some of you know us and some of you are
brand-new family and I see a lot of
faces that I haven’t been able to hug or
meet and we’d love to meet you after
service and so we’re gonna take a little
trip down memory lane real quick to let
you know um that we’ve been together a
long time long I I literally started
dating this girl when I was 15 and she
was 420 and yeah that’s a long time this
has ruined it for my daughter Bella she
will never date until she’s 22 and and
so we’ve been together almost literally
15 years half of our lives dating dating
for eight and then we’ve been married
for seven years and we’re excited
because we we get to show authentic
relationship we’re not perfect but we
are progressing and we think that this
should be shown in the Church of how
people continue to progress in marriage
and so I want to tell you about the
first night that we met I was 15 years
old it was December 14 2001 Oh brownie
points for remembering that it was a
friend’s birthday a birthday party and
she walked in with long black hair and a
black dress and I said what is that I
didn’t even I didn’t you guys soon
what I’ve never seen anything so exotic
and beautiful and I proceeded to act a
plum fool that night I said don’t get me
to notice she’s gonna notice me tonight
and what did you did when I was new you
litter you were hilarious
I mean he were very funny I knew that
you were trying to get my attention and
more than anything I was like he’s used
to being the center of attention I can
tell and not much has changed
so this is from that night oh my god
steal two guys this is a picture we took
at the very end because I was about to
leave no he was about to leave and I
found him and I said where where’s my
hug I don’t get a hug
[Music]
he thought he has the tightest game in
the world
fifteen like somebody giving you just
the big hint okay way inland touch from
that point it was about eight years and
we went through a season of like ten
months of complete insanity will tell
you about that another day and I went
through a time in a spurt of that and
then God brought us back together and we
got married at this church in 2010
actually and we had a huge wedding if my
wife tells you it’s all my fault and
look how beautiful you are invited the
entire church social media blast anyone
that wanted to come come get a meal and
watch us get married that’s what
happened elope people don’t do it look
like back on me it was a dumb decisions
who many people but we had an amazing
time in that and now out of our love we
have three awesome kids maybe our three
year old her name is Isabella Monet D
literally red and that’s our princess
and then we have our son Michael
Alexander Todd jr. that’s man chase and
then literally 30 days from today we
will be giving birth to Queen I mean you
will be giving birth to Ava Michelle and
so we’re so excited I think that’s our
finale and we’re gonna move on to see
what God is doing in our lives I’ve been
pregnant every other year since 2013
I’ve been doing the will of God being
fruitful and multiplying can I get a
Amen someone’s getting cut guys
someone’s getting Sun Devil is alive
will rock paper scissors my job pray for
us okay I need y’all to pray for us but
we think that this message today is
gonna help you if you’re single you’re
gonna be thankful that you’re not
married tell them if they’re dating and
and and you’ll value your singleness
more today than ever before hearing this
message if you’re dating and you’re
engaged you are gonna find things that
you’re gonna prepare for in future
marriage or find ways to prevent humps
that May or bumps that may come in the
road and if you’re married this is going
to take your marriage to the next level
or it’s just gonna be a nice little
tune-up for your marriage and so this is
what we
want to do we want to give you some
major keys to marriage write that down
that’s the title of today’s message
major keys to marriage and the first
thing I want you to realize is that
marriage is supposed to be a reflection
on the earth of the relationship God has
with the church the church and a lot of
people say things like this I’ve never
seen God I can’t believe in God but I
believe that was the intention that
people that don’t know God would see a
healthy marriage and they say oh I see
God and that’s what God wants marriage
to look like but we don’t get to see
that oftentimes because people don’t do
marriage God’s Way and and that’s what
we want to talk about doing marriage
God’s Way there is nothing more
attractive to somebody who believes in
God and who doesn’t believe in God than
a healthy marriage that’s why people
marry eight times Elizabeth Taylor and
it find and they keep doing it because
there’s something attractive about
marriage and so we want to give you our
first major key that marriage was never
meant to be done just between two people
you need to hear me say this very
clearly it was never supposed to be just
the husband and the wife God was always
supposed to be the cornerstone in the
center of the relationship it’s because
God is love and love has an action that
goes with it
we all know the scripture for God so
loved that he did what you will never
see real love until there’s real
sacrifice of giving and most people in
our generation they want to take what
can I get out of it what can happen for
me but the real mark of love is giving
and what we want you to see is that God
wants to give you everything you need
for your marriage and I know some single
people are sitting in here and there’s
some people who’ve been married a long
time way longer than us hear me when I
say this that your relationship with God
dictates how all your other
relationships go it literally is the
barometer to how things happen in your
relationship that’s why Ephesians 5:25
says this for husbands and he’s like I
want to teach you how to love your wife
it says this means love your wife as
Christ loved the
and he did what he gave up his life for
her you want a real definition of
marriage it’s gonna be a lot of dying to
self yeah you’re gonna wake up every
morning and you’re gonna die to yourself
what you want to do your likes all those
different things but it’s for unity and
it’s one of the most beautiful pictures
because you have to become more like God
to be able to give to somebody who
doesn’t want everything you want can I
make it very plain for you in this room
our first major key is really saying
that you can’t do real good relationship
without God it can be a society you can
have great Instagram post but when you
cut that thing wide open
there’s two hurting people that are in
need of a loving Savior for me I know I
need God to be Michaels wife I know I
need God to be the mother for my
children I always keep in mind that that
I think of myself like a cup and I’m
either gonna pour out what’s in me or
what’s not in me that’s good and a
constant question I have to ask myself
is I am i pouring from a dry place a
good sign is if I’m frustrated I’m
feeling overwhelmed or you know I’m just
being really short with my kids that’s a
sign of my reflection with God and my
time with him and not of them and I’m
not saying that you know my my reasons
for being short or frustrated or
overwhelmed are not valid that can
really be having my kids could be having
meltdowns constantly me and Michael
cannot be seeing eye to eye no there may
be marriages in the room that are going
through serious things right now you
know maybe we’re dealing with infidelity
or you lost a child or financial issues
whatever it may be we’re not saying that
those things aren’t valid and so but
what I am saying is just because my
responses are not valid or just because
I must realize sorry that my responses
are not valid just because I feel
they’re justified that’s good I need you
to say that one more time rewind that
say that one more time my responses are
not valid just because I feel they’re
justified so just because something is
real and it happened and you can lay it
out there and why you should react the
way you should doesn’t mean that it
should happen because that’s coming from
an emotional place
and not from a spiritual place Ephesians
4:31 32 says this get rid of all
bitterness rage anger harsh words
slander and all types of evil behavior
instead be kind to each other
tender-hearted forgiving one another
just as God through Christ has forgiven
you to do that do those things y’all I
need Jesus cuz it’s just not gonna come
naturally to me me without the Lord I’d
literally suck I mean I am I have a
nasty attitude I cut people off I will
completely check out yes a you know of a
situation or dealing with someone so me
without God basically equals I said but
honestly that’s all of us all of how
many people in here with without God
you’re a hot mess
come on somebody just okay that’s
everybody in the room so so what I’m
saying is I think this is where God was
talking to us in in Matthew 22 where he
said you must first love the Lord God
with all your heart all your soul all
your mind and all your strength and he
says this right here he says this should
be the first and greatest commandment I
just want to encourage everybody in this
room who has other things before God if
you put God first and he is the greatest
everything else in your life gets
blessed like like a lot of us have
things that are first and greatest our
career our family our spouses our music
but God is saying I need me to be first
because I know how to supply everything
else in your life and many times we’re
going to things that can’t supply what
we need but if we put God first and Eve
he’s the greatest everything is gonna
work in marriage marriage is a lot of
giving the question is where are you
getting it from if if you don’t have a
constant source you will always be
deficient and not be able to give the
grace give the peace be able to walk in
the love that you’re supposed to and
Natalie showed me this diagram the other
day and it’s a really good depiction of
what our marriage relationship would
should look like with God so it’s this
triangle that I saw and basically at the
top of the triangle there this is God
and at the two bottom points is the
and the wife and all this triangle or
this illustration does it show that as
you have your individual pursuits after
God that as a result is gonna bring you
and your husband closer together good
the intimacy is gonna you know come
together as a result and so that is how
you grow closer to your husband or to
your wife and keep that pursuit is by
pursuing God first individually and let
me say this you never can be pulled
higher by something that’s not higher
than you you have to have God as the
center because then he can lift you up
and then you’ll be closer to each other
let me just say this that’s why it’s so
important for my single people and my
dating people and all that not to be
unequally yoked absolutely like like
this is why it’s so important I know
that’s a big King James Version word but
don’t get with the wrong person just
because they find and they got a few
dimes you understand what I’m saying
that’s not worth it because you will
have a life of misery trying to go one
way when they’re going the other when
you literally begin to feel the distance
if one is moving and the other one is
not you’re gonna begin to feel tinge the
tension or not feel the tension you’ll
feel distance and you’ll begin to feel
like you know we’re growing the park
hard or you fell out alone the pursuit
is not there it’ll begin to affect you
and just as much as you may believe that
your pursuit after God isn’t gonna
directly affect your marriage it does
and the reason that it does is because
God was the original creator of it and
if you don’t have him and you’re not
chasing after him it’s gonna affect your
marriage and that’s why I want to read
this 2nd Corinthians 6:14 the unequally
yoked scripture but I want to read it
from the message version cuz I believe
it gives great imagery for what we’re
supposed to do it says don’t become
partners with those who reject God how
can you make a partnership out of right
and wrong
that’s not partnership that’s war in
that how a lot of relationships look
like constant fighting counsel that is a
clear sign that they’re unequal Leo’s if
you’re saying we always just fightin you
might be with somebody who’s
going the same direction as you it says
is like best friends with dart does
Christ go strolling with the devil
distrust and mistrust hold hands the
answer to all of those is no and so we
have to be in relationship with people
who have the same priorities as us
one thing I want to say is on that being
unequally yoked but one thing I do want
to say to kind of bring it in for the
married couples is in that triangle that
bottom line doesn’t get talked about a
lot but that bottom line there is the
connection that the husband and wife
starts off with on day one the day you
decide to get married you take that you
know covenant before God and before men
you are automatically connected and I
want to say that this is not a
competition it’s not a race it’s not
something where you know I’m trying to
move faster than you like you’re a
better thing and who’s where they’re at
and it’s not a pulley system you know
your wife’s not gonna be able to pull
you up and your husband be able to pull
you but that we start on the day of our
wedding and that that journey that
pursuit to God it’s that journey of
becoming one and that becoming one is
not a destination it doesn’t necessarily
all magically happen on the wedding day
it’s a journey of a lifetime until death
do you part
and honestly it’s not a it’s not a
sprint this is a marathon it’s gonna
take a lifetime it’s not a competition
and if you’re not necessarily where your
spouse is that’s okay we can start today
and I want to minister to somebody who
may be unequally yoked are you married
somebody and you know that they’re in
another space in place they don’t really
want to pray or have a relationship or
come to church with you listen be
encouraged the Bible talks about that
the faith of one person in the household
can save their entire family and you may
be in this place right now and be like
man I messed up I wish I would have had
relationships go 17 years ago when I
married Joseph but but but at the end of
the day God is a redeemer and he can
take things that are broken and he can
bring them to another place and we
believe that you can start again and
that God can do something awesome
so what does that take a person in a
relationship has to have a daily
devotional life you got to crack that
Bible every day or scroll on that app
every
it makes you better and then you have to
pray that’s just talking to God God I’m
frustrated about this traffic right now
I just need you to open up a way out of
no way God’s not mad at that even down
the deep things like I’m insecure about
my future he just wants you to talk to
him and he’ll speak back to you and then
having times of worship where you play
worship music and you lift got up and
you extol him and our season is
different now for Natalie we have
two-and-a-half kids
what does devotion look like for you
we’re two and a half y’all heard me it’s
almost worship and prayer I can
incorporate into my day but the thing
that I have found to be the most
sacrificial for me to do is devotion
because you need time alone and you need
quiet yeah and so having small children
a one and a three-year-old that’s that’s
hard to come by nowadays and so I have
to realize that’s something I have to
sacrifice I’m either gonna have to wake
up early or I’m gonna have to stay up
once everyone’s gone to bed and so
that’s something that I found in these
practical steps that your season of life
may have to dictate how you go about
these things but as long as you do it
it’s gonna be so beneficial to you and
it changes the way you interact with
everything around you so our first major
key is God needs to be the center of
your life don’t just put it as your
relationship cuz then it can be on them
or him or her no no it has to be the
center of your life let me give you the
second major key and we gonna get into
some real stuff right here you need to
know the difference between what your
spouse needs and what they want
okay I want you to underline need and
underline one because this is the source
of many marriages problems they don’t
understand that it’s difference between
need and one talk about it baby men and
women are completely equal in marriage
but God created us with different sets
of needs
he designed marriage to allow the
husband and the wife to fulfill those
needs though so it’s okay we’re
different but we’re designed to be able
to fill those for our husband or a wife
many times we confuse a need that will
help them function at their best we
confuse that for a want or like
something that he just prefers or
she just suggests kind of thing but if
you don’t know these needs neglect is
inevitable it’s gonna happen and so we
want to help you guys out by telling you
about these so Natalie in just a moment
all my fellas I want you to get
something out too right because she’s
going to literally tell you the three
things that every woman needs and again
she won’t tell you what what the three
things every man needs so this is worth
coming this morning but before I do that
I want to let you know there are three
things that no person can ever feel no
person can ever give you identity mm-hmm
no person can ever give you purpose yes
and no person can ever accept you God’s
already done all of those things yes and
if you do not know that you will in
inverting ly put that pressure on
somebody else and always be disappointed
because they never ever can fulfill a
god whole no not a husband or wife
nobody so I just want you to know that
don’t look for those things in your
husband and wife but do look for these
these things Natalie tell every man in
this room what every woman needs so
women need three things we need security
we need affection and we need
communication oh Jesus
now oh there’s a whole lot more but
these are the top three that we find to
be the most valid is getting hot in here
now usually when you hear the word
security most men are gonna think okay I
got to protect my wife and make sure my
home is taken care of and all those
things we automatically go there but I
like to think of security more like a
safe place and we need to find a safe
place and be secure in our husbands and
in that safe place we need we have our
emotional needs when you know that our
heart is taken care of our dreams that
we can shrug that we have your trust and
that your commitment to us be able to
tell our insecurities physical needs we
need we do need protection we need we
need a place to live we need provisions
from you and then we also are financial
we need to have our financial needs met
in that safe place with you not saying
that you got to be rolling in the dough
or anything at least have a plan though
we’re
yeah we are saying that women need to
know that you have a vision and you have
a plan for your finances and so the wife
needs to know that they were just not on
how you’re out here spending money
willy-nilly buying cars every other
month or something like that that we
have a plan and we know where we’re
going now Natalie you’re saying that
women don’t want this that they need it
need it this is how they function but
absolutely okay so tell us the second
thing that women the second thing women
need is affection so affection I’m going
to explain this because affection is not
sex most men are not automatically gonna
think this means sex she clapped her
hands affectionate means loving gestures
that means compliments flowers holding
hands saying I love you giving those
great compliments you know those are the
things that women need we need this
affection Thanks
affection is not sex but but sex can be
a result of affection but it should not
be the motivation Hey
okay so men your wife needs not once
affection and you can do this gentleman
I know a lot of times you think I’m I’m
a man I didn’t grow up being
affectionate I don’t know how but you
have to think of it like this it’s not
because you feel like it and it’s not
because you think she deserves it that
you give this affection it’s not because
she did something for you and so now she
deserves flowers tomorrow it’s something
that she actually actually requires to
do like a flower needs water plants need
water plants needs Sun to be able to
grow this is something that she needs is
affection man that is so good I want you
not to miss that analogy you take away
water and you take away Sun from any
plant and they will not flourish you
take away affection you take away
security you take that away from any
woman you’re stifling your way you’re
not gonna get her cold flesh oh that’s
so good you’re not gonna see the full
potential of your wife what’s the third
thing that you need that she needs is
communication will help us Jesus now I
know that yes
I know we women we we have a lot of
words
we usually have three times as many
words as men it says something like
women speak 20,000 words a day where men
speaks like 7,000 jeez but I beg to
differ with me and my husband that girl
is switched your long as a lie no and
the truth is not in you Michael loves to
talk y’all but then you automatically
you guys are automatically wired to fix
problems and we don’t always necessarily
need you to fix what we are trying to
confide in you sometimes we just desire
to let you know how we feel or what
we’re experiencing and what we really
want is you to empathize and relate so
don’t stop I don’t even know what them
words we want empathize relate I just
heard young young young young fighting
you what we want you to tell us it’s
empathized amber Lake so example wife
comes home and she’s like oh my goodness
Susan I think this girl named Susan is
talking about me at my job she said I
think she says yeah – because I saw Jim
look at me it away from and I just don’t
know what – I don’t know if I can work
should I confront her I don’t know maybe
we can quit quit I feel encouraged the
job quitting so in that very early in
that scenario most men want to jump to
conclusions like that [ __ ] just fix it
and get it over with so you know why are
we talking about this but here are some
things that you can say to help
empathize and relate all your we can say
something like I’m sorry that happened
to you sweetheart I felt like that
before – and so you throw the sweetheart
in that gives some affection and then we
relate by saying I felt like that before
– and then give an example where you
felt like you were you know being talked
about or someone was coming against you
that you know late be hard for me I may
not be able to relate and if you’re not
punch somebody if they don’t you don’t
understand so what happens if I can show
up with an exam if you’re in the moment
you’re kind of like a deer in headlights
like how do i late
you can’t think then here’s a great
default statement like this them say
what can I do to help you in this moment
babe so and I promise you if you say
that she will give you the answer right
there and not be offended if you say
babe I am so sorry that happened or I
can’t believe that happened how can I
help you in this moment she would gladly
tell you she made you say I need you to
give me a hug and tell me it’s gonna be
okay so men your wife needs
communication
she needs affection and security not a
want but these are things that she needs
put in her by God that you can fulfill
and this this is awesome because um
if you don’t know this like Natalie said
you can’t fulfill the needs a car
doesn’t want gas yeah it needs gas so so
so and going away if you get in your car
and you like I’m about to go to this
place but you don’t have what the car
needs you’re gonna stay in the same
place I dare say that a matter of Asian
tips are in the same you got a Bugatti
in the same place because it doesn’t
have what it needs yeah so men we have
to give our wife every man in here say I
gotta give her what she needs
okay so ladies let me tell you what
every man needs okay ladies okay here we
go so every man needs honor and respect
now I know this is counter cultural cuz
you got your own and you’re independent
and you make more money you got more
degrees than a thermometer and all these
other things that you have going on in
your life but it doesn’t matter your man
but created by God needs honor and
respect he needs you to hold him in high
regard
I’m offend some people’s religion he
needs you to praise him speak well of
him to tell him what he does great
according to his abilities and his
qualities in his achievements and I know
some of y’all be like how can I be
respectable and adorable and he a
respectable adorable to be too
you get a woman comes from I don’t know
her name is Bertha comes out she lives
like right here and she has a constant
sinus problem
but women let me help you let me help
you with some ways that you can help
your husband or your future husband how
you can respect and honor him
number one allow him to fail yeah a lot
of women are damaging their
relationships because their being their
husband’s mother I told you ain’t that
what I said things know me and wants
another mom I cut out can I get some
amens from the brothers yeah y’all
better speak up I’m gonna say something
yeah leave me up here by myself
but but we don’t wanna we don’t want
another mother we want somebody that can
help us achieve our goals yeah and
that’s the one thing another thing that
you can do is you can let God be the
enforcer let God get them I’ve done that
numerous of times number of times she’s
like well fine I’m gonna tell God on you
and I’m like talent and that’s why many
employers don’t sleep horrible just
tossing and turning to wake up the next
morning sorry for what I did last night
is something and but this is the thing
this is why it is important that you are
with somebody that is God is the center
absolutely because God can get them and
another things you can do ladies to
honor and respect your husband is honor
the man you want him to be not the man
he is right now I said last week I said
baby you clean those floors so good I
did like oh my gosh I’ve never seen you
clean floors like that before that Wow
mister clean the mugs this week I’ve
been telling to be so strong he’s been
working on my paper so strong I’m just
trying to encourage what I continue to
want to see you know but hear me what
you don’t realize is women you are the
Prophet in your home you can literally
speak into existence
what’s not there and men will rise to
the occasion because they have the
belief literally on our sabbatical my
wife said baby I think you can make this
house bed for our daughter and I never
done carpentry like that in my life do
that I can’t do that and and I did it
you did not hear me I did it because I
had somebody speak into my life what she
saw was a possibility and I had her
support to be able to fail yeah and that
comes to my second thing that every man
needs is he needs support like like in
Genesis chapter 2 verse 18 when he said
it’s it’s not good for a man to be alone
the first adjective he describes the
woman as is a helper yeah and so women
your man needs help my question is are
you helping him let’s talk about this
last okay well let’s go on and do it
yeah cuz every man needs not once
everybody say needs means every man
needs sex oh now you see you now you
hear the amens that’s right dog that’s
right okay
now now I want you to realize this that
1st Corinthians 7 says that our bodies
are not our own and we’re not not even
supposed to abstain from that unless
both of us agree and we’re going to get
closer to God okay
so men don’t want it men need sex okay
and now I’m talking in the context of
marriage cuz some of y’all out here
while it out no and I don’t want to say
this because I feel like it’s so
important marriage I’ll side of sex is
like lightning hitting the earth
anytime lightning hits the earth that’s
power that always destroys but if you
can get that same power into a conduit
and use the energy positively it can
power a whole city marriage is the
conduit that is able to control the
power of sex and able to power so many
things I’m gonna do a whole message
called the power of sex I’m creepy now
I’m not gonna preach it now go ahead
baby
so I want to talk about a woman’s
perspective of this because I feel like
it’s important we talk about it because
most men are just ready to go you talk
about sex there so women 80% of us don’t
want or require sex like our husbands
it’s just a known fact you say man okay
but I do want to say if you are in that
20% congratulations
I mean that is great for you but for the
rest of us sometimes we have to work at
this sometimes we still you know have to
meet that not sometimes we have to meet
our husbands need even if we don’t
necessarily feel like get ample that you
that you told me about so this example a
husband and a wife are laying in bed and
she reaches over or he reaches over and
says honey I’m really thirsty you know
in the middle of the night can you get
me a drink of water just and the wife
goes sure you know maybe in like five
minutes I’ll just give me a second okay
like you know I’ll wait five minutes and
then 30 minutes rose by what about what
about that water and she’s like oh I
forgot I’ll get it just give me a moment
one more moment and then next thing you
know it’s the morning and she still
hasn’t done it but this the conditions
of this example is you can’t get up you
can’t move the only person that can get
you this drink is your spouse and so
next day rolls by they still haven’t
done it
but that person cannot move they can’t
go about their day until that drink has
come to them to fulfill their need and
so a lot of times this is what happens
in these scenarios with husbands and
wives and they get we can get angry we
can get frustrated we can feel neglected
we can feel like you know my husband
doesn’t or my wife doesn’t even care
about me or love me to sacrifice her
time or her desires to be able to
fulfill this legitimate need so
basically ladies I want to say don’t
keep them thirsty what’s y’all people
don’t keep them thirsty yeah let’s not
keep them somebody who’s been so parched
out here just out here dry mouth then
ashy around the mouth we gotta give them
a dream and you’re right
I’m a drink now imma drink this is why
this is so important though you’re me
because when these needs aren’t met the
quality of the marriage goes down and
they start looking for it somewhere else
Becky with the good hair I’m fine I’m
gone now let let me let me hear you
that’s not okay and that all not what
God wants but he tells us that we have
to meet our husband and wife’s needs
everybody say need and when we meet
those needs everything in our life goes
up but if we don’t meet those needs we
go to the place where we get those needs
for field so that’s why most men turn to
their careers or work that’s why most
women because they need affection they
turn to the kids that’s why a lot of
people talk to their girlfriends and
their family all the time it’s because
we’re trying to meet a legitimate need
illegitimately yes and that’s what sin
is it’s trying to meet a legitimate need
legitimately but we have to go back to
God and our spouse to get those things
I’m gonna give quickly some practical
tips for women to kind of prepare
yourself or get yourself in the mood
when you’re not necessarily come on
these women in here pastor and these are
things that you can do oh well not
someone we can do alone texting
throughout the day yes
texting throughout the day you can text
pictures love notes wings whatever
however far your mind wants to take it
you can text it to each other throughout
the day little spicy things
now show me all right now just darling
like he just went up the back of your
neck and you started trippin but this is
what I want to say if we don’t talk
about these things then we counsel
people who are divorced exactly because
we don’t know how to live right and we
just think we need to pray you need to
pray that God give you wisdom how to
send him a sexy text message do you hear
me inside of marriage you still a man
you can be able to fulfill those love
the Lord but he’s still a man come on
next thing is beauty prep so that can
also help you kind of get yourself in
the mood is taking along showers during
your hair get your makeup I even suggest
wearing that really nice pair of
underwear that you have all day long
like wear
even though you’re not around each other
all day long but you wear that try to
get yourself in the mood lingerie
listening to music love or your writing
music throughout the day
that can help you get in the box sheet
oh my gosh and the other thing is good
old love schedule come on we love the
love schedule is when you go ahead and
schedule that into your week and
sometimes they say it takes the
spontaneity out but your husband will
appreciate especially if you have a busy
schedule got small kids or just really
busy individuals that you put in made in
my priority and put in matter of fact
what are you doing next Thursday
let’s I want everybody to hear me
because you may not be in this stage of
life but if you know these things you
can apply these things yeah and and we
want to help people win and ladies let
me hear you on Bishop Ludacris had it
right that we want a lady in the streets
but a freakin too bad can somebody say
profit us Bishop you know okay yeah
anyway go ahead I just wanna Jesus yeah
there’s a trophy yeah well I’m married
guys oh my gosh absolutely I just want
to say that it does take sacrifice all
those things that I was saying you know
to do to help get you in the mood and
and men being able to give women what
they need and women to give men or your
husband what they need it does take
sacrifice and and so one of the areas
that we have to sacrifice a lot is in
communication the third major key
communication is crucial yeah like most
people get out of covenant because they
don’t know how to communicate and this
is one of the things that helped me and
pastern a love like that love languages
has anybody heard of Gary Chapman’s five
love languages okay yeah I want
everybody to go online and take this
test there are five of them there there
are five physical touch quality time
where
the information access access service
with gifts and gifts okay
so many women and men are speaking
totally different love languages like I
thought that Natalie like the gifts but
her top two love languages are quality
time and acts of service and Michaels’s
physical touch and words of affirmation
funny thing is is his my highest score
in quality time is his lowest he
literally scored a one you can quote
score one through twelve he scored a one
and so we have to work
why are you able to speak each other’s
love languages we do but but knowledge
is power see before I knew that this is
how we communicate it I buy her gifts
five pair of shoes at a time and she’s
like oh thank you and I’m like oh thank
you I just I just put down all his money
girl I’m your man
I’m your daddy she she would have much
rather oh did that just come out I don’t
know where is that guys did that just
did that just move it’s the truth anyhow
I love it when you call me big papa
anyway but what was happening
relationship goes is that I was speaking
a different language y’all come back we
got more message
daddy has more to speak
[Laughter]
I listen okay let me stop anyway he
wasn’t speaking my primary love language
until he learned what it was it was
quality time so I appreciated the gifts
but we saved a lot of a lot more money
and effort when he found out I really
just want to spend time with him and
eyes for me was your words of
affirmation it didn’t come to me
naturally so sometimes you’re gonna have
to come up with creative ways to fulfill
your spouse’s love language and so what
I did with affirmation what I figured
out was for me too I looked up on
Pinterest honestly how I have to do this
and I got post-it notes and I wrote
words of affirmation on post-it notes
and put it on his mirror in the bathroom
so when he got ready for work question
his teeth he could read those words of
affirmation as you say on then what was
you saying she could champion your day
uh-huh that you were handsome that
you’re my favorite pastor you’re the
best husband okay but knowing your love
language is crucial guys and another
thing that’s crucial in communication is
knowing the power of your words yeah
that proverbs 18:21 talks about life and
death being in the power of the tongue
but I don’t know if we really believe
that because if we did we would talk
more like Ephesians 4:29 which says do
not let any unwholesome talk come out of
your mouth but only what is helpful for
building others up according to their
needs
see I can’t just say positive words that
I want to I need to be building my
spouse up according to what she needs
and we benefit both of us benefit from
it so I want you to hear this statement
your words are either building up the
person you want to be married to or
you’re tearing down the person you have
to be married to and that’s what we need
to know that our words are powerful and
there’s some people in this room Natalie
that are like I can’t use no positive
language because we have too many
problems he’s a problem thousands of
problems there’s content can you give
the people in marriage welcome conflict
resolution absolutely at least one one
one point
wanna make in first Peter three it’s
basically talking to the wives about how
to win her husband over through her
actions and not necessarily through her
words and it says godly lives will speak
to people without words and that were to
have a gentle and quiet spirit now I
know my example growing up I grew up
with a lot of strong women it was very
strong women driven family from down to
my grandma and all the way up and so
when you hear gentle and quiet spirit we
automatically like the neck in the head
like what like I’m not about to be a
doormat like you’re not gonna walk all
over me I’m not gonna be quiet and not
saying anything and so but what I did
was I look these things up and gentle
means basically means humble or meek and
that strength under control is good and
it really does if you think about it
takes a lot more strength to be able to
be meek and humble when you really want
to pop off at the mouth which one takes
more strength and to be quiet quiet the
term that I like that described that was
unbothered basically undisturbed your
peaceful and so those are two things
that we need to be able to resolve
conflict and it basically boils down to
our word choice in our tone oh did you
say the T word our word choice in our
tone and that is for both but I’m
specifically talking to the women
because it’s so easy because hold on
I’ll let just say something so we have
to understand that conflict is going to
happen in marriage but we have to keep
our word choice beneficial and we have
to leave out the fluff and this term
fluff I came up with as we’ve been
dating all these years that that is the
secondary emotions that’s on pissed-off
I’m mad I’m frustrated but we need to
get to the real point and how we can get
to the real point is by being gentle
having that gentle spirit having that
humble spirit and saying you know babe
when date night came on Friday you were
hanging out with your friends and you
know it really hurt my feelings that
made me feel like we weren’t I wasn’t a
priority because you forgot date night
versus wherever you had on Friday don’t
you know it’s date night and honestly it
just pissed me off why are you even
doing it and where are you at right now
the difference between word choice and
my tone I’m not setting myself up for
results that I want
tone matters yes I want everybody to say
it with me tone matters you can be
saying the right thing with the wrong
tone absolutely and you will kill
whatever result you’re trying to get and
I just want to encourage married couples
choose the tone that will get the
results you want
yeah don’t choose the tone that makes
you feel better in the moment because
that’s action-oriented when we decide to
control our tone and our word choice
that’s actions that we’re taking in
communication we’re men we’re we’re
women we’re just naturally were driven
we want to engage with our husband with
all of our words and just give it to
them but they’re not they’re driven by
actions and by getting things done and
so by by physically you know action so
anyway that helps them to be able to
just win over the conversation with our
husbands if we can control those two
things so that’s one good um key to
resolving conflict let me give you one
more and in tune not as women okay let
me let me give you another one um you
have to cut out unspoken expectations
and this can go in every area of your
life especially in marriage when you
don’t speak your expectation from the
beginning you were setting up yourself
and your spouse to fail yeah if you
speak your expectation I know it might
be whack it might be humbling it might
be um you should feel like they already
know it
robbed of your expectation cuz what it
robs the person of the opportunity to
actually meet your expectation or meets
your need you don’t give him the
opportunity if you don’t let him know so
speak your expectation I’ll tell you
this one story that me and Natalie had
just gotten married of y’all mattel it
it’s petty all day and we were in a van
cuz we drove a lot of vans without air
conditioning it was hot outside and she
was down with me when I was driving vans
girl I love you um but when it but
anyway what happened was we talked for
15 minutes about how hot it was and all
this other stuff and we weren’t going to
quit trip so I could get gas and we
could get drinks that was the
understanding pulling the quick trip
excited happy about to go on date night
I get out trying to be chivalrous and I
pump the gas and she’s like I’m gonna go
get something to drink and I’m like okay
girl and in my mind in my mind – there
was no way that she was going into quick
trip after that conversation about how
hot we were and that we both my god you
would tell me if you were thirsty but
you want it and I thought there was no
one of something that she would walk in
there she comes
out of quick trip with one cup and a
doughnut and it was sweet tea and it’s
the one drink I don’t like so we
couldn’t even share it and so I look at
it and watch would you need nice eating
humble but don’t be saying pastor like
that to me so me maturing in my faith
I’m gonna tell you what he did he takes
my I take a bite of my doughnut he
snatches it out of my hand and throws it
out the window
fancy skirts out of country great
Michael Vick that mug I threw that money
and literally I’m taking the body chunks
it out the window
I was mad way to be meek away to be me
now watch but all of that came literally
it ruined the next two days like the
next day and a half was ruined date
night was ruined she was mad at me for
the next day over a donut and all
remained unspoken expectation that’s a
small petty example but it can go as
large and as deep and serious as it
could be with the unspoken expectations
what we want you to realize is that
Satan’s plan is divided to divide and
conquer and God’s plan is to unite and
conquer and if you’re gonna win in
marriage you need these major keys the
last thing we want to tell everybody as
we close is we want every marriage to
never pause on pursuit yeah never stop
pursuing your spouse yeah you know that
scripture in Genesis where it talks
about for this reason a man and woman
should leave their mother and father and
cleave unto their wife when you look at
that word in the Hebrew it actually
means to pursue closely yeah it means
that when we leave our mother and father
is not just to sit on the couch and be
like we marry now
I gotta here I got them so I don’t got
to do anything that it took to get them
it means to continue to pursue closely I
love Natalie more today than I ever had
because she has continued to change and
I’ve continued to pursue her I’m
encouraging every person in this room
who’s married and any person who desires
to be married the destination is not
marriage the destination for your
marriage is death do us part
the finish line that’s the finish line
your perspective if that is the finish
line is I said I do and I got her and
I’m good much it’s not the finish line
you’ll stop pursuing your wife or your
husband yeah but if the marriage is the
starting line to be able to cultivate
develop and see who this person could
really be if I support love show
affection give them their needs keep God
at the center and be everything that
God’s called us to be in planned date
nights planned date night start to
finish be elicited affection gives you
made a list and this is what I’m saying
respect and honor you know I’m just
flame but but hear me when I say this is
that God’s purpose for every marriage is
that you win in relationship yeah I
don’t want anybody to go in this
thinking it’s not going to be how Jesus
um said it was gonna be that love your
wife how I love the church and he gave
sacrificially even unto the point of
death guys God wants to empower your
relationship and your marriage and
matter of fact we want to do something
we want to pray for every married couple
in this room if you’re married in this
room whether your spouse is here or he’s
not here or she’s here and not here I
want you to grab your spouses hand and I
want you to stand right now father thank
you for every person father God who is
under the sound of my voice who has
taken the covenant of marriage father
we’re all in different places but father
we put you back in your rightful place
as the head of our household and I thank
you Father that we’re not gonna do this
thing without you god I thank you that
as we pursue you we’re gonna get closer
together father give us
day father-god a reset and a reminder to
know what you’ve entrusted us with one
of your precious and special gifts in
our husband and wife and God help us to
cultivate her help us to make him feel
supported God let your anointing and
your favor flow through our hearts in
our lives like never before God I think
that these major keys are helping people
father in this room be able to realize
that you have more for their marriage
that the pursuit is not supposed to stop
just because we got each other but we’re
gonna go after each other
father God how you love the church
that’s how we’re supposed to love each
other God and I thank you that these
couples who are standing will be
examples to those who are sitting that
father God people will see you through
marriages and father we thank you that
no attack of the enemy will be able to
come against these marriages father your
word says what God has put together let
no man or anything put asunder father so
we just thank you for the peace of God
that covers every person God and I thank
you that every marriage in this room is
going to represent you father God in
Jesus name we agree we expect a man
let’s give God praise right now