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hey family pastor T here god bless you
listen you’re getting ready to hear a
powerful message and I wanted to also
remind you about the message that is in
this book it released as you know on
February 6 is already number one new
release on Amazon in three different
categories if you don’t have this book
in your life
get it in your life it is changing the
world one whole person at a time but God
bless you for now I’ve got a great
message that I want you to hear check it
out see you soon
father we thank you for your love
there’s nothing like it there’s nothing
that heals like it there’s nothing that
feels like it there’s nothing that
affirms like the goodness and your mercy
endures forever and to know that nothing
will ever separate us from that love
nothing we’re grateful and father may we
have a fresh encounter with that radical
agape love sometimes we forget sometimes
life would try to throw us curveballs
and situations that would attempt to
communicate to us the gross falsehood
that you don’t love us the reality of it
is you you know every strand of hair on
our head before we were even place in
our mother’s womb you were into us
hallelujah and it’s good to know that
you will always be be with us during
this time in Jesus name Amen well we’re
gonna do something a little different
today we thought because we are on the
heels of Valentine’s Day that we would
take this time to encourage and
strengthen our community and all those
who are watching in the name of love and
in the area of love regardless of
whether or not you are married
single divorced in a situation or all of
the above we wanted to encourage you one
passage of Scripture we’ll look at and
then we’re going to sit down and have a
conversation and that passage is out of
Mark chapter 10 and verse 9 and it reads
like this very simply put therefore what
God has joined together let not man
separate god bless you you may be seated
that will that will be an Amen right
there Wow
just by a show of hands we we just want
to do a little poll if you would but if
you’re here and you are married let me
see your hands
wonderful absolutely wonderful
if you’re here and you are single raise
your hand
[Applause]
hallelujah if you are here and you’re in
a situation don’t you don’t have to you
don’t have to you don’t have to just
keep looking straight ahead just like I
didn’t even move you just just well I
think that mark chapter 10 and verse 9
is a very loaded verse and it’s more
loaded than we know a lot of times we
look at that and there is an assumption
that this is basically saying if you are
married never separate and although I do
believe in going the distance as God is
prescribed and ordained there is a
qualifier in that verse it says
therefore what God
has joined together let not man separate
so what we want to do you want say hot
everybody honey hey what we want to do
today is we want to deal with five
must-haves before saying I do five
must-haves before saying I do because I
think that first part what God has
joined together is very important
because you have some relationships that
do not work and when you do an autopsy
on the death of that relationship and
sometimes you do an autopsy on the death
of that marriage
sometimes in some cases what you will
discover in your autopsy is that it was
really a relationship that God did not
join together sometimes it was a
relationship that brokenness joined
together control join together
manipulation joined together and so we
are very very adamant about having
certain things in place before you say I
do and if you don’t have those things in
place we strongly encourage you to hold
up to slow down in fact in wholeness
there’s a chapter in the book called two
halves don’t make a hole where these
five must haves before saying I do are
talked about in great detail but we
don’t want to leave it there because we
realize that from what we saw about half
of the room have already said I do and
so we’ve got something for you we also
have today five must-haves after saying
I do it net cool so we want to get into
them so we’re gonna talk to the people
who are let me see those hands again
with single people slash in a situation
singing all right okay we’re going to
talk to you first
and we’re going to give you the five
must-haves before saying I do I’m just
curious how many people are in gay
if you’re here and you’re in between
single America engaged let me see your
hands
wow this is good this is good this is
good I think for both married people and
engage people I think that you ought to
work this process be brave enough see
sometimes you don’t want to be brave you
you sometimes what is honey
well you’re afraid that if you put your
relationship under the microscope that
it won’t pass the test
hmm so you choose to just kind of keep
it surface but I think the strength of
our relationships the roots of our
relationship must be tested and
qualified because life is coming to
qualify that connection children will
qualify that connection cancer will
qualify that connection job loss will
challenge that connection so as much as
we can put our relationships under the
microscope and say what is this really I
know we like the same movies but what is
this really I think the better off we
are at withstanding the vicissitudes of
life absolutely no but it’s true
relationships will make you or break you
who you decide to spend the rest of your
life with is a huge decision are you
tracking with me it’s not like I feel
this and so let me do it it’s not like
that it’s a big deal you are signing up
for this thing called forever and so you
can’t be intimidated I don’t know about
you but sometimes I just like to bring
decisions and just drag them to the
altar so that the light of God and the
fire of God can fall down on that
relationship or any decisions that it
might be and purify that thing that’s
what the altar did the altar didn’t
consume everything the altar consumed
everything that was unprofitable so that
that which was profitable can remain and
so so I’m gonna challenge you you
lovebirds who are engaged first and
those of you who are single but have a
disease
to be married that you qualify the
relationship that you’re in or the
relationship that you’re pursuing with
these five qualifiers yeah yes
all right let’s jump into okay you want
me start you gonna start okay the first
thing that you have to have and this is
pretty basic is this thing called
chemistry right God is bringing two
people together there will be an element
of chemistry what is chemistry chemistry
is when something you feel like
something beyond you is happening
between you you tracking with me it’s
it’s something I I there’s something
going on there I can’t quite figure it
out
but I am greatly intrigued by this right
is that like flirting well
flirting is a whole nother thing you
know the the reason why chemistry is the
first thing and not the whole thing is
that you could have chemistry with a
hundred and seventy five different
people in one day you could have
chemistry based on physical attraction
you can have chemistry based on mutual
interests you could have chemistry based
on things that that stimulate you
intellectually you share in that
so chemistry is is the first step but
chemistry has to be qualified can we
keep it 100 in here today I know we’re
at church but the reason why one of the
reason why we’re sitting down and we’re
wearing jeans with holes in them is
because we’re gonna keep it 175 percent
in here today now you can have chemistry
with more than one person hello somebody
chemistry is tricky and you have to
watch it and you have to guard it and
you have to be careful especially let me
just cross over into the marriage
especially when you’re married be
careful for chem it for chemistry
sometimes you know you can feel those
something you gotta leave that thing
alone right there because there’s some
stuff there and you don’t know it could
be some spiritual thing trying to take
your marriage down are you tracking with
me let’s see the chemistry could be
witchcraft how deep can we go today I
want account account
it could be wint trip because if God did
bring you together then there’s gonna be
an assault against it and sometimes what
God uses is chemistry you know you you
you’re at you’re at work and you’re at
the watercooler okay you’re at the
wallet cooler and and and you know and
and someone you you walk up at the same
time and and someone drops the person is
next she drops their pin on the ground
and and the two of you go down at the
same time to pick up the pin bump heads
and then look at each other in the eyes
I don’t mean anything so you have to be
careful with chemistry and chemistry has
to be qualified and chemistry brings us
to the next thing and that is connection
what do you think about connection honey
well I think that when you cover it in
the book that you really go into great
detail discussing beyond chemistry which
as pastor had already defined as just
having that moment connection is when
you have this this like a draw draw
between one I have connection with you
we do have agree that was one of the
things that made me really begin to
investigate further what could happen
between you and I because there was this
connection that seemed deeper than just
you know I think that we had laughed
together like I think we could do life
together I like the way life looks
through his eyes I like Who I am when I
am in his presence I like Who I am
becoming as a result of us being
connected and I think that one of the
things that I’m always conscious of
telling people about when we speak about
relationships in marriage is that who
you are connected to is very important
because there’s a transference and
sometimes we are connected to people who
we would not necessarily want to become
but because we think we can grow them up
we allow ourselves to be connected to
what ultimately becomes poison and then
we wonder what’s happened to our own
souls and perspectives so true
I remember the first time I felt
connection to Sarah this is after we met
the first time that we met and again
it’s here and I did a video called five
keys to identifying your soulmate as
like 3.1 million views on YouTube I’d
encourage you to watch that too but the
book gets more into detail but chemistry
a chemistry we met for the first time
but not connection it was just an
acknowledgment that Wow you know she’s
super special and I feel you know
somewhat you know there’s something
there but it wasn’t romantic at all
the first time I felt connection however
was we were at a conference news pastors
and leaders conference in 2014 and we
were sitting next to each other in this
conference and and Bishop Jake’s was
officiating and it was time to close out
the conference and he had he had
everyone grabbed a hand that the person
who’s next to them and and Sarah just so
happened to be the person who I was
sitting next to and the craziest thing
happens I reach over to take her hand
and when I took her hand our hands fit
perfectly and it was like I was not
holding the hand of a stranger it was
like I was holding a hand of somebody
that I knew someone who had always been
a part of my life it was crazy and I
think for me that was the first time I
really really felt like wow connected to
her and then you know obviously we you
know a few weeks later we had dinner in
LA and and then upon we shut the
restaurant down and then upon leaving
dinner I left and I knew that that there
was honestly that she was supposed to be
a part of my life for the rest of my
life
so you got to have connection and the
third one is wholeness and what I love
about this verse babe that you pick
therefore what God has joined together I
know we use that as it relates to two
people coming together but I think
wholeness is when God joins you together
as an individual and you become whole so
when we talk about the need to have
wholeness and we go back to the
scripture says therefore what God has
joined together let not man separate if
you are with another whole individual
you don’t have to worry about them
separating what God is beginning to join
together on the inside of you and so
it’s important that you have a sense of
wholeness and that they have a sense of
wholeness what does that mean that means
that I’m not trying to recover from my
last relationship while building my new
relationship at the same time
what does wholeness means it means that
I’ve come to a place where I accepted
that my father wasn’t the best father
but I still became a whole individual as
a result of it where you have assessed
your life in your relationship with God
in such a way that you know who you are
and you don’t offer discounts and you
maintain who you are regardless of
whether you’re single or in a
relationship incredible and the reason
why wholeness comes out the connection
is because that connection has to be
qualified I mean it seems like I mean
that’s that’s the happy story right
while I held her hand and it was like
magic our hands fit perfectly together
and it just seemed like we had been in
one another’s lives for all of our lives
and from that moment forward we were
destined to be together and all that’s
wonderful in a knot and in our case in
that instance it was true what that
connection needed to be qualified
because there’s this thing called
codependency and codependency does a
stellar job masquerading as love oh I
mean a wonderful job so my connection
has to be qualified
what is connecting me to you what is it
really
is it the Lord or is it the fact to your
point Sara
that I didn’t get enough hugs from my
dad or my dad didn’t give me affirmation
and so so what is on my mama well
however it might be and so is what is
drawing me to you godly and healthy or
is my brokenness making this thing look
like love and so you have to have
homeless and I think that one of the key
signs for wholeness pre-marriage is
having this testimony that you can say
this from the bottom of your heart
meaning I’m good all by myself
if I never meet my partner my soulmate
my spouse I am me and you Jesus are good
enough you have joined me together
you’ve mended my broken pieces
I am affirmed by you I’m loved by you
I understand who I am I Know Who I am in
Christ if Romeo does not come through if
Juliet is delayed I am good all by
myself
me and you were worship me and you will
take walks together I will date me I
will go to the movies all by myself I
will have Netflix and chill with me and
be good with it because I am NOT needy
and I honestly believe that until you
can really say that and mean it you may
not be ready to say I do and it’s a
wonderful thing
God says love the Lord what he’s asked
what is the greatest commandment and he
says thou shalt love the Lord with all
of your heart with all of your mind with
all of your strength right another
translation says with all of your soul
in other words the most valuable thing
that you can do in life is love God
first with everything that you are
and then he says and when you do that
then the second commandment right this
is sequence the second commandment is
love your neighbor as you love yourself
right so in other words my relationship
with God determines and heals my
relationship with myself and my
relationship with myself becomes the
benchmark by which I have a relationship
with others so I have to get my vertical
relationship right first so that I can
love me right first so that I can be my
own Valentine first and then when I am
my own Valentine my eyes are clear for
me to see where my other Valentine might
be does that make sense
so wholeness is everything what’s the
next one honey the next one is divine
confirmation mmm and that’s when God
endorses your relationship and I will
just give you a story very quickly I was
divorced when Pastor and I met I was a
single mother with my two children in
Texas and we had all of those things we
had chemistry connection I had wholeness
but I was still wondering you know God
is this really you and as a single
mother I was helping my children to just
navigate their relationship with their
biological fathers and my son was
expressing to me in that moment you know
I realized that I may not ever have like
the ice cream dates out at the park and
literally in that moment as he was
saying that I looked down at my phone
and my husband sent me a picture of him
out with his son with ice cream they had
the ice cream cones in their hand and I
just knew that that was God already
going ahead of me saying that I’ve made
a provision to fix the holes that are
being created through you know that
situation that my children were in and
we had countless moments like that where
it was just God saying I’ve already
covered that part I’m already got you
covered there and I think that that was
one of my many divine confirmations
there were a lot of them made I mean and
that takes us back to mark 10 and nine
it says therefore what
God has joined together what God has
caused to be one it says what God is you
can’t play with that you can’t play with
that because if God doesn’t do it there
is a possibility that it won’t work and
you’re gonna be torn because you joined
yourself together you know I’ve got that
that teaching on sexual wholeness if you
haven’t watched that I encourage you to
go to youtube and watch that message but
but sexual wholeness deals with soul
ties and there’s nothing wrong with the
soul tie
being connected having your soul
connected to someone if it’s the person
that God has ordained for you if it
isn’t then we you and I have have the
power to join ourselves watch this
illegally illegally what I mean by
illegally it’s simple the one that God
didn’t join you the one that God didn’t
anoint for you to be joined with you can
join yourself illegally and now when the
separation comes you’re torn you’re torn
and you’re broken and you have to be
whole again
because you didn’t seek God so so when
we say divine confirmation we mean that
when God is bringing two people together
heaven will back up heaven will endorse
the fact that this is what God is doing
and I don’t know about you but I’m at a
point in my life that I don’t want
anything brought into my life that God
didn’t bring you know I like those old
gangster movies back in a day when when
someone would come in and try to kill
you know and you know would try to kill
somebody you know and they would get the
person and they would say who sent you
you remember that the old gangster movie
not yeah they don’t watch gangster movie
oh yeah that’s right TV in for you I got
that’s wonderful I love TV in but I like
gangster movie sometimes too and there’s
some of the moments and you know and
they finally catch the guy that’s trying
to kill them and he’s smacking him
around saying who sent you
I’ll never tell who sent you you know
for me
it’s the same thing you know anything
that comes into my life I want to know
who the sender was was this God or did
my brokenness attract you to me and so
divine confirmation now divine
confirmation you look tricky because
sometimes you can want something so bad
that you will make up some confirmation
if I see two birds today that will be a
sign to me that God wants the two of us
to be together
no I’m not talking about stuff that that
you want so bad that you create a divine
confirmation right I want it to be where
you let the relationship go who offer
like preaching I feel like let me just
for just one second one second was it I
want it to be where you and you may not
necessarily have to tell the other party
that you are letting them go but in your
heart while you are waiting for divine
confirmation that you pause and you stop
and you say God I am giving you my heart
back I know I love this person right I
love them but you know what I’m loving
you more and I’m gonna give you my heart
so that I can be in this neutral place
and not allow my feelings for the person
that I’m seeking confirmation about to
get in the way and hinder my ability to
hear what you are saying and when you’re
in that neutral place whole and complete
and God all by yourself then you will be
in a position to hear clearly and get
that divine confirmation that God has no
problem bestowing upon you
so number five is a sense of purpose and
I think that when you and I got together
one of the things that really draw us
together was that we just had the same
heart for God in this generation we were
both walking in our purpose so we knew
what it would take for us to have a
partner that understood our purpose and
what God had called us to do on the
earth sometimes you get in relationships
and you discover your purpose while
you’re in the relationship and the
person has to begin to try to form their
life around your purpose because what
God has called you to do is more
important than who you’re in
relationship with Satan playing faster
we are here on earth to serve a purpose
to be a light to make a change in this
world we’re not in I know it’s on ABC I
know Disney has sold us on this fairy
tale that we’re supposed to be here to
find our boo when we find our boo and
live happily ever after when God put us
in this earth you said that there’s
something that they can do that no one
else can do but them and it’s not just
to be in a relationship I need them to
change the world for the better I need
them to raise a child that changes the
world I need them to erect a church I
need them to serve in a ministry that
makes the ministry grow and become
better they have ideas and purpose and
intentionality and so when you begin to
tap into your purpose you have to
recognize that whoever I’m called to has
to understand that first I’m called
whoever’s called to me has to understand
that I’m called and so a pastor and I
were certainly walking in our purpose
but I also think that as we came
together that we recognized that our
union was God’s purpose as well
absolutely that’s that’s so key I think
that if you don’t at least have an
inkling of what you’re called to be and
to do in the earth you’re not ready for
marriage
you’re really not because first of all
it’s not fair because you to a certain
degree are selling your partner a lie
you’re selling your partner a lot there
buy into cookies and and and
chocolate-covered strawberries and there
buying into you know you guys hanging
out all the time and you’re in love and
you’re dating and all these sort of
things they’re buying into the fact that
they’re going to have you when the
reality of it is when purpose gets ahold
of you purpose has you and now it’s not
fair to that person because you’ve sold
him on this love story without
discovering your purpose and what can
happen and this is would be tragic in
either way this goes but but what
happens if one day you wake up and you
discover your purpose and you realize
that the person that you have signed up
with is actually a hindrance to the
thing that God has called you to do what
do you do then so by by any means
necessary you know well I’ll tell you
what you’re gonna do here the two
options either you can sacrifice the
purpose for the relationship or have to
go to the difficult process if that
relationship is not redeemable of
sacrificing the relationship for purpose
and neither are fun and that’s why you
must it is imperative I’m not saying you
got to have your life figured out I’m
not saying that at all but have a
general sense of what God is doing in
and through your life right a sense of
purpose so these are you know and there
could be fifty there could be a hundred
there could be two hundred and five but
these are the five must-haves before
saying I do that we place in the book
and that we’re talking about I do have a
couple of caveats that I want to say one
is obviously you know this is not the
end all be all but it is a great start
right I want to say that to those who
are engaged of those who are single
those who are engaged I encourage you to
have a vision for your marriage we have
all those and we don’t get a chance to
do premarital counseling with many
people maybe two or three couples a year
but one of the things that is a
requirement for us
from them is that they write out a
vision for your marriage right because
you’d be surprised how many perspectives
on marriage there are out there and
you’re coming in with one perspective
which means that you’re coming in with
this particular expectation and so is
that other person and what happens you
have to have that conversation first
because the last thing you want to do is
be in the marriage and you’re saying oh
I thought it was supposed to be this or
I thought it was about that so I have a
vision for your marriage here’s another
thing I’ll say and I’ll say this to
people who are married and as you are
hearing this you’re saying man we you
know we missed some of these things I
don’t want you to be questioning your
marriage not necessarily I don’t want
you to be like oh baby we didn’t have
that and we didn’t have this here is my
outs
the devil is a lie we’re not doing that
because one of the things that we
understand about God is that God is a
restorer and God is a redeemer and
sometimes man plans his way but God
establishes his goings are you tracking
with me so so I want you to understand
that there are many cases where you
didn’t have that but God causes all
things to work together for good hello
somebody it is true they got caught all
things to work together for good in
spite of this so I just want to throw
that caveat out there so you won’t be
taking a sound bite of this and and
being divorced court right hello
somebody and but I also want to affirm
those who who have been through a
divorce who might be walking around with
guilt and shame and condemnation
some psycho religious person told you
that because you are remarried again you
know you’re going to hell stop it let me
just say it publicly stop taking the
scripture out of context hello somebody
there are more reasons than adultery for
people to get divorced right even in
mark 10 I’m on my soapbox but even in
mark 10 it talks about how there is no
one Peter was struggling about all the
things that he would have to give up in
order to satisfy his kingdom assignment
and guess what when Jesus told him that
there will be certain things that he may
have to give up for the kingdom saying
but it would be multiplication not lost
guess what one of the things had to do
with wife and so what I’m saying is
a lot of people who are so blinded to
the fact that the commander and the
command did are more important than the
Commandant for like preaching and you
take things so you become legalistic by
taking things so literally I’ll put it
to you this way if adultery was the only
reason for divorce do you mean to tell
me if somebody is beating you upside the
head with a hammer that God would say no
stay in it as long as he doesn’t cheat
on you he can be beating the crap out of
you but as sometimes you got to think
you got to think somebody’s verbally
abusing you
somebody’s treating you somebody’s
speaking against your purpose in your
destiny so there are other things so
that to that person who had gone through
a divorce maybe you went through a
divorce because God didn’t join you guys
together in the first place and I want
you to be healed and whole and redeemed
and set free from that guilt shame and
condemnation because it’s not from
heaven are you tracking with me I’m not
excusing anything nor my condoning
religiosity that keeps people in Chains
we good all right let’s move on to the
five must-haves before saying I do the
first one I love regularly rehearse
magic moments regularly rehearse magic
moments okay so what are magic moments
magic moments are these memorable
experiences that you’ve had together
magic moments can be moments of
confirmation where were God confirmed
that the two of you were supposed to be
together
he could have done some sort of sign in
the sky
some sort of experience you have to not
only keep record of those magic moments
but you have to rehearse them because
guess what you don’t always have magic
moments sometimes you will have somebody
said miserable moments I I wouldn’t go
that far but sometimes that might be
true you see how I’m keeping my voice
right here hello like that let’s say
sometimes you’ll have moments that are
less than magical and and and and often
times what we do the second part of that
was to learn to to magnify each other’s
strengths and trivialize each other’s
weaknesses you know one of the things
that can happen in marriage is you can
have an incredible spouse an incredible
partner I mean they are awesome in 95%
of what they bring to the marriage what
they bring to the relationship but it’s
that 5% that that that that one thing or
maybe it’s two things and they are so
irritating and don’t you just keep
looking straight ahead don’t nudge your
partner don’t nudge it just right here
we’re not don’t we are not offering
counseling after service okay but it’s
it’s it’s that one it’s those one or two
things that drive you absolutely crazy
and if we’re not careful we will focus
on those things and magnify those things
so big that in your mind in your
perspective they dwarf that which is
really dwarfing those things and so five
times rehearse listen a good story about
your marriage a good memory a good
recounting of a memorable experience is
never overplayed it’s never outdated
your relationship need
you remember when and then if you got to
do it again a day later because you’re
struggling because you’re magnifying
that one or two things that the person
is doing you’ve got to do it again you
remember baby we just talked about it I
know but I need it right so regularly
rehearse magic moments
wait think about that I think the beauty
of technology and taking pictures a lot
is that you can literally go back
through and remember how you felt when
you were on that road trip or when you
had that special dinner and it has
really helped me I mean there are very
few small like point zero nine percent
things that I would consider a weakness
of yours point zero nine percent over
the overall picture I got to go home
with him so I need to make sure don’t
nobody get it but him point zero nine
percent and when the enemy went there to
enlarge that point zero nine percent one
days that I am tired or hungry I am
reminded of of memories I always tell
people that when Pastor and I went on
our first date that he looked at me like
I had wings that only he could see and
he does still look at me like that
sometimes even when my hair is tied up
and I got stuff on my face and so just
reminding myself in those moments where
I could dare to be irritated that
there’s magic in the mix of life
absolutely
regularly rehearse magic moments they
are a gift for your future what’s number
two baby so number two is one that I
came up with and it says be more mate
aware than me aware so that again better
be more mate aware than me aware when
life starts doing that thing that life
does and you start counting the COS than
the weight of what it takes for you to
be you I took the kids to school I went
and worked on a major mom dinner I went
to work ahead twelve phone calls and I
went and picked the kids up and went
back to the grocery store because I
forgot something I came home I cooked
dinner I did so-and-so here and
you had the nerve to come in the kitchen
and ask me when dinner was going to be
ready you know the in that moment it can
feel like me me me me me and I’ve been
challenged by you know challenge within
myself to take a minute and to just take
inventory of his day and where he was
when he came in maybe he had meeting
after meeting after meeting and didn’t
have dinner and he wasn’t like acting
like this taskmaster asking me about
dinner and said he was just asking a
simple question but because I brought my
own weight of the day into that moment
we struggled and I think another thing
when we’re being more made aware than me
aware is to also consider what love and
family look like for him growing up
because there are moments where there is
a disagreement and you just don’t
understand why he’s not getting what
you’re saying but you have to recognize
that he’s bringing all of his
experiences and all of his perspectives
about life into a statement when he says
I don’t need you to cook dinner I need
you to give me a hug and you’re thinking
well I did all of this and how come you
didn’t recognize it you have to
recognize that what matters to you may
not matter to him and so dare to look at
life look look at life and look at you
through his perspective and just for my
wives I have a book that I think would
be very helpful for you to read besides
wholeness what you need to read amen but
it’s a book called what’s it like to be
married to me and it will really change
your life in a way that I don’t know if
you’re ready for but you get a journal
book and you go through this book and it
gives you great perspective so true
there’s a passage in one of the epistles
of Peter and it talks about marriage and
it it’s in reference to husband and
wives but I believe it works in the
other direction but it says husbands
dwell with your wives according to
knowledge that’s heavy live with your
wives not just randomly but according to
knowledge and I believe that that to
Sara’s point we do have to be aware I
think that God will give us insight
about our spouse I really do if we’re if
we’re interested if we’re curious Holy
Spirit
reveal to me what’s happening on the
inside of my wife or my husband right
let me just lord help me to remove
myself out of the equation for a second
and help me God help me too to see them
I believe it’s same thing with parents
right you’re praying for your children
the Holy Spirit revealed to me what’s
happening inside my child said I can
minister to my child it’s the same thing
because I believe as we get ready to
move on to the next point I believe that
the best marriages the best
relationships is when you have two
people doing everything in their power
to make the other person happy are you
tracking with me a lot of times when we
tell you we polled people we asked him
about marriage and you know and what do
you know what do you want you know what
do you want in marriage and they’ll say
oh you know I want a man who loves me
and and he validates me and he he sees
me and he gets me and he’s you know he’s
6 2 or 3 or 5 and you know he’s got
seven figures eight figures or whatever
you know and then you ask the husband
you know I just want somebody that knows
how to cook you know the meaning and can
be you know a lady in the streets and
and
and something else at home you know and
and oftentimes it is soda I’m suffering
and oftentimes I’ll tell you what you
rarely hear you rarely hear someone
saying you know what you know what do I
want out of marriage you know I just
want to be I want to find someone who I
can just be the best husband to that I
can just provide for that I can just
create an environment for them the
floors and you know you rarely hear that
you always hear about what they want and
so I think this is important because
again the best marriage the best
relationship is two people doing
everything in their power to make the
other person happy
[Applause]
number three is competing generosity
which I think really speaks more to what
we just talked about you know and so so
instead of competing in the marriage or
complaining in a marriage how about we
could be how about we outdo each other
you know my wife you know I wasn’t a
really good gift giver
I really wasn’t the be honest we got
throw some money at you you know or yeah
I just I just didn’t know how to be and
my wife gives the most thoughtful gifts
in the world so it up my game a little
bit right and so now I’m not thinking
months you know in advance I’m I’m
thinking and so so compete in generosity
how can I be even more generous with my
spouse than I was last year and one of
the things that I think allows us to
compete in generosity is constantly
asking one another question how can I
serve you how can I serve you so
competing and generosity for us isn’t
like who gets the most expensive gift
but like I got him a newspaper that came
out the year that he was born that was
very special to him in his well to his
parents at the time and just was the
environment and when she was born and I
know that that meant a lot to him so I
wanted him to have a piece of his
history it’s not always the most
extravagant gifts but it’s the thing
that says I see you I understand where
you come from I understand where you’re
headed and
is my way of saying I got you I’m with
you and I’m supporting you and there are
pockets throughout our whole entire day
where we get to compete in generosity
sometimes as wives as simple as just
sending your husband a message like
thank you for taking the trash out like
I know that’s a part of their
responsibility and it’s a our way of
helping keep the house maintained but
the reality is is the man who took the
trash out and never came home so I thank
you for taking the trash out and coming
back inside and sitting down at the
dinner table I’m glad that you came home
it’s somebody’s man who didn’t come home
and I thank you that you saw past my
flaws and insecurities and last night’s
argument and still came home and still
honored me as your wife I know that this
is your role and this is what you’re
supposed to do but what I’m saying is
that I see you stepping up to the plate
in a way that a lot of men have failed
to do where some men have failed to do
them what I’m saying is I see you I
honor you and I think you have a
gratitude for who you are in my life
awesome now we’ve got two more but
before we do the two more I just believe
that that we have a guru in our family
that has 35 or 34 years 35 years of
marriage that I want us to hear from
really quickly so let’s hear from our
Bishop TD jakes
there are a couple of things that I have
learned over the 35 years that I have
been married to Serita Jake’s I have
learned that so many times as men we
think more love than we say and people
can’t live off of what you think about
them they can only live off of what you
say about them I learned that if you
have love for them be sure you give it
to them and the only way they can get it
is if you have the courage to verbalize
it and we as men have a tendency to be
nonverbal and they’ll be disappointed
because people didn’t catch how we felt
I learned to break through my
intimidation and become more verbal
because I found out that my attention
and my affection is literally the air
she breathes and when I don’t give that
attention and affection is officiate her
if you don’t want to smother the person
you love through the absence of some
that you have but wouldn’t release give
it to them the second thing I want to
share with you that I believe is also
very very valuable is if a woman process
is about talking that’s how they process
most men tend to process internally and
they come out with the conclusion I
learned that when she is processing I
don’t need to contribute I just need to
listen because there is something you
give a woman by listening it gives her
it validates her thoughts and it gives
her the very important thing of feeling
not only women everybody needs us that I
have been heard I have been heard so
it’s not always about talking it’s also
about listening keep that in mind
number four make up quick the Bible says
for us not to let the Sun go down on our
wrath you know in in that passage mark
10 and 9 which says therefore what God
has joined together let not man separate
that’s an interesting word that was
translated let not man separate you’ve
probably heard it say let not man put
asunder but it’s a Greek word and it
literally means to place room between
the police room between so what God has
joined together but God has forged and
formed together with God has caused to
be one let not man now let not man put
room between now he’s not talking about
simply man that’s outside of the
relationship he’s talking about you and
I can’t think of what puts more room in
space which creates opportunity for the
enemy to come in and do things than
failing to commit to making up quick
what does that look like I don’t you
know if you got to talk it out all night
if you watch this if you have to
surrender your right to be right in
order to bring harmony
in order to bring peace do it do it by
any means necessary makeup are you
tracking with me cuz sometimes you’re
fighting over something that’s not even
worth it
I wanted more mayonnaise on my sandwich
you know that I wanted mayonnaise you
know I like the mayonnaise to come all
the way to the edge of the bread you
know that we have been married for 72
years you should know that some things
are not worth it and one of the things
that I’ve learned that sometimes in
order to keep the peace you have to just
die two things are you tracking with me
some things watch this you don’t like
this some things are just not gonna
change they just not gonna change you
might want to check don’t clap too hard
don’t think you’re we’re gonna have to
have a counseling session right after
the service right know some things right
and I’m not talking about major things
right I’m not talking my things like
abuse like verbal abuse like like
certain things I’m not talking about
that I’m just talking about little
things that are more like preferences
right sometimes you gotta just do
workarounds but by any means necessary
make up quick sometimes I prize say well
no I’m not I’m not giving in on this one
I’m not doing that I’m not giving in as
if you are hurting them to hurt your
spouse is to hurt you
you guys won remember we’re on the same
team so be quick to make them don’t let
the Sun go down on your wrath don’t go
to sleep angry first of all it does not
make for good sleep what was the last
time you went to sleep man and slept
like a baby
no you tossed and you turn and the
beautiful thing about making up before
you go to sleep is that you get to have
fun doing it hallelujah you get that on
the 25 on your way home god bless you
and last but not least
haha somebody just caught it you know
what baby I’m sorry I do I was a little
mean this morning let’s go home when you
pray that there will be transparency and
authenticity in church this is which
again no but he certainly lives by this
my parents have never argued in front of
me they both grew up in physically
abusive homes and so one of the things
that they vowed to do was never to argue
or to have any kind of disputes in front
of their children which is great it’s
just that I don’t know how to process
when I had high emotions you know and so
I thought to myself I will just be quiet
and internalize so the idea of making up
quickly for me just meant just don’t say
anything at all and you know let it go
and so I would obviously be walking
around with an attitude but I wouldn’t
say what was wrong with me
you know like slamming has played down
here’s your dinner you know or leaving
it in the pot and not making this plate
at all like this over there and and so
he had to really help me to make up
quickly but I just remember earlier on
in our marriage one of the times that I
really understood how important this was
to him we had just had the baby and I
wasn’t sleeping very much and I you know
he usually doesn’t sleep very much at
night ever like but when the baby came
God just blessed him with the spirit of
sleep that was so powerful and anointed
and so he would be waking up stretching
and like I’m about to go to the gym and
I’ve been up on this Ida attitude okay
my petty game was on 100 and so um I
think it was a Saturday night and I
finally just had this huge breakdown and
he literally called him a guest speaker
for that next Sunday and he told we I
think we did a video to the congregation
he’s like I’m staying home and we’re
going to have a family day because he’s
like I’m not gonna go and grab a
microphone and preach and do three
services like everything is okay at home
when it’s not so whatever it takes for
us to make up we’re gonna do absolutely
marriage is everything and lastly
remember marriage is stewardship its
stewardship God has entrusted you with
somebody he loves he has created a
scenario where you have close proximity
to someone’s entire life
to their most intimate things its
stewardship what God has joined together
he did it for a reason and so I have
stewardship over my wife I’ve got it as
a husband I’ve got to make sure she’s
good I’ve got to be unto her as Christ
is to me I’ve got to create an
environment where she soars where she
excels it’s a huge responsibility I
think that if we saw this going in we
might be a little slower to rush into
marriage right and not do it you know
unadvisedly we do it so girly and so
remember that God’s entrusted you with a
life he’s interested you with the heart
and God loves you yes he does but he
also loves your spouse and so so you
have to see it that way okay I’m in her
life I’m in his life for a reason and
ultimately I’m in her life
I’m in his life to bless them yeah I
think constantly reminding yourself I
may be the only glimpse of God that he
sees today so how can I be more
forgiving how can I be more patient how
can I be more sensitive how can I be
more honest and transparent is something
that has really helped me as I continue
to just thank God each and every day
that I get to be your wife I love you
it’s an honor to be your husband
alright it was this helpful but we are
we are about done there was one there
was a testimony that came through the
launch team and there was a couple on
the brink of divorce and they were on
the brink of divorce because of
brokenness and they decided that they
were going to they read the first three
chapters they won the launch team and
they read the first three chapters and
they realized that they weren’t in a
position to get a divorce because they
were seeing everything four broken
lenses and literally this turn their
relationship around and now they are
reading this together seeking wholeness
even in their marriage yes I encourage
couples to read it together
you never know what if the reason why
there is struggle in certain areas is
because of some degree of brokenness
that has gone undetected I encourage you
to read it single people chapter seven
is for you the whole book is for you but
single people particularly those who
might be engaged and you’re preparing to
get married
read it check it out it doesn’t mean
that this book is gonna tell you not to
get married but it might tell you to
slow down and get some things in order
so that you can have the marriage that
God wants you to have and so I want to
encourage you what I’d like to do is
pray for marriages and I can do it while
you’re where you are but if you’re so
inclined I want to pray actually I want
to pray for a lot of people first group
I want to pray for our divorce people if
you’re here and your divorce and you
have been struggling with shame you
don’t feel like God will ever bring love
into your life again and you’ve been
wrestling with self-doubt you’ve even
been wrestling with this notion that oh
my god this was this great evil this was
the unpardonable sin and you’ve been
carrying guilt and shame I want you to
come down and meet me here at this altar
the second group I want to come down is
if you’re here and you’re in a
relationship and you don’t know if the
relationship is God or not but you want
to give God your heart you want to love
him with all your heart mind soul and
strength so that he can either confirm
or not confirm the relationship that
you’re in you heard something it was
very clear that that was speaking to you
throughout this time and before you go
in too far before you take another step
further you want to give God your heart
you want God to be your first Valentine
and your ownself to be your second
Valentine if that’s you I would like for
you to come and if you’re here and
you’re married and you just want us to
pray over your marriage it’s not an
indictment on how awesome your marriage
is or how much difficulty you have in it
but you just what there’s a blessing in
this house for marriages and I said it
before one of the first things that I
said when Pastor Sarah and I took over
this church is that this church is going
to be known for healthy marriages and
Families in Jesus name we are going to
be known for it so if that’s you and you
just want prayer for your marriage I
want you to come forward right now and
if you’re here and you’re single
and you want to be okay with it you want
to come to a place where you say God if
you bring the right one for me fine if
me and you are gonna do purpose and
destiny all by ourselves for this season
fine
I want to be cool with it if that’s you
I want you to come as well I want you to
come forward Harlan if you’re watching
via live stream we’re praying for you as
well you are very much a part of this I
think we should both pray on started
then you can finish it and you can just
come while we’re talking come why
praying father love is an incredible
thing it is an incredible gift that
you’ve given to your children it’s so
powerful that your word says that by the
love that we have for each other then
people will know that the father sent
Jesus to the earth Lord you said I am
love yet in the midst of that truth you
did not promote love between two people
over love between yourself and
individuals in fact before Adam even
fell in love with Eve he was already in
love with you you set that sequence on
purpose because you want us to
understand that the greatest
relationship that any of us will ever
have in life the greatest love affair is
the love affair between you
and ourselves and it is satisfying it is
fulfilling it is completing people don’t
complete people you complete us and when
to complete people get together they
have a complete marriage father there
may be some amongst us who have gone
through divorce and as a result of that
they have been torn in such a way but
then that they do not believe that not
only can they recover but that you will
do even greater things and father I pray
that you would uproot that lie right now
you are a God of healing and restoration
and I pray God that self forgiveness
would flow right now that there would be
no regrets that there would be no guilt
and there would be no shame that they
would know in spite of perhaps even
mistakes that they made maybe the
greatest mistake was entering into it
without seeking you in spite of that you
love them you care for them and you’ve
got a plan for them may that guilt and
that shame die here at the altar of
grace hallelujah that regret would lift
and that a true sense of optimism and
expectation for all that you have in
front of them would be realized father
let joy return to us that we may
remember the promises that you have for
our life for our marriages for our
children and for our hearts may we
constantly walk in the knowledge and the
confidence that you created all things
to work together for our good and that
even the things that cause us the most
harm the things that made us become
disappointed or bitter that you know how
to take those things in to reveal so as
not only a new version of who you are
but love like no other we receive those
promises we lay hold of them and we
rebuke every lie every plot and plan and
thought of the enemy that ever made us
think that we were less than and we
declare and decree over these your sons
and daughters that they are loved they
are accepted
they are affirmed and therefore they can
walk with their head held high and their
heart full of joy in Jesus name and then
father I pray for every marriage every
marriage in this house you said would
you have joined together what you have
cause to no longer be two but one you
said may there be no room no space
between them father there some here and
and because of whatever may be something
that happened years ago that has been a
wedge in between their relationship
causing room and space and cracked ins
and brokenness unforgiveness that would
allow the enemy to always have a
straight shot and place in their
marriage I pray today that that door
would be closed that love and grace and
forgiveness got restoration God recall
to their remembrance those magic moments
those moments of confirmation those
moments of love the moments that are the
reason they got married in the first
place
restore that back to your sons and
daughters and then God for those who are
here or single
we pray God that they would see single
differently that single would not be
alone or by myself or some sort of
disadvantage but that they would see
their singleness as wholeness and that
they were pursue wholeness in their
singleness that singleness would mean
unbroken that singleness would mean I
have an opportunity to love me well and
to love me right and to love me fully
and to love me entirely and to love me
so wonderfully that any other love
that’s added will be just that an
addition and not that which makes me
complete father there’s some here who
are in relationships and for the sake of
seeking confirmation are laying those
relationships right down here at the
altar saying God my relationship with
you is the most important thing give
them that grace to do so resist and
fight every area of brokenness that
would attempt to wrestle with them about
making that decision
and give them the grace even that
Abraham had in the moment where he had
to lay his son down for the sake of
truth and God I thank you that as they
do that you’re going to honor them bless
them restore them and increase them in
ways that transcends anything that they
can ever imagine we seal these words we
seal these prayers we seal these times
this time in the mighty name of Jesus
amen amen god bless you happy
Valentine’s Day to you we love you very
much
may the Lord bless and keep you may he
make his face to shine upon you be
gracious toward you may he lift up his
countenance over you and grant you
Shalom Shalom in Jesus name God bless
you hope
see you a Saturday Wednesday nights
going to be a special a marriage service
you don’t want to miss that and
wholeness is available in the bookstore
god bless you love you
Great teaching! I feel lost for words. I’m in a marriage, for 22 yrs It’s like we are room mates. To make along story short I want out. I don’t know how to walk out and get a divorce.
I am not sure where you’re getting your information, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
Thanks for fantastic information I was looking for this info for my mission.
I’m not sure where you’re getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more.
Thanks for great information I was looking for this information for my mission.
I am not sure where you’re getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
Thanks for magnificent info I was looking for this info for my mission.