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and he just said son he said
you’re gonna have to pull it together
and you’ve got to stop doing the stuff
you gotta pull together
and i just remember just going i know
dad i know i just
my head was down and i was trying not to
cry and and that’s all i said
that’s always it in nashville well part
of that journey was in nashville when i
moved here
in 78 and i’d become a product when i
was in 75 it’s
it’s a crazy story i’ve written other
books about it you know over the years
about
the gory details of just i just got
deceived i mean
i’ve always if you can have a favorite
name name for the devil
i’ve always said he’s the great deceiver
and
anybody can go down i don’t care who you
are and
but i didn’t think i i didn’t think i
would you know it’s just it’s a crazy
story all my friends
who were older went to school went off
to college and then i just
i lost my way and i thought i could play
with the fire and not get burned and all
of a sudden i’m trapped
i’m literally trapped and
it’s the crazy thing is because i
remember getting high with people and i
would be talking about jesus
and then i’ll go well man that’s really
cool you know i mean it sounds weird
but i knew that god had a call in my
life and i knew that there was a destiny
for my life
and so i never could shake that
i never totally just i never totally
disowned him
i just partying just doing crazy stuff
you know making bad choices
yeah cool thing is my mom and dad never
can do me
ever ever they never threw me under the
bus i was always welcome home
i know it hurt my mom and dad that’s
what hurt me and i could tell in their
faces
that they were greed they weren’t mad
they were they were grieving for me
so basically i just continued to sort of
spiral spiral spiral down and i’m in
this i felt like i was in a big pit and
there was no ladder to get out
and then i i had a near drug overdose in
1978 and that’s
and i almost lost my life and that’s
when i thought
oh my gosh lord do whatever you have to
do
to get my attention car wreck break my
legs just don’t kill me
i’d say those kind of prayers and i knew
my mom and dad were on their knees
every single night for me if not in the
morning as well
and then 1979 november 79 i had a
i probably had a nervous breakdown i
never went to the doctor
but i ended up on the linoleum floor
in my apartment in nashville
and i wept and shook for three and a
half hours
and at 3 30 in the morning i just and
i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that
abba was laying on the floor with his
arm around me
and i haven’t been the same since it all
changed but
i’m convinced that it was the prayers my
mom and dad yeah
during that let’s say that season of
your life
where you were making bad choices
you know a lot of times people think god
shames them that god wants to
be a task master and wants to correct
you in a harsh way
but i i found in the book the closest
thing to
harsh that your dad was with you you
write about
in the book where you had a bit of a
conversation
out on the front porch of your little
house in kenosha
canova canova yeah and so um
what was that like because that’s almost
a heavenly father issue yeah i was
tender and i felt awful
you know i’m i’m i felt shame i felt
i just felt so guilty and but it didn’t
really come from my dad it was just i
knew i was doing the wrong thing but
yeah my
my dad came you know he came from that
generation
you know there was some really amazing
things about that generation
when you were sick you went to work yeah
yeah you took care of your wife you took
care of your kids you were involved in
your community
uh you’re involved in your church and
you just you know he just was a
good good guy you know but there were
certain things that
of that generation that they didn’t want
to like they didn’t you know we didn’t
have a lot of talks about sex
we didn’t talk a lot of talks about or
he was non-confrontational
yeah yeah but those kind of things he
just didn’t
he didn’t know what to say you know and
for me it’s a little dif
it’s a different time for me i’ve had
talks with all my
kids about lots of important and deep
stuff and
where some of my kids were maybe
struggling and i just talked to him
about it you know
my dad had a hard time doing that
because i think he didn’t want to push
me away
he knew i was in trouble so he he
thought if he said he he was so careful
not to say anything that might make me
wander even further right
but i remember on that front porch i
went out there he asked me to come out
there and i’m sitting and i just knew it
was coming you know
and he just said son he said you’re
gonna have to pull together
and you’ve got to stop doing this stuff
you got to pull together
and i just remember just going i know
dad i know i just
my head was down and i was trying not to
cry and and that’s all he said
that’s all he said and then we got back
in the house
that conversation on the porch that paul
smith had with michael w
smith is more in line with what god is
always saying
whatever you’re dealing with whatever
you think is giving you
life in this world isn’t it’s really
death it’s temporary it’s
my goodness to you is what will fulfill
you he’s constantly saying those things
and that’s kind of what you experienced
even in
your kind of wayward time your dad was
just calling to you he didn’t want to
push you any further
and people have the a really weird
dynamic about god is this really
you know kind of guy with a hammer you
know behind his back
waiting to knock you on the head with it
no no it’s not like that is it it’s not
like that and
you know unfortunately you know a lot of
these people have grown up
in really legalistic churches and have
and have brought that sort of theology
that i think is detrimental
to people and and that’s the kind of
stuff that makes me
if i get and i never get i don’t get mad
very often i’m
such so peaceful and but if i do get
upset
it’s when people instill
uh lies in people’s lives and things
like that
that portray god for some someone that
he’s not
and because that can destroy a life the
great deceiver
is it great to see her well the reality
is
uh your testimony here today is at your
darkest hour what did what
what was the image of god you remember
there with you with his arm around you
he was literally with you yeah that’s
your story that’s my story
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