Pastor Charles Nieman shares how God helped him overcome his pain and feelings of loss after the passing of his wife of 45 years.
are you suffering from the pain of
losing a loved one the day my guests
will share how God comforts him through
the loss of his wife of 45 years before
I introduce him take a look at this
video celebrating the life of his wife
Rochelle Nieman normally stories don’t
begin this way death isn’t something
most people want mentioned when we talk
about grace love and value of life
however Rochelle Neiman’s story goes
beyond her memorial stone we met in
college on a blind date we went out on
Thanksgiving weekend I never went out
with anybody else ever that was it 18
years old we were together every day for
45 years
Rochelle died from ovarian cancer time
doesn’t heal the pain of losing a loved
one through Christ feelings of loss can
be replaced by joy filled memories of
life when my mom was sick she was
fighting the disease that ultimately
took her life she would come in and do
healing services in the church and one
night I remember she was so sick and so
weak I begged her to just let me or
Shannon do the service and for her to
rest and she said no we’re gonna go in
and we’re gonna pray for the sick and I
believe that people are gonna be healed
when she passed away when I saw people’s
reaction it became so real to me what
her life had meant and it’s been in this
time that I’ve come to understand how
incredible it is when you recognize that
you can live your life in a way that
really makes a difference that really
impacts people since she’s passed away
I’ve learned of all these school
tuitions we paid for these rents we paid
for these car payments we made
prescriptions we paid for glasses for
kids that we bought for weeks and weeks
we just heard stories after story after
story of
how she just touched so many people just
over and over again of how my mom
intervened in people’s lives to help
them get through things in it at the end
of the day the story was that she gave
grace Rachelle passed away on December
30th 2012 just two days after her
granddaughter Emory was born bittersweet
to say the least her grandchildren won’t
remember Rachelle holding them but they
will always feel the embrace of their
grandmother’s legacy of love I will
always tell Emory how my mom showed that
you could live such an incredible life
of quality um
centered on the Word of God focused on
the Word of God the life that was still
so fun and so meaningful and that really
served an incredible purpose she had
experienced God’s grace in her life and
therefore she knew that whatever she had
experienced from God to give that same
experience to the people that she was
around and she did it day in and day out
it was really incredible to watch you
know she loved people and she loved life
the girl squeezed every drop of life out
of every day
I used to kid her and say you know I
think when when you go to bed at night
the day you just live wave the white
flag of surrender because you just pound
that day and she just looked at me and
said well of course she said I I believe
God expects that of us that every day is
a gift from God and you should live it
and the girl lived death it isn’t
something most people want mentioned
when we talk about grace love and value
of life however bruh shells story goes
far beyond her memorial stone to the
school she started the church she helped
build the family she loved and the
individual she continues to inspire a
christ-centered life means death isn’t
the end it’s part of the process of life
the Nieman’s don’t ignore the pain of
their loss but they choose to celebrate
and honor the way she lived well Charles
thank you so much for being willing to
be with us and share this very personal
story and the the pain and the victory
of what’s going on in your life that’s
an honor and I’m very very very blessed
to be here and be able to share this
hope it helps some people you know I
always admire people of faith who when
they do have a difficulty whether it’s
something as tragic as yours are the
everyday trials of life decide that
they’re going to not blame God have a
good attitude and move on so why don’t
you just tell us a little bit about your
story and what you’ve been feeling and
we want to help the people watching
today because I know a lot of them are
probably going through the same thing
well I would say that that my story is
kind of in two parts you know there was
the the part where we were battling the
cancer and Rochelle was really battling
the cancer yeah and then the second part
was at you know when she finally did
pass away on December the 30th and so it
was it was about an eight month battle
for us what was it like for you getting
those treatment uh it was just you know
incredibly difficult as many people know
you know it’s you know of course what I
went through was nothing compared to
what she was going through it was very
hard and it was very difficult very very
emotionally draining spiritual draining
on me my kids my friends my church it
was hard on all of us and an obviously
hard on her shell everything kind of
came to kind of a pivotal point in my
life on December the 23rd we were at MD
Anderson in Houston and and things were
very difficult Rochelle was not doing
well it was very hard and and we had a
hotel room next to the hospital and I
was walking I left her room to go take a
shower for a minute and uh and I’d
already settle in my mind that we were
going to spend Christmas by ourselves
there and because our family was all
back in El Paso my daughter was a week
away from having her baby she couldn’t
travel anymore and my son was doing all
of our Christmas services and so I I had
to be there with her and I was walking
back and there was a sky bridge there
and I sat down on that sky bridge and I
I felt for the first time Joyce in the
whole eight month process I felt
overwhelmed I just was kind of come to
the end of myself and I was sitting on
that sky bridge and I began to pray and
I I really believe that that I began to
make enters the Holy Spirit began to
make intercession through me
yeah and I prayed just some very simple
but powerful things and I and what it
looking back on it now I realized that
it really kind of set me down a good
path and the first thing I prayed was I
said I said you know father whatever
happens here I said and I’m hoping you
let her stay with Ray I said but
whatever happens here I’m never going to
ask you why I never going to question
why I’m never going to ask you why and I
never thought of that it just kind of
came out and I heard him and then I said
done expecting that I would say this I
said because what happens here is not
about me and you it’s about you and her
I said in whatever happens is between
you and her we do try to get into things
very frequently that really to be honest
really just are not any of our business
because there are personal things
between an individual and God and
certainly she probably drew very very
extremely close to God she did during
that time of discomfort that she was
going through
she’s been I try to share with people
all the time just the uselessness of
having to know why about something that
you’re just not going to understand
there are things in God that we just
don’t understand there are mysteries in
God that we don’t understand and a large
part of our trust in God and our
believing in God in our relationship
with God is not just for when we get
things the way we want them but when
things happen that we don’t understand
yeah you know I I think that that
there’s a scripture in Psalms no members
asked where it was you know where David
said I don’t concern myself with things
more wanting to wonderful for me I’m
familiar with and and I quit concerning
myself with that it’s not it’s not
literally the second thing I prayed was
this is none of my business this is
about you and her I did say to the Lord
that day on the cross bridge I said I
just want you to know in case you don’t
know that if she passes away you’re
gonna have to explain this to her
because she’s not going to come in there
willingly yeah I heard you say that i
teaching tape I was listening to that
st. Peter probably had to pull her in
because she’s wanting to get him out and
explain this to her at the gate you know
so the second thing I said that night
was you know she’s always been your
daughter and you loaned her to me as my
wife but she lost she’s always been your
daughter and she’ll always be your
daughter you know just from your other
people something that’s coming up in my
heart is I’m sure that there are people
watching right now that thought well if
I would have known that my loved one was
saved I could be more comforted and but
I just kind of feel led to tell you that
you know you don’t really know what
happens to a
person in the last few seconds of their
life and even that you have to leave
that between them and God and don’t
torment yourself over something that
you’re never going to to know or
understand and I just want to reiterate
here that I think this I know I talked
to you just I don’t know if it was the
day after she died or two days after
after the day after you called me in and
I remember how just profoundly
spiritually impressed if that’s an okay
word to use that I was when you told me
that that you had told God I’ll never
ask you why because that is probably the
number one thing that people do they
demand having an answer to something
that really they’re not going to have an
answer for I mean even if you figure
something out that you think suits you
it’s not going to be a good answer and
how wonderful it is to be able to say
God even in this tragic thing that is so
painful to me I trust you I looking back
on it Joyce I think that was probably
what set me down the path to where I am
today that I I just and and I would love
to take credit for it but it wasn’t me
it was the Holy Spirit a-and and I
really believe that in making that
decision that it it then opened me up to
the future I didn’t a because if I had
stayed there I would still be locked
back because I am convinced that I would
still be asking God why and he wouldn’t
be saying a word to me right it’s none
of my business it’s none of my business
and it’s not if what happened there was
not about me and him it was about her in
him it is very hard to understand why
someone like Rochelle beautiful woman
being used by God helping so many people
just really in the prime of life would
die and then you have people that are
seemingly as mean as a snake yeah you
know that just live on and on and on and
on but one of the things we have to keep
in mind is that God is a lot more
concerned about eternity than we are
sometimes and Rochelle’s future for
eternity was settled and a lot of these
people who don’t know Christ theirs is
not and we need to thank God that
he is more long-suffering with them and
continues to give them an opportunity
you know we’re going to return and
continue talking with Pastor Neiman
we’ve got some some other very beautiful
I think comforting things to share with
you so be sure you stay with us well
certainly losing someone that you love
can feel overwhelming but God is our
comforter and he will help us through
the pain of our losses with me as pastor
Charles Neiman well pastor we got a good
start in the first few minutes of the
program talking about how even though
you had a terrible loss in your life of
your wife of 45 years to that disease we
all hate cancer that you made a very
important decision early on actually
before she passed away that you would
never ask why now why don’t you just
continue on because I know there’s a lot
of people that are really hurting and
that was a very important first step but
what are some other things that you has
helped you to recover I would say that
that immediately in the next couple of
weeks after she passed away that I’m
basically looking back on it now it
didn’t come to me like this but looking
back on it now and there’s been like
four major things that I’ve done and
continue to do that have really just
solidified my life my kids my church the
first thing I knew when I was driving
home that Sunday morning I was at the
first service when our first Sunday
morning service when she passed away she
made me go to church in a church I laid
that and so I was driving home and I had
a few moments in the car by myself and I
prayed kind of a Texas prayer and I said
you know lord please don’t let me screw
this up
you know hell actually that that’s
important I remember hearing that on
your teachings and I kind of want to
just explain to the people what you
meant by that that as a believer as a
man full of faith as a man leading other
people and even just as our witness as a
Christian what did you mean by don’t let
me screw this up well I I knew that I
could not let my kids down I couldn’t
let Jesus down I couldn’t let the
kingdom down I couldn’t let my
congregation down I couldn’t let my
friends down you didn’t all of a sudden
want to act like you didn’t believe what
you’ve been teaching people all your
life no I believe in the abundant life
as much now as I ever have right and and
that you know Jesus came to give me that
life and came to give that life and that
he loves you and this wouldn’t happen
because you did something wrong no I
don’t know why it happened it just
happened it just happened that’s right
welcome to life God knows yeah and so
you know I I just said you know I just
don’t let me I just I’ve seen people go
through this and I’ve seen them collapse
and lose their faith and turn away from
God blame God and I I’m not I’m not
gonna do that you know we have a legacy
and and and and and I I have this
relationship with Jesus that that I am
NOT going to let anyone steal from me
and Rochelle would be furious with me if
I did and I’m not going to do it and so
the first thing I knew number one I knew
without the Lord having to say anything
to me I already knew this that I had to
get back in the house of God as soon as
possible because Isaiah 40 verse 31 the
King James text says they that wait upon
the Lord but in the Hebrew it says they
that gather together before the Lord
shall renew their strength that’s good I
was exhausted mentally emotionally
spiritually my kids were worn out my
church was worn out my friends were worn
out but me personally I was exhausted
and yet as you know you can’t call
timeout you can’t say hold it I’m gonna
you know everything stopped going
suspension while i recoup know what in
20 minutes I was going to be at home
with my kids and they were there and
they were grieving and my friends and I
was going to tell the church and here it
goes that all goes in a new direction
now and and I was gonna have to step up
Joyce I had no choice
I had to step up I wasn’t gonna start
looking for someone else I had to step
up I could not fail I could not fail
that’s good and I would not I’m much
better than just thinking well now I
have an excuse to just totally fall
apart when I was in my car that day one
of the things I prayed was I decided
that in that car I said I’m not going to
through life with a limp and I’m just
good I’m not and so you know I got home
that day and started doing the things of
my family I needed to do and and the
next night we were having our New Year’s
Eve service and you know I had people
saying well you know who’s going to do
the service and I said well I am I’m
going to do the service and and that
people are like you’re crazy and I said
no I have to get in the house of God I
have to go where the gathering the
gathering the church is because there I
will get my strength renewed there I
will mount up with wings of eagles and I
did that service I did the Wednesday
night service I did the memorial service
on Friday night I did all four weekend
services and I haven’t missed a service
since and in fact I’ve done all my
services at church and I’ve taken
speaking engagements around American
around the world not because I’m running
from I’m running too I’m running to
where the strength is what God raised in
the house of God it’s among God’s people
and then what were some of the other the
second thing that happened to me was is
that I I was I went back to John 11
where Jesus raised Lazarus and that
incredible statement there where he said
I am the resurrection and the life and
you know I’m a unlike you I’m a teacher
I’m always looking upwards and studying
words and I looked up that word
resurrection and Jesus said I am the
stand-up and the recovery
I am the stand-up and and and I realized
for the first time in my life that when
you get knocked down and I hear people
say Oh pastor and they mean it they say
pastor I just can’t get up and I know
that feeling I know that feeling and you
can’t by yourself can’t and then I
realized for the first time in my life I
don’t have to get up he’s in me and if I
will let him he will get up and when he
gets up I’ll get up with him he’ll pull
me up with him
and so I was in my bedroom one night
crying and feeling bad and hurting and I
started meditating on that verse and and
I just I got up out of my bed and I saw
I purposefully imagined inside of me it
wasn’t like a vision I did it myself and
I saw Jesus stand up and when he stood
up I stood up that’s good and that he is
my recovery and then he said I am the
resurrection and the life and the word
lie
means I am the life that satisfies
dwelling in that life and I had to say
this choice and and it was a very
powerful statement and and I really pray
people hear me when I say it because
what I said then was I said on Sunday
morning December the 30th Rochelle left
me but he did not write and and I cannot
say and we cannot say and I know why
people say it I really do but I could
not say I can’t I can’t live without her
she did not give me life right he gives
me life and she left but he did not and
so I had to take that that burden off of
her right that she was the one that I
live for and I had to put it on him
because he’s the one that gives he’s the
life that’s satisfied I think people
even have to be careful about developing
a mindset as the years go by that when
my kids are my life are my spouse is my
life are you know my ministry is my life
or my business is my life because none
of those are our life they’re part of
the life that God gives us but he is our
life and I thought that was also a very
good point that you made that we have to
realize that it’s not people who hold us
up and keep us going they encouraged us
they edify us we love them we enjoy them
so they encouraged us but Jesus is our
life he is that life that satisfies and
and by reminding myself of that in a
greater way than I’ve ever understood it
then I was able to keep going forward
and then the next thing was you know
second Corinthians 11 it goes back to
what happened to me on the skybridge but
Paul makes that list of all the things
that happened to him beaten right yeah
you know all that amazing list and I was
looking at it one night and I thought it
only never said why me
yeah you know and if there was ever
anybody that could have said hey why me
why not Peter
you know Peter’s the one that denied you
right yeah you know what about Thomas
why isn’t Thomas getting beaten with
rods why me you know I didn’t I’ve never
denied you right and he never said that
he never said why me and I thought you
know I’m not gonna say why me cuz it
wasn’t me it was Rochelle
that’s good that’s for Kenny and then
the last thing is you know he took me
into first Samuel 30 with David it
Ziklag and he was having a good you know
a life was good David was doing good in
chapter 29 he said he was living upright
and and you know I’ve always known as
you do that sometimes really crummy
things happen to good people right you
know right
they just crummy things happen to good
people they do things you can’t explain
can’t explain and that day that
malachite came in took their sons their
daughters their wives burned their house
took all three possessions horrible
horrible day and it says that the the
people turned against David you know
they all wept until they could weep no
more and then the men turned against
David and they were going to stone him
and it says because the hearts of all
the men became bitter and you know joy I
knew I knew from personal life
experience the the danger of bitterness
and you know there’s two negative human
emotions that are spoken of us having a
route one is the love of money the other
one’s bitterness and roots as we know
you know you plant a tree in the
backyard the roots come up in the front
yard and I’ve seen bitterness start in
an area of life where people can justify
it they can justify totally justify
their bitterness but ten years twenty
years that bitterness is spread into
every area of their life you know the
dictionary defines bitterness as intense
hostility right and people become
hostile they become angry and they begin
to take it out and you end up 15 20
years nobody’s around you anymore nobody
wants to be there that they still love
you but they don’t want to be around you
anymore and I I think David saw that I
saw that and I and I’ve had guys asked
me so you know how you dealing with
bitterness and I said I don’t have
anything to be bitter about that’s good
you know this didn’t happen to me it
happened to Rochelle I wasn’t the one
that went to the treatment I wasn’t the
one that that’s had the surgery I wasn’t
the one that’s not here anymore
yeah I’m still here with my grandkids or
my family with my friends with my church
I’m still here although I bet she’s
happier than we are today I hope so
I’m sure I’m sure in the presence of God
that she’s happy dancing like crazy you
know said Charles we’re running out of
time here so I want to just make a
couple of comments here to bring comfort
to the people that are watching you know
God is a God of justice and I love that
aspect of God’s character that no matter
what unjust thing may have happened to
you or like you if you will keep the
right attitude and not get bitter I’d
say why me not get into why God why God
will bring justice in your life I can
promise you it’s another way of sin God
will make it up to you you know I was
abused in my childhood and God is so
made it up to me and I’ve already heard
you say a couple times and some really
great things have happened to you just
God’s Way of showing I’m gonna I’m gonna
make this up to you I’m going to help
you Charles thank you so much for being
with us today we’re thank you and thank
you for being with us today
we hope the program has helped you god
bless you
you