In this special interview, Ruth Bell Graham discusses the joys and trials of motherhood.
how has motherhood surprised you this
was not something that you planned no I
thought I thought I was going to be an
old maid missionary into bed that was
before I met my husband and so when we
became acquainted and after we were in
love and engaged I was trying my best to
call him to the bed that he should be a
missionary to Tibet and mind you if I
had gone I would have been there not
more than two years before it closed and
I would have had that had missed the joy
of Mary the finest man I know so one day
he said to me do you think the Lord
brought us together or not and I said
yes I do and he said in that case he’ll
leave me and you’ll do the following and
I’ve been following ever since if you
you have so many wonderful perspectives
I want to quote you here a true mother
is not merely a provider housekeeper
comforter or companion a true mother is
primarily and essentially a trainer now
I would expect you to point us to the
Bible for wisdom in this but but you
highly recommend a dog training manual
and training a dog you keep your
commands very simple and you patiently
work with them till they obey you and
then you reward them not with food but
with a pet let them know that you
pleased with them I also learned a
lesson from waterskiing
this was the old days and we had some
resort and I said to the waiter when he
brought breakfast and I said we’re going
to take water ski lessons today
he said report at your aid and she made
me so angry I thought I was water skier
bust and the water ski instructor kept
his his instructions very simple his
hand beneath your knees and he you saw a
squat in the water had to squat in the
water then as boat takes off he had her
eyes with him as his help how to balance
and then as he felt you getting your
balance he would move his hand from one
knee to the
and then that you go in your skiing but
he kept his instruction very simple and
encouraged all the time every of it work
you do it agreat you’re doing just great
I think we need to best parents to keep
our instructions simple and increase the
children Ruth’s many parents cling to
that promise train up a child in the way
that he should go and when he is old he
will not depart from it what does that
mean to you it means a great deal but it
also means that it doesn’t say that
there will be years in between before he
is grown old that he might wander off
and when he is old he shall not depart
from it we’ve got all the promise of God
on our side if you have five children
mm-hmm and two of them were a particular
challenge the two boys mm-hmm how to
respond when you first realized that
those boys were wandering from the
narrow way well first let me say I’m I’m
grateful that God gave us three year
olds to practice on first gave you three
girls practice on first when the boys
came along and I realized that they were
trying to seek their own identity see
the girls eventually could marry and
change their names but the boys were
stuck with the name Graham and I really
think part of it was rebellion and part
of it was trying to seek their own
identity I tried to make a difference
between moral issues and non moral
issues and so many things that we make
issues out of are not moral issues now
to me moral issue would be lying
stealing cheating even disrespect but
tracking dirt in the house
an occasional fight with your brother
things like that are non moral issues
and you just got to make a difference
between the two Franklin and
particularly
I brought some things into this house
that I cannot picture you coping with
you you must have had a tremendous
flexibility and and and grace to to ride
with all of that well whoever we built
the house he was about three and a half
years old and he was under the Workmen’s
feet all day long and the bigger the
tougher the better he liked them and
most of them were smokers and I went in
the Attic one day and the place was blue
a smoke and Franklin was choking up a
storm and the men were dying laughing
well I knew what was up and I just
walked out and slammed the door behind
me but we had a mountain man helping us
at the time and he was so intrigued by
by Franklin’s and learning how to smoke
at that tender age that he came up after
supper to see how Franklin felt how he’s
getting along and notice he had a pack
of cigarettes this pocket and I said
Floyd would you let me have that package
of cigarettes and I gave Franklin one I
said I want you to smoke it
I want you inhale and smoke it to fit to
the hole he finished the whole thing
well he smoked it he and hailed he
turned white he laid on the floor he got
up made a dash across the hall to the
bathroom threw up came back start over
again anything is that whole pack of
cigarettes he smoked the whole whole
pack and when I put him to bed that
night I was praying for him and I must
have sounded a little concerned he
looked at me grin he said mom you know
when I’m grown I’m not smoke but he
smoked all in all I think he lays around
21 and I was worried about his lungs my
jets I mean I know some wonderful
Christian statistic but I just don’t
think you know for his lungs sake of his
lungs I did not want to smoke roof how
long was it for this prodigal for
Franklin how many years did you wait
well he was I think he was 21 when he
came back to the Lord he didn’t really
show signs of being a prodigal till he
was about 12 or 13 hmm but it seems like
an eternity to a mother whether it’s
five years or 25 years
you’re in such a unique position but I’m
sure there are many particularly people
in Christian ministry who can identify
with the unique pressures that you have
had you’ve written a poem entitled they
felt good eyes upon them I’m just gonna
read part it here the good folk never
meant to act smug or condemned but
having prodigal ‘he’s just wasn’t done
with them hmm
some are gonna be shocked to hear what
you’ve already told us about Franklin
how did you experience this pressure of
others who probably assumed that the
Grahams would have raised angels at
least saintly children I really didn’t
pay that much attention I spent my time
praying for them and I remember a
tremendous load was lifted off my
shoulders when I realized God had has
problems with his children too which
includes all of us all of us yes
and the reaping of prodigal is a teenage
boys a no prodigal said middle aged
women
prodigal pastors a no man of 75 is a
prodigal they’re not living teenage boys
and just rely on the faithfulness of God
I remember the low that was lifted from
my heart when I first realized we
mothers ought to take care of the
possible and trust God for the
impossible
now the possible takes care of feeding
them at the encouraging them also taking
care of their needs being a good mother
the impossible is conviction of sin
create creating a hunger and thirst
after righteousness and conversion and
here I was trying to do all three of
those when it dawned on me
hey these are miracles and miracles are
not in my department god that’s up to
God and that trust God for the
impossible and take care of the possible
I read a comment in an interview you
once
I think it was today’s Christian woman
and you were asked if you had it to do
over again the parenting what would you
do differently and I think your response
was I would leave more to the Holy
Spirit
yes I just pray claim the promises of
God and realize that he’s going to
answer the trouble was I want him to
answer my prayers yesterday it’s hard to
be patient sometimes you had some some
really difficult years particularly your
boys and we have women watching today
not just women families watching who
have loved ones in the far country out
there and I think guilt and self-doubt
is a terrible burden for many did you
wonder if there was something you should
have done and didn’t or something you’d
done that had how did how did you deal
with that I’m sure all of us mother all
of us mothers feel the same way I have
would have to ask God please to overcome
our mistakes and supplement my
shortcomings and then trust tich trust
that he would do it just that was their
questioning of him no and ever question
out now I’ve never questioned him I
would ask for for grace to follow and
grace to obey I remember when Franklin
was taking our Land Rover from London to
to ma frock Jordan and his roommate from
college was going with him but these two
teenage boys making up a Land Rover
driving it from London down to the coast
on their own style original and then
across France Switzerland Austria
Yugoslavia Greece Turkey Syria and down
into Jordan and the night they left I
took John 17 and read is my prayer that
was our Lord’s last prayer before his
crucifixion when I got to the verse 19
it stopped me cold said for their sakes
I sanctify myself now that was our Lord
praying
and suddenly dawned on me if for our
sakes
our Lord felt the need to sanctify
himself to set apart himself how much
more did as a mother need to do that and
so I put the boys on hold and said Lord
you take care of then we’ve got business
to do and settle some things with him
that night and I think we mothers need
to do that do you know that’s one of the
most refreshing points in your book is
that while God was working on the
prodigal you felt he very much was
working on woman you bet I think perhaps
more than on the prodigal sandpapering I
mean I needed a lot of Correction lots I
still do sandpapering and correcting but
the interesting thing about the Lord is
he can tell you off he can tell it to
you just like it is and you’re never
discouraged never my best friend did I’d
feel discouraged if my husband did I
feel discouraged but the Lord Jesus has
a way of telling you your faults your
mistakes your shortcomings without ever
discouraging you goes you up and keeps
you going right that’s another
perspective you bring in your attitude
to the child who has wandered hmm when a
person seems that is worst you say we
should demonstrate Jesus love the most
mm-hmm that’s the way the Lord does us
so often I’ve had to stop and say well I
didn’t know how to deal with our child
how did God deal with me and it’s what
was with mercy and with judgment but the
mercy and and it endures forever
and we need to be more accepting of our
children our love needs to be
unconditional love and a love that never
fails never love never ends and they’ve
got to know that we love them that way
is there anything that you would say
beyond praying
– the heartsick parent watching whose
prodigal is still out there
all the promises of God are on your side
I would say and God may not answer your
prayers as quickly as you want or just
the way you want but you’ve got all of
his promises on your side