able to have that same
view an opinion of sin that he does
because when you participate with sin
you’re participating with something that
is not congruent with the truth of who
you’re of the truest identity of who you
are right against myself right sin is is
participating with anything that isn’t
of your true nature
okay and so it’s not just an acted an
activity of don’t do this but do this
but it’s more participating with
something that is not of your treatment
and also sin is just a believing a lie
that I’m going to get something I can’t
get that I can’t get from God and so I
believed in my heart that I needed that
escape and I needed that it wasn’t about
the sex I’m telling you right now it was
about the escape I hated how busy my
life was I hate how it’s always giving
to everybody you see and I was
old exhaustive and you all very clearly
did the hard work of restoration a hard
work of reconciliation and I think if
there’s anything that we can walk away
with this part one of our conversation
if we should walk away out of this part
one of conversation and into part two in
just a few minutes it’s that that there
were the resolution here that we’re
seeing the health and the wholeness that
we’re seeing here was not just work for
you in it and it wasn’t just work for
you it was the two of you resolving
together you know what we’re going to
keep this marriage intact and we’re
going to figure out how to how to walk
down you say that very well however the
next component of it really was the
driving force well I know and we can’t
we can’t even start with that component
yet because we got it we got it
in part one they’re gonna come back in
part two yeah go ahead and say here
because when we first found out we
thought that we were going to be okay
you know we thought that we were going
to be okay but you know is about 36
hours you know after me finding out
about the affair that we met with our
pastor face to face any challenge that
man he says Bob do you pray with your
life and I had to answer him and say no
I knew what the right answer should have
been but I had to be honest
and he says tonight you will pray with
your wife this is about midnight that
night we knelt beside our bed held each
other’s hands and look deep into each
other’s eyes and for 20 minutes we wept
and we cried and the only words we could
get out or God we need you God we need
you for 20 minutes we just wept and
cried God we need you you see because a
marriage isn’t between a man and a woman
a marriage is between a man a woman and
God God’s invested in our marriage
that’s what makes a marriage and then
after those 20 minutes we were in our
hotel room and we stood there was a
radio station playing KY oh really yeah
and we stood up and we danced yeah we
did it would be my hope you know that us
being able to spend a little bit of time
together would give opportunity for
people to have a little glimmer of hope
that God can restore the dance back to
the American would you please help me to
thank the Meissner
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