Women are just misunderstood. Or is it that men are just not clear on what women wished they knew about them? In this episode, Priscilla will discuss just what it is that women wished men knew about them and how this plays into the interactions with each other.
hey there welcome I’m so glad that
you’re here I’m always so glad that you
are here this is our virtual living room
the chat that’s where you are where we
chatting about things that are important
to you hopefully we’re things that
should be important to you we’re gonna
challenge you encourage you and today I
think we’re gonna inform you and someone
in your life this is a great show I have
a panel full of incredible wonderful
articulate godly women who are gonna be
talking about all of the things they
wish men could understand about women so
listen this is not just a great show for
you to watch but you don’t want to grab
your husband for this one girlfriend
you’re gonna get your boyfriend your
teenage son who may be starting to date
try to understand women we’re gonna dive
into the female brain and figure out
what men need to understand about us
this is gonna be a great show you’re
gonna want to stay tuned we’re gonna
have great
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hey there welcome to the chat I’m so
glad that you’re here this is our
virtual living room and I’m glad that
you have joined us I hope you were
pulling up a chair or getting snuggled
up in your bed wherever you are I pray
that you will Stu stay tuned in because
we’re having a great conversation
we’ve already had part one of the
conversations so if you haven’t seen
part one you need to go back and start
there this is part two of a great
conversation I have an incredible panel
of women that are joining me to help men
understand what they need to know about
women about the women in their lives
their wives their girlfriends we’re
changing relationships today that is
exactly what we’re doing and to help me
do it are some incredible women I want
to introduce to you this is Patsy
Claremont and Nicole C Mullen and Angie
Smith and Annie Downes would you please
help me alright we’ve been having a good
conversation and I just want to keep the
conversation going right where we left
off I think we kind of left off on a
theme about leadership in the home and
we touched on Nicole you touched on just
a bit about how you know we we sometimes
have to jump in there and lead maybe in
a Bible study with our kids cuz their
husband isn’t necessarily doing it how
in the world help us to figure out how
in the world we need to let our husband
lead when there are some things he maybe
just didn’t do and give us some
perspective on that Patsy married
somebody asked les what is the key to 51
years of marriage and he said she
travels I’m sure I’ve got the answer I’m
a feisty kind of person and my husband
is as well so it’s been an interesting
51 years with lots of static at times as
we’ve had to work things out and when it
got really really hard we went in for
some help so that we could learn how to
individuate because we married as kids
and when you marry as kids you grow up
childish so one month lead raised me and
the next month I’d wait a minute
something before we even get to this
leadership thing
just said we went in for counsel I think
there are a lot of men in particular
that are adverse to the whole idea of
marriage counseling so took us 25 years
before he’d go in okay said hell how do
you encourage a guy that’s watching
right now he’s trying to learn how to
better relate to his wife how would you
encourage him about the importance of
being okay with getting some counseling
yeah I think is it is innate in the
man’s heart to be a lion and so he
really growls over the thought someone
else would try to come into his pride so
this is what I did in my home when lass
and I kept hitting the same wall over
and over it was just one topic we
couldn’t get past it we couldn’t resolve
it out one day out of desperation I fell
to my knees I cried out for God to
intervene in our behalf and he left he
just went right out the door and a
little while later he came back and he
said I’m ready let’s go for some help
and so he told me to set up the
appointment I called and Doc counselor
said oh I don’t work that way will you
come in separately at first and then
I’ll bring you together he makes his own
appointment I said I’ve I’ve been
working on in the toilet he just finally
said yes you’re messing it all up she
said that’s the way I work so he came in
and when I said you have to make your
own appointment he was kind of upset I
said you can’t blame me for this and I
said it would be really too bad if I go
and I learned all sorts of things you
don’t know he said where’s the number
and we went together okay so when we
talk about taking the lead which even
you just brought up with him having to
make his own phone call to set up that
that counseling session what do you say
to a guy who’s watching right now it
doesn’t really recognize the importance
of stepping into that leadership role
because it is hard for us not to step
into it for him if he ain’t gonna be in
that role somebody’s got to and so we
feel like we have to do it what do you
say to a guy who’s not quite sure about
the importance of leadership or feels
like
not equipped to do the Bible study with
the kids or something like that
I say take it one step at a time in one
area at a time I’d say not to try and
turn not that you’re turning everything
over because he should be the leader but
there might be a hesitancy because he
feels inadequate so you may have to
start with okay well honey you’re better
at numbers than I am you know will you
do the checkbooks because I’m not really
good at that you know and you encourage
him of that and if if he makes a mistake
don’t mock them you know don’t chide him
as if he was a child you know just okay
I’ll help you like okay well we do
without bread this week and food okay
but you know but I’m still here with you
honey you know you may have to encourage
him until he gets more confidence and
better so give him room in some way yeah
room 2 leading room to grow what do you
think it’s doing though to a wife what
does it do to a wife or a woman when her
husband doesn’t rise up to that role
what what does a man need to know that
it does to are just to the way we feel
about ourselves the way we feel about
our home when our man in rising up even
as a single woman I want to ask you this
because when you see guys around that
are supposed to be potential mates for
you and you watch how they are not
necessarily leading in church or trying
to rise up and be who God has called
them to be and follow his plan for their
life how does that make you feel what
security or lack of security do you see
I think it’s interesting because what we
deal with the singles in that you can’t
wrestle through because there’s no
commitment mm-hmm so there so when once
y’all are married you get to say I think
you get to say okay I’m gonna work we
have the rest of our lives to figure out
how do I let go and let you lead and get
it and when you’re dating or when you’re
doing whatever else the hanging out
business we do it it is it is hard to
figure out how do I let him lead us and
now do I need to do that yet okay so let
us have it tell a single guy right now
what a single woman is looking for yeah
I think a single woman is looking to be
led I do think that’s true and that’s
probably not really a pop super popular
thing to say but I think that single
women are looking to be part to partner
with someone who will help direct the
Train I think that’s true I mean I think
the the single girl I lead a small group
of college girls
I have a lot of single friends and we
all are looking when we look at the
single guys we look toward the ones who
they don’t have to be standing up at
church but are they standing up in their
life mm-hmm you know like they don’t
have to be leading worship but do they
worship you know like we watched their
lives ago yeah that’s a good man yeah
that’s a good man and I would follow him
if he asked me to follow him somewhere
even if it meant no bread that’s the
kind of guy right yeah because there are
ones that stand up on the stage that I
wouldn’t follow yeah and so so you can’t
we can’t just watch who they let you see
we have to watch who they are yeah can I
you mentioned something real specific I
got to just sit with you for a second
you said this whole hanging out business
that we do is and sisters so I’ve heard
that there’s this arrangement it’s kind
of like where y’all are special friends
and what he means by that is I don’t
have no commitment to you I’m not paying
for our dates we’re not in any kind of I
just want to hang out with you would you
tell want to be alone but I don’t want
to can you do you feel like your
presence a single woman’s presence and
in the life of a man like that what it
really is doing is just boosting his ego
like he’s almost using you to make him
feel like he’s wanted so he keeps you I
think we do it to them too but I think
it’s an illegitimate way to meet a
legitimate need yeah I think we just
start filling in gaps for each other
yeah and then all of a sudden you go if
this was 1954 we’d be engaged but I’ve
never even held your hand you know like
and you just go this isn’t this what
does a single man need to know that it
does to a single woman what continues
today to take her out takes takes her
off the Mike’s off the market result
when she’s in a long-term relationship I
know what he’ll tell a single guy right
now what that does it takes her off the
market and makes her not the other boys
don’t want to date her because they
think she’s with you mm-hmm
and it tells her you are worth my time
but you’re not worth my heart and that’s
that’s hard I think you should write a
book on that I think I’ve lived it
enough I’m probably good so yeah I mean
I mean that’s what it that’s the feeling
is you want to be with me but you don’t
want to get in it with me and that and
that’s a hard thing to feel I don’t care
how old you are that’s a hard thing to
feel that you’re willing to spend time
with me but and I can imagine that this
would work long-term and and it doesn’t
feel like
you imagine that because isn’t it the
don’t men just need to understand that
it is the truth that our heart goes
their way before their heart ever goes
anywhere I know the longer and the more
we’re spending time with them and
they’re spending time with us and
calling us it just pulls and so once
they’re done it’s every hallmark movie
after the second phone call baseball
field right I mean like it is yeah it is
all that we we go there because we lie I
go there because I long for that I long
for that friendship to turn into that
relationship and so I will go I will
fall trap into the friendship hoping
that it goes there when that was never
promised me in the first place yeah okay
you mentioned the Year 1954 that just
made me want to bring up the traditional
roles of a woman in a relationship you
got dishes and you got dinner to cook
and you have laundry to fold and kids
need to go to school and the house needs
to be and span I want to know how
you all feel about traditional roles in
a marriage relationship in a male/female
relationship and how you feel about your
husband’s involvement and participation
in those particular activities in your
home I have a little bit of a unique
situation in that my husband is a
musician yes and so it’s sort of feast
or famine as far as when he’s home and
when he’s gone and so when he’s gone
he’s gone which I think feeds into the
whole like independent then he comes
back in and I’m like I got this under
control I didn’t you know we just ruggle
women who struggle as their husbands are
on the road so much yeah and so we
become like we have to be the spiritual
leader because we’re the person listen
there are a lot of women whose husbands
are not musicians who struggle with that
because their husbands are working 70
hours obviously very managing their home
absolutely trying to figure out how to
balance the fact that they’re the whole
manager but then their husband comes
home and he’s the leader right they
can’t quite balance that but how do you
deal with those traditional roles in
marriage you expect participation what I
need to know well I’m the right person
to ask to answer that here’s what I will
say I am blessed to have a husband there
is literally not a single thing that I
do in the house that he doesn’t also do
laundry cooking dish
we are we are a team that way and now I
have to say he’s an amazing man I give
him full credit for that but if I had a
husband who had the kind of job that he
does where he was gone and then came
home and just decided he could sit on
the couch and play video games for the
rest of the time I would probably
struggle with that and so we’re sort of
a Jewish probably struggle with that
Angie or would you say I’d struggle with
it I struggle with it and so I think
it’s I think though we do have to be
careful to to keep that an open line of
communication to make sure that it isn’t
something where he’s feeling you know
because a lot of people are like is that
emasculating for a man you know like we
have that we have to have that
conversation but we also have to have
the and this is kind of where my heart
breaks is that I feel like I’m not doing
something right if I’m not doing
everything yeah
and so there is it’s a both sides kind
of thing you know some people would go
well it’s not me only for a guy to be
folding laundry or whatever and it’s
like yeah that’s what they all need to
know right now if you want to butter
your yeah I have a friend who calls that
chore play
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there are busy women like you and I who
normally have her schedule so packed and
fulfilled every moment of the day that
we are running on fumes completely
exhausted because everybody is just to
flat out busy
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we forget that every single day
position yourself of God
you need to come
and whatever you are here
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what will happen when we have churches
that really let the word of Christ dwell
in them originally what will happen when
we have teenagers and children who
really let the word of Christ dwell in
them richly we think marriages are gonna
be healthy we think churches are gonna
be transformed that communities are
gonna be impacted as Christians start to
obey the text in their context and their
setting you think about the Bible the
Bible is the revelation of God in fact
John says that it is the revelation of
Jesus Christ if we are to know God then
we must know him through the button
explore the Bible will help us to do
that so the heart behind explore the
Bible really is Colossians 3:15 and 16
let the Peace of Christ control your
hearts verse 16 is let the word of
Christ dwell among you richly so we want
to say hey churches church leaders
pastors do you want a congregation you
want a small group do you want a
sunday-school class filled with people
that speak to one another in wisdom that
encourage each other that admonish one
another that are filled with gratitude
and their hearts too guided that they
sing and they celebrate the salvation
that God’s given them do you want a
group of people like that then you have
to let the word of Christ dwell among
them richly the exploration of the Bible
book by book for groups of all ages from
senior adults to adults to young adults
to students to kids of all ages if
everyone is studying the same book
imagine the possibility of revival based
upon the study together in community as
a group studying the text in its context
imagine the possibility of letting the
word of Christ dwell in you richly
whenever we’re squeezed whenever people
in our groups or in our churches are
squeezed whatever is in them is going to
come out
if the word of Christ is deeply in them
then that’s what’s going to come they’re
gonna speak to one another with wisdom
they’re gonna sing songs to God they’re
gonna be filled with gratitude what’s in
you is going to come out of you so we
want to do everything we can to help
churches and help small groups and
cynical classes get the word of Christ
deeply richly in the people you got some
wisdom for some guys out there that are
watching and are wondering how they’re
supposed to fit into or maybe they don’t
do much in the traditional sense in
their home their wife does that and
there’s no problem with your wife
serving your meal I enjoy fixing my
husband’s plate for him when I get the
opportunity but maybe he’s just soaking
it up too much and not participating at
all what would your because you’ve been
married 51 years you gotta have some
listen when I’m married a guy who does
everything I do he does it all we know
he jumps right in he it doesn’t bother
him at all and I think it makes him look
even more masculine yeah hello I’m not
the right person to address that because
I have been blessed with a man who is
not not intimidated by any chore in the
house but you know what you are kind of
addressing it because you just said I
have been blessed by which means you
really appreciate yes well I definitely
approve and I have a guy like that too
that doesn’t mind getting involved in
things like and it is it just is a
blessing it is and I think men need to
know that we appreciate you getting
involved in those you know kind of
non-traditional roles yes and my husband
will do it but there has been a time
there was a period of time when he
didn’t mm-hmm I know when he didn’t
pardon you half I was having his coffee
but anyway that’s a famine it can make
you feel unprotected it makes you feel
as if you were out there by yourself ah
yeah your beer by yourself and so I
think for a woman who already struggles
with the independence in our nature you
know it’s it feeds that a little bit
more if we feel as if we were added by
ourselves if I’m doing everything and
you’re doing nothing and we would have
these conversation
I mean back in the day a lot of them and
I would say now my husband he will wash
clothes he would do the dishes he can
cook better than I can cook the whole
night you know so there’s nothing above
him or beneath him I should say to do
and so but before it it can build that
wall and it can built resentment as well
yeah well you feel like I’m doing
everything but you’re you’re able to sit
there I mean we still have these
conversations occasionally yeah I don’t
really have the luxury of you know
coming home and just sitting on the
couch and watching another football game
I don’t have that lemony direction that
we’re tired to actually like we actually
are tired as well and we would love your
participation because the kids still
have to get made yeah they still have
the act tonight things don’t have to
yeah it has to happen so when you don’t
we don’t go there yeah I think we’re
what we’re saying is it benefits you
we’re just trying to help you out okay
but you did say Miss Patsy it’s kind of
sexy when a guy is helping with some of
the stuff around the house and that will
be we won’t you know we’ll have some
energy left over for the evening so I’d
like to talk about the evening hours for
just a moment can we just be real and
say that guys are way more interested in
sex than I probably ever will be yes
it’s not that it’s not enjoyable or
could be enjoyable but it’s just they’re
just it’s just like food and water to
them whereas conversation probably is
that to us we want to talk we want to
have intimacy in that way what does the
husband need to know what do guys need
to know I want to talk about this from a
single woman’s perspective in just a
minute to in a different way but I also
want to know what does a married man
need to know that he can do to help his
wife be more interested in sex
I think kindness paves a great icon to a
woman’s heart you be kind and soft and
thoughtful and helpful honey
boo-boo and if you’re nice and kind
wanna be chilled all the sudden the
honest yes but if you’re mean and you
look great then it’s just active do you
feel that it’s hard to when you see a
man put on this exterior that is
friendly and kind and alert and
attentive to the people at his office or
the folks at church and then he’s kind
of shut off and not responsive and seems
uninterested in you and in the home do
you think that’s one of the major turn
offs or you and I having relationship
later on absolutely yes yes absolutely
I just I’m looking for someone to come
with a solution is what I’m watching
Downton Abbey okay no I think for me
it’s like I don’t and and this is just
my own again this is my own little
personal say I love you Todd I think
there is something to me and it’s this
is just my own struggle that when I feel
pressure to do something my personally
kind of like pulls back and if I if I
just feel like it’s this constant yeah
you know and I know that it is and so
that’s something that we all have to
kind of work through but just Pat it end
of the day it’s you know but the end of
the day is not the only time there are
also other times so you know it may just
be something early we don’t go around
for the most part now some women do but
I don’t think we’re consumed with it
throughout the day you know it’s like
we’re not we’re not stimulated by our
our site yeah and sometimes it may be a
good thing sometimes you know I’m saying
I mean but guys that’s how they’re wired
how do how do they stimulate us how do
they cause us to be interested and
intrigued with what is important to them
what would you say that a guy needs to
do and know about his wife that will
cause her to be intrigued by that Wow
whoa you haven’t answered anything
[Laughter]
what does your have to do what happened
during the course of the day that by the
time you got to the evening you were
like I am right deep no that’s a good
question I think we’re right back to the
yeah
behind the time being – being helpful
and just the thoughtfulness when the
thoughtfulness comes yeah yeah so it’s
not necessarily the big things like you
said earlier just simple you’re
conscious of us that you care that
you’re listening when we’re talking to
you all of that connection throughout
the day builds the foundation for later
on whenever later is for you to that I
know that your affection for me is
single you know what I’m saying it’s not
leading this well at that – and then at
the same time it’s not altering the day
due the day your eyes are roaming I
don’t I don’t want to ever have to doubt
that you’re wanting me and you’re
wanting everybody else you wanting
someone else you just want it Queen
wanting sex and absolutely there’s a
huge distinction because sometimes you
just want sex but it hasn’t gonna do
with me you can you know I’m saying so
if I feel like that it’s personal it’s a
lot more personal feel like it’s just it
that you want then it’s like then you
can do it with you know I’m saying
you’re getting trouble but I’m not you
would be in big trouble
yes okay but it doesn’t feel like it’s a
person they’re pushing you it’s just
like a need yeah yeah which I think
because it is that way for guys their
thought process isn’t what are all the
steps yeah okay – it’s just you didn’t
know that what it does to us when
there’s just sex without intimacy
without any relationship without that
personal mess that you were talking
about we just kind of feel like a piece
of meat yes cuz I got they have an
argument with you and still want to have
sex and we don’t get your ass off limits
everything is done it makes me happy it
makes it okay and it’s just this that if
if there’s just constant tension you’re
fighting you’re fighting you can’t get a
resolve then get naked because there’s
some
about five years ago about there
something about the vulnerability in
that and also it’s a distraction from
pretty soon you forget what you were
arguing about anything okay you’re right
let’s talk about this for today get
naked Annie I could need to ask you
though from a single woman’s perspective
what what does this single man need to
know is important to a woman in terms of
her sexuality and staying pure how does
he assist her yeah in that you know it’s
just so hard it is so hard because
culture tells you that that’s not worth
holding on to much anymore and and so I
think a guy would need a single guy
would need to know that that’s still
important if you want the kind of woman
that he probably wants that’s that’s
important to us and it should be
important to him to not only and how he
treats us but in how he lives his life
and the other put the other places he’s
looking it’s important that that it
matters to us it’s important to her eyes
it matters too so you think that’s
actually in tracked attractive about a
guy a single man that is stoic about
hanging on to his eternity he wants to
make sure that yours is protected
there’s I mean I don’t need him to you
know I don’t need him to be running
purity conferences you got it but but
but to know that that is something that
that he is treasured mm-hmm you know and
don’t you think that sets the tone for
leadership that if he’s the one who is
saying these are where the boundary
lines are yeah you know I mean and
having that be the way that it’s
approached instead of it’s like kind of
we’re figuring it out as we go I think
that setting that precedent of
leadership to me because that feels like
such the thing that they like that’s the
thing for them that if they can slow the
train down I can trust you and all these
other things if I can trust you yeah
good stuff good stuff we have had a
great conversation today when you agree
great conversation and yes thank all of
you guys so much I’m so glad that you
guys are here and you are gonna want to
know more about what each and every one
of these ladies are doing remember we
had a part one so that conversation you
need to go back and see this is part two
of a conversation that we’ve already
been having and every single one of
these women in their own right has
something that they need to share with
you in their books in their music and
their speaking and teaching so would you
please click on the links below because
it will take you directly to them so
that you can find out more about them
follow them on Twitter they are
wonderful women filled with wisdom for
single women and married women alike it
has been a joy to host this conversation
and I want you to help me to thank these
incredible women for
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you
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