In case you’ve ever wanted to know Dave + Joyce’s secrets to staying [happily] married for decades, this is the episode you’ve been waiting for! Today they share the good, bad, and ugly of their early years together, how they learned to pray effectively about their marriage, plus a hilarious disagreement over Dave’s shirt that gave us all a good laugh.

Whether you’re single, married, divorced, or somewhere in between, Dave + Joyce’s stories and life lessons will give you tools to help you grow in your relationships.

Joyce Meyer, one of the world’s leading practical Bible teachers and New York Times best-selling author, shares encouragement and advice to help us enjoy our daily lives.

With a heart to share Christ and love people, Joyce’s messages help people in all walks of life to grow in their faith, learn to study the Bible, find healing from the wounds of life, get answers to life’s questions and encounter the love of God in a powerful way.

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Applause]

[Music]

hi everyone welcome to joyce meyer’s

talk it out podcast this is where joyce

teaches the word of god in her practical

no-nonsense way and my friends and i

talk about the real stuff of living it

and hold nothing back i’m ginger stocky

with erin cluley and jay three friends

who understand the importance of having

honest loving women around you and when

we need a little extra help we ask miss

joyce who’s here with us today

[Music]

exactly and you’re all with us today as

friends who are here to talk it out and

we have something we have never had on

the show groundbreaking so exciting we

have a mail

welcome dave meyer i’m on the spot

yes you are it’s so fun to have you with

us we’re

really looking forward to this i think

it’s going to help a lot of people give

some great advice we’re talking about

marriage so um marriage that’s watching

jesus

this is what stuck in my mind i don’t

know why

but there there are so many aspects of

different places we talk about how we’re

in different stages of life

and

everyone listening is in a different

place in their own relationships so

we’re going to dig right into your

relationship as well as ours and

everybody else’s so why don’t we start

by you guys telling us how long you’ve

been married and just

give us a little background

well we’ve been married 54

long

long

wonderful years

and i would say most of them have been

pretty great the early years were a

little tough because i had been sexually

abused by my dad and

had all kinds of problems but didn’t

know i did i thought everybody else had

the problems and if they would just do

what i wanted them to we’d all be fine

yeah and uh so i was pretty rough one

day those first few years but he’s so

easygoing that he uh

he he managed it better than than most

people would and uh

so what was it like for you in those

early years well i have a survival

mentality yeah and so

you know i mean it was the early years

were tough because uh

you know

not only had you been abused by your

father but you’ve been abandoned by your

mother and rejected by your first

husband

so you came and loaded for bear yeah

because

you had

all this stuff pinned up inside of you

and

i was the one who’s going to get it

released

on me you know and so i and i truly

didn’t know i had a problem

he didn’t i mean i really

i just thought everybody would just do

why doesn’t everybody do what i want him

to you know i didn’t know he had a

problem either

i remember dave and i had been married

just about three weeks and he looked at

me one day and he said what is wrong

with you

and i wasn’t real sure that anything was

wrong with me but uh

even then we look back we talk about it

and we sound like it was all terrible

but we we had fun even then yeah well

you guys definitely have a lot of fun

today i think that’s a great place to

start because

you guys you have to know this joyce was

already here with us and then dave

walked in

and joyce tell them what you said well

the first thing i said is why didn’t you

wear the shirt that we agreed that you

were going to wear

he had me

go in his closet and approve the shirt

that he had out and then he shows up in

something else

and he he asked me can i wear a polo

shirt and i said no we’re a dress shirt

and here he is in a polo shirt that says

boss on it

and

i said i said it’s it’s the shirt you

approved not the shirt i approved

and i

[Laughter]

something that i just

kind of feel like i want to start with i

know that there’s all kinds of people

that um

you’re on the verge of divorce or you’re

contemplating divorce or you just feel

like you don’t know if you can

make it with this person that you’re

married to

but

i just really want to encourage people

to

try to make the one you’ve got work

because there aren’t any perfect

relationships

and if you throw one away think you’re

going to get another one that’s going to

be different

it may have not the same problems as

your first one but there’s going to be

problems we always say the grass is not

always greener on the other side and

i just felt like i really wanted to

encourage you to

you know realize that we haven’t been

married 54 years because it’s all been

easy we

we made a commitment to god and

he’s been in the midst of our

relationship and i’m sure that there

were many times that dave stuck it out

because of his love for god and you know

many times when i didn’t give up because

of my love for god and

that’s important that you really

make a decision if you’re a christian

that you’re going to do what you believe

god would have you do not just what you

feel like doing i think that’s so great

because

there’s there’s something in

working there’s something in

god

doing something in a relationship

between two people

and so we want to talk more about that

to give people the the tips and the fuel

that they need at the same time joyce

you’ve been through a divorce right so

you also know

the other side of that and jay’s sitting

here

going through a very difficult time in

her life where things are are not always

the way that you want it to be i guess

is the right thing to say well i married

the first

guy that paid any attention to me

because i thought nobody would ever

really want me because of

what my dad had done to me and so i got

married when i was 18.

and i married a guy that was 19.

and

i don’t know which one of us had more

problems you know and a lot of times i

say desperate people do desperate

dumb things and many times you just grab

anything for fear of having nothing

and

it’s really

it’s really not even fair to say that we

had

a five-year marriage because we were

separated those five years more than we

were together

and on two different occasions he

abandoned me in other states

and i mean just

left one day to go to work and never

came back yeah and um

so

on top of the rejection i’d already

experienced

more rejection wasn’t really yeah right

what i needed but i i got it and so we

were married

five years he ran around with other

women he was a petty crook he wrote bad

checks all the time and ended up

shortly after our divorce he ended up

going to prison

you know when

when we got married because of the hurt

the joyce

experienced

she came in with a controlling spirit in

other words she wanted to control the

situations because she knew if she

controlled or felt if she controlled the

situations

that she wouldn’t get hurt again

and

that i think that happens in a lot of

marriages i think what happens is a lot

of

a lot of whether it’s a man or a woman

comes into situation where they’ve been

into a marriage where they’ve been hurt

in some way abused in some way then they

come in with that controlling spirit and

a lot of times what you have on the

other side is a person that

allows themselves to be controlled

and when you have a controlling spirit

and a person that allows themselves to

be controlled

you have a situation that

has to end up in disaster you know

there’s no way

no way around it unless that person

realizes or learns

that they can do something about it they

don’t have to stay in that situation

right but they have to be they have to

have knowledge in that area and that’s

why the word of god is so important

because the word of god

reveals

your position in a marriage

and you can’t succumb to a person

controlling you because if you do

you’re actually hurting yourself and

that person timing is very important in

a situation like that yeah and dave was

very

long suffering and patient with me for a

long time and

then he finally did start confronting me

and oh man it was like

a nightmare when he did because i just

blew up but

probably if he would have done it any

sooner than he did i would have probably

just left yeah i just want to encourage

people that it’s

you know if you’re in a situation where

you’re being controlled or you’ve let

somebody control you and you feel like

you need to confront them you need to

make sure that you pray

and make sure you have the time right

and not just do it on your own timetable

you know how did you know it was the

right time to say something actually the

holy spirit and uh

i you know

i would pray in situations i’d go off

and pray but when i pray i wouldn’t just

pray

that i i saw something that i thought

was wrong and joyce

or she was doing it she shouldn’t have

been doing i would pray also that god

would show me if there’s if i’m not

seeing this thing right and reveal to me

the truth you know if i’m uh so that i

can change and i think you have to be

open-minded when you pray you have to

have that open mind because if you pray

if you go in with a judgmental attitude

praying you know that’s a situation

where god can’t really do anything

because you’re really hindering him from

doing it you’re judging the whole

situation instead of letting god judge

it and so um

you know that’s and also when i when i

confronted her

when the holy spirit told me now it’s

time now she’s ready confront her and

when i did

if i’d have confronted her before that

it would have been i would have felt bad

but when i did i felt total peace i felt

peace about confronting her and and uh

somebody did she was like a bull in the

china closet but i was so mad oh yeah

she was very mad but

it’s like i felt this piece and it was

like let her be mad let her be mad

she’ll get through it and when she does

she’ll get some free but that wasn’t

that didn’t come automatically for you i

i know you’ve said that you you are at a

point where you were just in tears and

didn’t know oh yeah

that came over a period of time because

i was trying to you know deal with the

situation and learning what to do and

apply how to apply the word of god and

as i did as i applied the word of god

learned what to do and applied the word

of god

that then then you know god began to

give me

you know uh understanding and and

clarity in in the whole situation yeah

and and getting that and and then the

holy spirit said now it’s time

and

at that time i it was

i wanted to jump in and just say thank

you both for

being so honest and transparent about

your relationship and i really encourage

all the women that are watching this

possibly have your husbands watch this

episode because

it had more people

done this i don’t i think

there could have been potential for

what happened in my marriage not to have

happened if more

leaders in the faith would be honest

about the trials of marriage but also

understanding

like the the leading of the holy spirit

we say it all the time but when it

actually comes time to practice it it’s

a little challenging so a lot of times i

believe with my ex-husband like i came

in with a lot of baggage as well from my

marriage which was one of the reasons

why at the end after i found out about

the affair after i found out about

everything i was really just at a place

where i was like i’m willing to try to

make it work i wanted to try

to make my relationship work but he he

was so checked out by this time and

didn’t have a lot of um males in his

life speaking that truth of leading and

asking god for wisdom on how to help

someone that had been so damaged so i do

want to thank you guys for for sharing

the honesty

of the trials of marriage and also just

encouraging those that are watching like

maybe ask your your spouse to to watch

this because this is this is very very

helpful yeah

most of the time it’s a it’s a lack of

knowledge

of what to do in given situations you

know but then when you get the knowledge

then you have to apply that knowledge

right and so there’s two things there’s

two things that have to happen first

gaining knowledge and applying the

knowledge and if you don’t apply the

knowledge you gain the knowledge and

don’t apply to knowledge and

you know the situation can’t usually

people just get angry yeah and they

don’t really deal with it on any kind of

a spiritual yeah

level and one of the things that dave

did

and i think this is something very

important for our viewing audience to

hear today was

dave decided that

he couldn’t do anything to make me happy

but he decided he was going to be happy

and enjoy his life anyway

and i think so many people you let your

joy be dependent yeah and what the other

person is doing and actually

initially it angered me

that

i was so unhappy and he was so happy

yeah i didn’t seem to care this isn’t

right

over a long period of time it became a

really great witness to me

that he was so stable

and i it made me hungry for the joy that

he had yeah yeah and uh kind of showed

me that you know you can have joy even

if

the other person’s not doing everything

you want them to and i just think that’s

really important if you’re in a marriage

that is challenging or difficult

don’t don’t let the other person make

you unhappy all the time do what you can

to make them happy but if they’re not

going to be happy

i remember dave said to me he said i’ve

tried everything i know

and

you’re obviously not going to be happy

so i’m not going to try anymore

you can be unhappy if you want to but

i’m going to enjoy my life and be happy

i’ll love you

and show love to you but it’s your

choice to receive that love you know it

had to be hard sometimes to keep loving

when oh yeah it was hard but

there were times when when she would

stay mad at me and wouldn’t wouldn’t say

a word to me for weeks

one time three weeks wouldn’t say a word

determined

but of course that’s why i murdered that

spitfire i like that you know spitfire

energy he likes a challenge and he got

one

you know uh at that time was when i

really learned the holy spirit showed me

you know

you can enjoy your life just go on and

enjoy your life and it like she was

saying it made her real mad real mad but

boy was that man

it didn’t bother me at all you know

usually something like that would affect

a person and cause them to change what

they’re doing but i had such a piece

about it that i was doing the right

thing it bothered me that it didn’t

bother him

so did you think through this you know

i need to get out of here this this

isn’t working for me or

did you want what he had and that kept

you there no i never really

thought about leaving dave

i don’t know why because things were

such a mess but

i guess you know deep down inside i knew

he was right

but i hadn’t i hadn’t come far enough in

my walk with god to where

i really was ready to do something about

it until one day

and i still remember exactly

where we were at in the house he was

getting something out of his closet and

i was being a smart aleck like i usually

was

and giving him trouble and he said he

just looked at me and he said you know

what

he said if i depended on you to make me

feel like a man

i would be

in big trouble

and he said i just want to tell you that

i’m not real sure how long i can put up

with this

but

i don’t think i can put up with it

forever

and that actually really put

the fear of god in me because i knew

from my experience with dave that he

wasn’t the type to just make idle

threats

i knew that if he said something that he

meant it and so i really started trying

to

behave better

and i remember after about a year i said

to him well you know

am i’m doing better aren’t i’m doing a

lot better and he said yeah some

and i thought wow

but

you know the other thing that i wanted

to make sure that we tell people today

is that

one of the biggest mistakes that people

make in marriage is they start trying to

change each other

exactly you don’t like what the other

person’s doing so you try to change them

you try to make them be different and

why don’t you speak to that today

the best marriage is uh is

when a husband allows the wife to be

herself and when a wife allows the

husband to be themselves that’s that’s

the way we are now i mean we or we allow

each other to beat ourselves you know

and uh

we’re both imperfect

yeah and that doesn’t mean we don’t

do things wrong or even

well actually we haven’t had words for a

long long time yeah

just about a lot of people call it a lot

of people call them arguments i call

them heated discussions

you know and uh

we haven’t had that for a long long time

but it’s because we give each other the

freedom to be ourselves you know and

really that’s what

that’s really how to become one flesh

because you know you accept the person’s

flaws and you almost like things that

things that used to make me so mad that

dave would do

now they’re almost funny they’re almost

humorous to me almost like

almost

like play golf she used to fight me for

um

she used to say

you got it you can’t play golf you can’t

black open and i said well i’m going to

play golf and uh

so

over a long period of time now she’s got

to the point over uh over

all those years now she’s got to the

point where she’s like why don’t you go

play golf

so how do you determine like what are

the things that are important enough to

have a heated conversation about and

what are the things that you just let go

and

give them just the room to be themselves

well obviously if what somebody’s doing

is sinful sure you know you need to

confront that but most of the things

that people end up getting a divorce

over really

not in all situations you know there’s

adultery and things like that or drugs

or alcohol abuse but mo i would say the

majority of things that people get

divorces

far our just

incompatibility well who is compatible

right i mean really nobody is unless you

decide to be

on purpose and so you have to kind of

learn to pick your battles

and like dave knows my personality it’s

a little bit

i guess sassy would be a good word for

it you know i wrote a different phone at

one time i’ve usually got i’ve usually

got it i’ve usually got something to say

about it about sassy lassie

it really means a lot to me that he lets

me be myself i don’t feel

pressured

to be somebody else and you know dave

loves sports and i don’t really care

anything about any of them and

you know that was a big thing for a long

time you just you can’t make somebody

not like something if they like it and

you can’t like he’s got a little more of

a laid back personality and i’m more

aggressive and you know

i always try to make him be more

aggressive and he finally told me he

said you better thank god i am the way i

am or you wouldn’t be doing what you’re

doing and so really

so often god gives us the perfect person

yeah

but we we stay so busy trying to make

them be what we think they should be

that you never realize that god’s given

you what you need well actually what

happens is uh

most of the time in marriage is uh

your opposites you know yeah tell me

about it

is

you try and make the person be the way

you are and you actually married them

because

they have

attributes that you don’t have yeah and

so uh you’re trying to make them be like

you and really

it’s really not what you want no but

dave i know the right way

i’ve seen so many people these days get

like divorced over

such little things like even if you

would like a younger couple that are our

newer couple like would have still been

upset about the the polo shirt thing

yeah yeah like i mean y’all just sitting

here and i’m like you’re not bad about

that

you know but people these days are

literally i had a conversation with

someone the other day i’m like

seriously that’s why you’re getting a

divorce like like

everybody’s just so quick to let things

go and hold on to the most petty

arguments and like i love that like to

see how you all just kind of like it was

a moment and you still were a little

upset about it you’re like i picked the

shirt out but then you’re like now y’all

are laughing about it yeah we joke about

things that mistakes you know it didn’t

really make me mad because i know how he

is

but i know yeah i love that though the

younger like couples now but you have to

learn that you have to learn it takes

time tim and i are are very different i

mean we’re opposites

and i am very hard to live with i mean i

i’m just head strong fiercely

independent and so

in the beginning we had a lot to learn

through that i had a lot to learn and

and we had a lot to figure out together

but you do tend to

not only come together but you learn how

to do things differently for one another

without changing who you are so i was

laughing yesterday when we were at a

drug store and we were waiting in line

for the pharmacy and the line was long

so of course i didn’t have a lot of

patience for that and i was getting

bored and so

i had a bottle of vitamins in my hand

and they’re playing music over the

speakers and so i started shaking the

bottle with the music and kind of

dancing around

and tim when we first got married would

be like stop it

because he’d be so embarrassed because

basically i’ve embarrassed him for 36

years now so he but this time he just he

just looks at me and he he just knows

it’s gonna happen so then we’re we’re

walking through the aisles more and

i thought he was pushing me and i said

do you want me to turn why are you

pushing me and he said i was trying to

hold your hands

[Laughter]

and i said oh it felt like you were

shoving me and he goes oh yeah because

that works so well on you

so anyway we still have a lot to learn

but

i’m i’m so interested jay and what what

you said earlier because you said

something about your own situation and

that it’s too late for me

but thank you for sharing what you’re

sharing it and i think that’s really

important because

i want to think about all the people all

of our friends who are watching right

now in the different situations that

we’re all in

and i think of you and mike too and what

you’ve been through recently and just

different things that are happening in

their lives and

for you does

is it important for you to see

a hope for for love in the future you

know to to learn like we all need to

learn okay what are my possibilities

what can god do oh it’s a 100 yeah like

it’s definitely

think that’s why i always am grateful

for the way that you share your entire

story yeah you know because it helps you

feel like okay there’s there’s light at

the other end of the tunnel because

honestly i’m just saying because my

divorce wasn’t final until like a few

few months ago like i’ve been going

through this for a while but my divorce

wasn’t final until a few months ago and

honestly i was at a place where i’m like

i don’t i don’t know if i can trust

anyone again you know i don’t know if i

can

get to the point where and then i’m like

do i because everybody wants to just

move on christians you know like want

you to just move forward i am moving

forward but i still have moments i still

have healing that i’m going through but

to hear

that you still even in your marriage

like you god gave you someone that could

that could deal with where you are so i

just shared recently some some positions

of where i was in my i went to my first

wedding

um after being divorced and that was

the most hard difficult

environment to be in to be i don’t like

and it was people that i i loved it was

people that i was happy for that

actually before i even found out about

the divorce i was like counseling like

helping them you know

because that’s what i’ve been doing for

years you know but then to feel like oh

my gosh everything that i’ve ever told

you like i’m not even worthy of i can’t

say anything about this anymore and so

to hear you being able to know that

you’ve gone through that and still be

able to god restore your heart and have

someone that comes comes into your life

to that can help you heal through that i

think it’s so important i just really

i really want

to convey the message to people to stop

looking for reasons to get a divorce and

start looking for reasons

to stay together yeah yeah

you know don’t

think about the good things and not just

the bad things i actually remember one

time

god put this on my heart i was mad at

dave about something and

and you’re kidding me

you know you never knew that dude

i took out a piece of paper and i made a

list of everything that i didn’t like

about dave

and then i made a list of everything

that i did like about him you know the

amazing thing was was the list of things

i liked

was so much longer

than the list of things that i didn’t

like yeah but we tend to focus

yeah on the few things that

we don’t like did that surprise you when

you saw that yeah it did it did it did

because you i had only focused on yeah

well he’s not this and he’s not this or

he is this and he is that and

i think that’s one of the reasons why we

are still married is because dave has

always been a real positive

person

and he is easygoing you know he’s not

quick

to get angry and i think that he looked

at the

the good parts

more than he looked

at the bad parts and i don’t know of

anybody that could stay married

if all you do is look at what’s wrong

with the other person all the time yeah

because what you focus on

becomes magnified it becomes bigger than

what it really actually is yeah in your

life you know you can you can um

in any relationship

it’s not going to be perfect right yeah

doesn’t matter what relationship it is

it’s not going to be perfect and it’s

amazing how people come into marriage

and think it’s going to be a perfect

relationship you know and so they get

out of them

they get out of marriage because it’s

not a perfect relationship yeah they’ll

have a relationship with somebody else

but it’s not a perfect relationship and

continue that relationship

so it’s really the devil he gets in

there and he he starts working on on

things and starts to really get you in

an area you know one of the things

i’d like to talk about here was

joyce

when we got in a heated discussion oh

joyce

she would

remember things from years ago

and i said where do you put all this

stuff how do you i forget it after we

had a discussion

the next day i forget it and and i’d say

hi yeah you always have a computer for a

brain how do you how do you

keep all that stuff and

remember all that stuff i said i

couldn’t remember last week what we

argued about you know and so the bible

says love takes no account yeah

of the evil done to it in other words it

doesn’t keep records yeah yeah of wrongs

and so and now i’m not that way anymore

i mean now i mean maybe i could remember

dave and i having a couple of arguments

in the last year but i really couldn’t

tell you what they were about yes now

because i do

forgive and let go of things really fast

and that’s so important in a marriage

because if you don’t let go of it the

longer you hang on to it for sure the

bigger it’s going to seem yeah to you

yeah and it’s just

all i can say is do everything you can

to make the one you’ve got work and like

i said there’s times when it won’t yeah

and i realize there are serious

situations

you don’t want to let somebody abuse you

you know you know there’s there’s

definitely reasons why

but i’m i’m talking mainly about

the people that just they let petty

things become major things or some

somebody does do something wrong in a

relationship

and

the person just you just won’t forgive

them yeah yeah i just won’t forgive you

yeah i’m going to forgive you

you know i mean you’ve been through that

you’ve had things you’ve had to forgive

and hard things to forget there are very

hard things to forgive and things you

could have easily said

you know i’m getting a divorce and felt

justified

in doing it yeah but you made a decision

that you wanted to do it god’s way

yeah he’s not easy to live with either

i’ll just throw that out there because i

said that

well let me just say dave’s not as

perfect as everybody

[Laughter]

but i’m so glad come on i’m so glad that

that

we did make the decisions that we made

that we worked through things and they

were things that that god helped us and

we could work through and not everybody

is in that situation i understand jay’s

husband wouldn’t work through it

that’s one of the things that i’m trying

to most grateful for

like i felt like

stupid because i wanted to have that

moment like once you once you find out

about you know like your husband

cheating on you or something like that

you just want to have your moment like

the movies too the other movies of the

women that bust the windows off the car

and

well i mean i’m sorry i had a moment but

but you want to have that moment of

feeling like you’ve been vindicated and

i wanted to serve him with papers but

god would not allow me to he told me to

sit still and i constantly said i’m

married until i’m not you know and i’m

like and i’m i was praying over our

marriage i was asking him could but it i

can’t force someone he served me with

papers and i said if you did that then i

mean it’s

i mean i only had 30 days to respond so

i had to sign it back even though i like

but i felt so little doing that but

honestly on the other side of divorce i

still feel at peace about the fact that

i i tried i did everything in my

possible life and that’s good that you

have that you know that you did the best

that you could you know i’m sure that

there are people watching today and

you’re contemplating marriage

you’re

thinking about getting married and

i just want to tell you that after you

get married you’re going to find out

things that you don’t know right now

yeah for example when dave and i got

married i did not know he played golf

[Laughter]

and it’s not that golf is a weird

terrible thing but he played a lot right

a lot okay

you’re outnumbered here

once a week not only was it that he

liked football baseball basketball

he even started liking sports he didn’t

even play tennis and i still do you know

i i said he liked anything that bounced

or rolled he liked it i caught him

watching putt-putt golf on tv

tv yeah oh dave it was

and i was just like really you know

and uh and she even bowl in the league

yeah younger so

you are going to find out things that

you don’t know now and you need to just

set your head for that that yeah you

know when you marry somebody they come

as is

you maybe you haven’t seen the little

tag on there but there’s an answer

yeah

that means that you know there are going

to be some falls no

nobody is perfect

and without fault but we normally

we we magnify everybody else’s and we

look at ourselves through what i call

rose-colored glasses you know we can

always make an excuse for us but for you

there is no excuse yeah and um

aaron

you and mike had a a big event not too

long ago where you guys made the

decision

tell us a little bit about what you guys

did

so

we have been through a really difficult

year this past year and it was it was

the kind where i was listening to you a

lot talk about don’t

don’t focus on the bad and look for the

good and stay and make it work and i

can’t tell you how helpful that was

so we have just been working on a lot

this year and talking through we we’re

going to stick us out we know god put us

together so

i needed

i needed to renew my vows with him

because um i it wasn’t so much about a

big thing i needed to do i my heart

needed to recommit to him that i’m going

to stick this out and you are not

perfect i know more about you now than i

knew when i said yes

um

i don’t love everything that you do but

i love you and i choose you so we

renewed our vows a couple weeks ago and

um just with my parents so my sister and

her husband and

there was something so

um

special about it because it wasn’t about

the stuff it wasn’t about the ceremony

it wasn’t about the dress it was

i have committed my life to you and i’m

gonna stay married to you and vice versa

so

it kind of changed

not changed but re-establish what

marriage means to us

i think i think that what you’re saying

is very important because i do remember

a time

where i just

was like i don’t know if i can do this

anymore yes i just don’t know if i can

do this anymore and not that whatever he

was doing was all that terrible right i

had made it out to be and uh

i i remember

making a decision

that

i was committed to this

and i was not

i’m in mm-hmm and i think that you you

have to come to that place otherwise

you’re always going to be going back and

forth and there’s always going to be a

reason why now you may leave or you’re

not going to make it work but that

commitment that you made

you’re basically saying i’m going to

stick it out no matter what where when

people get married

they may say that but they don’t really

know what’s coming right

exactly in the vows that we wrote to

each other we wrote each other letters

we both said this is what we promised 11

years ago we had no idea what that would

mean right in actuality we just were two

kids who thought the world was gonna be

perfect like that hallmark movie and

everything was gonna be rosy um but

exactly what you just said a couple

months ago the holy spirit spoke so

strongly to me and said you have to make

a decision you cannot keep saying this

or that you you have to decide you’re

going to you’re going to stick this out

right and then make your yes be yes

yeah and oh when you when you do that

you open the door for god’s to start

moving in your life otherwise you’re

basically handling it by yourself you

know yeah but when you make a new

commitment

then you’re saying god

i need you

to show me what to do and how to do it

yeah and you do you have to accept

people with their flaws yeah yeah we

have to because they’re just not i mean

there’s certain things that i’m always

going to do

and

if dave wants to stay married to me

he’ll just have to put up with it

because i’ll always do it and there’s

certain things

that could you know irritate me that

sure it’s just like that’s dave

it’s not going to change yeah actually i

love him i’m staying married to him

actually i married her for the fire you

know that’s one of the things i married

before i like that fire well it won’t go

out

if it does i stoke the ambers

anyway

she would

uh

when we had

heated discussions long time ago

i’d say

and

the way to

throw water on her her heated discussion

was to say there’s that old fire i love

it come on i know that old michael

jackson

i’d be spitfire mad and here he’s making

a joke out of it there it is oh yeah oh

good question so i’m re-engaging in the

dating scene okay you know what

re-engaging or like allowing myself

opening my heart to

to potentially yes even though i was

like

but i’m trying

what was the date like

with dave and joyce like in the

beginning when he was recording you how

did you quarter i don’t know you only

had a few right

okay well then give me date number three

or something i went to her house a lot

of times you know but uh

and spent time with her there but we

actually only had like five official

dates i took her to a basketball game to

a movie to uh out the bowl and he played

poker with his brother one night and i

knew it i knew it was a girl for me when

we went out the bowl and uh i said uh

i said you want something to drink and

she said yeah i’ll have a beer and i

said uh

and she said i’ll have a false staff and

i said false that was a beard that time

in st louis and uh i said you want to

glass she said nah drink it out of the

bottle

she’s a rounder

i just have a bottle

[Laughter]

oh i love that so much i love it will

you tell us how you met i do i do love

that i will uh

this uh god i work with an engineer

engineering field he needed a ride home

one night and uh

so i said sure i’ll get you right home

and so when i was pulling up in front of

what i did i didn’t know was her parents

home

she was outside washing her car in sharp

shards and i said

wow she’s cute i’m sorry yeah

you roll the window down like this

right now

and i said

i said hey after you’re done washing

that car you want to wash mine and she

looked at me she stared at me she says

buddy if you want your car wash wash it

yourself

and what went off of me like a stick of

dynamite was that’s the girl for me

i just feel like a cartoon

i said he either had to be a total

lunatic

or he was being led by the holy spirit

i actually had prayed you know i was i

was dating three girls at the time

because i knew it was time to get

married

when he said he didn’t believe in prayer

he believed in prayer

i was tweeting

26 years old had spent out three years

in the service and come back and

it was time to get married and so

uh i i prayed and i said god uh

i want to get married and i i need to

show me uh who to marry and uh

i said uh

give me somebody that needs help

i didn’t know at the time when i made

that statement to her and she

came back and me real sharply i said boy

i didn’t i didn’t know at the time that

she had all these problems but

i thought

any normal guy would have ran from this

real quick

but

it actually just drew me and so the next

day

the next day she needed a ride home

because her

car went to shop and so the guy he

needed to ride home again he said can

you pick joyce up and i said

yeah i said but you’re sitting in the

back seat

she sat in the front seat and i said so

you won’t wash my car and she smiled and

as soon as she did that it just broke

the ice

time i got home i got her home i had her

phone number and called her called her a

day later and

it was history after that

and we had five dates i was at our house

quite a bit of time but uh well you

weren’t at my house yes i would i just

come to the house quite a bit

my dad was a nut he didn’t let anybody

come over there

he didn’t mess with me

well he worked nights so you might have

come over at night i saw him once in a

while

not very often yeah

i love this because

it’s real life you know it’s it’s

talking i think people sometimes get

this idea of marriage that there

shouldn’t be any bumps there shouldn’t

be um like especially a godly marriage

you know

we’re just gonna

know through what god’s word says how to

do this and it’s all gonna be perfect

and and it doesn’t work that way i’ve

got a whole list of scriptures here um

about marriage and honestly so much of

it is what you’re you’re talking about

it’s the holy spirit guiding us exactly

because it’s it’s a walk it’s not a oh

here’s the answer right here in

ephesians i mean yes it’s there it talks

about marriage all through it but it’s

so much of god’s spirit helping us and

just going through it and you know the

bottom line is

jesus said if you love me you will obey

me yeah

he did not say

if you obey me i will love you he’s

already

committed to loving us but he said if

you love me you will obey me and i do

think

that people that have committed their

life to christ

that you need to be willing to do things

for the lord

that you might not be willing to do

for a person

yeah and if you if you will do things

because you love god

yeah do them right because you love god

he will make things work out

in your life yeah when i was when i was

younger you know uh

when we got married and you know when i

was younger i had a strong relationship

with the lord but then when we got

married you know i had prayed for

somebody who needs help

and so when she

began to open up

you know all the things that she had

gone through which i knew nothing about

when she started opening up on that

then you know

it did not shock me because i had prayed

previously that i wanted to help you

know i wanted somebody who needed help

and so that didn’t really shock me and

probably

something like that if you weren’t

prepared ahead of time

you know it might have

yeah yeah really got you in in a

situation like whoa what did i marry

here you know but

uh

as far as her her dumping her life on me

that didn’t affect me at all you know

joyce any advice for

women

in a marriage going into a marriage

dating whatever it may be who have

been through abusive situations

um what’s some advice to help them

to begin or or make it through a

relationship when you’ve got real hurt

well one of the things that we tend to

do is

you’ve been hurt

abused mistreated you feel like you’re

owed something

and

in a way you are

but you end up trying to collect from

the wrong person

and so don’t

my advice is don’t

don’t marry somebody

and then

blame them

for what somebody else did to you

and try to get them to pay you back yeah

only god can pay you back yeah yeah

that’s that’s what he taught me only god

he’s our vindicator

i will repay the lord says

and so if we will do things god’s way

he will repay you

i mean my gosh we’ve got such a

wonderful life now and god’s allowed us

to be in this ministry and we’re getting

to help so many people

and who would have ever thought in their

wildest imagination the first three

years of our marriage that we would be

doing something like this yeah i mean it

would have been just like so far from

impossible sure that it would have been

amazing but honestly if

if people will do things god’s way

because of their love for god no matter

how hard it is

god will

pay you back

he will

reward you the bible says in isaiah 61

that god will give you

double blessing for your farmer trouble

and

it even says he’ll give you honor

for the shame that you had and so

god

god is faithful to his word and i just

want to say again i’m repeating myself

but

be willing to do things god’s way

no matter how hard it might be

and you’ll be amazed at what god will do

in your life yeah thank you both so much

and you guys too

really thank you for sharing it i just

think it’s so important and so helpful

for people who are are with us here and

we also have a free bible study that you

can do online that is called keys to a

stronger marriage and i think you’re

gonna love it um you can go to

joycemeyer.org and find out more about

that it’s free it’s there to help you it

will tell you more about what god’s word

says and help you plug into that power

of the holy spirit that we’ve been

talking about all along we also want to

invite you to something extremely

exciting

and uh joyce is going to be the

headliner of our women’s conference

which is coming up the love life women’s

conference october 8th and 9th it’s an

online event and joyce is going to be

fun it is it is and you know what

even even though we’ve got coven

pandemics and we’ve found ways to work

around that and keep ministering the

word to people and we’ve had so many

people

join us on these online events and you

know god’s just making it work

beautifully so i really do want to

encourage you to to join us it’s going

to be on friday night and saturday

morning and uh

we have

other people speaking as well as me and

it’s just so many fun guests this time

it’s gonna be very good and you can get

it on demand so you can watch it after

that and share it with friends and i i

hope that all of you will be there

because it will be so much fun go to

joycemeyer.org

lovelife21 to register right now just

don’t even wait on anything else go do

it go do it right now because we all

want to see you there and also go to

joycemeyer.org talk it out to sign up

for our friends list it’s a great way to

be reminded of what episodes are coming

out and when and all the fun stuff get

some behind the scenes thing

thank you all very much again for being

with us thank you thank you for having

us thank you thank you dave for being

our first male 1 it wasn’t that bad

right it wasn’t that bad

i was surprised i got words in you did

you did you got lots of words yeah he

sat down and he goes i don’t know it’s a

little girly yeah he’s like he’s prissy

in here

that’s all he’s getting today he said

all he gets to say

[Laughter]

and we’re gonna close out today with a

special little story as told by joyce

and dave that

we know you’re gonna love

we open a new safety deposit box and

we want to put a couple of our kids on

it and so

dave and my one son-in-law was on it and

so my son-in-law says to me well i have

one key and dad’s got the other key and

so

you’re gonna have to find his key so

when you

when you take it

to get the other two kids on there

and i didn’t have my name on there yet

that you know they’ll you’ll be able to

get into it do whatever you need to do

so i went to dave and said uh where’s

the key to the safety deposit box

i don’t know

i said what do you mean you don’t know

you got the other key

he says

i don’t know

i said well steve said he gave it to you

you got one when you went to the bank

where is that i don’t know

so for three days i’m like find the key

look for the key where’s the key find

the key so he finally starts searching

everything could not find the key

anywhere anywhere anyway okay so for two

days i’m thinking well i bet if it would

have been in the key to your golf bag

you’d know where it was

[Applause]

uh-huh yep

now i know you don’t think like that but

i would find myself thinking

i’d find myself

i find myself thinking

be nice if you just be a little bit more

responsible when it comes to this kind

of stuff and then i think no joy

shouldn’t think that no no no

no then i’d want to say something soon

how many of you know when you just like

you just want to say it so bad but you

know if you do you’re going to start

something

i’m just like peace peace peace peace

peace peace

okay so we couldn’t find the key

couldn’t find the key so i told my

son-in-law okay find out you know if we

can get other keys they said oh no we

only give out two keys if you want a new

key you got to drill the lock out of the

box it’s going to cost you 200 to get a

new lock and get new keys so i go back

to him it is going to cost 200.

for us to drill this out and i said you

know this happened once before the last

time we had a safety deposit box you

also lost the key and we had to drill

the lockout and we could not find it

you should have kept up with that key

so i’m going upstairs one morning and i

thought

i wonder if i have that key

[Applause]

i sat there as long as i could sit

[Applause]

this is my story

she’s

got this mentality that i am right i am

always right when you don’t have that

mentality

i’m talking now

pray for me right now pray for me

anyway she’s

all this time she’s told me i’ve got the

key so i’m looking everywhere i’m

looking everywhere for the key

and

i look for it for four days on and off

on the fourth day i’m sitting at the

breakfast table with her

and she says did you find that key have

you looked for the key yet

in different places and i said i haven’t

looked at the office yet i’m going to

look at the office

in my desk at the office and she says

you sure it’s not somewhere else i said

no i’ve looked everywhere else

and so she got her from the breakfast

table and as she was leaving the table

this thought came to me

what if she’s got the key

now that is the holy ghost

i knew it immediately that’s the holy

ghost oh yeah you’ve got a word of

knowledge right and as she was going

upstairs to her office the same thought

came to her

you know

i better check my

my uh

in my closet just to see

and she goes in her closet well i had i

had called my son-in-law

and asked him what the key looked like

so i could identify it you know if i if

i when i look for it

and uh she comes out

of her closet holding this key dangling

it

of course i recognize her right away and

she says is this the key

i said

and uh our one of our

helpers our

armor bearers and is in the kitchen

and immediately i said

and she she had egg all over her face

now and he has not let me forget it

i said

you maintain peace by having a humble

attitude

hey

you haven’t been maintaining peace up

for her for a long time

anyway

not only does she find that key

but then

then she goes back and finds the other

key from years before

[Applause]

did not only have egg on her face she

was buried in it

and i was so

thankful and i said lord thank you that

will take care of that will take care of

me for a couple years

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