I heard your questions, and now it is time to answer! Welcome to my “Loving Fearlessly” Course. I am so excited to start off this new year sharing wisdom and advice with you all. None of us are perfect, but here are more ways to love fearlessly in relationships and in marriage! #lisabevere #lisabeverestudy #lisabeverecourse #lisabevere #lisabevereadamant #christianstudy #onlinecourses #truth #whatistruth #lisabeveresermons #godmothers #lisabeveresermon #johnbevere #johnandlisabevere #livingfearlessly #marriageadvice #marriagegoals ______________ Chapters: 0:00 – Lesson Teaser 0:22 – Practical Advice 6:55 – Connecting with Spouse during a Busy Life 10:53 – Stop Feeling Guilty ______________ Make a one-time donation to help fund our livestreams, content, events, and more: https://messengerinternational.org/

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how can I love my husband more

fearlessly and I I love that question we

touched on some of those things but

let’s talk about locating that

fear welcome back to loving fearlessly

and I’m going to talk to you actually

about some practical things so that you

can locate whether you’re loving

fearlessly or not so how can I love my

husband more fearlessly and I I love

that question we touched on some of

those things but let’s talk about

locating that fear I don’t know what

fear you might be wrestling with I

obviously had a fear of Abandonment I

also had a fear of being left vulnerable

without any you know provision anybody

with me I’d be alone I would not have

provision those were obviously two Dee

rooted fears that I must have had in

there from my dad leaving and my the

sympathy I would have had towards my

mother you know like all men will leave

don’t ever trust a man don’t ever do

this they’ll they’ll hurt you they’ll

hurt you and then being afraid and not

knowing how to completely love and

here’s the beautiful thing about where

we can rest our hearts because see I

can’t I can’t rest my heart in John I’ve

been married for him 37 years and I love

him love him more now than ever but he

cannot be the holder of my heart I have

to rest my heart in the goodness of God

I have to rest my heart in the promise

of God that says Love Never Fails now a

lot of times we decide what that success

is going to look like if I love this God

you have to do everything in this list I

have in my box but he is saying no no no

love never fails it never fails it never

gives up it believes the best love never

fails so no matter whether that person

understands the preciousness of what

you’re giving them or not God does God

understands and God is going to always

make sure that the love that you have

sown is never going to fail in your life

even if that person fails you the love

that you’ve sown is never going to fail

because Love Never Fails it can’t fail

and so anytime we trust our heart to

love rather than try to protect our

heart with fear then we’re going to have

a problem so we’re going to trust our

heart and love so what I want to do is

what is yours mine was abandonment mine

was a lack of provision being afraid of

being vulnerable maybe yours is

rejection maybe you’ve been rejected in

the past and you’re like I just I can’t

handle that again I can’t have another

rejection maybe it’s of losing control

you know I don’t know what I would do if

I didn’t have this in mind I I need you

to pause with the Holy Spirit after this

session or the next time you you’ve got

pen and paper in hand and you know kids

aren’t running around and say what is my

deepest fear what is my deepest fear and

if you’re like me and you were

projecting the fear that you had gotten

from your relationship with your father

your natural father onto your husband

you need to be honest about that and you

need to go to your husband and

say I located a fear in my heart I’ve

been afraid that you were going to leave

me I’ve been afraid of leasing control

in certain areas and so I’m trying to

control you because I’m afraid I’m

afraid I’m just tell them say I don’t

want this fear I want to I want to love

you all in I want to love you completely

where is it and just ask him where is it

you feel that I’m afraid to love you

where is it where you feel like I’m not

loving you well and I know that’s a

scary question but we need to be okay

with that we need to we need to have the

answer back if if my husband you know

when I did that I can’t get mad him say

Well that’s not right I had to say all

right all right see I’m going to tell

you the area I was afraid to love John

Wellen my husband traveled and spoke

he’s selling books he’s getting standy

Ovations everywhere I’m like when he

comes home I’m not saying one thing

celebratory about him when he comes home

he gets pulled down when he comes home

he changes poopy diapers when he comes

home that man of God Christian Author

thing stays in the garage that’s how I

thought because I was like I am not

going to celebrate him because too many

people are already celebrating him and

he will become an egomaniac so I’m going

to withhold words of affirmation I’m

going to withhold any kind of Honor with

my words I’m going to I’m going to just

keep that keep that in check and I’ll

keep them humble and I remember when I

asked John how am I not loving you well

cuz see I was great at taking care of

the kids I was great at taking care of

the finances I was great at taking care

of the house and managing things when he

was gone but when he came home I did not

give him words of affirmation and he was

actually so starved that he was ashamed

to ask me for those things and I

remember remembered I thought why do I

have to talk about you oh my gosh and I

realized everybody deserves to be loved

the way they can hear it but fear will

shut down your ability to love other

people the way they can hear it and

often we are paired with spouses that

hit that thing and so I’m going to

challenge you honey where does it feel

like I am afraid to love where does it

feel like I’m afraid to give to you a

lot of men like Words of Affirmation a

lot of men like physical touch and a lot

of women are afraid if they touch their

husband that means they’re going to have

to have sex so what you need to say to

your husband is

I’ve been afraid to be affectionate

because sometimes I’m so tired because

of my kids can can we do affection and I

not feel pressure and usually they’re

like yes so have the

conversation and that’s just another way

that you can love fearlessly so I’m

going to have you locate in your prayer

time ask your husband then guess what

you get to do Circle back Circle back to

God and say is this right is this right

cuz that’s what I do I was like would

Jesus say you’re not talking about me

enough you’re not complimenting me

enough no Jesus would say acts of

service like me that’s my love language

and and God was like

M you need to love fearlessly see it’s

safe to do things but sometimes it’s

really scary to have an open vulnerable

conversation so love your husbands

fearlessly by having conversations are

honest with them next thing how do you

stay connected with children and A busy

life

well it doesn’t happen by accident you

are going to have to intentionally make

this happen one of those things is

you’re going to have to schedule time

together when my kids were little I I

don’t even know if we ever even like

seriously our life was such a blur John

we’re like we schedule time together

during the day if we’re going to have

sex because we cannot have sex at night

why because we are

exhausted absolutely exhausted and a

child who could walk in at any moment so

when the kids were at school or when we

knew something was on lock the door lock

the door I supposedly one of my sons saw

stuff he shouldn’t have I don’t remember

it so but lock the door so you always

want to lock the door but you’re going

to have to also get a regular schedule

Addison and Julie I think they put their

kids to bed every single night at 7:30

or 8 that means even if there’s a little

bit of a fudge time and those kids keep

getting up for an hour they have from

8:30 to 10: or 10:30 night where just

the two of them have time together put

your kids to bed at a set time and I

know a lot of parents they just it’s

just hard listen it’s hard when you

first start it but it’s harder when you

live in chaos so set a bedtime tell

everybody this is the Bedtime this is

when we’re going to go to bed and this

is what it’s going to look like and then

stick to it have your husband be part of

that you know um I I know that for my

husband and I there were certain times

that was better to talk about things not

just sex but better to talk about things

see I kind of felt like Hey we’re

finally alone in bed at night let’s talk

about everything that’s troubling me

let’s talk about deep and meaningful

things and my husband would be like I

can’t do that right now I am so tired I

don’t want to hear what’s troubling you

I wish you would have talked to me about

this in the morning or in the afternoon

so you want to talk talk about the right

things at the right time if you’re going

to have the right response so if you’re

going to have time make family

connections make time for yourself we

also told our kids hey Mommy and Daddy

need time not just locking ourselves in

the bedroom time but we need time where

they can actually see us doing something

you can put your kids and have them

doing something a project or or watching

a movie or building something or playing

outside while the two of you have time

talking together and you’re actually

modeling something super important for

your kids in the future that mommy and

daddy need time together and that they

were actually together first see you and

your husband were together before you

had kids and guess what there’ll be a

time like the time I’m in when it’s just

the two of you together again and I

don’t want you to see this time of busy

childhood where you’re just Mom Dad Mom

Dad Mom Dad dad and you look at each

other and you forgot who you were as

husband and wife I want to make sure

that you make time for husband and wife

and maybe you’re in a situation as a

young mom you’re like I I don’t feel

like a wife anymore I only feel like a

mother then ask your husband if he can

give you time so that you can feel like

a wife whether that means he does

homework with the kids one night and you

go take a bath or you do something or

maybe you just go out to the grocery

store by yourself that felt like a

luxury to me when my boys were little

but you can do something that makes you

not feel like you’re just a mom and

again I hate even putting those words

together but you’re also a wife and

you’re also a daughter of God and you’re

also beautiful and you’re also feminine

and you’re also worthy of conversation

and worthy of getting to know better so

I want you to make sure you make time

for that so want to do it and then um

don’t feel guilty when you make time for

yourself now I know there’s a lot of

people that are all about oh take take

self-care if you can do self-care yay

but don’t let that be just another thing

on your list like I’m not doing enough

self-care I’m not going to the gym

enough I’m not doing this enough sit

down and go back maybe even together as

a couple to the dreaming part what does

this look like what does our Dream day

look like well it looks like the kids go

to school from here to here you come

home from work here I come home from

work here we do dinner together as a

couple then we do this as a couple and

then we get our kids to bed at this time

and then we have this time together

where we sit on the back porch or or we

just you know talk I don’t know you pick

out you dream it you design it which

means you put people on schedule you do

it and you don’t feel guilty about it

but I do feel like right now there’s a

lot of pressure on women to do way too

much and often you can do certain things

in certain seasons and when my kids were

little you know I was like uh I would

tell my husband listen I love you you

and I would really love to be intimate

with you tonight but I am just too tired

but if you can find me at 3:00 a.m. and

I wake up and you wake up let’s go for

it so make provision for one another

talk to each other about it make sure

you make it a priority cuz kids that

think that they rule your whole life are

not nice kids and so you were here first

you’ll be there together afterwards your

kids this is an incredible season of

entrustment but they can’t take you

hostage

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