Healthy relationships are important, and if you’ve been wondering how to restore a damaged relationship, then join Joyce in a live Q&A session, where she answers questions submitted by viewers.
Joyce Meyer, one of the world’s leading practical Bible teachers and New York Times best-selling author, shares encouragement and advice to help us enjoy our daily lives.
With a heart to share Christ and love people, Joyce’s messages help people in all walks of life to grow in their faith, learn to study the Bible, find healing from the wounds of life, get answers to life’s questions and encounter the love of God in a powerful way.
you
well hi and thank you so much for
joining us on this live webcast where
Joyce is going to answer your questions
about restoring relationships and Joyce
this is always such a fun time we love
to be able to ask you questions and see
what God’s Word says about it in your
own personal experience and which I have
plenty you’ve got a lot we all do in
relationship areas one thing I’ve
learned about relationships is people
are everywhere and we don’t always know
what to do with them but we can’t do
without them and there’s so much to
learn on the subject of how to get along
with people and I was thinking about
we’re going to talk today about
restoring relationships but let’s also
talk about how to have good enough
relationships that we don’t have to get
to the point where they need to be good
point
restored yeah so whether it’s just how
to keep relationships strong or how to
strengthen some that maybe aren’t going
as well as you would like or to restore
some of those well I think in particular
to learn I think one of the biggest
problems we have ginger is we until we
learn we don’t seem to know how to get
along with people that are not like us
and there’s lots of reasons for that
which we’ll talk about but that was
probably one of my biggest problems in
my earlier life somehow I thought
everybody should think like me and like
what I liked and want what I wanted and
of course I know now the basis of that
was just foolish pride but you really
can never get along with people if you
don’t learn how to broaden your circle
of inclusion and learn that God has on
purpose created us all differently and
we have to learn to respect and honor
and value the differences in people and
that’s not always as easy as we would
like to think it would be no it’s not
but you were just saying that really the
Bible is is a book about relationships
what it is you know one of my favorite
scriptures and I hope everybody else is
too is Matthew 23
they were asking Jesus what is the most
important commandment the most important
commandment you shall love the Lord your
God with all your heart soul mind and
strength the second commandment is like
it equal to it you shall love your
neighbor as you love yourself and it
just occurred to me a few years ago that
really the Bible’s about relationships
it’s about our relationship with God his
relationship with us
the relationship of the Trinity Father
Son and Holy Ghost in the unity in that
relationship it’s about our relationship
with other people but I think a lot of
what people miss sometimes is the Bible
teaches a lot about our relationship
with ourselves right and I have found
over the years and I really firmly
believe this that much of the reason why
we have difficulty getting along with
other people is because way down deep
inside we’re at a war with ourselves and
if you don’t like yourself if you don’t
get along with yourself you’re not going
to get along with other people that’s a
really important place to start well
right now you can go ahead and begin
submitting your questions because in
just a few minutes Joyce will begin
answering them and while you’re doing
that let’s take a look together at this
funny situation that occurred in Dave
and Joyce’s relationship we open a new
safety deposit box and we want to put a
couple of our kids on it and so Dave and
my one son-in-law was on it and so my
son-in-law says to me well I have one
key and dad’s got the other key and so
you’re going to have to find his key so
when you when you take it to get the
other two kids on there and I didn’t
have my name on there yet that you know
they’ll you’ll be able to get into it
and do whatever you need to do so I went
to Dave and said where’s the key to the
safety deposit box I don’t know I said
what do you mean you don’t know you got
the other key he says I don’t know I
said well Steve said he gave it to you
you got one when you went to the bank
where’s that I don’t know so for three
days I’m like find the key look for the
key where is the key find the key so he
finally starts searching everything
could not find the key anywhere anywhere
anyway okay so for two days I’m thinking
well I bet if it would have been in the
key to your golf bag you’d know where it
was
okay so we couldn’t find the key
couldn’t find the key so I told my
son-in-law okay find out you know we can
get other keys they said oh no we only
give out two keys you want a new key
you got to drill the lock out of the box
it’s going to cost you $200 to get a new
lock and get new key so I go back to him
it is going to cost $200 for us to drill
this out and I said you know this
happened once before the last time we
had a safety deposit box you also lost
the key and we had to drill the lock out
and we could not find it you should have
kept up with that key so I’m going
upstairs one morning and I thought I
wonder if I have that key
Oh
haha
i sat there as long as I could set this
is my story I’m sitting at the breakfast
table with her and she says did you find
that key have you looked for the key yet
in different places and I said I haven’t
looked at the office yet I’m gonna look
at the office and so she got it from the
breakfast table and as she was leaving
the table this thought came to me what
if she’s got the key now that is the
Holy Ghost I knew it immediately that’s
the Holy Ghost oh yeah you got a word of
knowledge and she was going upstairs to
her office the same thought came to her
you know I better check my my in my
closet just to see and she goes in her
closet she comes out of her closet
holding this key dangling it of course I
recognized it right away and she says is
this the key she had egg all over her
face no he has not let me forget it
I said you know same same piece by how
sad it isn’t
hey not only does she find that key but
then then she goes back and finds the
other key she had she had she went out
on and not only have a gan her face she
was buried in a and I was so thankful I
said Lord thank you that’ll take care of
that’ll take care of me for a couple
years that’s so amusing just you know we
all have those situations in our lives
where we’re so sure that we’re right
where we know what is how oh my gosh but
yeah something different actually is
going on one of the greatest things that
I had to learn that helped me was no
matter how much I think I’m right I
could be wrong I’m telling you I knew
that he lost those keys I knew it and
here I had it all the time yeah well you
know they’re they’re funny stories when
you tell them after the fact oh yeah not
too funny when in happening they can’t
put a little stress on relationships
when these things happen you know one of
the things I think we have to realize in
relationships is we have to really be
careful what it is we’re making a big
deal out of huh you know so often we
make such a big deal out of things that
really in the long run doesn’t really
make that much difference anyway and I
realize now in my younger years how
petty I was and and how I would make
such a big ordeal a lot of things that
didn’t even really matter that much at
all right and how I’ve learned not to do
that and how much more piece that brings
me in relationships yeah
and those little nuggets that God allows
us to learn can really change that’s
right our hearts and our relationships
so much well the questions are flying in
all right so let’s answer them so we
start here’s one this is coming from
Susan of Crowley Louisiana okay since
how do I restore a relationship in which
the other party won’t admit that there’s
been any wrong how do I forgive when the
other person won’t admit that they’ve
hurt me well first of all when we
forgive someone we’re not even really
doing it for them
we’re doing it for ourselves and I think
that’s a huge lesson that we have to
learn actually I have a book that’s
coming out next spring called do
yourself a favor and forgive I think for
years we think well why should I forgive
you you’re not even sorry or why should
I forgive you you don’t even deserve it
you won’t even admit you’ve done
anything wrong but really the
forgiveness is for me it’s from my
relationship with God and it’s for the
peace in my heart and then as far as
restoring a relationship I mean
obviously you do have to have two people
that want the relationship to work I
mean if there’s only one that wants it
to work and the other one who just
absolutely doesn’t care true then
restoration is going to be difficult but
sometimes you do have to do your part of
what’s right for a long long long time
before you ever get a right response and
you know that was silly of us yeah that
was so well it was just very important
for me to learn that I don’t necessarily
do what’s right always to get a right
response I do what’s right because of my
love for God and because he wants me to
and the Bible says in Galatians 6 be not
weary in well-doing and due season you
shall reap if you faint not so a lot of
it is about that individuals level of
maturity who really wants the
restoration and I always like to say the
person who is the most mature is the one
that’s going to apologize first and
they’re going to be the one that doesn’t
really care that much who’s right or
wrong they value peace above everything
else now I’m not suggesting that we just
cave into everybody else’s whims in
order to keep peace sometimes that’s not
right either you have to stand up
against what’s wrong but we have to kind
of choose our battles and realize is
this important enough to make that kind
of an ordeal out of it mm-hmm well
here’s a question that kind of goes
along those lines a little bit this is
from Kathleen in Connecticut she says my
husband and I are divorcing due to his
many years of drug addiction he’s lived
in and out of recovery for quite a while
and our 16 year old daughter wants
nothing to do with him but is there a
way because that father-daughter
relationship is so important then I can
help their relationship to be restored
well I think one of the things
that that a mother our Father has to do
in a situation like this as always make
sure that you’re careful how you talk
about the person like this mother needs
to be very careful how she talks about
the father obviously the daughters angry
probably she has a lot of reasons to be
angry teach her the importance of
forgiveness for her own sake teach her
that only God can change that man and
also teach her that even though he’s
made her very miserable he’s been much
more miserable himself I think anytime
you see someone that’s that’s addicted
and I don’t mean that they don’t have a
responsibility because I believe that
they do but as far as relationship is
concerned we can’t change people and
we’re not going to have to answer for
those people so our answer always is to
love not to just let people walk all
over you and just continue to just hurt
you over and over and over again but if
the father wants any kind of
relationship it would be very valuable
for the daughter to try to maintain one
because she might be the only hope that
he would ever have of perhaps coming to
Christ I had that my relationship with
my own father you know for years and
years he after abusing me he didn’t
admit it for 40 years he never said I’m
sorry he never said I did anything wrong
and if you would have stuck in that
waiting for him to do something yeah you
wouldn’t be where you are to so we began
to love him and help provide for him in
his old age and it wasn’t anything that
was really thrilling to me emotionally
but I knew it was something God was
asking me to do and as a result of that
and it took it took years of doing it
not days years he finally accepted
Christ as his Savior was baptized and I
saw real change in him the last two or
three years that he was alive yeah so so
it’s worth it when we wait and let God
do and I just want to say this again
because I feel like there’s some people
that need to hear it if you’re going to
be a mature Christian then you’re
probably going to be the one that’s
always going to have to take the first
step and you may have to you may have to
do what’s right a long time before you
get a right result don’t do what’s right
just to get a right result do what’s
right because it’s right and because it
pleases God and let God take care of the
results all right here’s another
question from Carolyn Carolyn asks
do you move forward after the Trust has
been destroyed by lies and infidelity
well I think that’s obviously a very
difficult situation I don’t know that
it’s possible apart from God you know I
had been very badly hurt by men in my
life my father my first husband
different men betrayal
rejection infidelity all kinds of stuff
well then when I married Dave who really
wasn’t the problem I was taking it out
on him because I was treating him as if
he were these other people and I
remember saying to the Lord one day in
my prayer time how can you ask me to
trust him I’ve been so hurt by men how
can you ask me to trust him and I
remember what the Lord put my heart so
strongly was I’m not really asking you
to trust him I’m asking you to trust me
and I can’t promise the woman who sent
in this question that should never get
hurt again nobody can really promise
anybody that yeah because people are
people and they do have faults and
failures but if she wants to give him
another chance if he’s asking for
another chance and she believes that
that’s what she’s supposed to do which i
think is always the best route to go
restoration is always better than giving
up if she’s willing to do that then she
almost has to go into it thinking well
you know I’m going to be mature enough
to realize that I could get hurt again
but God is big enough to heal me if I do
and at least then she’s going to have
the satisfaction of knowing that she did
everything that she possibly could to
make it right yeah knowing that that it
really is God where we’re putting our
faith right and and not in any other
person right you have to put your faith
in God that he can handle the people and
we know that people have a free will and
they can resist God you know there’s any
time that I’m believing God for
something involving another person I’ve
come to the point of understanding that
he’s not going to force them to do
what’s right but me putting my trust in
him does guarantee that he’s going to
take care of me yeah and so no matter
how often we get hurt God is always
there
to heal us alright well here is a
question from Nicole from the UK she
says my husband and I had a terrible
falling out with my father I forgive him
but my husband refuses to so how can I
encourage my husband to stop holding a
grudge and to restore that relationship
well I think some of the things that
I’ve already been saying apply here that
number one you have to understand that
when you forgive your doing you’re doing
yourself a bigger favor than you are
anyone else so sharing that with her
husband sharing that with our husband
that you’re only hurting yourself and
you’re hindering your own relationship
with God you know we can’t we just can’t
forget that what we call the Lord’s
Prayer says Father forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive those who
trespass against us so if the husband is
a believer in Christ and he wants to
have that right relationship with God
through Christ then he absolutely cannot
hold unforgiveness against anyone and
expect God to forgive him if he’s not a
believer then it may be harder for him
to understand that principle anytime
that we can’t convince someone of
something after trying once or twice we
need to just realize that God is the one
who can change it and it always amazes
me say well I guess there’s nothing left
to do but just pray like that’s not
going to do a lot like that’s you know
I’ve done everything else I can do now
we’ll just see if God can do something
when really we should pray first so if
she’s not being able to convince her
husband she needs to stop wasting her
time and just pray and let God do the
convincing somebody said the other day
well you know I guess we’ll just have to
trust God you know and it’s it’s gotten
to be amusing to me it’s like not like
well I guess we just have to trust God
we get to trust God it’s a privilege to
be able to go to God with all of our
situations and say god this is more than
I can handle but it’s not more than you
can handle yeah yeah good point you’re
pretty good at this Joyce oh thank you
just let me throw that out there you
here’s a question from Ontario Canada
this is from Julie and Julie asked I
lost my dearest friend last fall and I’m
having trouble making new friends I’m 47
and it’s tough it’s not like you can
just pick up a new best buddy but I’m
measuring my old acquaintances
to my late best friend and so
relationships aren’t going well so how
do I stop doing that well before you
ever told me that that was going to be
my answer the first thing that she has
to do is not compare new people to that
other person because we’re all different
yeah she has to be able to let go of
what lies behind not that you don’t
remember the friend but I’m always
struck by what the Bible says about how
long are you going to mourn over Saul
god said to the prophet Samuel how long
are you going to mourn over Saul
I’ve anointed a new king well I believe
that God has chosen and anointed new
friends for her but she can’t put the
pressure on them of being like somebody
else otherwise she’s always going to be
disappointed and I think I would just
throw my heart wide open to God and not
try to choose my own friends you know I
made that mistake for a long time I
think well I want to be friends with
them or I want to be friends with them
and then it would just end up not
working out or I would get devastated
and really get hurt in the long run and
I finally said to say god I have no idea
who you want me to be really good
friends with you pick them you choose
them and in the meantime you’re going to
be my number one friend and I think the
more we mature in our walk with God
ginger the more we realize that that to
be very careful about this my best
friend my best buddy thing you know
maybe God just wants us to love
everybody and to and I know some people
we adapt to some people more than others
and you know I get all that and I
totally understand all that but I think
sometimes if we have our one or two best
buddies then we have a tendency to
exclude other people and I really think
we need to broaden our circle of
inclusion and try it maybe what she
needs to do instead of trying to find
somebody that she thinks would be a good
friend to her maybe she needs to try to
find somebody that needs a good friend
yeah and become a good friend of them
matter of fact even just in saying that
I believe that’s her answer yeah
excellent point and what you said is a
really hopeful statement that God has
those people in mind exact to be her
friends exactly who and what she needs
exactly that’s right this is Cynthia
from
Illinois I recently restored a broken
relationship with two sisters how can I
keep and maintain this relationship in
the future so what are some of the keys
after you’ve got that put back together
to keep a relationship strong well first
of all I guess she needs to consider
what caused the problem to start with
make sure that that’s avoided yeah and
the things that I have learned in
relationships probably are too many to
talk about just on this program but
number one we have to realize that we’re
all different I re different yeah very
different years ago I read a book about
personality types and it was just such
an amazing eye opener to me because I
was just having a very hard time getting
along with a lot of different people you
know by then I was already in ministry
and I had a lot of people working for me
and my husband was different than me and
my kids were all different than each
other and it was just like seemed like
we had trouble everywhere we turned and
finding out that every person is born
with a god-given temperament and then
their personality develops as a result
of that temperament plus different
things that happen to them as they
mature and grow up that then becomes a
personality a personality can be changed
it can be improved we can overcome
weaknesses we can enhance our strengths
but you can’t overcome your temperament
you know I’m always going to be
aggressive and straightforward and I’ve
learned to be have better manners and to
consider other people but I mean if
nobody else is going to do anything I’ll
always do something you know because
that’s just the way I am well somebody
else the last thing on their agenda
might be to ever jump up and be the
first to say let’s do this or that
because they’re just born followers so
just to realize how different her two
sisters are from her be respectful about
those differences honor those
differences and value the differences
that we have in people because I realize
now that my gosh if Dave wasn’t
different than me we would have a
terrible mess because there’s some times
when I move too fast and he’ll slow me
down a little sometimes and he’s a
little too slow and I’ll speed him up a
little some
times if I am ready to give up on
somebody and I’m not in the mood to give
them mercy he’ll come in with a good
speech on how we need to be merciful and
then sometimes it’s me doing that with
him so we need each other and we need
the differences in one another so I
think you know my bottom line advice
would be respect the differences in your
sisters honor them and go out of your
way to show that you value them
everybody wants value we all want to be
made to feel valuable and we all want to
be appreciated you know I think that
people will look over a lot of our own
mistakes if we have really shown them
value and respect over a number of years
we all need that we all need that well
you know as talking as we’re talking
about these different relationships one
of the most important keys to restoring
any relationship is to make sure that
your relationship with Christ is healthy
so take a look at the story of how God
restored a marriage on the verge of
breakdown I want to make sure that when
I leave here tonight that I have Christ
as my savior I see this hand up there
Bob Wilson never thought he’d give up
his addiction to alcohol for anyone but
that night at the Joyce Meyer conference
in Birmingham God changed everything you
spend your whole life looking for
something you don’t know what you’re
looking for you go from place to place
you find different people to try to fill
that gap different things like drink my
life is to revolve around the pub
and getting drunk could if I look back
on my life it’s ruined and controlled my
life I’ve lost houses have houses
repossessed because of the drink and
thanks to Joyce and especially which
you’re talking about addiction approval
I now realize exactly what I was doing I
was looking for approval I wanted to be
liked
that’s not important to me anymore I now
know what’s important to me which is the
Lord and His approval was the only
approval that sink
bob says with the help of their church
Joyce Myers teaching and most of all God
he and his wife Carol are both on a path
to personal healing and it’s a path
they’re taking together I strongly
believe that the Lord puts together and
pearl love in our hearts for each other
and Carol has had not an easy life up
until now and I haven’t in a different
respect but most of mine was
self-inflicted looking back on it and
now I think we are up because of cow’s
patience Carol’s love I have been able
to develop my walk with the Lord
she’s allowed me to do that she’s there
she supports me and I try to do the same
for her we watched Joyce we’ll study
together up we’re trying to get as much
information he gets like a giant sponge
you want to soak it all up and yes we
have a problem so everybody else we have
her off days and we have it on tests but
that’s changed as well because listening
to Joyce and we’re both got a lot a long
way to go but as Joyce says I’m not
where I should be but thank Lord I’m not
where it was he’s my guide he’s my
comforter he’s everything to me
and I can’t get over his unconditional
love ease and peace that’s the biggest
thing not the peace that I had now got
there having that faith to believe that
I don’t have to worry anymore I know
that this life is a short span so
whatever happens in this life is not
important as long as I’ve got my faith
in the Lord as long as we walk in the
light with him he will he will give us
in supply everything that we need so it
really is so encouraging just to see the
way that God works and other people’s
relationships other people’s lives and
know that he wants to do the same thing
in all of ours and that it is our
relationship with him that makes the
other relationships work I really
believe that it’s pretty much impossible
to get along with people unless you have
a right relationship with God and you’ve
received his forgiveness and unless you
know how to get along well with yourself
and by that I mean you know there’s
things about all of us that we don’t
personally like I mean
things about me that you know I used to
wish this was different that was
different to be honest I don’t even do
that anymore because I’ve got a real
deep understanding of you know God’s
created me yes I have faults but I have
strengths and I have to focus on those
strengths but before I could really get
along with my husband or anybody else I
had to get along with me and I think
that’s very very important for our
viewers today to to realize that that
you know before you start trying to fix
a relationship with somebody else you
need to find out is my relationship with
God right and number two is my
relationship with myself right if you’re
full of rejection about yourself and
full of shame and you live under guilt
and condemnation all the time it’s going
to come out of you and a grouchy
attitude toward other people so yeah
that’s very important well here’s a
question that goes somewhat along those
lines
it’s from Michael and Austria and he
says I have a problem oh I’m sorry it’s
Mikayla and that’s very important
because it’s a question about her
husband Mikayla is asking I have a
problem with my temper but only with my
husband and only in some areas of our
life so how can I be calm in those
trigger moments even when he says things
that I don’t like well I think I would
get with God and try to pray through
what the root of the problem is if her
husband is the only one that she gets
angry at is there a resentment there is
there an old wound that’s still open
maybe something that you haven’t dealt
with that you need to deal with or is it
even something from your past you know
I’ve found out for myself that sometimes
if I was around somebody who had a
personality like my father’s that I
would respond out of my anger toward him
at them right and so there’s a reason
you know it’s it’s great to try to deal
with the fruit of the anger but you may
never really be able to fully get rid of
it until you learn how to deal with the
root of that anger now we do have
self-control and we can learn you know
the uselessness of anger and the
foolishness of it and how it never
changes anything and it just keeps
making the problem worse and worse and
you know we can learn to control
ourselves by basically having good
conversations with
self about how foolish it is to keep
getting angry but I really feel in my
heart for you that if you want to really
solve this problem you’re going to have
to maybe look for what the root of it is
mm-hmm good advice all right well this
comes from Brenda in Illinois and she
says in a relationship that seems to be
having communication blocks what is the
best and most loving way to start
opening things up for discussion that
have been closed in the past without
seeming to angry or confrontational well
one of the things that I’ve learned is
if I’m going to need to talk to anybody
about something that I already know
before I start into it maybe volatile I
have to pray first and ask God to help
me pick the right timing timing is so
important in conversations that you know
may not be received real well you don’t
ever want to talk to somebody when
they’re already stressed out when
they’re too tired when they’ve already
got another huge problem when they’re
extremely hungry I mean there really
good advice I mean there’s times to pick
when you want to talk to somebody and I
think in conversation you have to make
sure that you’re not just wanting to
talk but that you’re willing to listen I
remember saying to Dave one time you
know we never talk and he said no you’re
right we don’t talk you talk and I
listened and that’s the only way you
want to talk and for me I I went through
a period of time in my life with Dave
where I felt like we just could not
communicate and I found out that I had a
problem and it was a route of rejection
in my life and the way it manifested was
if Dave and I would be trying to talk
about something and he didn’t agree with
me then I would start trying to change
his mind I I felt rejected if he didn’t
agree with me and I didn’t know how to
separate who I was from what I thought
right so if he didn’t think what I
thought then I felt rejected and he kept
saying I need to have the freedom to
have my own opinion and I kept saying
that I knew that but then I would keep
trying to change his mind and that was a
great breakthrough for me because I
realized that my opinion is one thing
Who I am is another Dave cannot agree
with me about 12 things and that and
he’d still love me right
it’s just a difference in our opinions
and really everybody is entitled to
their own opinion we need to learn how
to not give them all the time unless
somebody wants them but you can’t make
somebody think the way that you think so
I think respecting that person making
your mind up when you go into the
conversation that you’re going to give
value to them by listening that you’re
going to give value to them by letting
them know that they have a right to
think differently than you do
pray ahead of time pick your timing and
I believe God can make it work out but
opening those lines of communication
even when it’s hard right is key to
having any good relationship yeah you
you can’t solve things without
confrontation yeah and confrontation is
for many people a nightmare
for some people we do it too easily I
would have a tendency to do it too quick
so I have to provide wait yeah and so
that I had to learn to pick the right
timing and to really like God prepare a
heart somebody else may hate it so bad
that they miss the timing that God is
trying to give them and then they try to
do it in their own timing so it’s just a
matter of learning I think all right
Ellen from Hampton Virginia wants to
know what is the best way to handle the
aggravation I feel with those I love but
who continually have poor pitiful me
parties do you have any experience there
yes yes I used to live in the pity party
all the time now you know I think we all
have been there and I really I don’t
enjoy people now that feel sorry for
themselves all the time you know it just
it can be extremely aggravating when
there’s so much to be thankful for
so much to be grateful for but I guess
then I have to make sure that I’m not
feeling sorry for me because I have to
be around all these people to feel sorry
for that start your own I can’t fall
right back into the same trap and I
think you know number one do you have to
be around those people you know can you
choose other friends that are going to
be more uplifting to you I mean
sometimes we just need to choose to be
around people that are going to be
better to be around right you know so
that’s the first thing do you have to be
around them secondly if you do have to
be around them and you can’t change them
then you just need to pray for them and
go and enjoy your life you know one of
the things that my husband did that
irritated me probably more than
thing but in the long run it helped me
more than anything was he would not let
me make him unhappy so if your friends
are making you unhappy if it’s people
that you that you have to be around you
have no other choice and you’re letting
them make you unhappy then really you’re
all just playing the devil’s game you
know they’re there they’re open to the
enemy by feeling sorry for themselves
now you’re open to the enemy by letting
them steal your joy you have to be
responsible for your own joy don’t ever
give somebody else the responsibility of
keeping you happy they’ve made a
decision I’m going to be happy no matter
what you do and it irritates me but then
eventually I saw his stability and I saw
that he had something that I wanted and
didn’t have and it really was one of the
things that God really used to change me
that’s good okay this is Chrissy from
Ohio she says I love people and I get
along with almost everyone how do I not
take it personally when someone doesn’t
like me and for no apparent reason well
you know I heard I heard that
statistically it’s been proven that 10%
of people won’t like us no matter what
no matter what so no matter what you do
what’s her name Christie mm-hmm because
no matter what you do Christie there’s
going to be some people that are going
to like you I mean that’s just a fact
and you just have to not worry about it
you know I’ve come to the point where I
realize you know hey if you don’t like
me God will send somebody else that does
and and you know you just you just have
to realize that you can’t keep everybody
happy all the time
you do the best that you can do to do
what you believe is right and I don’t
mean that you should have some kind of a
flippant attitude but sometimes you just
need to think well you know if you don’t
like me you’re missing a good
opportunity to be in relationships if
with a nice person because it sounds
like you’re somebody that’s really nice
you go out of your way to be nice to
people and you do get along with most
people so as far as taking it personally
that’s a decision that you just have to
make and I think sometimes just looking
at the statistics do help you know it
did help me even in like like my my
teaching or my preaching if somebody
would get up walk out of a service what
I was preaching you know in the
beginning I was always sure that they
didn’t like me and then I
finally realize well you know even if
you’re leaving because you don’t like me
there’s an awful lot of people out there
and if ninety percent really like me and
if you don’t then I have to focus on
what’s good and not what’s bad maybe
they just had to go to the bathroom and
maybe they did and I think they probably
did when you’re insecure you always
think it’s you and you know maybe these
people that she thinks doesn’t like her
it may be that they have personal
problems of their own they’re hurting
they don’t know how to relate to her and
I’ve kind of learned that most people
aren’t as interested in us as we like to
think they are sometimes in other words
you know if somebody hurts me they may
not have even had me on their mind at
all it may have been something else
entirely so right you know really it
really changes us when we expect the
best exist when we expect the best of
other people and even if they don’t like
us we expect the best of ourselves yeah
so you know I Know Who I am so it’s okay
we’re not all going to be best friends I
tell a story about my daughter that I’ll
tell here real quickly because I think
it teaches a lesson you know she was in
line one day at a drugstore waiting for
a prescription and the clerk was grouchy
grouchy grouchy and so she’s making her
plan the whole way she’s working up the
line I am going to tell her this and I’m
gonna and I’m going to get the manager
and I’m gonna do this and that and then
she said God began to put on her heart
you don’t know what she’s going through
for all you know her husband walked out
and left her and she’s got three kids
for all you know she just found out
she’s got terminal cancer you have no
idea what that woman’s going through so
instead of getting up there and telling
her off and this was what the Lord kind
of put her to do go back out to your car
get one of your mother’s books that you
carry around to give to people get back
at the back of the line and wait all the
way through it again and then give her
something that might help her so here
she was ready to take it personally when
God was showing her and had nothing to
do with her at all it was something
going on in that woman’s life very good
alright this comes from Pat in
Gordonsville Virginia at what point do
we have to say that I cannot restore a
relationship that it’s better to walk
away from this one well I think that God
has to really show you that I don’t
think that anybody can give you a B C
for that there are relationships that
cannot be restored you can forgive you
can forget and you can move on but
forgiveness doesn’t all
I mean restoration sometimes it just
it’s just not healthy you know and I
also really firmly believe this and I’ve
learned this even in my own life more in
the last five years and some situations
almost everything in life is for a
season except marriage and you know a
few relationships but it’s amazing how
many people that I’ve had in my life
that I thought when they were in my life
would be there forever I’m talking about
friends or people that I worked with or
whatever and they thought they’d be
there forever and we talked about
forever and then it didn’t it wasn’t far
forever the season was up and yeah you
know then you just know that you know I
value those people I appreciate the time
that they were in my life but it’s it’s
not there anymore
yeah it’s not I can remember them fondly
but I can’t go on in that relationship
so restoration is not always possible
sometimes someone is not willing to do
their part you know sometimes it’s not
even something God wants you to continue
with he wants you to move on or if it’s
an unsafe and unsafe or if the person
just keeps hurting you over and over and
over again I don’t think God is asking
us just to go out and just see how often
people can hurt us there is a certain
amount of wisdom and common sense and
protecting your heart but he is a
miraculous God yes he and we need to
hold on to that hope at times too so
yeah let me just say this before we go
on because it’s coming up in my heart I
think that for everybody that’s joined
us today I think we need to be wiser and
more discerning about the relationships
that we get into I really feel like that
many of the problems that our viewers
have today are actually you made bad
choices to start with I’ve made bad
choices myself at times I’ve wanted to
be in relationship with people for the
wrong reasons and I’ve really I’m really
praying a lot more to be much more
discerning about I think you can be
friends with a lot of people when you
really throw your heart wide open to
somebody you need to make sure that
you’re using wisdom and common sense and
it’s somebody that you want to invest in
because if you’re not willing to invest
in a relationship it’s never going to be
a good one
yeah yeah okay here’s an interesting
question from Christina in Florida do
you think it’s better for people to walk
away if they’re getting heated during an
argument and and come back and talk
later when things have calmed down or
should they work harder to keep
addressing it at that moment what’s the
best way to handle hard times and
relationships like that I think probably
sometimes it is wise to walk away from
it for a few minutes to just get away
from it let’s always say let emotions
subside and then decide because if
you’re at an emotional high point it’s
going to be very difficult to control
your body language or facial expression
your voice tones your attitudes and what
you say so if you’re at the point where
you know that you’re about to lose
control or even if you if you’ve had
relationship with this other person and
you can see where they’re headed and you
know it’s about to be an explosion
sometimes you may be the one to have to
say you know what I just think it’s
going to be better if we talk about this
later this is not going to be a good
time and then walk away price some more
I don’t think ignoring the issue forever
is the answer I do believe we need
proper confrontation but I do think
sometimes we need a break and letting
that person know what you’re doing
rather than just yes storming off yeah
just saying you know I think that we
just need to cool it here for a little
bit you know we’re not we’re both
getting overly excited and we’re going
to make a mess so let’s just take a
break and maybe we’ll discuss it
tomorrow or maybe this isn’t the right
time or yeah you know whatever okay um
this is kind of a key question it’s
maybe a big answer but Maria wants to
know how can I restore first my
relationship with God well God is always
ready for restoration so it’s not even
really anything that you have to do it’s
something you have to be open to letting
God do he already knew everything that
you were going to do wrong before you
were ever born and he’s prepared to
forgive you
forgiveness was paid for when Christ
died on the cross and really all you
have to do is receive you have to go to
him and say I’m sorry there’s you
realize that there’s no sin too great
for God to forgive there’s no pit so
deep that he cannot reach down in it and
get you out I want you to hear that
today you it’s not
you late to begin again you’ve not done
too many things wrong if you’re wanting
restoration with God then you can have
it right at this moment you don’t have
to wait any longer all you need to do is
ask God to forgive you to give you mercy
to give you a brand new start and to
teach you how to live right so you don’t
keep falling the same pit over and over
and over again restoration with God is
probably the simplest thing in the world
if we’ll just learn how to receive you
know we’re always trying to earn and
deserve and buy and feel like we’re good
enough and that has nothing to do with
grace grace is God doing for us what we
absolutely do not and never can deserve
and that’s what’s humbling about it I
come to you God I’m the hugest mess on
the whole planet
I don’t deserve forgiveness I don’t know
how you could possibly forgive me but
I’m going to believe your word that you
will and so I receive it right now the
get means to obtain through struggle and
effort to receive means to act like a
receptacle and just simply take in
what’s being offered so we don’t have to
think that it’s on our shoulders it’s
not that’s not our job at all it’s it’s
all all God he’s done everything that
needs to be done for us to have a new
beginning a brand-new start total
forgiveness yeah just just to let you
know some information here people you
guys are asking such good questions and
people have been asking more than two
thousand questions Wow got about
fourteen thousand people with us here
registered so that’s also that’s great
but we’ve got time for a couple more
questions if you don’t mind Natasha from
Georgia wants to know how do you know
when to speak up when you feel
misunderstood or misinterpreted I don’t
want to start another argument but I
don’t want to feel misunderstood well I
think we all have a tendency to want to
defend ourselves and to justify our own
self and there is a real fine line
between me being defensive and really
trying to just bring some genuine
understanding and I guess my answer to
that would be you have to really know
your own
heart which is not always it’s not that
hard to do but we don’t always take the
time to do it I know one time there’d
been some articles written about me in
the paper and I felt very defensive
about it and so even people when I’d be
out and about with how I read that
article you know how do you feel about
that and then I would start right away
defending myself one day one of my
children was with me one of my sons and
he said will you stop trying to defend
yourself well I think up until then I
didn’t even really realized that that’s
what I was doing I wanted people to
think well of me but then we have to ask
ourselves sometimes you know why do I
want people to think well of me and I
really believe that when the Bible says
that Jesus made himself of no reputation
I don’t think we can ever really get
around to obeying God and getting beyond
the need to defend and justify herself
until we realize that our relationship
really I mean our our not our
relationship our rub what people think
realization reputation say I do need
help our reputation is really up to God
he has to take care of our reputation I
can’t if I be responsible for what you
think of me and they think of me and
everybody else thinks of me I’ll just
end up going crazy and that’s that’s
scriptural I mean it says that it’s in
his hands it’s not our hands so that’s
good alright this is a question from
Washington Seattle and it says I’ve been
really depressed for the last couple
years especially after my grandma’s
passing I thought of suicide and I need
help in finding my strength back because
that relationship was too so important
to me that she feels like she’s lost
part of herself so when you’ve lost
someone that was a huge part of you how
do you continue well I think that you
have to realize that in life you are
always going to lose people that’s part
of life there’s a time to gain a time to
lose a time to get a time to lose that’s
Ecclesiastes and that that everything is
right and beautiful and it’s time you
know a grandma sounds to me like she
might have been an older person who had
lived her life and so if you can learn
to celebrate the life that she had and
to
really trust God now that it’s time for
you to take what she taught you and to
move on you know the minute that you
said ginger this girl’s depressed I felt
a sadness in my heart I just want to
encourage everybody today don’t be
depressed don’t be sad and gloomy and
live your life and disappointment and
think only about what you’ve lost Jesus
died that you might have and enjoy your
life and have it in abundance to the
full until it overflows we’ve all lost
things in life that have been painful
for us but we have to think about what
we have left and I just want to give you
this little piece of advice don’t just
think about what you’ve lost but think
now about what you can give I think
that’s always our point of healing it’s
not what about me what about me I feel
this what have I lost what about me but
what can I give
who’s out there that needs help that I
can be a blessing to that’ll bring you
out of that depression yeah that’s good
and there there is such joy waiting for
all of us I think sometimes we get in a
hopeless place where we we feel like
we’ll maybe without that person or
without whatever we’ll never feel that
joy again yeah but but God has a joy out
there waiting for all of us that he just
wants to bring forward you know I
remember one time a fear getting on me
about what I would do if I didn’t have
Dave how could I run the ministry how
could it you know what would I do if I
didn’t have Dave and God felt dealt very
sternly with me he said you’d do the
same thing you’re doing right now
because Dave is not your source I am and
that’s what we have to you know all
remember that God is our source and he’s
the strength of our life and and he’s
over everything he sees everything he
knows everything and if you’ve lost a
person that you love that’s tragic I
understand that don’t expect you not to
hurt you should hurt you should mourn
but once again I repeat don’t just think
about what you’ve lost but now think
about what can you do for someone else
the minute that we get our mind off of
ourselves and what we’ve lost and what
we can do for someone else I think
that’s the point of healing
well during this time we’ve been talking
specifically about restoring
relationships but at our Women’s
Conference which is coming up you’re
going to be focused and our special
guests are going to be focused on
restoring all different areas of our
lives every area of our life God is far
wholeness the word saved sozo in the
greek means wholeness God didn’t just
send Jesus to buy us a ticket to heaven
so we didn’t have to go to hell when we
died but so that we might live eternally
in eternal life is to know God to be
restored in every area you can be
restored mentally you can be restored
emotionally physically financially
socially spiritually every area of your
life can be restored God wants to teach
you how to take back the things that the
enemy has stolen from you and be a whole
healthy individual one minister that I
know says this and I think it’s a great
statement he says that the greatest gift
you can give to the world is a healthy
you yeah and so why don’t you join us at
our Women’s Conference this year so you
can be healthy and whole and restored in
every area of your life and no more
sadness I just want to say again for all
the people watching today that you’re
said don’t be said Jesus died so you
could enjoy your day and and let go of
what lies behind and press onto the good
things that are HID yeah well a great
start for that is to join us at the
Women’s Conference because it’s just
such an exciting
I know excited about this year’s
conference worship the teaching it’s all
just a wonderful package that the new
relationships that you build people
meeting one I already know what I’m
going to teach off because God gave me
all those messages last week so now I’m
really excited I think it’s going to
really be good and I don’t know I mean I
know the people that are our guests are
going to speak on restoration I don’t
know what they’re going to speak on but
I know they’re good we never have
anybody unless we think they really have
a real word in due season to impart to
people well Nancy Alcorn who’s the
founder of Mercy Ministries knows what
God can do in young woman’s life because
she says right all the time yes and then
the Eldridge is our wonderful imparting
God’s Word and and also making it very
practical and enjoyable as they share so
and I realize
I like all of them and so I’m just bold
enough to believe if I like them that
you’re going to like them too and you
know not only that just to set aside
that weekend those really ends up being
like two and a half days Thursday night
Friday night through Saturday afternoon
just to come apart and get out of the
regular flow of things and make new
friends and come with old friends and be
there in the worship and the word it can
be life-changing for you so we really
hope that you’ll register right now you
can do it right here online and when you
do it today you’ll save 25% so now’s a
great time to do it our early
registration is over but we’ve kind of
done that again because of this special
webcast so mark your calendars for
September 15th through 17th and join us
in downtown st. Louis it’s going to be
great fun we hope to see you then and
thank you so much to all of you who
submitted your questions today during
the live webcast and thanks for all your
great insight Joyce we appreciate it
thank you very much for being with us
today we love you very much and we
appreciate the time that you took to be
with us and we look forward to doing it
again soon
you