Has your happily ever after turned into simply tolerating each other…or worse? Perhaps it’s time to hit the reset button in your marriage. Hope is possible, but how do you find it when you are stuck in a cycle of dysfunction? That’s exactly the conundrum my husband John and I were facing. Tune into this throwback session from our Story of Marriage course to learn some of the things we discovered.
but you know Lisa I got to say I’m I’m
really enjoying doing this with you it’s
just a pleasure I’m honored and uh we we
titled this one begin again right and
why do we do that because each of us
need a new beginning correct you know I
even think a lot of marriages need to
almost be born again I mean they need to
be reborn they need a new start they
need to to just wipe the Slate clean and
remember the why and so we’re going to
actually take you back to the beginning
where we started but we’re going to read
out of the message paraphrase of Genesis
chapter 1 verse 27-28 said God created
human beings he created them god-like
reflecting God’s nature he created the
male and female God bless them Prosper
reproduce fill the Earth take charge be
responsible for the fish in the sea and
the birds in the air for every living
thing that moves on the face of the
Earth God looked through everything he
had made and it was so good so very good
and when I read that last last night we
were preparing this lesson I just I just
felt to say you know God is looking at
each and every one of you
and he is saying this is good this is so
so very good
what is on your life what is seated in
potential in you it’s good and you may
say no no I actually have we’ve had bad
we’ve had bad but you know what that’s
because God sees your destiny and God
sees where you are headed more than he
is interested in where you have been and
so God is declaring goodness in your
future but we just have to make a
decision that we’re going to believe him
when he has made his promise to us I
mean he already said he’s going to
present us as a chaste absolutely
beautiful glorious bride and one of my
favorites where we’re going absolutely
but one of my favorite scriptures is
Revelations 21 5 where he says behold
I am making all things new he doesn’t
say I’m renovating you’re old he said I
am making all things new so God can give
you new love he can give you new dreams
he can give you New Faith he can give
you new hope he can give you new
communion he can give you new failure we
can give you a new sex life whatever you
have need of for him to make new he can
do that for you and it begins really by
what we say because if you look and this
is I’m in awe of this okay every time I
read it yeah in Genesis chapter 11 when
you look at a bunch of ungodly men and
women that come together it was just the
men probably right there’s a bunch of
ungodly men come together and they said
we’re going to build you’re going to do
something impossible we’re going to
build a tower into the heavens right
fulfill the Earth I’m like no we’re
gonna vote skyscraper yeah we’re gonna
go up we’re not going to go out yeah
exactly correct and the Lord comes down
and takes a look at this and what God
says is what but just Oz me the Lord
said behold they are one people
and they have one language and this is
only the beginning of what they will do
and nothing now this is God speaking
nothing that they propose to do
will now be impossible for them
now hear the now be impossible why they
were one and they had one language now
when we get joined together when God
joins us together we become one flesh
so what happens when we now these are
disobedient men these are ungodly men
they do not have the spirit so what
happens when we who are one flesh yes
now start speaking one language
God says nothing
will be impossible for them so what we
have to choose is are we going to speak
the language of Earth
are we going to speak the will of Health
I love this Earth says divorce yep
Heaven says Union
Earth says rejection Heaven says
acceptance Earth says you owe me
Heaven says I freely give
birth says vengeance Heaven says
forgiveness yeah Earth says I won’t be
your slave Heaven says I will be your
servant Earth says I despise your
weakness
Heaven says I see your potential and my
love covers it
Earth says you don’t meet my needs
Heaven says I want to meet yours
we’ve got to decide that we are going to
change the way we see everything because
we can find all the promises of God line
up with the purposes of Heaven he will
make us one
he will in the end of it be glorified
and in the end of all things Jesus’s
prayer will be answered and the world
will see him because our love one for
another
John 17 20-23 I’m going to read it from
the message he says this Jesus and he he
makes a conscious decision he’s Last
Supper last night with his disciples as
a son of man he decides I’m going to
actually pray in front of everybody so
they know what is important to me he
says I’m praying not only for them and
he’s talking about the twelve but also
for those who will believe in me because
of them that means actually Jesus all of
us was praying for us
and their witness about me and whenever
I think that I think who believes
because of me who believes because of me
he says the goal is for all of them to
become one heart and mind just as you
father are in me and I in you so they
might be one heart and mind with us then
the world might believe that you in fact
sent me the same Glory you gave me I
gave them so they’ll be as unified and
together as we are i in them and you and
me then they’ll mature in this Oneness
and give the Godless World evidence that
you’ve sent me and loved them in the
same way you loved me
as long as there is division
there is no evidence that God sent his
son because he loved the world
and we have to understand that our love
between the two of us
declares God’s glory to this earth it
says that he loves them and we are not
going to see the glory of God the power
of God I don’t know about you guys but
I’m not I’m not content with what I’ve
seen
okay I didn’t become a Christian become
a speaker I am not content with what I
have seen and John and I both have a
hunger for something so much more than
what we have seen so we’re going to have
to live
in what God blesses where he says he can
pour out his power and His glory because
when we are divided he cannot pour out
his glory and he cannot so that’s that’s
the battle is us being one so we’re one
flesh but the thing is are we walking as
one and it manifests ultimately
manifests in what we speak
what we pray what we believe yeah and so
what the enemy fears is when a husband
and a wife starts speaking as one when
we start speaking Heaven’s language yeah
every area that Lisa and I have ever
been in agreement on
when we’ve come together in agreement it
has flourished and we’ve seen Miracles
happening
area we’ve been divided on has always
been a struggle struggle struggle and
we’ve not seen fruitfulness in that area
so the enemy’s goal is to get us divided
the enemy’s goal for your marriage is to
get you divided so then you’re not
speaking as one and you’re not going to
see the fruitfulness the Dominion that
God wants you to have
and so the real battle the real battle
is staying one walking is one Speaking
is one
and you know we um we didn’t understand
that at first because
you know I wanted John to think like me
and he wanted me to think like him but
we already said in the very beginning
the same doesn’t mean one
different means one and so we had to
learn how to actually love each other
well and to build up one another’s
strengths see John actually did this
really well for me when we first got
married when we first got married the
only thing I brought to the marriage was
a suntan and a six-pack I was buff not a
beer I was buff I I was buff I was
muscular I that was it and I looked good
but I didn’t know how to do good I
didn’t know how to cook I didn’t know
how to be a mother I didn’t know how to
do anything but John said wow you know
what I bet she’s wise I bet she’s going
to be great with finances I bet she’s
going to be Godly I bet she’ll open up
her life and and I was like wait a
minute wait I had no idea I was going to
do any of these things but before this
man figures out he is married an empty
shell
I’m gonna get into the word of God and
I’m going to let the word of God begin
to create what love is declaring over me
do you know that God is declaring love
over each and every one of us in such a
magnificent way I really think as dark
as the world has gotten we need to say
why are they attacking marriage
you don’t attack what you are not
threatened by
so the enemy is attacking the definition
of marriage because he understands
the power of marriage creates the power
of Legacy creates a power of the
relationship of God so I had to change
how I talked to John he would build me
up but I I actually would tear him down
I was like he’s traveling people are
clapping you know they’re buying his
books when he comes home he needs to
change diapers he needs to get some poop
under his fingernails he needs to go to
the grocery store he needs to be a real
man and find out what the real world
looks like no yes all those things are
important he did need to help but the
truth is
he didn’t care what anybody else said
he didn’t care who was clapping for him
on the road correct he wanted to know
what I said to him when he came home and
I withheld affirmation
I withheld celebration
I thought why is he talking about
himself so much well guys well talk
about themselves if you don’t talk about
them so if you talk about them enough
then they don’t talk about themselves
my wife’s talking about me for me men
love to be celebrated and women love to
be needed and so I was like listen you
know I’m gonna I’m gonna pull you down
and I’m gonna manage you at this level
and then I realize that’s just wrong he
deserved to be loved in a way he could
hear it and so I remember I I tried to
shame him into my love language My love
language is Jesus’s love language which
is acts of service and quality time but
but John’s love language was what most
males are which is words of affirmation
and physical touch and so I mean I was
like come on over to Jesus’s world and
he was like no this is how I hear it but
it was a problem for both of us because
you know I I’m I’m just saying you’re
gorgeous you’re beautiful boy
for sex and I’m like where were you when
I needed help in the kitchen right and
and so she wasn’t saying that I was
handsome and that I was her prince and
what she was doing is she was making me
great meals and she was like Hey and
pulling up the carpet tile Lang tile
painting the house I’m showing a lot of
great things she was saying I love you
and I wasn’t getting that because love
languages are Love Languages I mean if I
speak Arabic to you and you only speak
English guess what you can’t understand
a thing I’m saying but if I speak
English you’ll get what I’m saying yeah
well if my love language is words of
affirmation and you’re speaking to me
acts of service there are five love
languages and this is from Gary
Chapman’s book gifts is the only one
we’ve left out because neither of us
that’s a big one for us gifts uh qual
acts of service quality time words of
affirmation and physical touch so mine’s
affirmation physical touch if she’s not
speaking that to me I’m not getting the
message I love you and so so I had to I
had to intentionally speak it and it
felt really awkward at first like I
would say yeah you look nice and you’d
be like you’re just saying that because
because you know I want you to say that
and I’m like that’s exactly correct I
mean that’s I feel like you shouldn’t
have to be have hearing that but okay
that’s what I’ll do with this yeah you
look nice and then and then I started to
actually have a whole lot more fun with
it I started to it started to feel more
right because I saw how much joy it
brought him I was like wow that is so
much less labor than tiling yeah
actually pretty easy seriously yes I was
like yeah you’re a you
doing it in front of my boys I started
like at the table saying things that
would make them feel uncomfortable
things like look at your dad oh my gosh
I don’t know I’ve been pregnant 10 times
he is the sexy hunk of man and my boys
are like
get a room you guys are so weird and I
I’m just I’m just like I’m blowing up I
mean I’m like okay what can I do for you
yeah exactly I mean that’s all you have
to do and I’m like I’ll do anything for
you you know yeah and And yet when we
did that there was a there was a couple
things being achieved number one my
husband is a gorgeous man number two he
travels a lot which means he’s away from
me a lot and if I withhold affirmation
from my husband and I don’t tell him
he’s desirable to me
then he could be on the road sometime
and in a low time and some woman knock
on the door of his hotel room
and I would have left him vulnerable
but now if a woman knocked on my door
and said you’re a sexy hunk of man I’d
say yeah I know my wife tells me all the
time and shut the door yeah
I don’t I don’t need to be hearing that
from you because I’m hearing that at
home and so you know we we protect we
protect one another when we love each
other well
also by complimenting my husband in
front of my boys I hope that I am
modeling how they should be treated
I want my boys to have wives that think
they’re the most gorgeous men on the
face of the Earth and that they’re
exactly
exactly exactly and so I I felt like we
were protecting we were building we were
strengthening and we were modeling
something and so it isn’t just like oh
you know that’s a little silly thing no
it was actually a really big deal to my
husband and I because it wasn’t a big
deal to me I just thought it was stupid
and you know John and I are we’re very
different people we’re very very very
different people and and
um John is very black and white and I
have to be honest with you I love that I
never ever doubt where he stands on
something I I don’t even have to think I
wonder where John will land on this I
know where he’ll land on it because he’s
pretty consistent
but I’m not gray
I am the crayons in his world I come in
he draws the lines and I’m like
sweetheart this is so clear but you know
what this is boring so we’re going to
have to put some purple in color and I’m
going to call and he’s colorblind so I
get to I get to put some color around
his world and men and women have
different strengths and you want to talk
about the strengths of men well yes a
man will bring structure he’ll bring
he’ll guard the house he’ll bring
external strength
um he’s extend he extends that strength
but then the woman she brings well so
membrane structure which is like the
coloring books lines right and women
bring something called nurture structure
without nurture is just dead and nurture
without structure cannot multiply you
know when our boys were little we
invested a lot of money in Legos because
we wanted to be the favorite
grandparents right and we wanted Asher
and Sophie to come to our house and be
like Legos oh my gosh and so um when my
boys were little they would they would
build the Legos and they would build
towers they would build towers they’d
build things they could destroy they
took cars and when John would come home
from a tribute call from the Orlando
Airport and say I’m on my way home and
really what he was saying was babe I I
love you but you have no idea concept of
time I know the children are running
around half undressed I know that you
haven’t taken a shower and you have 45
minutes before I am going to hit that
front door so this is your countdown and
so I’d be like oh my gosh
I’d hang up the kids would all go
scampering I would try to you know
become some level of uh not a health
threat and then I would be like okay you
know and the boys would always want to
build something or color or something so
they’d build Lego towers for their dad
they were like oh Dad and he would come
in and he would look at these towers
and then they’d like have to and I
didn’t understand this entire boys but
someone has to win and someone has to
lose I don’t think that’s right but
girls think everybody should win but
then he’d be like okay that’s the that’s
the tallest tower that one gets award
for this and then my boys would grab a
car back it up and crash it into the
towers it was all about building big and
then a big crash
and one time and it was only one time I
was allowed to babysit my friend’s
daughter and she came over and she
didn’t build towers
she built rooms she put the Legos down
on the floor she got out bed she got out
chairs she got out tables she got out
people my boys were great with driving
cars without people in them they’re like
people don’t need to be in these cars
yeah and none of the Girl dolls ever
played the girl dolls were like why do
we even have those you know and so they
they would they would watch this little
girl
and what she was doing was she was
making the people interact she had them
like holding hands I remember my boys
watching I remember like her name was
Richie Lee she actually took two of
these Legos and she made him kiss and my
boys were like they were like oh my gosh
we’re gonna have to burn those but but
the truth is in the house of God we’ve
had a lot of structure
but we need more nurture
some people need to be laid down for a
nap
some people need to be sat down to hold
some hands
and some people might need to kiss I
mean we need we we need we need
Connections in the house of God so the
man he guards the house but the woman
guards the heart
the man has that external strength so he
surrounds her so what her strength which
is internal can flourish and um you know
I breastfed all of my boys until they
asked me to stop I they were like we’re
not doing this for you anymore we’re
over two but um I I remember
I felt so strong holding them close John
didn’t hold my boys close
he threw them in the air he swung them
around his head he put him on the seat
what was he doing he was trying to
extend their world he was saying I want
you Fearless I want you to think this is
amazing I want you to think of that I’m
like no save save stay close to Mommy
you can nurse me to your 20. but but no
no I’m joking I never said it anyway so
but that’s but that’s the difference so
we would need men and women
to do this in the house of God and we
need it in our homes so with this
difference you know the important thing
is recognizing the difference but yet
still being one and that’s what we’re
really trying to drive it home here we
are different people you married
somebody who’s different than you and
that doesn’t make it bad that is your
completion that is who God saw that’s
men it was would complete you and make
you whole and so I didn’t marry a John
bevere I married Elisa bevere and so I
love our I learned to celebrate our
differences and but our differences
don’t make us separate they should make
us stronger as one
and so that’s where we’re really wanting
to bring this session home to yeah
you’re going to have differences you’re
going to have challenges you’re going to
have all kinds of things to fight
but stay one in purpose figure out
because the Bible says a threefold cord
cannot easily be broken okay you know it
says two or better than one so when you
get married
it’s a great thing but you know what
there’s got to be a mission involved
that’s your third court so if you look
at Lisa and I Lisa and I are very very
you know I’m always constantly looking
where can we unite well we unite in the
fact that we both absolutely adore each
other we both adore our children so
there’s two two missions right third
mission is we’re both born again we love
God with all of our heart fourth mission
is we we both are in the ministry
together
hey can you say that because I mean we
saw that there were so many questions
about what is your priority is it God
first Ministry second can you like since
you were just breaking that down God is
first but God and Minister you’re not
one and the same so a lot of ministers
say well God is first so they what they
do is they allow their Ministry to
supersede their family no God is first
so if God tells me to do something and
my family says no well that’s another
story but they put the work of the
ministry above their family that’s not
the way God intended it so it’s our
relationship it’s a relationship with
God then it’s our wife then it’s our
children then it is our mission which
could be in the government it could be
in business it could be an education for
us it’s in Ministry now we just had the
real privilege of that’s a world that we
share together now if I’m a husband and
wife and a husband let’s say the wife is
involved in the medical field and I’m
involved in in business well we don’t
share that together but we can come into
each other’s world and be interested but
then the next thing that you’ve got to
have together is Recreation because
Sabbath is something that’s commanded by
God not commanded by men and God wants
you to have rest well I believe
marriages need rest and you know my wife
she just likes things different than I
do I like playing golf that’s my idea of
rest but I realized that Lisa didn’t so
I had to find some ground that we could
recreate together on and I remember for
some reason she just started liking
motorcycles and you know we walked into
a motorcycle store I bought a Kawasaki
ninja from my wife and I bought myself a
motorcycle and I’ll be really honest
with you I hated the motorcycle I hated
it okay but I did it because it was time
with Lisa and so you want to find Common
Ground we have grandchildren we’re going
to go safer we’re going to go safer now
we got rid of the motorcycles okay so
but but I’m constantly looking for how
can my wife and I recreate I mean I just
bought a kayak and we kayak together and
when we do that it’s just amazing you
know know how close we become how that
opens up the door to talk about more
creative things in Ministry or for our
family and so our job is to make sure
that we’re continuing the merger okay in
all areas of life social areas you’ll
see people get married he’ll get his guy
friends she’ll get her girlfriends and
they don’t have any intersection now
don’t get me wrong guys need guy time
and women need women time I’ve noticed
my wife is much healthier when she gets
girl time and I’m a lot healthier when I
get golf time with my guy friends okay
so understandably so but there’s got to
be an intersection in Social and so
we’ve got that’s one of our mission our
plans to make our mission accomplished
you know I look at it is if we focus on
becoming one and we’ve set our goals God
can supernaturally get us there a whole
lot quicker when we’re one taking care
of these priorities then if we’re
sitting there you know going two
separate lives trying to accomplish a
goal for our the mission of our marriage
and and and so it’s extremely important
that you figure out on all these
different levels how you can remain one
and grow together closer is one because
we’ve been talking about now that we’re
coming into a new season our kids are
full grown
and grandparents we have a different
Mission you know and now our mission is
going to be there’s friends again you
don’t have to be you know as much
parents now we’re just grandparents and
what does that look like and we’ve been
talking about this and um you know one
of the definitions that we want to add
to the definition of submission is under
assignment submission means under
Mission or under assignment and you
build with people that you’re assigned
together with you know and so when you
find out who God has put you with then
you’ll actually don’t need to worry
about the what when it’s the who the
what will happen because that is who is
with you that’s going to refine you
who’s going to build you who’s going to
teach you who’s going to bring out the
best of you and all of a sudden the what
you’ll be like whoa you know people ask
us did you ever think you would be doing
what you’re doing I’m like I had
absolutely no idea what we you know what
we we didn’t even have a frame of
reference for what we are doing but we
just knew who we were doing it with and
so missions are tied to purposes and so
submission means you’re an assignment
you build with your husband because the
two of you have an assignment to raise
children who are Godly or to become
children who are God actually it’s
definitely to become children or Godly
and possibly to raise children that are
Godly you have an assignment to honor
God with every choice that you make
publicly and privately there is a
mission in your life and John and I want
to be persuasive influencers that our
life is is such that when we’re on
airplanes or we’re on in public or Whole
Foods where people come up to us and
they want to be around us because
there’s something about us that honors
them and influences them and my sweet
husband
ask me a question in Proverbs 14 1 yes
what does this say what does it say in
progress 14 one that a woman should
build this is a wise woman builds her
house builds her house yeah so if that’s
the case what does a wise man do he
built this woman because when you build
your woman your woman will build the
house so the man is supposed to build
the woman the woman is supposed to build
the man and as you build each other you
enlarge each other’s life so uh do you
want to read Ephesians five yes I do
Christ loved Christ’s love makes the
church whole his words evoke her beauty
I love that now this is The Message
Bible of what I read to you in the
second session
Christ’s love makes the church whole his
words evoke her beauty everything he
does and says is designed to bring the
best out of her that’s Ephesians 5 26
The Message Bible now is that not
amazing there is our Leader’s example
yeah my words should evoke Lisa’s Beauty
and everything I say and do should bring
the best out of Lisa when we were first
married
Lisa’s head was down because she had a
very very tough family background but I
noticed if I kept telling her even
though she didn’t believe me at first
you’re beautiful you’re magnificent
you’re a woman full of wisdom
she started lifting her head up and
that’s what Jesus does with us and so
Ephesians 4 15 tells us the same we will
speak the truth in love growing in every
way more and more like Christ who is the
head of the body so there’s your purpose
for for marriage God said to bring forth
Sons and Daughters of God right to bring
forth children not just natural children
but that so Lisa and John bevere can
become more christ-like in our
interactions and that is going to happen
by speaking the truth in love now I’m
gonna I’m gonna say it one more time in
your marriage you can speak truth out of
Revenge and really hurt somebody with
the scripture or you can choose to
forgive
pray until that love Wells up and then
you go and speak the truth and love and
that’s what causes growth so it’s not
just love that causes the growth it’s
not just speaking the truth that causes
the growth speaking the truth in love I
believe that’s one of the purposes for
God putting a man and a woman together
is to evoke the beauty of Christ’s
likeness in our life and so we’ve we’ve
done these six sessions and we’ve got a
beautiful book and and a devotional
guide for everyone to go through but I
think one of the big things that we’ve
got to do is we’ve got to just we want
to we want to create an environment for
you guys to actually seize the moment on
some of the stuff we’ve been talking
about so what we’re going to do now is
we’ve gone through these six sessions
we’ve brought the word of God out as
well as our personal experiences now we
want to do is give you a chance to start
speaking the truth and love to each
other and really evoke each other’s
Beauties and so this might be a little
awkward for some of you single people
that are in here but I’d like for the
married couples right now to just just
look at each other and look right into
her eyes look right into his eyes and
and I and I want you to speak really
these words from your heart and husbands
I’m going to lead you in a prayer that I
want you to speak or are words that I
want you to speak to your wife I want
you to say this
honey forgive me for using my strengths
to oppress and hold you down
forgive me for not speaking to your
virtue
your beauty
your wisdom and kindness
forgive me for not creating an
environment for you to flourish in
forgive my selfishness in our
conversations
time together
and even in bed
I believe God can heal
restore and glorify our Union
I believe you and I
can do anything through him who
strengthens us
we will take Dominion
we will multiply
and we will be very fruitful together
in the name of Jesus
I look forward to quality time with you
right now I’m going to have the wives
look at the eyes you’ll say back to them
say forgive me
for the times I have used my strengths
to point out your weaknesses
from now on
I’m going to use my words
to build your life
I’m going to multiply your strengths
I’m going to be the best thing that ever
happened to you
forgive me for the times
I was not a safe place for you to
deposit your heart
I believe God can make all things new
I will be a faithful guardian of your
heart
I choose to love
I choose to forgive
this is a new day
filled with Mercy
and Truth
let’s love and dream again
now kiss each other
now do you want to read this okay so we
we want to give you a vision here and
this is God’s Vision we found one of our
favorite Psalms to declare over your
life so the word of God would begin to
go into your future and meet you there
in Psalm 112. praise the Lord how joyful
are those who fear the lord and Delight
in obeying his commands
their children will be successful
everywhere an entire generation of godly
people will be blessed
they themselves will be wealthy and
their good deeds will last forever light
shines in the darkness for The Godly
they are generous compassionate and
righteous
good comes to those who lend money
generously and conduct their businesses
fairly such people will not be overcome
by evil those who are righteous will be
long remembered they do not fear bad
news they confidently trust in the Lord
to care for them they are confident and
fearless and can face their foes
triumphantly they share freely and give
generously to those in need their good
deeds will be remembered forever they
will have influence and honor that is
the word of God that he speaks over your
union Revel in it speak it to each other
amen amen you are people of Honor you
are people of Grace you are people of
righteousness in a land filled with
Darkness
you are hope to those that feel hopeless
right now your marriage will be a
shining example your children will go
further than you ever imagined God will
establish you do not be afraid of the
darkness that is now pressing upon you
it will cause the glory of God to rise
within you yes and you will be
triumphant in this season in Jesus name