The moment I no longer justified what I was doing, God set me free. What areas in your life have you tried to justify because of past pain or trauma? It’s time to move forward, lovely ones. God wants you FREE! #lisabevere #lisabeveresermon #lisabeverteaching #lisabeverestudy #lisabeverestrong #lisabeveresummerofstrong #woman #minister #freedom #womeninministry #radicalfaith #purpose #calling #unity #sermon #bestsermon #withoutrival #comparison #Godistruth #findingyouridentity ______________ Chapters: 0:00 – Intro 1:48 – I Remember… 5:21 – My Son Took the Blame 8:28 – A Moment That Changed Me Forever 10:10 – Freedom From Anger ______________ Make a one-time donation to help fund our livestreams, content, events, and more: https://messengerinternational.org
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I remember that John would like say I
don’t understand why you get so angry
and I’d say you make me
angry but when I prayed excavate my life
the anger that was just once a month
possibly my husband would be like are
you getting ready to start I’d be like
stop it it’s not that it’s not that and
it was that but I said it wasn’t
that then it was not once a month but
like every two weeks well that was when
I realized we were under spiritual
attack the witches in Orlando were
probably significantly targeting a
single youth pastor they were coming
after my husband in the spirit and so
possibly the witches were causing me to
freak out twice a
month then it went from twice a month to
once a week and I remember John saying I
feel like the you know the animals in
our neighborhood go running because I
would wake up feeling like there was a
Tremor inside of me and I would say
things like John just just don’t push me
today is not the day to push me but John
loves to push and he’d be like what’s
going on what’s going on come on you
need to talk to me and and we would like
go to bed and he would say you’re still
mad at me he would turn on the light he
would pull off the covers he would stand
on top of the mattress and say we will
not let the sun go down on our wrath and
I was like we started fighting when it
was dark
out I have till tomorrow he’d be like no
so I mean I was like okay this man’s
crazy and I remember we were in the
kitchen and I was trying to hold my
tongue because I had read the scripture
that you and I are going to give an
account of every Idol word and I could
just see my time in before the throne
room like they’re gonna be like are we
still talking about Lisa’s Idols words I
mean it was GNA go on and on and on and
so I would try to be quiet and John just
said something and before I knew what
happened the plate in my hand became a
frisbee I pulled back I threw it at John
he ducked kind of like a matrix
move missing
decapitation it went out the window the
problem was the window was closed I
shattered our picture window in our
apartment I remember thinking what have
I done and my husband was like I can’t
believe you just did that I said I know
I can’t even throw a frisbee I can’t
believe I just did that either he’s like
no Lisa I’m serious he said I am not
going to lifee for you when they come I
am going to tell them that my crazy
Sicilian wife threw a plate at me and
broke the window and I said you know
what you’re a man of God I don’t want
you to lie but I will not be here when
you tell them this and so I got in our
car and we and I just prayed in tongues
I mean I just prayed in tongues I was
like Jesus Jesus you can put that window
back together before they come I jesus
like I had gotten the plate off the lawn
I was like Jesus you can do this and I
was like I I will offer my firstborn
child because that’s all I had I will
offer him for the full-time Ministry if
you will fix the window I mean I like
try to negotiate everything possible I
imagined the worst things that I could
imagine I saw the Orlando sentinel’s
newspaper headline youth pastor’s wife
breaks picture window at post Lake
Apartments I imagined all the older
women at the church that were already
troubled by the fact I had double
pierced ear
saying I always knew it I always knew it
that when I’d come to church on Sunday
they’d be like it’s the double piercing
I’ve seen it seen it before I was just I
covered myself in shame I prayed I
waited for about three hours and then I
come home and I walk in and John looks
at me and he said you must have really
been praying or God must really love you
and I said okay why he said Well when
the guy came in I was in the bathroom
and he said Addison who was two opened
the door he said when Addison opened the
door the guy walked in and goes whoa
what happened here I mean the big window
broken he walks over to the window looks
down and there’s a Tonka truck behind
the sofa he picks up the Tonka truck he
has it in his hand when John walks out
the guy was like don’t worry about this
this is why we have insurance at the
apartment complex I have a 2-year-old
too and myand was like it it’s it’s not
the 2-year-old it’s my it’s my
28-year-old wife but the guy said say no
more say no more so John said I said no
more he said say no
more so I let my two-year-old
son take the wrap for me breaking a
picture
window and I remember I went from being
like sad and feeling so much
condemnation about it to climbing into
bed with my husband that night and
saying
see see you shouldn’t have pushed me see
see like that was that was a covering
for me that was the Lord covering your
wife who you’re going to dishonor I went
from a place of broken conviction to a
place of
justification
then I had my second child can I just
say it this way one child is an
accessory you dress them
up they behave well they’re cute it’s
all a trick to have you get you to have
more children I remember when I had my
second son I thought I will never brush
my teeth before noon again I remember
that John would leave with our only car
to go be a youth pastor and I’d be like
pray for me pray for me he’d be like
you’re going to be okay I’d be like no
pray for me pray for me right now pray
for me and for the safety of your
children and he was like you you’ve got
this but what John didn’t understand was
now my first born who had been so
perfect he couldn’t take a nap he
couldn’t take a nap because I might be
kissing the second baby while he was
taking a nap and so basically every
single day I got up and my my firstborn
would not go down for a nap back then
again phones were not portable this is
how old I am phones were not portable
when the phone would ring my son would
be like she’s captive he would jump off
of his bed and he would go into the
playroom and I would be on the phone
with somebody stomping my foot waving a
spank spoon at him and he’d be like I
see that hand but I am not going
anywhere he would just stay up there as
so basically right when I finally got
him to go to sleep the baby would wake
up my milk would let down and then I’d
know I was going to flunk the tests that
I was flunking every single day my
husband would come in and he would look
at me I’d be standing there with the
baby’s in my arms my nursing flaps down
a spank spoon in my other
hand a three-year-old all on my leg and
he’d be like what did you do all day day
and I’d say I don’t
know but I was busy people are calling
and saying they’re going to commit
suicide and I am offering to join them
John was like Lisa
seriously I don’t know why we had a
listed phone
number but we we thought it was holy but
you should not call postpartum women for
counseling just remember that okay so
anyway I just remember one day my son
came down the
stairs and I just snapped I no longer
saw a child I saw an enemy I thought
this is the one who keeps me from
getting anything done and as he came
down the stairs I came running up to
meet him I grabbed him and I stormed
into his bedroom and I thought what can
I do so he stays on this bed
and I heard slam him against the wall
and put him down that’s not funny slam
him against the wall and put him down on
the bed that he’ll know and I remember I
was lifting my son up and I was just
getting ready to slam him into the wall
when I saw something I had never seen
before my son was not afraid of what I
was going to
do he was afraid of me yeah and I
remembered what it was like growing up
in a physically and mentally abusive
household and every time I was slapped
every time I was slammed into a wall
every time I was kicked every time I was
hit I made myself a promise and it went
like this I will never treat my children
that way but here here I was a born
again Spirit-filled pastor’s wife
getting ready to hurt my son and it
broke me I remember I put him down I
said I’m sorry I scared you and I hit
the carpet and I said God it’s not my
husband he’s not here it’s not the
witches it’s not my parents it’s not
Sicilian it’s not Apache it’s me me I
have a real problem with anger and I
don’t know how to get
free and I don’t know if you’ve ever
cried until there is
nothing but in the nothing in the
Stillness when a storm has gone through
your soul and you cry and a quietness
settles over you I heard God say because
you’re no longer justifying this I’ll
sets you free