I heard your questions, and now it is time to answer! Welcome to my “Loving Fearlessly” Course. I am so excited to start off this new year sharing wisdom and advice with you all. None of us are perfect, but here are more ways to love fearlessly in relationships and in marriage! #lisabevere #lisabeverestudy #lisabeverecourse #lisabevere #lisabevereadamant #christianstudy #onlinecourses #truth #whatistruth #lisabeveresermons #godmothers #lisabeveresermon #johnbevere #johnandlisabevere #livingfearlessly #marriageadvice #marriagegoals ______________ Chapters: 0:00 – Lesson Teaser 0:21 – Answering Your Questions 1:22 – Answering the First Question 6:26 – Answering the Second Question 9:16 – Answering the Third Question 13:00 – Closing ______________ Make a one-time donation to help fund our livestreams, content, events, and more: https://messengerinternational.org/
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you know you are not what you know right
now you are what you possibly can know
in the future so let’s just continue to
understand we’re all on a growth
thing so not long ago I asked some
questions on my Instagram I said what if
you and I spent an hour together over
coffee or just sitting what would we
talk about and I was overwhelmed by the
amount of response that we got I wanted
to know how to love well they didn’t
know what is this going to look like to
be a mother what is it going to look
like to be a wife how how can I not fail
well the truth is that people who live
fearlessly they love fearlessly and this
is going to all be about being Fearless
in different areas of life and what I
want to tackle in these sessions is
loving
fearlessly I believe that God has
actually equipped Us by his holy spirit
where we can love fearlessly and that
means in our relationships in our
marriages it doesn’t matter how we were
raised and what we were brought up with
and so I actually have a list here of
questions that were directed to me that
I’m going to specifically answer so the
first one I’m going to tackle is what is
your advice for young married couples
and I thought of three things I want you
to dream together that’s the first thing
I want you to do dream together that
means you’re going to sit down and
you’re going to share ideas there’s
ideas that Jon shared with me early on
in our marriage that were ridiculous in
that season but there were realities in
our next season but you got to dream at
the beginning so that you recognize it
at the end so I want you to dream
together there is no bad dreams and I’m
just going to say this I’m giving you
the wife permission to dream a lot lot
of times when people get married they
think oh that means I lay down all of my
dreams and it’s all about my husband’s
dream only hey you’re part of dreaming
together see whatever God has on your
life isn’t just you being his helpmate
for his dream but there is a dream in
you and a dream in him and together that
dream gains expression so I don’t want
you to Discount your dreams or think
that they’re silly you do need to share
them in the right Manner and at the
right time so I would create an
opportunity where you can dream together
just you don’t want to do it when you’re
tired or grumpy or you have young kids
running around you want to sit down
together and then you want to dream
together and then the next thing is
you’re going to design together you’re
going to write it down what might that
look like when might that happen just
like designing a house you say I want to
take that dream and give it a reality so
like John and I we sat in a Chinese
restaurant and we dreamed together we
dreamed about Ministry things but we
also dreamed about marriage things and
we dreamed about children things we
didn’t have any children at the time so
we dreamed for our marriage a lot of
people don’t have a dream for their
marriage we dreamed that we would grow
better together that we would be allies
and not enemies that we would have this
chance to actually model something for
other people now I have to tell you that
was a dream because in that season we
were living a nightmare we were living a
nightmare we were in Conflict we felt
like what have we done have we married
the wrong person all of a sudden you’re
a person I don’t like but we dared to
dream when it didn’t look like a reality
so you dream and then you design what is
that going to look like in our life if
we are going to take this dream what
does it look like to design a life
together you have to write it down and
design it and then the third thing
you’ve got to do it because if you dream
it and you design it and you don’t take
action on those things and you’re never
going to see those things become a
reality so John and I said we feel
called to the ministry we didn’t wait
for somebody to say we feel that you’re
called to the ministry we’re going to
give you a platform we actually had
people into our home John started to
teach a singles class which is hilarious
because I think he only had five people
in it but he was diligent he prepared
every single week and he was there
teaching we went into the prisons and
preached the gospel we created
opportunities for the gift of God in our
life that we had dreamed about and
designed to actually take form to
actually do it so dream design do it and
a lot of times when it comes to dreams I
have been more afraid than I should have
I’ve kind of leaned back when I should
have leaned in on something sometimes
your husband will say things that might
scare you sometimes you’ll say things
that scare you but it’s important that
you talk it through because as you talk
it through you can actually sort some
things out and sometimes you’re just
verbally processing it so give each
other permission to dream we brought
brought in a consultant and he said
there is everything is a good idea for
10 seconds so let’s say in a marriage 30
seconds let’s give it 30 seconds so
everything is a good idea and feel okay
about echoing it back and say what are
you actually saying and then what would
this actually look like as you design
and then what can we actually do now so
that’s my advice another thing is don’t
compare yourself to the marriages of
other couples you know John and I we
would go out with other couples and they
would say my husband prays with me every
day I’d be like
what and I felt like there was this
lacking and why wasn’t John praying for
me well there was a little bit of a
season for that because I was making
john spiritually responsible for my
growth and God was like girl you’re
going to have to lean in to me yourself
so don’t compare yourself with other
young married couples maybe what they
have maybe what they’re doing maybe what
their money is maybe how they fight or
don’t fight don’t do it with the your
peers find an older couple an older
couple who is actually where you want to
go it could be 5 years older it could be
10 years older it could be I don’t know
20 30 years older like John N but find
that couple and talk to them and ask
them how they got from where they are to
where they are right now and that way
you’ll learn how to build rather than
feel like why is this not happening for
us you’ll say okay this is a season and
I know how to move into the next season
so that was the advice for young married
couples next question how do you deal
with insecurities in your relationship
well you know first and
foremost I I learned very early on that
John saw what I showed him if I was like
oh my gosh look at my thighs my thighs
are so fat I don’t know what happened
he’ be like wow they have gotten bigger
so I actually watched my husband notice
what I emphasized or if I compared
myself to other people like are my
thighs the same size as her thighs my
husband was like you know I feel like
this is a no WI question for me if I say
that your thighs are smaller then you’re
going to stop working out if I say that
her thighs are smaller then you’re going
to say I said you were fat he was like I
don’t even know what to do but
insecurities physically insecurities in
relationships see this is why we get
married but you don’t focus on what the
other person isn’t and so you shouldn’t
focus on what you’re not go ahead and
find out what your husband loves about
you and then if there’s an area where
you need to grow don’t make it an
insecurity issue make it a growth
opportunity like for example when John
met me I had a suntan which I don’t have
now I had a suntan and a six-pack I was
so buff he thought oh my gosh I want to
marry her I bet she’ll be great with
money I bet she’ll be a great mom I bet
she’ll be a great wife well I was none
of those things all I brought to the
table was a suntan that was about all I
had and so what did I have to do I had
to say wait a minute my husband believes
these things about me or believes that I
have the potential to be all these
things before he figures out I’m none of
it I’m going to actually start to lean
into the word of God talk to people who
know how to handle these kind of things
and I’m going to become that you know
you are not what you know right now you
are what you possibly can know in the
future so let’s just continue to
understand we’re all on a growth thing
and if your husband Compares you to
other women if he’s actually feeding
maybe some of those insecurities you
need to tell him when you do that when
you say I wish you dressed like her or
if you say why don’t you do your hair
that color or what you need to say that
that doesn’t inspire me it shuts me down
I actually sat down with my husband and
we went through a magazine and I said
tell me the kind of clothes that you
like I didn’t let him look at other
people and compare and that kind of
thing so if your husband’s making you
feel insecure you need to be honest with
him and say I want to be the best
version of me for you please don’t
compare me to other people because when
you do that it makes me want to shut
down so we need to get our affirmation
from God but we always need to be open
to growth and then this is the last one
I’m going to be able to handle this
session it is how do you handle a spouse
or a family who are critical of your
beliefs I’m just going to tell you
John’s family thought we were fullon
crazy they were like these people they
are crazy people and every single
holiday they would try to get us in a
fight about why I think your Bible says
or you guys don’t get to do this and
they were constantly baiting us and we
were idiots too we would be like well
the Bible says what they don’t care what
the Bible says and so there was many
years way too many and I don’t know if
this was our fault or their fault I’m
just going to take ownership for our
portion of it joh I been been married
for
36 years I think it’s 37 soon I get it
mixed up but 37 later this year and do
you know what his sister only got saved
two years ago and it wasn’t because of
our brilliant ability to convince her it
wasn’t because we showed her in
scriptures how our ideas were right and
her ideas were wrong it was because we
loved her it was because we loved her
and we welcomed her into our home and
she saw our children and our children
loved her and we didn’t be like oh
that’s an aunt that’s a heathen we were
like you love your aunt we love your
aunt we made her feel welcome and we
were so thrilled that she would finally
come and visited the weird Christians so
we had stopped being weird and when we
gave her welcome she actually came to
hear me speak for the very first time
and when she came to hear me speak she C
red the entire session she said I’m
coming back tomorrow morning on Sunday
and when the pastor gave the altar call
she was the first person running down
love them don’t argue with them it’s
what the Pharisees did the Pharisees
were always trying to probe Jesus and we
have to remember we have the big answer
and that big answer that we have is best
seen not just heard so live it in front
of them love one another Well if they
see this marriage that is beautiful and
wonderful and they don’t see you like uh
we don’t do all your bad things you know
I mean you can you can make decisions
without making another person feel bad
that you’re not participating in it so
you know like we’d be like hey well you
know what we’ like to watch different
movies we’re just going to go to bed
kind of thing so you can you can figure
out a way to do it without slapping them
in the face so I don’t know what’s going
on in your marriage but you have an
incredible opportunity to build your own
legacy when we we would go to see John’s
family we found that they were
celebrating Christmas in a very
different Dynamic than John and I wanted
to celebrate for our children so John
and I again sat down together that
dreaming thing and then we designed
something and we said you know what
we’re going to do we’re going to make
Christmas about Christ we we don’t want
to make it about drinking we don’t want
to make it about Santa Claus we don’t
want we want to make it about the birth
of Jesus Christ and we want our kids to
hear the Christmas story and we want to
go to church beforehand and we want it
to feel like this and so what we did is
we designed what we wanted it to look
like and then we did it but we didn’t
cut anybody out we invited all of them
to come into it and we said you guys are
welcome to come but we knew it was time
to establish a legacy and tradition and
holidays for our family so instead of
thinking I’m just going to be
misunderstood maybe you guys can
redefine what it looks like and invite
other people in you know I hope this is
helping you about how to love fearlessly
I know that we can’t love fearlessly if
we don’t have practical tools so I look
forward to sharing more with
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you