After 17 years of marriage, three beautiful children and a thriving ministry, Bob and Audrey Meisner appeared to have the perfect marriage. However, the truth was that they were struggling. After years of poor communication and a lack of transparency, Audrey had an affair with a man from their church and was pregnant with his child. Instead of filing divorce or aborting the baby, Bob chose to forgive Audrey and they made Christ first in their marriage. Bob adopted the baby boy as his own and the Meisner’s now minister to couples all over the world and try to help them salvage their marriages. Join us as we hear from the Meisner’s about how to love married life!

welcome I am so glad that you were here

listen we’ve got a great program for you

today because I wonder if you’ve ever

see the scene from afar or been a part

of yourself a relationship that was so

far gone I mean so much betrayals so

much resentment so much hurt so much

bitterness you never ever thought there

could ever be enough forgiveness in the

world to sort of be a healing salt or

Neath over a wound like that one we’ve

got a story today that is going to

reshape your view on how relationships

could be restored after incredible

brokenness this is going to be a good

one pull up a chair and join

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you

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have you ever wanted to meet a couple or

a person so badly you just been looking

forward to the conversation you’re just

excited about how much depth is going to

be in that conversation how your life is

going to be enriched once you walk away

from just sharing a cup of coffee with

them and a few wonderful deep words

authentic words about their life that’s

how I feel about Bob and Audrey Meisner

I cannot wait to hear all the elements

of their story that make it so rich

because the reality is the redemption

that’s there the forgiveness that’s

there the hope that you find in their

story will cause you to look at your own

relationships in a brand new way excited

to have this conversation would you

please all help me to welcome Bob and

Audrey oh I’ve been waiting to talk now

you got it been waiting happening right

now I know I’m looking forward to it you

guys have been married how long now 32

years so 32 years y’all know that of

them all things right I’m not a 34

laughs I’m a little bit like you it’s

like this part right here yeah yeah like

32 okay yeah rain isn’t the bulb no you

guys have been nice three times I don’t

you say don’t even need him that’s right

I told your husband and he agreed he

surely huh yeah he said that my

husband’s head look yes am I pretty much

the same that’s exactly right we’ve got

some good bald guys yes and why lovin it

but you had a different story to tell

let’s be about 17 years into your

marriage you did you hit not just a

little bumpy patch I mean you had hit

something that was really life-altering

can you just give us tell us your story

because I want to hear the details of

your nobody and these folks need nobody

wants a story like this that’s right you

know nobody plans to have challenges and

difficulties in your marriage you I

always are looking forward to happiness

ever after right and so when things like

this happen they catch everyone by

surprise yes but there are always

contributing components

you know that we bring into the marriage

you know from our past you know from our

culture’s from our customs

you know first introductions all those

types of things and it’s almost as

though it looks for the prime

opportunity to review itself when you’re

the weakest when you’re the most tired

and you just are feeling like an escape

because you’re giving everything that

you’ve got and now is that’s we were in

ministry people we’ve been in ministry

our lives and I literally my first I

think everybody has a first memory of

when there was a very LITTLEST you know

– yes very very do you have a first

memory facility I think so yeah we rely

little probably about four Mandara five

years old

yes I’m seeing that first mem yep and

mine is I remember in a treehouse I

remember the surroundings around me and

I was twirling around singing Hosanna

Hosanna Hosanna to the king of King it

was like I just loved Jesus all my life

okay and so I was that girl my mom and

dad loved God and in ministry went to

Bible School met Bob it sounds so

awesome I’m not telling you Ashley

everything hey kids we don’t have enough

time we weren’t just in love we were in

heat you’re in it yo welcome to the

interview merely wanted authentic and

real so we’re going to go there okay

perfect okay so yeah actually Bob and I

really wanted to get married bad and

quick fast okay so you did yes okay

she’s quickly rushing along no I’m like

okay I just found one you got married

here in Cebu yes yeah okay

bunnies were on the way I’m kidding okay

no we waited a little bit yeah we got

married had some kids and and I’m gonna

really fast forward okay please

what we loved about each other is that

our passion for the Lord really be world

changers we didn’t want to just live a

normal life and so that’s that was a

real passion that we cared not very much

that you set this backdrop because it

really does help to see with more

clarity what happened in their life when

you share that because I think sometimes

folks see people that are in the

position you’re describing see it from

afar and assume that everything’s going

to go so well with

because of their passion for that’s what

we are on that’s right absolutely what

we thought oh good on the outside

Priscilla like seriously you get good at

being professional Christians you just

know when you got to put that smile on

and when you the love for people with

genuine but I’m going to tell you what

happened I started giving giving giving

giving to the point where did you know

that you give so much and you eventually

will snap if you’re not receiving and I

call it under the waterfall of the

friendship in favor of God if you’re not

living under that waterfall of his

friendship and his intimacy and you

continue to give you become dry so quick

and you’re giving with nothing left to

give but you I was such a pleaser that I

couldn’t tell myself to stop I just kept

adding more activity to my life to get

busier and busier and help more and more

people we started working full-time and

then we added upon net pioneering a

church okay that is it’ll nuts

so tell us tell us what the snap look

like okay issue was in gay marriage and

how that played out and then we can go

and backtrack and kind of see what were

the what were the things that sort of

contributed to that okay so yeah I’m I

was giving out of a dry place we were

pastoring a church I was doing

everything I was exhausted but I kept

giving because I thought that’s what

good Jesus girls do and so at that point

a young guy starts coming to our church

and he starts saying things like oh my

gosh has anyone see how much work you’re

doing around here you know can I help

you know what oh that’s so nice yes you

can help you know and then it was turned

into

you are so beautiful if only I could

meet a girl you know half as beautiful

as you one day and all they smells like

oh that’s so sweet I got this a guy how

much younger than you well he was like

22 I was 36 with three kids at that

point our kids were 10 12 and 15 years

old and this is what happened in my

heart I like I like to talk heart

language in my heart I’m thinking I am

so glad that I could be friends with

this guy because I would never do

anything inappropriate you see I love

God I love my husband I would never and

I hope that those three words are

impacting someone right now because when

you say I would never you’re actually

full of spiritual pride because you’re

saying I don’t need God there and I was

saying I Gaveston control I can I can

have this okay and so it was just a

matter of time

because there’s no such thing as a small

compromise you see oh I can hang out we

can go for lunch we can drive together

you know those stupid rules and did it

start that way you just different

hangout for years for years just hanging

out that friend he and did you know that

they were just hanging out all the time

was there any was there any worry with

the just time there wasn’t a lot of

worry

you know because there is such an age

difference and you know I don’t want to

get into the character of this person

but but there was a moment in time where

you know i sat with Audrey over lunch

and I said hey I’m not liking this no I

don’t like what’s going on there’s you

know there’s things that are

interrupting our family life and yet she

gave me absolute confidence you know

everything’s fine everything’s okay

don’t worry about it and so you know

there there were enough warning signs

however you never really because we

loved each other so much and when you

when pride takes over it’s completely

blinding it is and and there as Audrey

said there’s no such thing as a small

compromise because sin is never

satisfied it always demands more and

it’ll take you further than you ever

intended I’m going and you stay there

longer together than you ever intended

on staying and I said it wrong what I’ll

tell you what when that friendship

turned into a sexual affair because it

did you see he was watering that dry

place in my heart and I was going there

and I started to become addicted to this

feeling of the words he would give me an

eye and I started to love this whole

thing and so it became a sexual affair

and then now I’m carrying a secret now

this is like this’s

you want to invite complication into

your life just write a letter to sexual

sin because it will complicate your life

and so it wasn’t one-time know what they

were fairly weak it was an affair and it

was emotional it was the whole thing for

three weeks that lasted and then I could

take it no longer I told him to move

away I broke up with him and then I was

going to keep that secret Priscilla for

the rest of my life and I promised Jesus

I will never do this again nobody knows

and I am never old Jesus you know oh

jesus oh Jesus

and I say that with your intention yeah

until I said oh Jesus and I heard his

whisper in my heart and he says Audrey

you’ve gotta tell Bob I felt it so

strong like that you know when the Holy

Spirit just like you can’t even rest it

was like the enemy loves darkness he

loves secrets and that very secret

I just knew and my spirit was going to

drive a wedge into the intimacy that we

had shared for all those years did you

think that the secret would drive more

of a wedge between you than the truth

yes okay somehow my heart knew that the

secret was worse than the act it was

done see that that’s heart that’s really

hard to say because most of us think the

opposite it’s a lot of terms is a godly

going to be worse in this dynamic in

this marriage or in this friendship if I

held the truth it’s going to cause more

harm well you’re okay my mind said that

my spirit said go tell hooker did Yuna

say my mind my logic said no just keep a

secret but there my heart

you see Jesus doesn’t leave us when

we’re stupid it’s a progress

yeah that’s awesome I like that one I’ve

never said that one before you threw it

out of me for so long it out so did let

me ask you this back up tangle but when

you’re saying to the guy move away this

is over

was that it not easy emotionally I’m

asking did he move away did it make it

look easy clean break he left the city

and I had never talked to him since okay

there was no contact it wasn’t easy for

my heart I felt like I was in love with

him which is so weird to say right now

well when you’re in a moment of when

you’re in a season of deceptions the

hard part about deception is you don’t

know you’re being deceived until you

look back on it later and realize you

were crazy are you kidding me you have

no idea that you were walking down a

path of it in the moment when you really

love it it’s so not to feel to win in

your high like you know how long between

when you broke it off and then you

decided to tell two days okay so two

days so you’re awake at night your gut

is yeah not exactly and you go to your

husband and you say I was scared out of

my course you were I’m not even a

confronter I’m not I’m the pleaser I’m a

sweet little sweetness and sunshine like

that’s my life and I and he

I was scared of his anger anyway you

know and I remember that day when I fell

I guess we got him alone in the office

and I sat down and I actually I think I

just hugged your feet and I told you I

had committed the sin of adultery and in

that moment what do you do you see I

began to create images in my mind and

more immediately of just leaving yeah

getting all emotional yeah let me let me

preface this because I want to be able

to experience the emotion of the moment

you see Jesus loves me on my worst day

and when we share our story I always

want to connect with the emotion the

memory will never leave and the emotion

is the only the opportunity to be able

to experience but the emotion that I

feel is that it was in that place that

he loved me the most you see so when you

remember it’s just like wow he loved me

he embraced me he held me he walked with

me through here so on that worst day you

know all I wanted to do was get

everybody involved because this is what

she did to me I’m a pastor I’m a leader

you know in our Christian community were

extremely public people with daily

National Christian television I mean

this is a big deal so what I thought

I’ll just leave and it only be a matter

of time that she would be exposed and so

leaving that moment I went to my office

and I stared at a blank wall and all I

said was lord help me Holy Spirit I

don’t know what to do help me and it was

just that simple act of humility you

know rather than taking matters in my

own hands but acknowledging my need and

just opening the door a little bit and

God began to create a rescue plan for my

life because anything that I would have

done would have prolonged the healing

process I would have complicated things

and you know I don’t want you to race

past that right there because most of us

react in our anger in our frustration

right there’s a reaction and you’re

saying that that reaction

apart from humility before God

for a council for for a tender heart

toward his wisdom you’re saying that

that reaction could actually prolong the

process of the healing that he wants –

it really does because you know we

quickly found out that we needed to be

on it on a need-to-know basis who needed

to know and what I wanted to do is I

wanted to let everybody know I thought

we need to give the elders and the

deacons together we need to create a

committee so that we can discuss how we

fix her because she’s the problem but I

call my friend a pastor friend of mine

Leo and the first question he asked me

says Bob who knows I said nobody he says

good let’s keep it that way I’m like say

what I mean we got to get everybody

involved and he says no you just wait he

says later tonight we’ll talk I said

okay so I went back and I told Audrey

that I had called Leo and so that

evening the children went to their

grandparents and we stats sat staring at

a speakerphone talked about pain

we could hardly be in the same room with

each other I was so oh yeah I would not

press I was perfect I was not sick no

you weren’t and what are you feeling are

you just mortified at what I have on my

family shot how old are your children at

this plan twelve and fifteen years old

yeah yeah yeah

and so that evening we just said and and

I was surprised because he was

challenging me and I was waiting for him

to say you know Audrey what were you

thinking yeah you know how dare you do

this you know and I was waiting for him

to shame her you know and and really

give her the whirlwind that’s what we’re

always secretly hoping for we’re always

secretly hoping hoping that the person

who wronged us offended us betrayed us

whatever that they’re going to get it’s

going to get they’re going to get it and

then it’s going to come it’s going to

all come down on them and we can walk

away with a little sense of

self-righteousness over and above them

so he’s challenging me with the heart of

God the heart of a father and he says

Bob why won’t you cover your wife

proverbs 25:2 says it’s God’s glory to

conceal a matter and for a king to

discover

understanding you see my father he

covers me yes he doesn’t shame me he

doesn’t expose me you know when was the

last time four so you made a mistake

repeatedly and you went to the line so

so and he says you know what I’ve just

about had enough in fact what I’m going

to do is I’m going to parade you in

front of everyone and shame you for what

you have done when was the last time

never and he never will because your

father it covers in covering there are

two primary principles the first is

protect okay to defend and then the

second is to promote healing I’m being

challenged as a husband and a father to

cover my wife to defend her to fight for

her to protect her and then secondly the

second component is that when you’ve

been hurt or wounded

you know you clean that wound you search

it and then you bandage it you cover it

again the second component is to Bro

promote healing I had no idea their

depth of my responsibility as a husband

to be redemptive love to my wife would

your response have been different had

you discovered the affair and it wasn’t

over because I’m thinking of the person

who’s listening to you and the affair

that their spouse is in is not one that

they put a stop to it’s one that is

ongoing their heart is entangled they

they say that they want to leave the

relationship but I keep going back keep

making phone calls right would your

response have been the same because I

love what you’re saying it’s exactly

right it’s beautiful does it still apply

to saying the partner that you know they

don’t stand alone you don’t stand alone

what I wanted from my pastor and for my

friend was I wanted sympathy but

sympathy never healed anyone what I got

was truth and when you embrace the truth

even though it’s opposing to your nature

into your intellect yeah when you

embrace truth you experience grace and

grace isn’t an excuse but rather grace

is an empowerment of God to take the

promise

of God to draw them to yourself and make

them yours

there’s a preferred future that God has

for your life whether your spouse is

repentant or changing or not I can still

embrace the truth of God and experience

His grace that his realities would

become mine

we can’t blame our circumstances so in

our situation because she was so

emotionally and physically entangled I’m

telling you it wasn’t just days it was

weeks and months that she was still

emotionally involved and wanted to call

wanted to go back all of those kinds of

things I mean that’s tormenting today

yeah here’s what I want to know I need

to know how were you aware of everything

that she was thinking and the longing

she was still having for this guy are

you are you just seeing her countenance

or is she telling you this stuff she

would tell me and and you know I you

know not to you know embarrass you in

any way but we had to find truth because

this is a person I I thought I knew and

we’re facing this you know what happened

is it was life that got me to that point

and I had to with the fear of God and I

say that in all reverence I had to make

some hard choices in my own heart

because I had never liked conflict I

have never been having the ability to

confront I’ve never had I’m a pleaser I

say what people want here I’m really

good at saying what people want to hear

so it was the best time trying to get to

what would cause somebody who know they

are in hot water yes to take themselves

deliberately and intentionally out of

the covering of secrets and disseminate

and put themselves in a position where

they know this is going to be hard but

they’re keeping they’re continuing to

speak truth most people don’t have

enough courage for that enough resolve

for that and I just heard you say it was

the fear of God that did it it was

literally the fear of God I woke up

every morning I said god help me to hate

sin I feel like I’m in love with this

guy but I you hate sin I want to be like

you I want to hate sin like you help me

help me help me God and I would I had to

put all the puzzle pieces of our we

couldn’t get healed unless I put the

puzzle pieces

on the table and it had to be true you

know you can’t wait we can’t we can’t

race past that right there because what

she say it is she went to war for her

heart and sanity for her own emotional

stability she did not trust you did not

trust in the way you were feeling you

did not let your feelings direct you

anymore

you let the Kennedy your compass I had

to be a lover of truth I had never in my

whole life been a lover of truth I tell

you today I am a completely different

girl because even me a pleaser a lover

you know like that kind of girl

I’m a lover of truth now you see but you

had to wake up and say lord help me

today I didn’t pray I begged God I

begged God to take those feelings away

for that guy I was scared out of my mind

but I chose to put that channel that

fear into the fear of God to know that

what he says it’s real did you think you

were going to lose your family let’s let

the plot sticking a little people we

didn’t know and let me just jump in here

on the fear of the Lord because the fear

of the Lord isn’t isn’t the fear of him

no no to be disappointed or this respect

and reverence well it’s it’s more than

that what it is is it’s the ability to

be able to view sin the way he views it

yes okay to be able to have that same

view an opinion of sin that he does

because when you participate with sin

you’re participating with something that

is not congruent with the truth of who

you’re of the truest identity of who you

are right against myself right sin is is

participating with anything that isn’t

of your true nature

okay and so it’s not just an acted an

activity of don’t do this but do this

but it’s more participating with

something that is not of your treatment

and also sin is just a believing a lie

that I’m going to get something I can’t

get that I can’t get from God and so I

believed in my heart that I needed that

escape and I needed that it wasn’t about

the sex I’m telling you right now it was

about the escape I hated how busy my

life was I hate how it’s always giving

to everybody you see and I was

old exhaustive and you all very clearly

did the hard work of restoration a hard

work of reconciliation and I think if

there’s anything that we can walk away

with this part one of our conversation

if we should walk away out of this part

one of conversation and into part two in

just a few minutes it’s that that there

were the resolution here that we’re

seeing the health and the wholeness that

we’re seeing here was not just work for

you in it and it wasn’t just work for

you it was the two of you resolving

together you know what we’re going to

keep this marriage intact and we’re

going to figure out how to how to walk

down you say that very well however the

next component of it really was the

driving force well I know and we can’t

we can’t even start with that component

yet because we got it we got it

in part one they’re gonna come back in

part two yeah go ahead and say here

because when we first found out we

thought that we were going to be okay

you know we thought that we were going

to be okay but you know is about 36

hours you know after me finding out

about the affair that we met with our

pastor face to face any challenge that

man he says Bob do you pray with your

life and I had to answer him and say no

I knew what the right answer should have

been but I had to be honest

and he says tonight you will pray with

your wife this is about midnight that

night we knelt beside our bed held each

other’s hands and look deep into each

other’s eyes and for 20 minutes we wept

and we cried and the only words we could

get out or God we need you God we need

you for 20 minutes we just wept and

cried God we need you you see because a

marriage isn’t between a man and a woman

a marriage is between a man a woman and

God God’s invested in our marriage

that’s what makes a marriage and then

after those 20 minutes we were in our

hotel room and we stood there was a

radio station playing KY oh really yeah

and we stood up and we danced yeah we

did it would be my hope you know that us

being able to spend a little bit of time

together would give opportunity for

people to have a little glimmer of hope

that God can restore the dance back to

the American would you please help me to

thank the Meissner

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