Join us as we hear from blogger & speaker, Mo Isom, as she shares a bit about her story and helps us uncover what’s really going on in the hearts of women struggling with promiscuity & pornography and how God’s grace can turn it all around.
hey there welcome welcome this is the
chats a place where we are chatting
about the things that are important and
today we have a very important show
listen you have probably heard of a
little book turned movie called Fifty
Shades of Grey
well the gray area is becoming even more
grey it seems like nobody really knows
how to kind of get a handle on what’s
right what’s wrong what’s in-between and
if any of this is really doing damage in
the lives of people and we’re going to
talk about that today because it’s
important meal of mostly women have read
this book have gone to this movie and we
already did a show on the Fifty Shades
of Grey we talked to two very incredible
women who are able to help us kind of
wade through some of the psychological
waters as to what this is doing to our
lives to our marriages but today we’re
gonna talk a little bit more personally
with a couple people that are gonna be
able to give us some personal insight
about how their lives have been affected
by things like pornography promiscuity
you know listen this is not just a man’s
issue it very much is a woman’s issue as
well we’re gonna get the female
perspective on it you are going to want
to stay tuned this is gonna be a good
one
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
all right we have got some work to do
today on a very serious topic serious
business because there are a whole lot
of people specifically women men and
women but today we’re really kind of
zeroing in on how pornography how
promiscuity how just that whole
salacious appetite that our culture has
really how it is doing a number on lots
of women teens young adults young 20s
all the way up through all decades of
life are really being affected and we
just kind of need to talk about it get
it out in the open and then try to find
out how we can get some help for folks
who really do need it and so we’re gonna
talk to a couple people that I think
you’re gonna find very interesting one
of them is mo Isom she just has a she’s
just an interesting girl all the way
around and she really does have a
testimony to share with you and so if
you’ll please help me to welcome mode to
the show today
[Applause]
yeah well listen just get comfy you know
we just may well be around and you’re
not gonna hang out and talk yes we need
to talk so a lot of people are familiar
with you because you wrote this little
blog well first of all you’re a great
writer period you have lucky a great
writing on your blog you need to go and
just look mo Isom up is om because it’s
got a great blog but there’s one that
really captured the attention of a lot
of people called the Fifty Shades of
grace yes why did you just start right
there with why did you call it Fifty
Shades of grace okay so I wrote this
blog at the time where Fifty Shades of
Grey the movie was coming out and I
could not go on Facebook or go online or
go on social media without seeing some
type of article written with an opinion
about Fifty Shades of Grey
you know supportive don’t understand
what the big hullabaloo is Christian
perspective on it that’s offended that
wasn’t pleased you know you just saw the
whole gambit of opinions and I said
they’re kind of scrolling through these
articles and realizing you know I could
I could sit down and I could write a
blog post analyzing and critiquing the
motives of writing something like this
the issues with our culture being so
fascinated by it or I could kind of
strike to the heart of the message and
dig below all of this and and share the
fifty Shades of grace that I’ve seen
through promiscuity through issues with
just sexual stigma through pornography
through all of these different things
and just sort of share a more personal
take on it because the conversation was
loud enough about the actual book yeah I
wanted the conversation to be about
Jesus because ultimately that’s where
any growth or insight or perspective was
going to come from and the response was
just amazing people really really
responded and connected I think first
with the vulnerability and then second
with the relatability there were so many
messages I got from people saying I
cannot believe you just wrote about that
I would have never had the guts to but I
wrestled with X Y & Z you know and and
how did you process what did you do or
you still all these and the majority
were I mean all of them reaching out to
me
women okay wait a minute wait wait wait
I’m here I’m just gonna talk and you’re
not gonna ask any questions laughing oh
and I’d like to ask questions ask the
question this is my show I’m sorry I’m
sorry okay listen we got to back up a
little bit cuz I gotta ask you a
question with all your comments that you
were getting back when you when you
wrote the blog and we’re gonna talk
about the blog because folks need to
know exactly what the blog was about
fifty Shades of grace but I want to know
in your kind of sphere of influence did
you have friends coworkers people that
were reading the book going to see the
movie or were they mostly kind of
steering clear of it what kind of circle
of friends were you in yeah so the
circle of friends that I was in was
really steering clear of it and pretty
opinionated on the material on the
response really sort of frustrated
culturally with the popularity of it all
that was my inner circle but at the same
time I realized I couldn’t just be
blinded by the like-minded view of my
inner circle there were plenty of of
colleagues of friends of peers my age
who were reading it who did go see it
who were tweeting them sitting in the
theater you know who some outspoken some
who I know had read it but would
probably never win everybody ready I
really want to know in the group that we
have here I think if you saw it I’m not
gonna do it but I do want to know if you
had people that you know close friends
of yours that went to go see the movie
anybody okay so the majority of our
hands are raised lots of our hands are
raised how about read the book do you
have people in your life that read even
more hands now reading the book okay so
the last statistic I read and this has
been a while ago there were about 50
million people that had read this book
one of the highest selling books of all
time it’s Fifty Shades of Grey
and it’s very clearly about sex and a
specific form of sex and how it all
plays out and I got to tell you the very
first time I heard about this book at
all I was at church and there was a
young lady who has been in our I say
young lady but you know she’s in her 40s
which is young is that it is young
she just said is it yes ma’am it is
young okay and she’s been married for a
while and I heard about it because we
were just kind of casually talking me
and a few friends and she said you know
y’all I got this book called 50 shades
of grey at the time I hadn’t really
heard anything about it was this was
maybe five years ago four years ago and
she just said I got this book and it has
really been great for my marriage
so the first information I heard about
it Wow was how great it was that it kind
of lit a new fire and a new spark and
her relationship so I just heard it was
great that’s all I heard then sort of
down the pipeline I began to hear that
and of course I didn’t have a copy of
the book you know I just you know and
didn’t have it yet but I began to hear
comments about how it seems good at
first but then it sort of leads you down
a path that you might find yourself sort
of entangled in something that is not
where you want to be right is that what
you were beginning to hear as well yeah
it was um it was really interesting
because there was one camp of of peers
who were reading it who thought oh this
is good you know this has given us ideas
this is you know it’s it’s saucy it’s
spicy it’s you know it makes me blush
more than anything I’ve seen on TV just
reading a book you know sort of this
really caught up in that
erotic you know turned on it’s good
agree rodica yeah and then there was
another camp of people who I think who I
knew had been reading the book who I
think started to realize through it wait
a second this is not what love is and
they’re really selling this is love and
it’s kind of disturbing and it’s kind of
upsetting me you know and really sort of
it started to lean towards the camp of
this is sending real mixed signals from
what I know to be true but it’s still so
popular and it just kind of got
confusing all the waters got really
muddy yep okay so then you respond with
fifty Shades of grace just tell us to
just fill everybody in what is your blog
post fifty Shades of grace about yes
so that blog post is written more
poetically than long-form writing
and throughout it 50 times I say I’m
thankful for fifty Shades of grace but
you know before each of those there’s a
little segment of story about your life
about my life and it starts right off
the bat saying you know along the lines
of I remember when I was young and I
opened the truck door and a playing card
fell out from stuff stuck behind the
seat and would have been like what your
dad would have put in the car my dad’s
truck he just you know wedged folders
and bags and papers back there as a
small truck and I remember a playing
card falling out and still to this day
vividly remember bending over and
picking it up just to you know wedge it
back in there but flipping it over and
there was pornographic images on it I
mean I saw a man and a woman doing
things I’d never seen how old were you
seven yeah seven maybe eight and it’s
that it was that feeling of your stomach
like coming up into your chest and you
feel like what is that you don’t even
know what it is yet but you know what’s
wrong you know you know it’s just you
shouldn’t be seeing it and you know my
dad’s coming around the side of the
truck and so I’m wedging it back as fast
as I can and the blog says it more
poetically but it sort of starts there
and it says you know even in that moment
I’m thankful for fifty Shades of grace
and it moves through seeing as a child
my dad really struggling with a
pornography addiction yeah and one one
instance you talked about sort of
walking around the corner and seeing
images on a computer screen or on a
television screen that he was watching
yeah coming down stairs just to get a
drink late at night I can remember
turning the corner and our TV was in
such a place that you could see it if he
came into the kitchen and there was porn
and you know always coming down into the
office and it’d be a quick turn off of
the computer screen and you know oddly
enough immediate anger and frustration
with me which I love my you would be
frustrated with you yeah I love my dad
through and through and at no point in
any point of the blog did I want it to
seem like I was blaming my issues on
some on my dad but it had something to
do with there was exposure there was
exposure Dan extremely young age and I
watched it take a toll on my parents
marriage and keep him out of my mom’s
arm
at night and I watch you know what just
the block moves through this pornography
presence when I’m so young to actual
interest on my part then I’ve been
exposed to it and I’m human how long
what would you say was from the time you
were seven and this started and you felt
uncomfortable at what point do you think
it moved into an interest where it began
to kind of stir in you a curiosity that
led toward desire quickly it’s amazing
how quickly those things can really
captivate our mind in our heart and you
know when kids are young and it’s scary
because the exposure is happening
younger and younger it seems every year
but then you have friends who have seen
or heard something that are telling you
things and a one friend at school in my
neighborhood knew this channel on the TV
and even though it was fuzzy you could
see some stuff and so we’d go like try
to figure out what we were seeing back
in the days when TVs were fun we’re
fuzzy yes yes who are like trying to
discern and you know you find the
channels on on your own TV and you’re
kind of like turning down the volume but
trying to figure all this out did your
did your parents know at all that you
were struggling with this
oh no yeah I can maybe think of one time
my dad walked in and I had like was
maybe trying to see something on the
computer and just I clicked away and
he’s like what are you looking at you
know it but didn’t really pry I don’t
think it raised too much of a red flag
but you know I was growing up at the
time that Internet was really growing
and pornography hit the internet quickly
it did not waste time and so just
exposure just a lot of exposure and and
you know I gotta say before we go to a
quick break I’ve got to say that even
what I’m gathering from you now is is
really a trick I think of the enemy that
we don’t quite get clearly and that is
that exposure doesn’t leave you
satisfied it actually leaves you hungry
for the next level right so you’re
constantly wanting the next thing to
satisfy what used to satisfy it doesn’t
anymore now you’ve been exposed you want
more
right so with 50 shades of gray or
things like that you feel like oh this
is cool we’re gonna we’re gonna we’re
gonna do this but then all of a sudden
you find it actually didn’t satisfy you
it just kind of made you curious about
what we could do next and what we can do
next so then it continues to lead you
down a path a path that we’re going to
keep talking about with Moe in just a
few minutes so please stay tuned
[Applause]
[Music]
this is going to be an incredible
experience where we all get to see what
it’s like to experience God’s unfailing
love we are incredibly loved incredibly
valuable and incredibly capable of
blowing it that’s why we are in the book
of Hosea I want you to experience it I
want you to be able to enjoy it I want
you to be able to taste and see that the
Lord is good if you’re lost the message
of Hosea is that God will find you if
you’re ashamed he’ll cover you if you’ve
wandered off he’ll come get you if you
have given up on him he is not going to
give up on you if you have found
yourself in Chains and in slavery and
you don’t know how you got there he will
buy you back and give you freedom that’s
the incredible scandal of God’s love he
would do whatever it takes to restore us
that kind of unfailing love
what changed everything
[Music]
we’ve been talking to mo mo has been
kind of leading us on a very vulnerable
authentic journey through some of the
struggles in her life but I’m so glad
she is because it really is helping us
today and it’s already been helping a
lot of people she has a fantastic blog
where she has written some i opening
things about her own life that also lead
us to broader issues of culture and just
the heart of women and how we can remain
pure and make sure that we are you know
living in a way that’s healthy all the
way around so I’m glad you tuned back in
because we were just about to really
talk about the path that sort of you
just begin to walk down seeing the
pornography that your your father was
looking at being exposed to it then that
exposure leading to a little bit of
desire and then just being fed all along
the way where did this eventually lead
you yeah so where I mean all of this
exposure eventually led was first and
foremost to a really twisted view of
beauty and power because a lot of the
interests while the sexual images were
were interesting to me it was this
allure of this woman who really was like
in control and she was sexy and she was
beautiful and you know you’re seeing
versions of it on the movies that even
if it’s not as graphic and this is what
culture finds beautiful yeah so you’re
getting you’re getting kind of excited
about the fact that my femininities got
some power and I Rea use this to my
advantage
yes and I’m kind of rationalizing what
I’m looking at as I’m learning I’m
learning tips here this is how one day
you know I’ll be able to do X Y & Z and
you know I made a commitment to my mom
when I was young that I would save
myself until I was married until I was
married but actually found myself very
much in gray area because I had sort of
committed to virginity but never really
learned about that purity yeah yeah and
so it was this commitment to virginity
and okay I’ll never go all the way but
confused about purity seeing the power
and control of these women thinking that
is really what a man does
so when I become of age and I’m actually
sort of finding the courage to do these
things physically as well I was
completely lost in the gray area of I
can round the basis but not go all the
way I can give little pieces of myself
away but still be a virgin and that’s
you know ideally what a good Christian
would be right a virgin yet I am doing
everything but a thread of holding on to
what is what is pure and so I really
found as I was growing as a young woman
I was I was just reckless
I was just reckless and you know a big
piece of my story is we eventually lost
my father to suicide and that left me
over well when were you I was 18 you
were 18 I was 18 do you leave a note or
anything that let you know why he did
leave okay um he he left a note
explaining how this decision would
benefit our family on the financial side
on just him being out of the picture
side all of these things he never really
gave deep explanation as to why but and
and we were blindsided because my dad
was a family man through and through I
mean I just think there were some
financial things that came to the
surface and I think he really just
panicked and I think it broke his heart
that he had really hurt his family and
we were blindsided it came out of
nowhere but we can look back now and see
he was clearly dealing with some you
noticed I am expression and I really
believe that the pornography addiction
played a great role in that he was bound
by a lot of bondage they kept him away
from my mother that kept him fixated on
something that was broken and implanted
yeah exactly and you know we could have
a whole nother session about all the
titles around that but it was um you
know after his passing I ran from God
into depression and anxiety and working
as hard as I possibly could to use sin
sized pieces to
odd size hole in my heart I mean just
indulged physically with guys I was just
like the Machine like get in give me my
fix get out I don’t know what you have
to stop for just a second that is like a
tweetable phrase right that was good I
tweeted it once I’ve been waiting for
like I’m not thousands of likes yeah I
have been waiting for timepieces Bella’s
god-sized hole and it just doesn’t work
doesn’t really and we think it will and
we keep piling them on top of each other
and that’s what you were doing yeah and
you and then did you find yourself
completely addicted to this lifestyle
and to pornography or promiscuity I
found myself completely exhausted yeah I
was just tired you know and still trying
to hold on to this thread of I’m a
virgin
I’m building a reputation I’m building a
list of individuals that could put up a
very different argument for my virginity
and purity you know and I honestly was
just losing myself and I was exhausted
and I was its the temporary pleasure
it’s the quick fix yeah and and you know
it helps somewhat numb somewhat aching
heart but eventually it leaves you void
okay at what point did you wake up and
go wait a minute this is not healthy
this is not okay and how did you work
your way out of it it’s because it’s one
thing to realize it it’s another to try
to figure out how am I gonna stop right
so I am another big piece of my
testimony was about a year after my
dad’s loss and really the depth of my
struggles I was just the cry of my heart
was God if you’re so real just wrecked
my life because I’m exhausted and I’m
I’m tired and he literally did so I was
in a horrific car accident and hanging
upside down in a ravine at 1:30 in the
morning I had never felt more
overwhelmed by the presence of a God who
said I will wreck your life for my glory
and he just he he shifted my heart it
was hard to explain life couldn’t
tangibly look the same after
encountering the presence of the Holy
Spirit and I started to you know you
step back into your normal life thinking
I have I have
I have come to know the Lord you know
life will be different but then you step
back into the rhythm of your sin yeah
because you think I’ll just go about my
normal life he was just about to ask
that because you still had to make
choices yay in and day out – you walk in
this brand-new freedom that you’ve been
given right what did it look like – to
be free not just to have experienced an
encounter with God but to not go back on
Tuesday and do the same thing I was
already doing right so I step back into
it and I very much tried and the true
conviction was overwhelming
particularly with the pornography you
know I hadn’t made the connection yet
but that was a spiritual rooted issue
and so the first time that I went back
to that after coming to know Christ
there was immediate conviction and
almost just my prayer really became God
give me eyes to see your people as you
see them give me a heart to break for
what breaks yours and just bind my heart
to thee and I would just repeat that
give me a heart to break for what break
shares and bind my heart to be and I
couldn’t look at those images without
physically if you have ill yeah
that is God’s child it’s not just
someone’s daughter it’s not just
someone’s mother it’s it’s not any of
those things it’s someone it’s one of
God’s creations and I can’t possibly
view these things and find any of the
same interest or stimulation when my
heart is literally breaking for the
individual this is really powerful what
you’re saying mo because what you’re
telling somebody is that God can
literally make you not want to look at
it anymore yes and I bet there would
have been a time in your life there’s
been a time in all of our lives it might
not be this exact same issue but there’s
been something we have wanted so much
that we never thought in a million years
we’d ever not want it anymore right but
the fact that you were willing it takes
a lot of courage to me to be able to say
okay I’m gonna actually pray that God
will help me not want something that I
actually really want you know to pray
that prayer takes courage but once you
start praying it you can believe that
God is powerful enough in fact I think
one of the biggest miracles often that
he does is not in our circumstances it’s
the miracles that he does
in our own heart in making our attitudes
change our desires change to where
you’re saying you’re looking at these
images you would have looked at the day
before the week before the month before
and all of a sudden there’s this
distaste that Wells up yeah in you and
I’m sure at some point in your journey
you thought that would never be
distasteful to you yeah I just never
realized how passionately and how
strongly I could feel for things you
know you sort of you live kind of Numb
until you come to know a life wrecking
life-saving King that makes you feel it
makes you know and I don’t know it was
it was just radical I think we serve a
radical God who if you cry out to him if
you come to his feet he doesn’t just
give lukewarm help and a little bit of
this or that if you are truly open and
submissive and yearning desiring deeply
for change oh man he comes like a raging
waterfall okay it’s it’s powerful and
it’s beautiful and a verse that I really
began to lean into that I’d heard my
whole life growing up in the church and
and in a Christian family I mean I had
heard love the Lord your God with all
your heart with all your soul with all
your mind
I heard that verse after truly coming to
know him and it became non-negotiable it
became so much more intense because God
is big and powerful and it was love the
Lord your God with all of your heart
that means guard your heart fiercely
love the Lord your God with all your
soul that means break these soul ties
surrender them to him love Lord your God
with all your mind that means take your
thoughts captive all of them every
single your preaching that girl I’m
gonna preach well that’s what God
changes your life you know it really
does make you want to tell other people
you really can’t be free yeah and here’s
how you can do it okay we’re get we’ve
got a closing a few minutes but I got to
ask you a question though I love you’re
a talker like me it’s a good news I’ll
ramble okay listen
you’ve been married yes how long I have
been married for almost eight months
okay he’s smoking hot Instagram and
sticker him at mo Isom the girls God is
good okay
here’s what I want to know where are you
worried that someone would never if you
were honest with them about all of this
struggle you’ve had since you were 7
mm-hmm
that they wouldn’t view you as pure they
wouldn’t view you as somebody who was
wife material I’m thinking about the
person who they don’t know if they
should be honest and they are really
genuinely worried that no one will ever
love them mm-hmm
if they’re if they reveal this struggle
because the pornography is such a man’s
we sometimes consider that to be such a
man’s issue right that for a woman it
seems like particularly dirty and
particularly unusual specially women
aren’t sexual beings as well exactly but
that’s just the stigma that the culture
has put on it yeah so you have a lot of
women that are a lot more quiet and
reserved about talking about this issue
because they’re worried that people are
never going to look at them the same
particularly that they’ll never be able
to have a loving authentic open
relationship with a guy that will want
to be their husband still right I was
terrified I was terrified even in
singleness to eventually have to share
with the man that you know hopefully I
would marry about my past and share
those scars and share those choices I
made many times totally terrified and
when I met Jeremiah there was such an
authentic presence of the Holy Spirit in
him that it invites vulnerability feels
safe it does and I opened up to him not
because he asked me to at no point did
he sit down and say what’s your number
tell me your list you know let’s go
through the pull out the blood
nitty-gritty exactly but one day I
remember sitting on on my front steps
and and I was like there’s something I
just I need to share with you and and I
kind of worried vomited all over him and
he he sat there for a second and this is
actually the conclusion of the blog if
you read Fifty Shades of grace on my
blog he sat there for
second I could tell that it was heavy on
him and you know he sighed and he looked
at me and he said has God forgiven you
have you sought forgiveness and and I
said yes many times and he says then why
do I have to hold against your hold over
you and I forgive you – that’s a good
man right that’s what I was like propose
I’m ready because it was he’s a good man
and I think that yes vulnerability is
terrifying
but it really is a key to walking down
the path to wholeness it is in health
and an issue like an authentic community
and authentic relationship and real love
not stimulating get your kicks now and
then it’s gone lust but a true authentic
deep love that it’s abiding that’s so
great you’re going to want to make sure
that you go look up fifty Shades of
grace if you have not already you want
to read this blog but not only that you
just want to get to know mo because her
whole story she just lives out loud if
you hadn’t been able to tell by the 30
minutes that we’ve been talking with
each other you can’t you you will be
able to know more and more about her if
you read more of her blogs more of her
stories more of a testimony that she
shares and her testimony really is one
of hope listen I want you to know this
is just part one of a conversation we’re
going to continue to have with mo along
with one of the most incredible young
women that I’ve ever met she works for
Teen Vogue lives right in the middle of
New York City and so she’s kind of got a
pulse on what’s happening with our
culture particularly young women and how
maybe the slight salacious appetite of
our culture really is affecting them and
what she’s seeing happening out there so
we’re just not add her right to this
conversation and content yet we’ve got a
nice little warm spot for right over
there by mo and we’re gonna have a great
conversation but for now would you just
please help me to thank mo for really
just sharing
[Applause]
[Music]
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[Music]
you