God established the family as you know

and he established guidelines for that

covenant and marriage is called a

covenant it’s called a binding

relationship between a male and female

that is a until death do you part

relationship that’s what it is

the only reason God even allowed divorce

under certain limited and most

restricted scenarios is because of the

sinfulness of men according to

Deuteronomy 24 compared with Matthew 19

the sinfulness of men God had to come up

with a way to protect men and women from

each other but God’s idea of

relationships is that there would be no

divorce except under the restricted

scenarios of adultery and or desertion

that those would be the only two

categories what I want to concentrate on

by covenants is the concept of hierarchy

hierarchy when God wanted to make sure

that his rules were operating in history

in time he set up a chain of command a

chain of command that chain of command

is listed for us and I’ll read it to you

in 1st Corinthians chapter 11 where it

says verse 3 I want you to understand

that Christ is the head of every man the

man is the head of a woman and Christ is

the head of God now that’s in the text

that’s what the Bible says that there is

in history a chain of command and that

chain of command is also in eternity for

example God is the head of Christ now

Christ is equal to God in essence but

Christ is not equal to God in function

and a fundamental difference that you

and I

understand is that there is a difference

between function and essence essence

everybody is equal function everybody is

not equal

there must be different functions if a

job is to be carried out now you see

this in your employment in your

employment there’s an owner and then

there is a CEO the person who manages it

and then there’s middle level management

and then there’s the more generic

personnel now if everybody’s CEO the

work doesn’t get done but if there is no

CEO then the work doesn’t get directed

if there is no owner there is no

business for anybody to be employed in

each one of those levels is an essential

part of fulfilling a job and unless

there is a chain of command then

everything is up for grabs

now let me explain before I get into the

specifics the purpose of the chain of

command the purpose of the chain of

command is to fulfill the wishes of the

owner the reality is when you own it you

can do what you want to do because it’s

yours okay nobody else can come into my

house and tell me how to furnish it they

can tell me what they think about how I

furnished it but they have no authority

in terms of the essence of our firms

mouth because it’s my house

what ownership come certain rights while

God is owner the earth is the Lord’s and

the fullness thereof the world and all

they that dwell in it he owns it and

quite frankly he’s not asking for advice

I therefore he says and a whom hath the

Lord saw counsel and from whom did he

think advice so the Lord isn’t really

asking for advice you can give it to him

if you want to but just want you to know

he’s not going around looking for advice

because he knows how he wants his world

run and so what God has done is

established institutions designed to

carry out his program and each

institution has a hierarchy the first

institution is the family and the

hierarchy is husband wife children all

three are equal in essence but all three

are different and function he has the

church and in the church he has a

hierarchy he has a system he has elders

he has deacons has a teacher all of that

is designed to assure that God’s plan in

history is accomplished and then

government the Bible says pray for Kings

and in Romans 13 says because they are

the ministers of God the job of

government is to carry out justice in

society all based on hierarchy but our

concern is the home we’ve already

established that the husband is the CEO

he is the one who is to make sure that

the owners desires are carried out in

the oldest institution called the family

that’s his job if he fails that job

that he has done great damage to the

cause of Christ while it does not excuse

men for not being men that is a man

cannot look at his wife and say because

of her I can’t be a man

because manhood is not related to how

another person treats you it is related

to who you are by God’s creation we must

go one step and say that many women make

it exceedingly difficult for men to

assume with ease their god-given

responsibility you see we live in a

world ladies where men in general

increasingly and minority men in

particular are beaten up daily by an

unjust society but in the Bible the

understanding was no matter what

happened in the society at large when he

came home it was a different story when

the man walked in the door there was one

place everybody knew who he was

there was one place where there was no

confusion or lack of clarity that there

was one realm the man could lead and be

recognized as leader and that was his

home in the Bible the concept is called

the patriarch and the patriarch was a

man who headed the home and all of the

people under the home in such a way that

everybody in the home revered his role

thus leading to the concept of respect

there is no command in the Bible for a

woman to love her husband it does not

exist there are verses in the Bible that

talk about women loving their husbands

but there is no command for a woman to

love her husbands but there are plenty

of commands for a warrior husband to

love his wife now there’s a reason for

that

a man’s greatest need isn’t love now all

men need love but that’s not his

greatest need a man’s greatest need is

for reverence now you may not like that

because it short quiet in here

you may not want that but I’m sorry

that’s the way it is men go great

lengths to be reverenced they don’t

necessarily go great lengths to be loved

but they go great lengths to be

reverenced when then put notches on

their perennial belts for all the women

that they have conquered it is a desire

to be reverenced it is the desire to

come across as mr. super stud who has

has this ability to conquer all these

women it is a self attempt to inflate

one’s own ego even though most of those

stories are lives

they are attempts to embellish a

god-given need for Dominion when men say

to their wives who do you think you are

talking to when they’re angry or perhaps

when they’re not it is out of a sense

that I am not being respected and I

don’t know how many men I have talked to

who say this women generally say my

husband doesn’t love me that generally

how it comes and that’s how I was built

to come but men don’t generally say that

men generally say my wife doesn’t

respect me because the need of a man

given by God is not primarily for love

the need of a man is for reverence now

some of you are ticked off already and I

haven’t even got to the verse

because your attitude is I’m not

reverencing no man okay but you don’t

want that same response if he were to

say I’m not loving no woman you see in a

very mutual meeting of needs so let’s

look at first Peter three before I get

in more trouble and so that you know

that God is speaking here in the same

way you wives and of course if you’re

not married you need to develop a

mindset for marriage with this in mind

be submissive to your own husbands so

that even if any of them are disobedient

to the word they’re not living like they

ought to be living they may be one

without a word by the behavior of their

wives thank you sister

I need some help

now when the text opens up within the

same way that means that it’s talking

about something that’s gone previous and

at the end of chapter 2 what you find is

that Jesus Christ suffered unjustly

verse 22 who committed no sin nor was

any deceit found in his mouth and while

being reviled he did not revile in

return while suffering he uttered no

threats but kept entrusting himself to

him who judges righteously and he

himself bore our sins in his own body on

the cross that we might die to sin and

live to righteousness for by his wounds

you were healed for you were continually

straying like sheep but now you have

returned to the Shepherd and guardian of

your soul in the same way the comparison

to wise in chapter 3 is drawn from the

illustration of Christ in chapter 2 and

in chapter 2 it says Jesus didn’t do

anything wrong

he was the ideal spokesman for God but

in spite of that fact he got nailed to

the cross in spite of that fact he was

treated unjustly in spite of that fact

he was treated miserably but rather than

arguing his point which would have been

a legitimate arguing meant it says he

entrusted himself into the hands of the

one who would do right and then the

Bible says even though you were straying

you have now returned to the Shepherd

and Bishop of your soul in other words

you are in this building today because

God got ahold of you and you’ve begun

responding properly to Christ on some

level in the same way he was

be submissive to your own husbands now

there are two concepts there that create

an immediate problem the first concept

is the concept of submissiveness but

before you judge it understand it the

concept of submissiveness is not a

concept of being a doormat or being a

floor cloth it is not saying let your

husband beat up on you that’s not the

concept of biblical submissiveness let

me give you the concept of

submissiveness submissiveness means

placing oneself willingly under the

authority of another in keeping with the

ultimate responsibility you have on the

christ so submission does mean placing

oneself under some of the authority but

submission has limits in other words you

are submitted to the Lord first our

Asians v says submit to your hair

husband’s as unto the Lord so submission

is to your husband but the husband has

limitations it must be as unto the Lord

in other words you do not submit to

anything that requires you to disobey

God just because your husband wants you

to do it but on the other hand you do

submit to everything that is not

contradictory to that which is in

keeping with obeying the Lord if I often

said rob a bank you say no you say no

because that would disagree with the

Lord so the criteria of submission is

agreement with God but the

responsibility other than that is

comprehensive now he says submission to

your own husband’s things assuming

you’re married and by the way single

ladies just saw a tip so for you to

clear up so you don’t spend 50 years of

frustrated life

don’t marry somebody you don’t feel like

you can submit to

if you are a strong woman then please

marry a stronger man okay because it’s a

miserable combination if you are

stronger than your husband okay because

he’s going to be frustrated because he’s

too weak to lead you but you’re going to

be frustrated because you’re having to

lead him so they’re going to be a

perpetual fight so based on your

temperament always marry somebody you

can look up to not only physiologically

but attitudinally and mentally okay now

if you are already married it’s too late

okay you cannot change husbands because

he’s weaker what you’ve got to do is

learn to shore up his weaknesses and

make them strengths and settle down some

of your strengths in order to shore up

his weaknesses now some of you it goes

on to say to your own husbands that

means nobody else’s husband own is a

statement of possession you are to

submit place yourself under the

authority of your husband now if your

attitude lady is I am NOT placing myself

under any man you need to stay single I

mean you have that right single but you

don’t have that right married you don’t

have that right marry

uh-huh all right

to put it another way

some ladies a lot of ladies and this is

the danger of working wives

nothing wrong with working wise but you

must understand when I went over

proverbs 31 the great danger of working

wise is that they wind up showing more

respect for the boss who is married to

another woman then her husband because

the boss

controls the purse strings now I know a

lot of you ladies don’t like your male

bosses you don’t like the way they treat

you you don’t like the way they talk to

you you don’t like the way they dump

work on you you don’t like any of that

stuff but when they show up it’s still

mr. so-and-so he still gets treated with

a modicum of dignity now why does he get

treated that way he doesn’t get treated

that way because he has earned it it’s

just the opposite he gets treated that

way because of his position which leads

me to the next line even if any of them

are disobedient to the word they may be

won without a word by the behavior of

their wives that there’s a lot there and

I’m halfway through I’m serving and

still in verse one but there’s a whole

lot here let me talk about it for a

moment the issue of respect has nothing

to do altum Utley with the success or

failure of your husband in his job that

this you must understand you are

respecting him because of his position

there are a lot of people that you don’t

like who you must respect

there are a lot of policemen you may not

like but you better respect them when

you go into a courtroom you don’t have

to like the judge but you better respect

them say the wrong thing and you’ll be

slapped with contempt of court because

sitting behind that bench is not only a

male but a male with a rope on who

occupies a position and what you respect

even if you do not like the person is

the position as long as they hold that

position now don’t get me wrong that the

judge is not better than you the police

is not better than you your boss is not

better than you you’re not respecting

them out of bitterness you’re respecting

them out of position and that

distinction there are a lot of people in

life you do not like who you must

respect and your husband is to be chief

among them this is not an option the

Bible says even if he is not living up

to his full responsibility you are

obligated unless he causes you to do

something against Christ to recognize

his position and not disrespect him and

the greatest way that women disrespect

their men is with their tongue

not it is what you say and how you say

what you say to the man in your life

that is the illustration of your respect

and when you talk to somebody in society

who you do not like but must respect you

control yourself

go try cussing out the local judge and

see where it gets you when the policeman

you do not like stops you and you feel

like he’s been unfair use profanity

against him and get out of the ticket

that way you will find that that does

not work for that is not to be tolerated

or take your children mothers suppose

you give your children instructions that

they don’t like and they stand up and

say well I don’t care what you saying to

me I’m not going to do it do we have a

problem on our hands we most certainly

do

because even if you were wrong and what

you told your children they must respect

your position as mother am i right well

they’re in the same way that those who

you don’t like are still expected to

give respect to you or for them to

receive respect from you the Bible

teaches that you are always to recognize

your husband’s position even if you

disagree with your husband’s point

he says even if they are disobedient see

that even if there’s it it doesn’t mean

just agreeing with that point you got to

make that distinction you may not agree

with the point but he says the way you

win them is without a word let’s talk

about this phrase without a word or you

start to get into it now huh without a

word does not mean speech less Ness

it doesn’t mean that you never say

anything that’s not the concept of the

phrase without a word what other word

has the connotation of nagging that’s

the concept of without a word negative

now not my ladies let’s think

practically how long have you been

nagging your husband about something

things that in your marriage since the

day you got married right years you’ve

been nagging it and he’s still doing the

same things okay

it ought to occur to you by now you need

a new strategy

okay it ought to occur to you now why is

the man not responding to your nagging

there is one reason why he’s not

responding that because you tell him

what to do

you are telling him what to do and he

rebels that because what you’ve done is

deflated his god-given ego I mean I hear

a lot of women saying I’m I’m tired of

having a feed is he go

any women tired of having to do that

they’re not raise your hand

since I’m tired of feeding his ego well

you better go get some sleep and get

back up because that is a divine

requirement in the same way that he

should not get tired of loving you you

should not get tired of respecting him

because just like you need TLC he needs

that reinforcement an acclamation of

respect he goes on to say that the way

you win them is without a word by the

behavior to put it another way what you

do will go further than what you say

okay so if you are nagging him and still

not doing anything you’ve just given

Double Trouble now where I go from here

it’s going to be deep I haven’t even

gotten deep yet I’m still on the light

stuff but remember that this is God

talking okay still so if you get mad get

mad at God as they verse to observe your

chaste and respectful behavior see that

your chaste the concept of your gentle

and respectful behavior now in some

cultures they make their women do this

in order to assure that it’s done they

make them do it okay by physical force

or by having some repercussions if you

don’t do it so in certain cultures to

show respect to have to walk behind

their husbands you know and in certain

cultures you know when the husbands are

talking they dare not speak one of our

staff was over in Egypt one time and the

wife fix the meal and he complimented

her on it said that was a tremendous

meal and they took him outside and

warned him don’t you ever do that again

because the way we keep these ladies in

their position

is by letting them know they doing what

they supposed to do so now you really

don’t have it that bad do you ladies

well I won’t get into that but he says

they are to observe that is see respect

it is to be visibly demonstrated that I

hold you in the highest esteem based on

your position that I recognize you are

God’s appointed hierarchical leader in

this home now if you are the boss on

your job leave it on your job if you are

the supervisor on your job supervise on

your job don’t bring that mess home okay

don’t bring that home because you have a

problem I’m gonna tell you you have a

problem because most men unless they’re

very very passive do not want

supervisors for wives okay

then once supervisors watch now I know

what some of you ladies are thinking

you’re sitting there thinking well what

you need to do preacher is tell these

men to be men so we’ll want to do it

okay well I did that two weeks ago now

I’m telling you to do it cuz you’re

supposed to do it okay that is a

responsibility it is something that you

are given by God to do in marriage three

and let not your adornment well God’s

really cramping us your style here be

merely external braiding the hair

wearing golden jury and putting on of

dresses but let it be the hidden person

of the heart with the imperishable

quality of a gentle and quiet spirit

which is precious in the sight of God

don’t let your adorning merely be

external now you ladies be looking good

okay and I know the reason you look good

is because you make a major investment

in the looking good but you make a major

investment of time that look good that

major investment is in the area of

shopping middle name is shop all right

you know trying to be good husband

sometimes I go shop what my wife does

not wanting the great things I enjoy

doing because that’s hours and hours and

hours worth of going through things for

her to tell me why it doesn’t look good

and it just just doesn’t turn me on

really okay but I gotta apply these

sermons so I do go sometime

but there is a major investment and you

know you’ve heard me talk about the way

the attention you ladies give the

mirrors the world for you is one big

mirror you know is the mirror in the

house there’s a mirror in the car now

they put them on the driver side in case

you drive it then on the passenger side

then you get the way you going first

thing you got to do powder your nose

look in the mirror again and you don’t

even need a mirror ten that shines it’s

good enough as long as it reflects why

because God knows our lady is very

conscious about our public presence and

beauty and God does not condemn that

that is acceptable with God men you

ought to be looking for a good-looking

woman alright nothing wrong with that

and ladies you are to make yourself as

appealing as possible in other words if

you’re single it shouldn’t be because

you didn’t take care of yourself and you

didn’t look good and you weren’t

appealing that wrong with that but God

has a big problem if there’s so much

emphasis on the external getting fixed

up for your public and not getting fixed

up inside for your Lord God has a big

problem with that God has a problem with

you going through hours and hours of

clothes at whatever store you shop at

going through hours and hours of clothes

but not willing to go through hours and

hours of strategy of being God’s woman

at home he has a problem with that

there’s a problem with that he says let

it be the hidden man of the heart what

he’s talking about is show construct

you’re inside that you follow God’s plan

in your

in your home exalting your husband to

the position of leader that God has

placed him in now some men are passive

not by choice but by circumstances they

were raised without a father they were

raised with the dominant dictating

mother that’s all they know so you get

on before being so passive but that’s

all they know and if you think this

generation is bad weight to our children

get married when we’ve got 70% of our

kids who have been going out without a

father we’ve got a whole generation of

women who either if they looking for mr.

right royalberry or we’ll have to apply

this on their honeymoon to get this

thing started early because we have a

lot of young men who are being beaten by

circumstances that they have absolutely

no control over which means if he’s ever

going to become the man that he was

created to be you are going to have to

become the kind of woman who elevates

him to the level that God recognizes him

at that’s what it means it does wonders

for a man to hear from his wife I’m so

glad I can tell my girlfriends you are

my man it does wonders for a man to hear

from his wife it is awesome being

married to you it does wonders for a man

to hear from his wife honey please leave

me I’m dying to follow you all right now

I can tell most of you ain’t been using

in here this it does wonders for a man

when you ask him first before you go

ahead and buy it and say honey if it’s

okay with you I sure would like to have

this but I thought I need to ask you

first to make sure it’s in keeping with

the direction you’re taking our home in

now let me tell you let me tell you let

me tell you why they’re works that works

cuz that sounds so good to him he gonna

want you to come back with that one

again so you probably will get a yes it

is by your behavior by the way you

respect him in word and deed not by your

nagging him when you gonna go up and

become a man boy I mean you live the way

some of the wives talking element you a

sorry brother you know well I sure wish

I was married to a man you know those

kind of statements you see that is

disrespecting God’s hierarchical frame

of reference there’s no way around it

Bible says this is not new verse five

four in this way in former times the

holy women also who hoped in God used to

adorn themselves being submissive to

their own husbands now please get the

key here the women weren’t trying to

change the husband they were hoping in

God see if you disrespect your husband

you’re working against God and if you’re

working against God no matter how much

you pray you won’t get God’s help to

change your husband if you hope in God

that means you must obey God you cannot

hope in God by doing what your

girlfriends they do one of our problems

is we talking with too many girlfriends

and looking at too many soap operas okay

that’s one of the problem okay I mean

some of us think we Alexis or something

that we’ve been called to run the show

here and you notice she can’t keep her

husband’s either

so the idea here is that there is a

commitment to get God on your side and

the way you get God on your side is by

obeying his particular instructions

since the old women were like this they

are doing themselves they weren’t only

good-looking externally they were

good-looking internally their husbands

their whoo she’s good-looking by her

character and then he illustrates it

that’s Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him

Lord ladies let’s read that together

verse 6 first line let’s go

thus Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him

Lord what did she call him was she

calling turn to your husband and calling

that right now

snob

now the word nope now he says that these

Old Testament women are to be New

Testament illustrations the word Lord

means master that’s what it means it

means nothing

it says Abraham was called by Sarah Lord

and you have become her children if you

do what is right without being

frightened by anything now see for some

of you return to call your husband’s

Lord scares you

scares you call him Lord call him Lord

and call no man Lord well let’s look at

where Abraham Sarah called Abraham Lord

Genesis chapter 18

yeah the Bibles are turning

because I know some of you within yeah

they’ve got to be another interpretation

to that Genesis chapter 18 verse 11

let’s look at verse 9 then they said to

him where is Sara your wife and he said

behold in the tent and he said I will

surely return to you at this time next

year and behold Sara your wife shall

have a son and Sarah was listening at

the tent door which was behind him now

Abraham and Sara were old advanced in

age Sara was past childbearing and Sara

laughed to herself saying after I have

become old shall I have pleasure my lord

being old also and the Lord said Abraham

why did Sarah laugh saying shall I

indeed bear a child when I am so old is

anything too difficult for the Lord

there’s a whole lot there God said

Abraham your wife only she is it’s going

to have a baby

Sara listens to that and says what

that’s impossible I can’t have a baby at

90 years of age and then she says shall

I have pleasure again with my lord in

other words she was saying not only can

I not have a baby I can’t even get

around to doing what it takes to have a

baby

so in the context of her calling Abraham

my lord my master it is in a context of

an impossible situation

am i right some of you ladies are

married to impossible men some of you

ladies are married to mean that you

don’t say anyway they can turn around

some of you ladies are married I mean

you don’t see any hope for some of you

are married to impossible situations but

Sarah called Abraham Lord and believed

God would respond even though it sounded

impossible at first submitted to him and

as a result the Bible says out a year

later comes Isaac through an impossible

situation I’m saying that same God can

take what you consider that mess of a

man and turn him around but you got to

say my lord you’ve got to take your role

and play your part and make sure that

you’ve done everything you can do

humanly possible to honor the Lord

before the Lord does everything he can

to make a miracle in your family don’t

ask God why he hasn’t changed you man if

you haven’t changed your role don’t ask

God why he hasn’t reversed you man if

you ever respected his leadership some

of you ladies need to go and today say

honey I apologize I haven’t let my

disagreements with you turn into

disrespect for you and for the

disrespect for you I have been wrong and

I want to begin today recognizing your

leadership in this home my lord

that’s what it me that’s what me and

fail you to do that means you’re not a

does Sarah you say so what I’m out of

daughter Sarah so you don’t get the

miracle Sarah I got that’s what it means

Sarah got a miracle it was an impossible

situation but she got a miracle why

because she did it God’s Way that’s why

that’s what so what am I saying I am

saying that while we do have a male

leadership concern in our culture one of

the major contributors to it being as

bad as it is is the failure of women to

honor their husbands