Part 3: Embracing Who You Are – The Evans Women – Lois Evans, Chrystal Hurst, Priscilla Shirer and Kariss Farris discuss how they have personally managed comparison and discovered their unique value.
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so let’s talk about comparison yeah
actually we’re talking about a Paris it
because you know it’s a question I get
all the time it’s do you compare
yourself to your sister you I’m curious
to knows and get as a daughter you would
compare yourself to me
I can’t hurt myself to my mother all the
time I’m just looking at man she’s
always put together she’s always super
graceful and that’s just not my natural
you know that’s not my natural gifting
you know I just had loved my yoga pants
with the hope of them every time I go to
the store I think and that’s when though
us wouldn’t do this and that’s when I
had this sweater that they want me to
get rid of came up to where she sits
down you know the same the threads are
all you can almost you could see once
because she wasn’t she was at home to
resemble every year at Travis Lee fitted
so we’re not gonna talking about it all
we were y’all and we have somebody put
us in it kind of nice hotel we were
amazed at us and I watched her from the
back and she wasn’t checking in
registering in this beautiful Lobby
that’s nice to tell and there were the
two the shoulder was like crystal you
really need to retire the sweater
right now this is the most comfortable
looking thing I’ve ever seen and you can
see why I’m hair myself yes my mother
who’s always put together she’s my
sister who’s usually pretty put together
and then my daughter you’ve put together
for sure when you go out so anyway do
you do y’all ever struggle with
comparison with other women in your
family that’s that’s the question
and if so what are you do about that
yeah I think I have a for you because
we’re so I think we’re onto a very quick
decision maker and then afterwards if it
was the wrong decision we’ll figure out
yeah yeah yes but I mean that’s just one
area but I think we’re different a lot
of ways and I know that I’ve talked to
Josh about like oh my quinella gets
older I’m scared that I’m not gonna be
as intentional with her as you were
because that’s just not my personality I
think you but I choose to realize that
in ways that that maybe you did like
it’s a fun creative that you make
decorate the lunch bag totally balanced
I just choose to realize that just like
it was great that I had that aspect of
you God gave me Ellie for a reason and
so whatever I have to give her is what
she’s going to need and just to choose
to believe that okay maybe the Lord’s
gonna stretch me in certain areas to be
more like you in a certain way but that
I have what I need for her and for Josh
and for future kids and then it’s okay
that I’m not totally like huge unlike me
for a reason yeah I think most women in
some areas you know struggle with
sharing so I feel like I could you know
I’m always constantly going well my
sister so I kind of always wanted to be
like you and never things just don’t
come as easily for me I think some
things that can’t easily be they didn’t
come easy for me so I had to work twice
as hard for the same so I struggled a
lot with just trying to be okay with
sounds exactly like Carrie just on the
bed this way and it’s okay that I’m not
as good at the things that you’re good
at so that’s just you kind of kept it
continually like talk yourself off a
little edge and then also with my mom
you know I struggled a lot with to me
the ideal mom was gonna stay home
completely oh so that’s the way it
looked in my head you’re saying because
mom because it’s work yeah but you were
later together and so for for us when we
started when Jerry started to feel like
the Lord was steering these foreign
ministry more intentionally because I
was speaking but I would go
see when someone invited me once every
couple or something it wasn’t it wasn’t
a ministry it was just I was just
speaking every now and then what people
would ask me of course that’s ministry
but you get my there wasn’t a big
umbrella yeah so when Jerry started to
feel like you know I think this would
the Lord want us to do my battle was but
then motherhood is not gonna look like
me just at home bacon bread all the time
which is what I wanted to do yeah and I
still do that helped release me too I
wonder are you saying it’s gonna be
unconventional but just take your kids
with you on the road aren’t home but
they’re still with you and that’s the
point so that’s what we do we just
homeschool of it and took them with us
everywhere for a lot of years and so I
just think I had to revamp in my head
that motherhood might not look exactly
the same but the same qualities of it
can be there even if it doesn’t it’s so
funny as you’re saying that I have
memories of you know we’re in this house
so we’re kind of going down memory lane
a little bit but I have memories of you
it was probably this way for a lot of
reasons but you always kind of had a oh
well that’s what I’m going to do you
don’t drive me not a drove home you then
throw me my cereal on you were just very
much about but I think that part of that
was I think a part of that was you
trying to be and learning to be okay
with well this is just how gonna do it
there was there was a kind of throw away
but I do see how in your adult life that
that learned practiced ability to kind
of go well this is just the way I’m
gonna have to do it it kind of has
helped to settle you in to the place
where you need to live like even though
it was kind of a throwaway I can’t do it
either
it just became you’re like well this is
what I’m going to do and that resolved
because that’s what I think it is it
resolved has turned into adulthood like
you know comfortable months I’m scared
candy that so this is what I’m gonna do
and it has really turned into a
confidence
in your own giftings and yeah it’s our
party’s methodology but the priorities
they don’t change
yeah telling the world you accomplish it
is between you and your family
but please don’t change the parties
don’t adjust the Scriptures to fit where
you feel you should be yeah it’s
seasonal what you can’t do now you’ll be
able to do it sitting here today as a
test of money no you know what if that
works for you I’m not gonna judge you
because that’s not the choice I’ve made
I’m just good oh my god the Mommy Wars
oh are you a stay-at-home mom are you go
out of the home to work are your kids in
school are they homeschooled
okay well have your children learn this
by this certain age was he doing it Mary
what does your husband do what does this
role in the home are you the spiritual
be there’s always questions about how we
do things that we’re not to be a tree to
do things how we how we do I wonder then
why are we living in Chains does ruin
only save ourselves or like we just said
releasing each other you have a friend i
sat down to dinner with this is years
ago now it’s we’re very good friends and
she travels a lot for ministry her
husband and they have a nanny that they
take with them their children
and it was about interesting to hear her
this is to hear her look at my
perspective are you serious how I was
kind of looking at her really have
somebody that travels of you and kind of
helps it Melissa she was looking at me
like and you don’t she did grow up that
way so she said you know I I she said we
traveled so much if I did not have any
hope my husband and I would never have
time together I would have never be able
to date him cuz sometimes that we out me
and in the evening her husband need to
go have an actual date she said we would
never have that our children would
always be with us we wouldn’t be able to
prioritize each other I had never even
considered that but you know that hopes
to actually prioritize something and I
got to do it all yeah I was like I gotta
do every single thing or I’m not being
the best mom and she’s like actually I
can’t be the best mom because it creates
just a little bit of margin if somebody
else is just kind enough of my friends
kind enough to come over and say I will
bring over dinner tonight help you with
the dishes
she’s like honestly somebody else
connected or nothing the dishes
I’m going when they can date my wife I’m
the only one that can take my kids to do
that activity or whatever be with them
for this thing so she said I don’t
understand how you’re not yeah how
you’re not letting yourself and people
hear that and making no money I don’t
have money yeah but I couple things and
when I’m friend who grew up on the
mission field yeah
so coming here she was just like why
don’t y’all have help yeah because she
was like on the mission people even have
money it was cultural it was called a
woman wasn’t supposed to do it all by
herself so I have some friends who she
write well they had it they decided we
all have young kids they were all
exhausted you know so they have they
call it the babysitter Club and when
their kids were really little you and
rotates and you were always baby sighs
nobody’s kids so at least once a month
you could plan to go to the doctor get
your hair done whatever that’s when the
kids got a little older if they they
would do it in the evening so that you
could go out on a date with your head
knowledge and so I think we have to
reframe the way we look at how we help
each other yes because ultimately we
don’t have to do it all by yourself and
what have you looked in close
semi-closed community and one of the
moms that’s making dinner on the Monday
nights they done enough spaghetti
gregory family and instead of going to
chick-fil-a on their way home you go
through this woman’s house and get your
servings of spaghetti but then you do
the same for her on Wednesday nights I’m
saying you know we live within five
minutes two minutes of each other alone
I just think little choices like that
with friends in your church and stuff
I’m gonna pay each other
Amon is it releases you to do other
things like you point about like your
spouse that’s a priority to you we don’t
really think we I think yeah I know
churches still have mothers down some do
because that’s what I was introduced oh
yeah are busy with the ministry you know
the church was growing your dad came
home one day was driving to seminary
yeah he said Lord said just past the
church and I have a whole lot of
confidence in that I think we could take
the children to one day a week I was
like no and then said let’s just try
they really tried it I got a chance to
go through my hair options just wasted
do it yeah so Christian you start you
start with your hair something was
actually I do that kids but once a week
we give each other one night off to once
a month instead of once a week just you
know that’s but it’s been really working
cuz he has a night off and he know that
I’m not expecting him to be at home I
can I know that he’s not gonna be at
home so I plan for that you know that
I’m gonna be here with Ellie by myself
and it’s great because he can go be with
friends he can do whatever he wants
I don’t care and then the same thing for
me I get one night a week that I know I
don’t have to think about Elliot I can
go hang out with a friend I can go to
sleep at five o’clock I’m not that you
know obviously we hope for community of
women who can do that with him for but
also your husband he wasn’t viewing you
there and
and these they’re dead yeah absolutely
so that’s what really good for a site
just to give you treasure right yeah
well I guess melody in the middle of his
busy life building a church Thank You
Laurel even a nibble of the church but
you guys seen that he would said Lois
get ready I’m coming coming home get
ready to come home for you to do
whatever you want to do with literally
pass each other in the doorway I just
went to the mall just walked around yeah
I don’t have any funds to buy anything I
think of course I might have gotten a
sword or something but it was just
knowing that he was coming home and you
can have your air hisses and we passed
each other he was said by high device
that their holiday that you have feeling
it on their shoulders and you can just
go mom put the kids to bed but then
Jesse was home yeah and then I’m going
to target yeah they have the best
popcorn really I was just gonna say you
know just to not leave the single women
out because all they didn’t have the
option of a Jewish that’s that option
again at the church yeah church is
supposed to be your family and those
women that are your friends in church
you see them every now and then boogie
or not and wait yes take these literally
take the initiative and say hey can we
help each other sister circle is that we
all have circles of girls somewhere they
may be a church I mean they were there
maybe at work so how do you need help
support reading a book I want to run
like what are the things that would help
you in your life
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