Are you the parent of a strong-willed child? Dr. Charles Stanley shares some biblical advice with a mother who wants to raise their child to serve and obey God. In Touch Ministries, 2010.
what would your life look like without
discipline you certainly wouldn’t
accomplish very much nor would you have
any real intimacy with God
proverbs 3:12 tells us that the Lord
disciplines those he loves
he’s actively involved in correcting us
and conforming us to his image as a
parent you are called to model God’s
discipline with your children but many
parents stress over this asking how much
is too much am i too easy on my child
the day’s email gives us an opportunity
to talk about that I have a very
strong-willed and determined on the 1
year old I want to raise him to serve
and obey God would you explain what it
means to discipline without breaking his
spirit well let’s distinguish between
two words here that is a child has their
personhood that’s who they really are
deep down inside and then there are
other actions and sometimes we think
those actions don’t meet and match their
personhood we all came into this world
with a self will and that self will has
to be brought into submission to God
that requires discipline on the part of
God and God has disciplined every single
one of us in some way or the other it
also requires that you are not
discipline our children to teach them
how important it is to obey and the
follow rules and regulations failure to
discipline your children is an act of
disobedience because if you want them to
grow up to be godly in any way at all
you’ve got to discipline them a child’s
personhood is their personality that’s
who they are you don’t want to break
their spirit their personhood you want
to deal and target with their actions
and all discipline should be targeted to
their actions well how do we break a
child’s spirit how do we how do we how
do we work in their lives in such a way
that every person hood is injured well
we do so by refusing to listen and we
send the message you don’t count you’re
not important
refusing to listen is very devastating
we discipline without explanation for
example if you don’t say to that child
here’s what I’m going to do
and here’s the reason I’m going to
discipline you then they don’t know
where they are their personhood is
confused do you not love me and what’s
going on why are you treating me this
way sometimes ignoring their opinions
and their requests because a child as a
person and oftentimes parents I think
bit little bit but they have personhood
they have feelings they have deep
emotions when we are made to feel
helpless and hopeless it is very
demeaning to us and sometimes I’ve seen
that happen when parents have been
overbearing things they say to their
children that demeans them in all kinds
of ways and one of the ways to hurt that
child’s spirit their personhood is to
compare them with someone else why
aren’t you like so-and-so well if you
will like him if you were like her
that is very demeaning that strikes it
who they are that’s not who they are
they’re not someone else that your child
using fearful words like this you never
you always very very hurtful to a
child’s spirit because you see God
doesn’t treat us that way there’s no
such thing as always and never
then of course expressing misdirected
anger sometimes a parent angry at
someone else or about some situation
will take it out on their child the
child doesn’t understand that personhood
gets all mixed up in that kind of a
situation because you’ve not identified
what you’re going to do while you’re
doing it and your motives not right then
I think one of the ways that you can
really break a child’s spirit is to
criticize them when they have done their
best have you ever been in that
situation when you did the very best you
know how and it wasn’t good enough it’s
never good enough and you feel that it
goes on the inside we’re not dealing
with actions now we’re talking about
what that child is feeling then of
course when you fail to lovingly touch
them loving words compliments our
approval a child who grows up without
any of that it’s going to be hindered
all of their life they’ll grow up
feeling inadequate and that they never
measure up they’ll grow up always
reaching out and looking for approval
and acceptance in some way when you fail
to provide good things and talk about
good things and look forward for example
to good things in their life then what
you’re saying is you’re sending a
message in all these different ways I
don’t count
I’m not worthy I don’t feel loved if a
child doesn’t feel loved
it doesn’t make any difference what you
give them there is no listen there is no
substitute for loving a child and
causing that child to sense that love
now if the discipline is going to be
correct and if it’s going to be targeted
in the right direction you have to ask
yourself first of all why am i why am i
discipline my child is it because you’re
upset because of something they said
innocently or something they did or is
it because of something going on inside
of you secondly carefully explain the
reason your discipling them I remember
when my mother would whip me and she did
plenty of times not deserved all of it
she would tell me why now I’m going to
whip you and this is the reason I’m
going to whip you well I never accepted
that first but then I had to accept the
fact yes i disobeyed I did what she told
me not to do therefore I understood
understanding why I was being
disciplined caused me to love my mother
not to reject her and then of course if
you’re going to discipline the child
explain it in a tone of voice that is
loving that is you don’t have to be me
lamellae about it but you ought to say
this is the reason and here’s what I’m
going to do in a voice that they
understand that you’re not doing it out
of anger and which leads me to say don’t
discipline your child in anger that is
if you’re angry about something or the
person or whatever it might be you get
over that before you try to discipline
them here’s what you’ll do you will if
you’re striking you’ll strike harder and
what you’re doing is you’re getting
something out of you
you under your child to relieve
something within you which is absolutely
forbidden if you want to discipline
properly keep you promises if you say if
you do that here’s what I’m going to do
if they do that do what you said you
were going to do or you create you
create frustration in a child if they
can get by with this and get by with
that and then they can’t get by with
this which in their minds is equal to
all the rest then they don’t know where
the lines are and then when you
discipline that child share your regret
for it I’m sorry I have to do this you
know I don’t like doing this but because
I want you to be the kind of person that
God wants you to be and the kind of
person I know that you want to be one of
these days this is the reason I’m
bringing out this discipline and then
remember this never strike a child with
your hand or slap them in the face now
listen if you switch them with something
it is that thing that touches them when
you slap a child in the face that’s you
versus that person or you hit them in
some fashion you’re striking it their
insides but if you use a switch of
something else or require some other Cup
form of discipline that’s one thing but
body to body is never the wise thing to
do then of course when you’ve
disciplined them reassure them that you
love them and that your desire for them
is the very best and you do this only
because you know it’s good for them and
you can say you know the Bible warns me
if I don’t discipline you properly he’s
going to hold me responsible
so remember check the target the target
is not their personhood it is not who
they are it is what they did or what
they fail to do well thank you very much
for joining us that they not trust that
this has been helpful and if you are a
parent all of us who are parents and
have been parents we’ve all had to deal
with these things but if you just
remember and you probably didn’t get all
this down maybe you should write us and
say look give me all of that again
because every single thing that I
mentioned is very important
so until next time obey God leave all
the consequences to him that’s living
life at its very best and when you leave
the consequences to him you can trust
him to make your actions in your deeds
very worthwhile