Learn more about my books, resources, live speaking schedule, and more at LisaBevere.com

welcome to moms of men i can’t even tell

you how excited i am that i actually

have my men here with me i’ve got my

youngest son arden wanna wave

there you go arden addison

alec who spanked the most and austin so

we’ve got all of my boys and we think

this is gonna be a great opportunity

i’ve already been really open with you

guys that i did not do everything

perfectly not even everything well but i

want you to hear from their perspective

not just my perspective so they’re all

alive they’re all healthy they have all

of their limbs and fingers and toes and

so this is going to be enlightening for

everyone we want you to hear from the

boy’s perspective and we’ve just opened

it up that they can be vulnerable and

they can be honest so we’re going to go

for this

so uh one of the topics we’re going to

cover is and who anybody that wants to

can go first is

so

what would you guys say to a mom out

there that is a single mom maybe and

she’s raising sons

or a mom that’s just feeling overwhelmed

maybe she’s got one son and she has a

bunch of daughters or she’s feeling

insecure what would be a source of

encouragement that you would give her

well i’ll say something like

and uh just what i’ve learned growing up

is when we were young

i never got the sense that you were

drowning and i know that

seriously

and and i know you talked about and

stuff like that how every day you felt

overwhelmed but um as your son and

probably all of us we never had that

oppression impression that like oh my

gosh our mom is losing her oh my gosh

our mom is about to flip or anything

like that i never had that impression

and so thankful

yeah so i would love to just encourage

moms like um the the sons don’t always

perceive all the emotions that you are

feeling but

you’re doing the best you can and know

that and your sons aren’t picking up on

all those cues so literally um they’re

not being as hard on yourself on on you

as you may be being on yourself and so i

just want to encourage you with that and

and i thought you did a great job mom

and so um and i know you felt like there

were moments where you didn’t feel like

you did a great job and so i just want

to encourage the moms right off the bat

with that so maybe as the oldest i got a

less filtered view but i do feel like

there were a few times

all joking aside the thing that really

stood out to me is that you didn’t put

up some kind of facade

and when you were going through things

you processed those in a healthy way

most of the time with me sometimes over

process maybe maybe sometimes it’s a

little too much but i love that you were

real and you showed us that sometimes

life is messy sometimes it’s hard and

that’s okay that doesn’t mean you quit

doesn’t mean you take a step out it just

means you persevere yeah thank you i

appreciate that yeah and i mean uh just

on that you know sometimes let me let

life’s messy sometimes life’s hard yeah

you know just another thing just um to

speak out to the moms is just that

really

um

yeah

you’re kind of seeing the end result

that i mean uh four good looking guys

sitting on the table i mean how does

good looking have

no all right so anyways all right so uh

but but what what i’m trying to say with

that is you know a lot of people are

kind of seeing the end result but then

knowing that really there was a lot of

mess along the way that like yeah i mean

there were some times you know that we

gotten huge arguments and things weren’t

like the prettiest thing that maybe

sometimes could see but we knew how to

fought well and we knew how to

discipline kids well i mean i’m not

saying that i disappoint you

who did you discipline

you guys

i think i think what you’re saying is

it’s not about perfection it’s about

creating a safe environment yeah and

growing up we all felt like we were safe

yeah it wasn’t always perfect but it was

safe you were fed we were fed sometimes

we were locked in the backyard and we

drank out of a house when it got hotter

that was important

that was more so dad though

that’s a different story and it was a

fenced-in yard there were no safety

concerns and i think for the single moms

is for them understanding like they

don’t have to do it alone like they have

people in their lives they have mothers

that they can go to and fathers that are

father figures and they don’t need to

feel like hey because i’m a parent and

these are my kids i know what i need to

be doing it’s like no they can go they

can ask for help they can figure out hey

how do i do this how do i handle this i

know for you mom you there was times

where you had to go and call people i

called doctor

what in the world do i do yeah

yeah absolutely and i would agree with

what arden said like oftentimes even my

i’m late 20s when someone comes to me

he’s younger than me asking for advice i

take it as a compliment i take it very

seriously and so um even with these moms

i would i would reach out to older women

like and they’d be surprised how willing

other people are to help out and so and

they’re looking for opportunities to

help out you know we deprive other

people those opportunities who might not

be in a season where they’re able to

lend that kind of gift and they want to

love you yes

absolutely

yeah and i know for me you know when

younger people ask me for advice it’s a

chance to redeem the mistakes i made i’m

like oh good listen this is what i did

that i wish i wouldn’t have done and

this is what i didn’t do that you know

and just just kind of give them those

opportunities um you know and and again

what would you say um

you know of of all like favorite

childhood memories so like like what

kind of stands out

like i love that you guys remember

having a backyard fenced in and but but

like what were some of your fun things

you remember

oh you were really intentional to have

us eat together

yeah and so we had a lot of

conversations around the table every

night it was dinner time with the family

and that fostered an environment our

family where we would talk about things

that maybe other families are able to

avoid because they don’t find themselves

in that situation where they’re sitting

in town around the table for 30 minutes

needing to have conversation and you

guys have really fostered that with your

family we have not as well as you guys

did

partly because it turns into an

explosion of food and we sit at the

formal dining table but yes actually on

that one of my favorite memories is uh

extending past the family dinners was

even conversations that you’d have

sometimes at night in your bathroom yeah

that just sometimes at night we would go

into the bathroom with you and

um you know you’re getting ready for bed

and

we would just talk to you about the day

and we’d unpack something and then you

would just really share stuff with us

and

it just felt really amazing because you

know then those conversations really got

to go deep and it felt like then we were

going deep

and i absolutely loved those

conversations yeah and i think those

things having the family dinner and

those conversations even though you guys

were gone so much it was like

it really made us feel like we were

never really like we knew each other so

well it was not like we were far apart

and it was like i mean i know for me i

remember i was like you know i miss my

parents but i also don’t and i think

like that was god blessing us because we

were so close and so tight from those

families like dinners and conversations

that we were like

no matter how far away they are we still

feel like we’re connected we’re we’re

one and i think it was because of that

yeah you know i i and i want to hear

from austin but you know i just want to

highlight this so you know really what

you guys are saying isn’t something out

of the normal everybody eats everybody

eats and so just being intentional it’s

not just because we’re italian but being

intentional about making sure life

happens around the table is is huge

and um you know so i love that that

created conversation so that you guys

had strong connections so when your dad

and i were gone you guys were so strong

connected so yeah but but not only that

and i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to cut

you off but like you would sometimes

share with those things that happen on

the road with you absolutely and you’d

be like hey this happened

what do you think about about the

situation and then then that kind of let

us feel like more mature to actually be

able to share something and then we

would be like well mom this is going on

in school right now and like

what do you think i should do like i

think i should do this but what do you

think and then and you’d be like you

know i think that you’re looking at this

a good way but have you thought about

this you know and it just those

conversations like as arden was saying

it really it made us feel like you guys

were there you know just just the whole

time so he’s always had a budget and

i’ll uh i’ll add on to what uh arden

said uh a question i got a lot when i

was a kid was is it hard for you to have

your parents or your dad gone so much

and like the standard

answer i give them because i love

simplifying things and just standard

answers i would say no it’s actually not

hard when they’re gone they’re gone when

they’re home they’re home and they give

us their full attention and so i just

encourage like moms that have to work

moms have to be away

during the day sometimes for um to know

that they can still have that quality

time with their kids when they’re home

be home with their kids when they’re

away be away um

and then i’ll give like a quick like 30

000 foot view of childhood but for us it

was like

we did family dinners but really we’d go

to school we came home did our homework

you made sure we did our homework first

before we could go out and play and then

literally we would just go out and play

like and then you’d call us back for

dinner but and i remember on weekends

we’d be gone out of the house for most

of the day and i think that was really

healthy there were other kids in our

neighborhood that we played with and

stuff like that and um and so i think it

takes a lot of pressure off the mom too

to be like entertaining their kids all

day long and i i that scares me

sometimes where mom when a mom feels

like she has to entertain her boys like

you know i would be and so i know when i

have kids i’d be like go outside like be

a be a boy like do your thing um and so

yeah i loved that i loved that i had a

childhood where i could go out and hang

out with my friends and then come back

home and um and you teach me during that

time and stuff like that

and that was why we like sunk a

trampoline in our backyard because we

wanted you guys to have a place where

you could go just take the steam off of

the day be outside and we did we had a

great we had great neighborhood dynamics

where you guys had friends that were

able to be you know like go to their

house they were close enough proximity

wise you could spend time with them so

uh what were some of the things that we

could have done better because every

mother does go to bed every night with

me with me okay but no um every mom goes

to bed with a list yeah she does and i

appreciate that austin said that he

didn’t sense that i was over that i was

overwhelmed and i can pick up one thing

that i would just say to to moms already

that i know that that i could have done

better and you and i have actually

discussed this but um addison actually

alluded to it sometimes when john was

gone i would process things with addison

as my oldest son

that uh it was me trying to process

things that possibly i would have been

better processed with somebody else

because it made him have a hard time

with that and so if you’re out there

don’t put pressure emotional pressure on

your your son to process certain things

even if he was around it because then it

feels like he has to choose between your

husband and you or he’s upset with your

husband for something and you don’t want

to do that or he loses respect for you

loses respect for both of us usually and

they lose respect for the mom and i i

think there was a season that addison

and i had a little bit of tension with

that and and i don’t want to see you

guys do that and so again what arden

said and what addison said there’s

somebody out there

you just have to look for the right

person and sometimes in that moment you

you don’t think there’s a person just go

ahead sleep on it and find that person

ask the holy spirit to show you who that

person is yeah you got to bring you

somebody yeah so just on the table what

what are some of the things that

that and we can we can pick on mom

john’s not here john’s not here john’s

not here well alec

yeah like you’re first yeah oh um well i

you know there’s definitely some topical

stuff like uh later on whenever we talk

about the sexual purity things there’s a

few things

that i think maybe could bend down a

little better there

but uh that was your dad yeah you know

we’ll talk about that later but uh no i

mean um i think that

you know there’s definitely areas that

maybe you and dad messed up on but

that’s something that i really felt like

we’re really good as a family we were

good at

arguing and getting it out and then we

were okay like everything was done like

i don’t think that you were afraid of

having us around the table right now at

all because

we all have had our issues but we dealt

with them in the past

if we had something that was big we were

like all right we’re dealing with this

today or if it wasn’t that night because

it was too late and you know my emotions

were just too high it was dealt with

within like the next 24 hours so yeah

and i remember you we asked you guys

when we did the marriage thing we said

what were some of the things we could

have done better and you guys said we

totally understood you guys fighting but

you said you didn’t like it when you

feel like i wasn’t listening to your dad

like oh yeah yeah when i wasn’t

listening oh definitely yeah yeah that

is true and when you guys have fine and

fun and when we fought in front of you

we had to make up in front of you yeah

yeah yeah so that was something that and

that was something that you did great

that if it was a huge argument yeah i

mean because seriously don’t think that

john and lisa have never already we

don’t do everything we don’t do anything

small

yeah

i mean the passion on the road you guys

see that if you’ve ever seen them on the

road so that’s pretty it could get

passionate you know but no then then

there was that you know just forgiveness

though and like wait a minute this is

wrong we need to go and talk this over

with the kids and we need to make this

right yeah mom i could you know of

course i could make a list of things

like hey you did this wrong or you might

have this one time you did that wrong

this other time but no here here’s

here’s the thing though every every

single person’s list looks different we

all have those lists every single one of

us and we have to come to terms with

those lists and the thing that really

stood out to me about you and dad is you

guys would come to us and apologize as

parents oh yeah and that was huge a lot

a lot you guys would come to us and and

i learned because of you i learned

humility and i learned what it is to

apologize and actually after i got

married my wife it was about a year into

our marriage she’s like for the last

year i thought you’ve been disingenuous

because you’re so quick to apologize

after we get into fights i’m like no

this is just what was modeled for me and

my family like when you do something

wrong you take ownership of it

regardless of your position in the

family you take ownership of it so i

really don’t think it matters so much

like what you do wrong because we all do

things wrong what matters is how you

respond when you do that wrong thing

yeah yeah

anybody else want to bring up anything

i’ll i’ll bring up something if you want

i just need to get this off my chest

no uh

i think something that would have helped

me is uh and you guys did this a lot but

sometimes you might have missed it is uh

explaining the why

and so i know something for me when i

was a kid i hated reading and i hated uh

i hated most everything to do with

christianity i know that probably sounds

terrible i’d be like i’d be like i don’t

want to go to heaven and i don’t want to

go to hell i don’t want to make a choice

and

uh dad just the way he went about it is

he he loves the word of god and so he’s

like hey have him read the word of god

until uh he loves it as well which

eventually happened but like knowing

earlier on like why we’re having you

read the bible so much or just stuff

like that it would have helped out a ton

so and then another thing that i think

is great to do is um to be be careful

not to do um

generalizations or stereotypes like

you’re always this you’re always like

never right and so i remember one time

uh when dad was bringing me correction

he brought he did one of those like

generic like

you’re so this type thing and it like it

hurt a lot and and later on i was just

like i went to him and talked to him

about it but

he i know he didn’t view me like that

but in that moment that’s how he’s

viewing me and so

i think that’s just super good

yeah don’t leave your kids address that

that one instance even if they have this

long pattern of you’ve been doing this

for a while just continue to keep

addressing that moment rather than this

is who you are type thing you know

that’s a really great place to close

with because moms keep lists

and they’re usually harder on themselves

than they are with their kids and so

that always and never ends up being

things that the moms say i never get it

right i always mess up i’m always tired

i always didn’t do this you need to

cancel the always endeavors on each

other and you need to cancel them on

yourself so my boys are a lot more

merciful on me than i’ve even been on

myself and so i hope you picked up a

couple of things be a quick repenter

don’t take it into tomorrow don’t beat

yourself up don’t say oh man because

you’re going to react from that place do

meals together it’s important it’s

really important they say it’s the

number one thing that adds value to kids

is doing meals with their mother their

father because your dad was not home for

a lot of the meals so you just have to

be really clear there was some months

when john was only home for three days a

month and in ministry terms that was

bragging rights but now he would look

back and say i wish i would have been

home more so um you know if you make

mistakes calm down own them say you’re

sorry you’re going to model something

for your kids more than trying to act

like you’re perfect so forgive yourself

forgive your kids and

let childhood be fun and it needs to be

fun for you too as a mom and you’re

probably doing better than you know so

let’s end with that