Healthy relationships are important, and if you’ve been wondering how to restore a damaged relationship, then join Joyce in a live Q&A session, where she answers questions submitted by viewers.

Joyce Meyer, one of the world’s leading practical Bible teachers and New York Times best-selling author, shares encouragement and advice to help us enjoy our daily lives.

With a heart to share Christ and love people, Joyce’s messages help people in all walks of life to grow in their faith, learn to study the Bible, find healing from the wounds of life, get answers to life’s questions and encounter the love of God in a powerful way.

you

well hi and thank you so much for

joining us on this live webcast where

Joyce is going to answer your questions

about restoring relationships and Joyce

this is always such a fun time we love

to be able to ask you questions and see

what God’s Word says about it in your

own personal experience and which I have

plenty you’ve got a lot we all do in

relationship areas one thing I’ve

learned about relationships is people

are everywhere and we don’t always know

what to do with them but we can’t do

without them and there’s so much to

learn on the subject of how to get along

with people and I was thinking about

we’re going to talk today about

restoring relationships but let’s also

talk about how to have good enough

relationships that we don’t have to get

to the point where they need to be good

point

restored yeah so whether it’s just how

to keep relationships strong or how to

strengthen some that maybe aren’t going

as well as you would like or to restore

some of those well I think in particular

to learn I think one of the biggest

problems we have ginger is we until we

learn we don’t seem to know how to get

along with people that are not like us

and there’s lots of reasons for that

which we’ll talk about but that was

probably one of my biggest problems in

my earlier life somehow I thought

everybody should think like me and like

what I liked and want what I wanted and

of course I know now the basis of that

was just foolish pride but you really

can never get along with people if you

don’t learn how to broaden your circle

of inclusion and learn that God has on

purpose created us all differently and

we have to learn to respect and honor

and value the differences in people and

that’s not always as easy as we would

like to think it would be no it’s not

but you were just saying that really the

Bible is is a book about relationships

what it is you know one of my favorite

scriptures and I hope everybody else is

too is Matthew 23

they were asking Jesus what is the most

important commandment the most important

commandment you shall love the Lord your

God with all your heart soul mind and

strength the second commandment is like

it equal to it you shall love your

neighbor as you love yourself and it

just occurred to me a few years ago that

really the Bible’s about relationships

it’s about our relationship with God his

relationship with us

the relationship of the Trinity Father

Son and Holy Ghost in the unity in that

relationship it’s about our relationship

with other people but I think a lot of

what people miss sometimes is the Bible

teaches a lot about our relationship

with ourselves right and I have found

over the years and I really firmly

believe this that much of the reason why

we have difficulty getting along with

other people is because way down deep

inside we’re at a war with ourselves and

if you don’t like yourself if you don’t

get along with yourself you’re not going

to get along with other people that’s a

really important place to start well

right now you can go ahead and begin

submitting your questions because in

just a few minutes Joyce will begin

answering them and while you’re doing

that let’s take a look together at this

funny situation that occurred in Dave

and Joyce’s relationship we open a new

safety deposit box and we want to put a

couple of our kids on it and so Dave and

my one son-in-law was on it and so my

son-in-law says to me well I have one

key and dad’s got the other key and so

you’re going to have to find his key so

when you when you take it to get the

other two kids on there and I didn’t

have my name on there yet that you know

they’ll you’ll be able to get into it

and do whatever you need to do so I went

to Dave and said where’s the key to the

safety deposit box I don’t know I said

what do you mean you don’t know you got

the other key he says I don’t know I

said well Steve said he gave it to you

you got one when you went to the bank

where’s that I don’t know so for three

days I’m like find the key look for the

key where is the key find the key so he

finally starts searching everything

could not find the key anywhere anywhere

anyway okay so for two days I’m thinking

well I bet if it would have been in the

key to your golf bag you’d know where it

was

okay so we couldn’t find the key

couldn’t find the key so I told my

son-in-law okay find out you know we can

get other keys they said oh no we only

give out two keys you want a new key

you got to drill the lock out of the box

it’s going to cost you $200 to get a new

lock and get new key so I go back to him

it is going to cost $200 for us to drill

this out and I said you know this

happened once before the last time we

had a safety deposit box you also lost

the key and we had to drill the lock out

and we could not find it you should have

kept up with that key so I’m going

upstairs one morning and I thought I

wonder if I have that key

Oh

haha

i sat there as long as I could set this

is my story I’m sitting at the breakfast

table with her and she says did you find

that key have you looked for the key yet

in different places and I said I haven’t

looked at the office yet I’m gonna look

at the office and so she got it from the

breakfast table and as she was leaving

the table this thought came to me what

if she’s got the key now that is the

Holy Ghost I knew it immediately that’s

the Holy Ghost oh yeah you got a word of

knowledge and she was going upstairs to

her office the same thought came to her

you know I better check my my in my

closet just to see and she goes in her

closet she comes out of her closet

holding this key dangling it of course I

recognized it right away and she says is

this the key she had egg all over her

face no he has not let me forget it

I said you know same same piece by how

sad it isn’t

hey not only does she find that key but

then then she goes back and finds the

other key she had she had she went out

on and not only have a gan her face she

was buried in a and I was so thankful I

said Lord thank you that’ll take care of

that’ll take care of me for a couple

years that’s so amusing just you know we

all have those situations in our lives

where we’re so sure that we’re right

where we know what is how oh my gosh but

yeah something different actually is

going on one of the greatest things that

I had to learn that helped me was no

matter how much I think I’m right I

could be wrong I’m telling you I knew

that he lost those keys I knew it and

here I had it all the time yeah well you

know they’re they’re funny stories when

you tell them after the fact oh yeah not

too funny when in happening they can’t

put a little stress on relationships

when these things happen you know one of

the things I think we have to realize in

relationships is we have to really be

careful what it is we’re making a big

deal out of huh you know so often we

make such a big deal out of things that

really in the long run doesn’t really

make that much difference anyway and I

realize now in my younger years how

petty I was and and how I would make

such a big ordeal a lot of things that

didn’t even really matter that much at

all right and how I’ve learned not to do

that and how much more piece that brings

me in relationships yeah

and those little nuggets that God allows

us to learn can really change that’s

right our hearts and our relationships

so much well the questions are flying in

all right so let’s answer them so we

start here’s one this is coming from

Susan of Crowley Louisiana okay since

how do I restore a relationship in which

the other party won’t admit that there’s

been any wrong how do I forgive when the

other person won’t admit that they’ve

hurt me well first of all when we

forgive someone we’re not even really

doing it for them

we’re doing it for ourselves and I think

that’s a huge lesson that we have to

learn actually I have a book that’s

coming out next spring called do

yourself a favor and forgive I think for

years we think well why should I forgive

you you’re not even sorry or why should

I forgive you you don’t even deserve it

you won’t even admit you’ve done

anything wrong but really the

forgiveness is for me it’s from my

relationship with God and it’s for the

peace in my heart and then as far as

restoring a relationship I mean

obviously you do have to have two people

that want the relationship to work I

mean if there’s only one that wants it

to work and the other one who just

absolutely doesn’t care true then

restoration is going to be difficult but

sometimes you do have to do your part of

what’s right for a long long long time

before you ever get a right response and

you know that was silly of us yeah that

was so well it was just very important

for me to learn that I don’t necessarily

do what’s right always to get a right

response I do what’s right because of my

love for God and because he wants me to

and the Bible says in Galatians 6 be not

weary in well-doing and due season you

shall reap if you faint not so a lot of

it is about that individuals level of

maturity who really wants the

restoration and I always like to say the

person who is the most mature is the one

that’s going to apologize first and

they’re going to be the one that doesn’t

really care that much who’s right or

wrong they value peace above everything

else now I’m not suggesting that we just

cave into everybody else’s whims in

order to keep peace sometimes that’s not

right either you have to stand up

against what’s wrong but we have to kind

of choose our battles and realize is

this important enough to make that kind

of an ordeal out of it mm-hmm well

here’s a question that kind of goes

along those lines a little bit this is

from Kathleen in Connecticut she says my

husband and I are divorcing due to his

many years of drug addiction he’s lived

in and out of recovery for quite a while

and our 16 year old daughter wants

nothing to do with him but is there a

way because that father-daughter

relationship is so important then I can

help their relationship to be restored

well I think one of the things

that that a mother our Father has to do

in a situation like this as always make

sure that you’re careful how you talk

about the person like this mother needs

to be very careful how she talks about

the father obviously the daughters angry

probably she has a lot of reasons to be

angry teach her the importance of

forgiveness for her own sake teach her

that only God can change that man and

also teach her that even though he’s

made her very miserable he’s been much

more miserable himself I think anytime

you see someone that’s that’s addicted

and I don’t mean that they don’t have a

responsibility because I believe that

they do but as far as relationship is

concerned we can’t change people and

we’re not going to have to answer for

those people so our answer always is to

love not to just let people walk all

over you and just continue to just hurt

you over and over and over again but if

the father wants any kind of

relationship it would be very valuable

for the daughter to try to maintain one

because she might be the only hope that

he would ever have of perhaps coming to

Christ I had that my relationship with

my own father you know for years and

years he after abusing me he didn’t

admit it for 40 years he never said I’m

sorry he never said I did anything wrong

and if you would have stuck in that

waiting for him to do something yeah you

wouldn’t be where you are to so we began

to love him and help provide for him in

his old age and it wasn’t anything that

was really thrilling to me emotionally

but I knew it was something God was

asking me to do and as a result of that

and it took it took years of doing it

not days years he finally accepted

Christ as his Savior was baptized and I

saw real change in him the last two or

three years that he was alive yeah so so

it’s worth it when we wait and let God

do and I just want to say this again

because I feel like there’s some people

that need to hear it if you’re going to

be a mature Christian then you’re

probably going to be the one that’s

always going to have to take the first

step and you may have to you may have to

do what’s right a long time before you

get a right result don’t do what’s right

just to get a right result do what’s

right because it’s right and because it

pleases God and let God take care of the

results all right here’s another

question from Carolyn Carolyn asks

do you move forward after the Trust has

been destroyed by lies and infidelity

well I think that’s obviously a very

difficult situation I don’t know that

it’s possible apart from God you know I

had been very badly hurt by men in my

life my father my first husband

different men betrayal

rejection infidelity all kinds of stuff

well then when I married Dave who really

wasn’t the problem I was taking it out

on him because I was treating him as if

he were these other people and I

remember saying to the Lord one day in

my prayer time how can you ask me to

trust him I’ve been so hurt by men how

can you ask me to trust him and I

remember what the Lord put my heart so

strongly was I’m not really asking you

to trust him I’m asking you to trust me

and I can’t promise the woman who sent

in this question that should never get

hurt again nobody can really promise

anybody that yeah because people are

people and they do have faults and

failures but if she wants to give him

another chance if he’s asking for

another chance and she believes that

that’s what she’s supposed to do which i

think is always the best route to go

restoration is always better than giving

up if she’s willing to do that then she

almost has to go into it thinking well

you know I’m going to be mature enough

to realize that I could get hurt again

but God is big enough to heal me if I do

and at least then she’s going to have

the satisfaction of knowing that she did

everything that she possibly could to

make it right yeah knowing that that it

really is God where we’re putting our

faith right and and not in any other

person right you have to put your faith

in God that he can handle the people and

we know that people have a free will and

they can resist God you know there’s any

time that I’m believing God for

something involving another person I’ve

come to the point of understanding that

he’s not going to force them to do

what’s right but me putting my trust in

him does guarantee that he’s going to

take care of me yeah and so no matter

how often we get hurt God is always

there

to heal us alright well here is a

question from Nicole from the UK she

says my husband and I had a terrible

falling out with my father I forgive him

but my husband refuses to so how can I

encourage my husband to stop holding a

grudge and to restore that relationship

well I think some of the things that

I’ve already been saying apply here that

number one you have to understand that

when you forgive your doing you’re doing

yourself a bigger favor than you are

anyone else so sharing that with her

husband sharing that with our husband

that you’re only hurting yourself and

you’re hindering your own relationship

with God you know we can’t we just can’t

forget that what we call the Lord’s

Prayer says Father forgive us our

trespasses as we forgive those who

trespass against us so if the husband is

a believer in Christ and he wants to

have that right relationship with God

through Christ then he absolutely cannot

hold unforgiveness against anyone and

expect God to forgive him if he’s not a

believer then it may be harder for him

to understand that principle anytime

that we can’t convince someone of

something after trying once or twice we

need to just realize that God is the one

who can change it and it always amazes

me say well I guess there’s nothing left

to do but just pray like that’s not

going to do a lot like that’s you know

I’ve done everything else I can do now

we’ll just see if God can do something

when really we should pray first so if

she’s not being able to convince her

husband she needs to stop wasting her

time and just pray and let God do the

convincing somebody said the other day

well you know I guess we’ll just have to

trust God you know and it’s it’s gotten

to be amusing to me it’s like not like

well I guess we just have to trust God

we get to trust God it’s a privilege to

be able to go to God with all of our

situations and say god this is more than

I can handle but it’s not more than you

can handle yeah yeah good point you’re

pretty good at this Joyce oh thank you

just let me throw that out there you

here’s a question from Ontario Canada

this is from Julie and Julie asked I

lost my dearest friend last fall and I’m

having trouble making new friends I’m 47

and it’s tough it’s not like you can

just pick up a new best buddy but I’m

measuring my old acquaintances

to my late best friend and so

relationships aren’t going well so how

do I stop doing that well before you

ever told me that that was going to be

my answer the first thing that she has

to do is not compare new people to that

other person because we’re all different

yeah she has to be able to let go of

what lies behind not that you don’t

remember the friend but I’m always

struck by what the Bible says about how

long are you going to mourn over Saul

god said to the prophet Samuel how long

are you going to mourn over Saul

I’ve anointed a new king well I believe

that God has chosen and anointed new

friends for her but she can’t put the

pressure on them of being like somebody

else otherwise she’s always going to be

disappointed and I think I would just

throw my heart wide open to God and not

try to choose my own friends you know I

made that mistake for a long time I

think well I want to be friends with

them or I want to be friends with them

and then it would just end up not

working out or I would get devastated

and really get hurt in the long run and

I finally said to say god I have no idea

who you want me to be really good

friends with you pick them you choose

them and in the meantime you’re going to

be my number one friend and I think the

more we mature in our walk with God

ginger the more we realize that that to

be very careful about this my best

friend my best buddy thing you know

maybe God just wants us to love

everybody and to and I know some people

we adapt to some people more than others

and you know I get all that and I

totally understand all that but I think

sometimes if we have our one or two best

buddies then we have a tendency to

exclude other people and I really think

we need to broaden our circle of

inclusion and try it maybe what she

needs to do instead of trying to find

somebody that she thinks would be a good

friend to her maybe she needs to try to

find somebody that needs a good friend

yeah and become a good friend of them

matter of fact even just in saying that

I believe that’s her answer yeah

excellent point and what you said is a

really hopeful statement that God has

those people in mind exact to be her

friends exactly who and what she needs

exactly that’s right this is Cynthia

from

Illinois I recently restored a broken

relationship with two sisters how can I

keep and maintain this relationship in

the future so what are some of the keys

after you’ve got that put back together

to keep a relationship strong well first

of all I guess she needs to consider

what caused the problem to start with

make sure that that’s avoided yeah and

the things that I have learned in

relationships probably are too many to

talk about just on this program but

number one we have to realize that we’re

all different I re different yeah very

different years ago I read a book about

personality types and it was just such

an amazing eye opener to me because I

was just having a very hard time getting

along with a lot of different people you

know by then I was already in ministry

and I had a lot of people working for me

and my husband was different than me and

my kids were all different than each

other and it was just like seemed like

we had trouble everywhere we turned and

finding out that every person is born

with a god-given temperament and then

their personality develops as a result

of that temperament plus different

things that happen to them as they

mature and grow up that then becomes a

personality a personality can be changed

it can be improved we can overcome

weaknesses we can enhance our strengths

but you can’t overcome your temperament

you know I’m always going to be

aggressive and straightforward and I’ve

learned to be have better manners and to

consider other people but I mean if

nobody else is going to do anything I’ll

always do something you know because

that’s just the way I am well somebody

else the last thing on their agenda

might be to ever jump up and be the

first to say let’s do this or that

because they’re just born followers so

just to realize how different her two

sisters are from her be respectful about

those differences honor those

differences and value the differences

that we have in people because I realize

now that my gosh if Dave wasn’t

different than me we would have a

terrible mess because there’s some times

when I move too fast and he’ll slow me

down a little sometimes and he’s a

little too slow and I’ll speed him up a

little some

times if I am ready to give up on

somebody and I’m not in the mood to give

them mercy he’ll come in with a good

speech on how we need to be merciful and

then sometimes it’s me doing that with

him so we need each other and we need

the differences in one another so I

think you know my bottom line advice

would be respect the differences in your

sisters honor them and go out of your

way to show that you value them

everybody wants value we all want to be

made to feel valuable and we all want to

be appreciated you know I think that

people will look over a lot of our own

mistakes if we have really shown them

value and respect over a number of years

we all need that we all need that well

you know as talking as we’re talking

about these different relationships one

of the most important keys to restoring

any relationship is to make sure that

your relationship with Christ is healthy

so take a look at the story of how God

restored a marriage on the verge of

breakdown I want to make sure that when

I leave here tonight that I have Christ

as my savior I see this hand up there

Bob Wilson never thought he’d give up

his addiction to alcohol for anyone but

that night at the Joyce Meyer conference

in Birmingham God changed everything you

spend your whole life looking for

something you don’t know what you’re

looking for you go from place to place

you find different people to try to fill

that gap different things like drink my

life is to revolve around the pub

and getting drunk could if I look back

on my life it’s ruined and controlled my

life I’ve lost houses have houses

repossessed because of the drink and

thanks to Joyce and especially which

you’re talking about addiction approval

I now realize exactly what I was doing I

was looking for approval I wanted to be

liked

that’s not important to me anymore I now

know what’s important to me which is the

Lord and His approval was the only

approval that sink

bob says with the help of their church

Joyce Myers teaching and most of all God

he and his wife Carol are both on a path

to personal healing and it’s a path

they’re taking together I strongly

believe that the Lord puts together and

pearl love in our hearts for each other

and Carol has had not an easy life up

until now and I haven’t in a different

respect but most of mine was

self-inflicted looking back on it and

now I think we are up because of cow’s

patience Carol’s love I have been able

to develop my walk with the Lord

she’s allowed me to do that she’s there

she supports me and I try to do the same

for her we watched Joyce we’ll study

together up we’re trying to get as much

information he gets like a giant sponge

you want to soak it all up and yes we

have a problem so everybody else we have

her off days and we have it on tests but

that’s changed as well because listening

to Joyce and we’re both got a lot a long

way to go but as Joyce says I’m not

where I should be but thank Lord I’m not

where it was he’s my guide he’s my

comforter he’s everything to me

and I can’t get over his unconditional

love ease and peace that’s the biggest

thing not the peace that I had now got

there having that faith to believe that

I don’t have to worry anymore I know

that this life is a short span so

whatever happens in this life is not

important as long as I’ve got my faith

in the Lord as long as we walk in the

light with him he will he will give us

in supply everything that we need so it

really is so encouraging just to see the

way that God works and other people’s

relationships other people’s lives and

know that he wants to do the same thing

in all of ours and that it is our

relationship with him that makes the

other relationships work I really

believe that it’s pretty much impossible

to get along with people unless you have

a right relationship with God and you’ve

received his forgiveness and unless you

know how to get along well with yourself

and by that I mean you know there’s

things about all of us that we don’t

personally like I mean

things about me that you know I used to

wish this was different that was

different to be honest I don’t even do

that anymore because I’ve got a real

deep understanding of you know God’s

created me yes I have faults but I have

strengths and I have to focus on those

strengths but before I could really get

along with my husband or anybody else I

had to get along with me and I think

that’s very very important for our

viewers today to to realize that that

you know before you start trying to fix

a relationship with somebody else you

need to find out is my relationship with

God right and number two is my

relationship with myself right if you’re

full of rejection about yourself and

full of shame and you live under guilt

and condemnation all the time it’s going

to come out of you and a grouchy

attitude toward other people so yeah

that’s very important well here’s a

question that goes somewhat along those

lines

it’s from Michael and Austria and he

says I have a problem oh I’m sorry it’s

Mikayla and that’s very important

because it’s a question about her

husband Mikayla is asking I have a

problem with my temper but only with my

husband and only in some areas of our

life so how can I be calm in those

trigger moments even when he says things

that I don’t like well I think I would

get with God and try to pray through

what the root of the problem is if her

husband is the only one that she gets

angry at is there a resentment there is

there an old wound that’s still open

maybe something that you haven’t dealt

with that you need to deal with or is it

even something from your past you know

I’ve found out for myself that sometimes

if I was around somebody who had a

personality like my father’s that I

would respond out of my anger toward him

at them right and so there’s a reason

you know it’s it’s great to try to deal

with the fruit of the anger but you may

never really be able to fully get rid of

it until you learn how to deal with the

root of that anger now we do have

self-control and we can learn you know

the uselessness of anger and the

foolishness of it and how it never

changes anything and it just keeps

making the problem worse and worse and

you know we can learn to control

ourselves by basically having good

conversations with

self about how foolish it is to keep

getting angry but I really feel in my

heart for you that if you want to really

solve this problem you’re going to have

to maybe look for what the root of it is

mm-hmm good advice all right well this

comes from Brenda in Illinois and she

says in a relationship that seems to be

having communication blocks what is the

best and most loving way to start

opening things up for discussion that

have been closed in the past without

seeming to angry or confrontational well

one of the things that I’ve learned is

if I’m going to need to talk to anybody

about something that I already know

before I start into it maybe volatile I

have to pray first and ask God to help

me pick the right timing timing is so

important in conversations that you know

may not be received real well you don’t

ever want to talk to somebody when

they’re already stressed out when

they’re too tired when they’ve already

got another huge problem when they’re

extremely hungry I mean there really

good advice I mean there’s times to pick

when you want to talk to somebody and I

think in conversation you have to make

sure that you’re not just wanting to

talk but that you’re willing to listen I

remember saying to Dave one time you

know we never talk and he said no you’re

right we don’t talk you talk and I

listened and that’s the only way you

want to talk and for me I I went through

a period of time in my life with Dave

where I felt like we just could not

communicate and I found out that I had a

problem and it was a route of rejection

in my life and the way it manifested was

if Dave and I would be trying to talk

about something and he didn’t agree with

me then I would start trying to change

his mind I I felt rejected if he didn’t

agree with me and I didn’t know how to

separate who I was from what I thought

right so if he didn’t think what I

thought then I felt rejected and he kept

saying I need to have the freedom to

have my own opinion and I kept saying

that I knew that but then I would keep

trying to change his mind and that was a

great breakthrough for me because I

realized that my opinion is one thing

Who I am is another Dave cannot agree

with me about 12 things and that and

he’d still love me right

it’s just a difference in our opinions

and really everybody is entitled to

their own opinion we need to learn how

to not give them all the time unless

somebody wants them but you can’t make

somebody think the way that you think so

I think respecting that person making

your mind up when you go into the

conversation that you’re going to give

value to them by listening that you’re

going to give value to them by letting

them know that they have a right to

think differently than you do

pray ahead of time pick your timing and

I believe God can make it work out but

opening those lines of communication

even when it’s hard right is key to

having any good relationship yeah you

you can’t solve things without

confrontation yeah and confrontation is

for many people a nightmare

for some people we do it too easily I

would have a tendency to do it too quick

so I have to provide wait yeah and so

that I had to learn to pick the right

timing and to really like God prepare a

heart somebody else may hate it so bad

that they miss the timing that God is

trying to give them and then they try to

do it in their own timing so it’s just a

matter of learning I think all right

Ellen from Hampton Virginia wants to

know what is the best way to handle the

aggravation I feel with those I love but

who continually have poor pitiful me

parties do you have any experience there

yes yes I used to live in the pity party

all the time now you know I think we all

have been there and I really I don’t

enjoy people now that feel sorry for

themselves all the time you know it just

it can be extremely aggravating when

there’s so much to be thankful for

so much to be grateful for but I guess

then I have to make sure that I’m not

feeling sorry for me because I have to

be around all these people to feel sorry

for that start your own I can’t fall

right back into the same trap and I

think you know number one do you have to

be around those people you know can you

choose other friends that are going to

be more uplifting to you I mean

sometimes we just need to choose to be

around people that are going to be

better to be around right you know so

that’s the first thing do you have to be

around them secondly if you do have to

be around them and you can’t change them

then you just need to pray for them and

go and enjoy your life you know one of

the things that my husband did that

irritated me probably more than

thing but in the long run it helped me

more than anything was he would not let

me make him unhappy so if your friends

are making you unhappy if it’s people

that you that you have to be around you

have no other choice and you’re letting

them make you unhappy then really you’re

all just playing the devil’s game you

know they’re there they’re open to the

enemy by feeling sorry for themselves

now you’re open to the enemy by letting

them steal your joy you have to be

responsible for your own joy don’t ever

give somebody else the responsibility of

keeping you happy they’ve made a

decision I’m going to be happy no matter

what you do and it irritates me but then

eventually I saw his stability and I saw

that he had something that I wanted and

didn’t have and it really was one of the

things that God really used to change me

that’s good okay this is Chrissy from

Ohio she says I love people and I get

along with almost everyone how do I not

take it personally when someone doesn’t

like me and for no apparent reason well

you know I heard I heard that

statistically it’s been proven that 10%

of people won’t like us no matter what

no matter what so no matter what you do

what’s her name Christie mm-hmm because

no matter what you do Christie there’s

going to be some people that are going

to like you I mean that’s just a fact

and you just have to not worry about it

you know I’ve come to the point where I

realize you know hey if you don’t like

me God will send somebody else that does

and and you know you just you just have

to realize that you can’t keep everybody

happy all the time

you do the best that you can do to do

what you believe is right and I don’t

mean that you should have some kind of a

flippant attitude but sometimes you just

need to think well you know if you don’t

like me you’re missing a good

opportunity to be in relationships if

with a nice person because it sounds

like you’re somebody that’s really nice

you go out of your way to be nice to

people and you do get along with most

people so as far as taking it personally

that’s a decision that you just have to

make and I think sometimes just looking

at the statistics do help you know it

did help me even in like like my my

teaching or my preaching if somebody

would get up walk out of a service what

I was preaching you know in the

beginning I was always sure that they

didn’t like me and then I

finally realize well you know even if

you’re leaving because you don’t like me

there’s an awful lot of people out there

and if ninety percent really like me and

if you don’t then I have to focus on

what’s good and not what’s bad maybe

they just had to go to the bathroom and

maybe they did and I think they probably

did when you’re insecure you always

think it’s you and you know maybe these

people that she thinks doesn’t like her

it may be that they have personal

problems of their own they’re hurting

they don’t know how to relate to her and

I’ve kind of learned that most people

aren’t as interested in us as we like to

think they are sometimes in other words

you know if somebody hurts me they may

not have even had me on their mind at

all it may have been something else

entirely so right you know really it

really changes us when we expect the

best exist when we expect the best of

other people and even if they don’t like

us we expect the best of ourselves yeah

so you know I Know Who I am so it’s okay

we’re not all going to be best friends I

tell a story about my daughter that I’ll

tell here real quickly because I think

it teaches a lesson you know she was in

line one day at a drugstore waiting for

a prescription and the clerk was grouchy

grouchy grouchy and so she’s making her

plan the whole way she’s working up the

line I am going to tell her this and I’m

gonna and I’m going to get the manager

and I’m gonna do this and that and then

she said God began to put on her heart

you don’t know what she’s going through

for all you know her husband walked out

and left her and she’s got three kids

for all you know she just found out

she’s got terminal cancer you have no

idea what that woman’s going through so

instead of getting up there and telling

her off and this was what the Lord kind

of put her to do go back out to your car

get one of your mother’s books that you

carry around to give to people get back

at the back of the line and wait all the

way through it again and then give her

something that might help her so here

she was ready to take it personally when

God was showing her and had nothing to

do with her at all it was something

going on in that woman’s life very good

alright this comes from Pat in

Gordonsville Virginia at what point do

we have to say that I cannot restore a

relationship that it’s better to walk

away from this one well I think that God

has to really show you that I don’t

think that anybody can give you a B C

for that there are relationships that

cannot be restored you can forgive you

can forget and you can move on but

forgiveness doesn’t all

I mean restoration sometimes it just

it’s just not healthy you know and I

also really firmly believe this and I’ve

learned this even in my own life more in

the last five years and some situations

almost everything in life is for a

season except marriage and you know a

few relationships but it’s amazing how

many people that I’ve had in my life

that I thought when they were in my life

would be there forever I’m talking about

friends or people that I worked with or

whatever and they thought they’d be

there forever and we talked about

forever and then it didn’t it wasn’t far

forever the season was up and yeah you

know then you just know that you know I

value those people I appreciate the time

that they were in my life but it’s it’s

not there anymore

yeah it’s not I can remember them fondly

but I can’t go on in that relationship

so restoration is not always possible

sometimes someone is not willing to do

their part you know sometimes it’s not

even something God wants you to continue

with he wants you to move on or if it’s

an unsafe and unsafe or if the person

just keeps hurting you over and over and

over again I don’t think God is asking

us just to go out and just see how often

people can hurt us there is a certain

amount of wisdom and common sense and

protecting your heart but he is a

miraculous God yes he and we need to

hold on to that hope at times too so

yeah let me just say this before we go

on because it’s coming up in my heart I

think that for everybody that’s joined

us today I think we need to be wiser and

more discerning about the relationships

that we get into I really feel like that

many of the problems that our viewers

have today are actually you made bad

choices to start with I’ve made bad

choices myself at times I’ve wanted to

be in relationship with people for the

wrong reasons and I’ve really I’m really

praying a lot more to be much more

discerning about I think you can be

friends with a lot of people when you

really throw your heart wide open to

somebody you need to make sure that

you’re using wisdom and common sense and

it’s somebody that you want to invest in

because if you’re not willing to invest

in a relationship it’s never going to be

a good one

yeah yeah okay here’s an interesting

question from Christina in Florida do

you think it’s better for people to walk

away if they’re getting heated during an

argument and and come back and talk

later when things have calmed down or

should they work harder to keep

addressing it at that moment what’s the

best way to handle hard times and

relationships like that I think probably

sometimes it is wise to walk away from

it for a few minutes to just get away

from it let’s always say let emotions

subside and then decide because if

you’re at an emotional high point it’s

going to be very difficult to control

your body language or facial expression

your voice tones your attitudes and what

you say so if you’re at the point where

you know that you’re about to lose

control or even if you if you’ve had

relationship with this other person and

you can see where they’re headed and you

know it’s about to be an explosion

sometimes you may be the one to have to

say you know what I just think it’s

going to be better if we talk about this

later this is not going to be a good

time and then walk away price some more

I don’t think ignoring the issue forever

is the answer I do believe we need

proper confrontation but I do think

sometimes we need a break and letting

that person know what you’re doing

rather than just yes storming off yeah

just saying you know I think that we

just need to cool it here for a little

bit you know we’re not we’re both

getting overly excited and we’re going

to make a mess so let’s just take a

break and maybe we’ll discuss it

tomorrow or maybe this isn’t the right

time or yeah you know whatever okay um

this is kind of a key question it’s

maybe a big answer but Maria wants to

know how can I restore first my

relationship with God well God is always

ready for restoration so it’s not even

really anything that you have to do it’s

something you have to be open to letting

God do he already knew everything that

you were going to do wrong before you

were ever born and he’s prepared to

forgive you

forgiveness was paid for when Christ

died on the cross and really all you

have to do is receive you have to go to

him and say I’m sorry there’s you

realize that there’s no sin too great

for God to forgive there’s no pit so

deep that he cannot reach down in it and

get you out I want you to hear that

today you it’s not

you late to begin again you’ve not done

too many things wrong if you’re wanting

restoration with God then you can have

it right at this moment you don’t have

to wait any longer all you need to do is

ask God to forgive you to give you mercy

to give you a brand new start and to

teach you how to live right so you don’t

keep falling the same pit over and over

and over again restoration with God is

probably the simplest thing in the world

if we’ll just learn how to receive you

know we’re always trying to earn and

deserve and buy and feel like we’re good

enough and that has nothing to do with

grace grace is God doing for us what we

absolutely do not and never can deserve

and that’s what’s humbling about it I

come to you God I’m the hugest mess on

the whole planet

I don’t deserve forgiveness I don’t know

how you could possibly forgive me but

I’m going to believe your word that you

will and so I receive it right now the

get means to obtain through struggle and

effort to receive means to act like a

receptacle and just simply take in

what’s being offered so we don’t have to

think that it’s on our shoulders it’s

not that’s not our job at all it’s it’s

all all God he’s done everything that

needs to be done for us to have a new

beginning a brand-new start total

forgiveness yeah just just to let you

know some information here people you

guys are asking such good questions and

people have been asking more than two

thousand questions Wow got about

fourteen thousand people with us here

registered so that’s also that’s great

but we’ve got time for a couple more

questions if you don’t mind Natasha from

Georgia wants to know how do you know

when to speak up when you feel

misunderstood or misinterpreted I don’t

want to start another argument but I

don’t want to feel misunderstood well I

think we all have a tendency to want to

defend ourselves and to justify our own

self and there is a real fine line

between me being defensive and really

trying to just bring some genuine

understanding and I guess my answer to

that would be you have to really know

your own

heart which is not always it’s not that

hard to do but we don’t always take the

time to do it I know one time there’d

been some articles written about me in

the paper and I felt very defensive

about it and so even people when I’d be

out and about with how I read that

article you know how do you feel about

that and then I would start right away

defending myself one day one of my

children was with me one of my sons and

he said will you stop trying to defend

yourself well I think up until then I

didn’t even really realized that that’s

what I was doing I wanted people to

think well of me but then we have to ask

ourselves sometimes you know why do I

want people to think well of me and I

really believe that when the Bible says

that Jesus made himself of no reputation

I don’t think we can ever really get

around to obeying God and getting beyond

the need to defend and justify herself

until we realize that our relationship

really I mean our our not our

relationship our rub what people think

realization reputation say I do need

help our reputation is really up to God

he has to take care of our reputation I

can’t if I be responsible for what you

think of me and they think of me and

everybody else thinks of me I’ll just

end up going crazy and that’s that’s

scriptural I mean it says that it’s in

his hands it’s not our hands so that’s

good alright this is a question from

Washington Seattle and it says I’ve been

really depressed for the last couple

years especially after my grandma’s

passing I thought of suicide and I need

help in finding my strength back because

that relationship was too so important

to me that she feels like she’s lost

part of herself so when you’ve lost

someone that was a huge part of you how

do you continue well I think that you

have to realize that in life you are

always going to lose people that’s part

of life there’s a time to gain a time to

lose a time to get a time to lose that’s

Ecclesiastes and that that everything is

right and beautiful and it’s time you

know a grandma sounds to me like she

might have been an older person who had

lived her life and so if you can learn

to celebrate the life that she had and

to

really trust God now that it’s time for

you to take what she taught you and to

move on you know the minute that you

said ginger this girl’s depressed I felt

a sadness in my heart I just want to

encourage everybody today don’t be

depressed don’t be sad and gloomy and

live your life and disappointment and

think only about what you’ve lost Jesus

died that you might have and enjoy your

life and have it in abundance to the

full until it overflows we’ve all lost

things in life that have been painful

for us but we have to think about what

we have left and I just want to give you

this little piece of advice don’t just

think about what you’ve lost but think

now about what you can give I think

that’s always our point of healing it’s

not what about me what about me I feel

this what have I lost what about me but

what can I give

who’s out there that needs help that I

can be a blessing to that’ll bring you

out of that depression yeah that’s good

and there there is such joy waiting for

all of us I think sometimes we get in a

hopeless place where we we feel like

we’ll maybe without that person or

without whatever we’ll never feel that

joy again yeah but but God has a joy out

there waiting for all of us that he just

wants to bring forward you know I

remember one time a fear getting on me

about what I would do if I didn’t have

Dave how could I run the ministry how

could it you know what would I do if I

didn’t have Dave and God felt dealt very

sternly with me he said you’d do the

same thing you’re doing right now

because Dave is not your source I am and

that’s what we have to you know all

remember that God is our source and he’s

the strength of our life and and he’s

over everything he sees everything he

knows everything and if you’ve lost a

person that you love that’s tragic I

understand that don’t expect you not to

hurt you should hurt you should mourn

but once again I repeat don’t just think

about what you’ve lost but now think

about what can you do for someone else

the minute that we get our mind off of

ourselves and what we’ve lost and what

we can do for someone else I think

that’s the point of healing

well during this time we’ve been talking

specifically about restoring

relationships but at our Women’s

Conference which is coming up you’re

going to be focused and our special

guests are going to be focused on

restoring all different areas of our

lives every area of our life God is far

wholeness the word saved sozo in the

greek means wholeness God didn’t just

send Jesus to buy us a ticket to heaven

so we didn’t have to go to hell when we

died but so that we might live eternally

in eternal life is to know God to be

restored in every area you can be

restored mentally you can be restored

emotionally physically financially

socially spiritually every area of your

life can be restored God wants to teach

you how to take back the things that the

enemy has stolen from you and be a whole

healthy individual one minister that I

know says this and I think it’s a great

statement he says that the greatest gift

you can give to the world is a healthy

you yeah and so why don’t you join us at

our Women’s Conference this year so you

can be healthy and whole and restored in

every area of your life and no more

sadness I just want to say again for all

the people watching today that you’re

said don’t be said Jesus died so you

could enjoy your day and and let go of

what lies behind and press onto the good

things that are HID yeah well a great

start for that is to join us at the

Women’s Conference because it’s just

such an exciting

I know excited about this year’s

conference worship the teaching it’s all

just a wonderful package that the new

relationships that you build people

meeting one I already know what I’m

going to teach off because God gave me

all those messages last week so now I’m

really excited I think it’s going to

really be good and I don’t know I mean I

know the people that are our guests are

going to speak on restoration I don’t

know what they’re going to speak on but

I know they’re good we never have

anybody unless we think they really have

a real word in due season to impart to

people well Nancy Alcorn who’s the

founder of Mercy Ministries knows what

God can do in young woman’s life because

she says right all the time yes and then

the Eldridge is our wonderful imparting

God’s Word and and also making it very

practical and enjoyable as they share so

and I realize

I like all of them and so I’m just bold

enough to believe if I like them that

you’re going to like them too and you

know not only that just to set aside

that weekend those really ends up being

like two and a half days Thursday night

Friday night through Saturday afternoon

just to come apart and get out of the

regular flow of things and make new

friends and come with old friends and be

there in the worship and the word it can

be life-changing for you so we really

hope that you’ll register right now you

can do it right here online and when you

do it today you’ll save 25% so now’s a

great time to do it our early

registration is over but we’ve kind of

done that again because of this special

webcast so mark your calendars for

September 15th through 17th and join us

in downtown st. Louis it’s going to be

great fun we hope to see you then and

thank you so much to all of you who

submitted your questions today during

the live webcast and thanks for all your

great insight Joyce we appreciate it

thank you very much for being with us

today we love you very much and we

appreciate the time that you took to be

with us and we look forward to doing it

again soon

you