The Attractive Quality of Kindness – Dr. Charles Stanley

Think of someone with whom you love to spend your time. A certain warmth emanates from their core, inviting you to rest and be yourself, doesn’t it? That soothing radiance has a name: kindness. In this message, Dr. Stanley teaches about the irresistible nature of tenderheartedness, both how God demonstrates such a quality toward us and how we should imitate Him in our earthly relationships. Lean into His unfailing kindness and watch how it multiplies in your own life, testifying to everyone around you of the goodness of God. For more messages from Charles Stanley, including this week’s broadcast, go to www.intouch.org/watch

Dr. Charles Stanley: Do you
consider yourself a kind person?

Think about it a moment.

Are you a kind person?

You’re friendly.

You’re generous.

You’re patient.

You’re easygoing.

You’re warmhearted, thoughtful,
and you’re just fun to be with.

Now, you may be thinking,
“No, I’m not,” but I’d like

to meet somebody like that.

But I want you to think
about this.

A kind person is a person
who stands out in a crowd.

They may not be the one
who talks the most, but there’s

something about a kind person.

It’s sort of a built-in
attraction, it’s just there.

And when a person’s kind,
it not only shows in their face,

but naturally most of all
in their actions.

And when I think about that,
and I think about

the characteristics of it,
it’s very evident

that it’s of the Holy Spirit
because Paul says in

this fifth chapter of Galatians,
“But the fruit of the Spirit

is love, joy, peace,
patience,”

we’ve talked about all of those,
and then kindness.

Goodness and gentleness
are two other traits,

but I’m going to just
leave those with kindness

because if you’re gentle,
you’re going to be kind.

If you’re good,
you’re going to be kind.

And so, rather than take a whole
message on each one of those,

I want to talk about kindness
and goodness and gentleness.

And so, when you think
about kindness,

what comes to your mind?

Would you consider yourself
a kind person?

And maybe you would and maybe
you wouldn’t, but also he says,

and this is one of my favorite
verses about kindness in the

fourth chapter of Ephesians.

The thirty-second verse says,
listen, “Be ye kind, one toward

another, tender-hearted,
forgiving each other,

just as God in Christ Jesus
has forgiven you.

Be ye kind one to another.”

And then Paul says in Colossians
the third chapter, “Put on

a heart of kindness.”

That is, it’s our responsibility
as a child of God to be kind.

And we have the indwelling
Holy Spirit who is the source

of our kindness.

So, the natural outflow
in your life and mine should be,

to those around us,
that of kindness.

And all these characteristics
that we mention: friendly,

generous, patient, easygoing,
thoughtful, warm hearted,

and ask yourself the question,
would that be true of me?

Would your children see you
as kind?

Your husband or wife see you
as kind?

They may say,
“Well, lot of characteristics,

but kindness isn’t one of them.”

Kindness is a very,
very Christ-like characteristic.

And you don’t hear much about
kindness, but the Apostle Paul

says it’s the fruit
of the Spirit.

That is, when the Holy Spirit is
free in you and me to live out

what God intends for Him to live
out in us, kindness is going

to be one of them.

We’re going to be thoughtful of
others, our mind’s going to be

upon them.

And when I think about that,
I think about the first lesson

I ever learned about kindness
wasn’t a very good one.

But my mom was going to town
one afternoon when I was just

probably seven, eight,
or something like that, and she

wouldn’t let me go with her.

And I didn’t like it.

And I said something to her.

She was on the way out.

She walked down the steps and
I was on the porch and I said

something to her that was not
very kind.

And I was ashamed of myself when
I said it, and knew I shouldn’t

have said it.

I wanted to go, but she wouldn’t
let me, and so,

here’s what she did.

She turned around and she said,
“Charles, the Bible says,

‘Be kind to one another.'”

I’ve never forgotten it because
it went straight to my heart.

I’ve never forgotten the sound
of her voice.

“Charles, the Bible says,
‘Be kind to one another.'”

Kindness is a natural,
normal trait of a believer,

especially one who is living
in the Spirit of God.

And so, you ask yourself
the question:

Would that be true of you?

And then,
I thought about another act

my mom taught me
when I was a kid.

And this is back in the, well,
it would be in the forties in

those days, somewhere thereabout
in the late thirties.

And so, the buses were
always full.

And I remember kids had to walk
a pretty good ways to catch a

bus, go all the way across town,
walk a ways to get

to high school, and do it back
in the afternoon.

So, buses were filled.

My mom said to me, “Now, when
you’re on the bus and a lady

gets on the bus and there’s no
seat, you give her your seat.”

I said, “Give her my seat?”

She said, “Yes.”

And she said that is the kind
and gentleman thing to do.

Give her your seat.

I never forgot it, and if I were
somewhere and lady walked in,

there’s no seat, today, I’d get
up and give her my seat.

Why?

Because if you’ll think about
it, it’s the kind thing to do.

You say, “Well, that’s not
necessary.”

We’re not talking about
necessary.

We’re talking about being kind.

And kindness is thoughtfulness.

And if you think about it,
kindness is a built-in

attraction to a child of God
because Christ is our life,

living within us and living
through us, kindness.

Therefore, a person who’s kind
not only does certain things,

but they automatically, there’s
something inside of them that’s

always sensitive to somebody
who needs kindness.

Or in some way, you can express
kindness.

It may be something you say
verbally.

It may be something you do as
far as some action is concerned.

But kindness is a natural trait
of a child of God.

“Be ye kind, one toward another,
tender-hearted,” he says,

“forgiving one another
even as God in Christ

has forgiven us.”

And Jesus was certainly kind
in His day.

You say, “Why are you think
He’s so kind?”

I’ll tell you one reason.

Bartimaeus, a poor blind beggar,
when they brought him to Jesus,

here’s what He said to him.

He didn’t say to him,
“What happened to you?”

Or, “Why are you sitting
on a highway?”

Say, “Why are you begging
anyway?

Why don’t you–?”

No, He said, “Bartimaeus,
what would you like for Me to do

to you?”

And he said, “Lord, that I may
receive my sight.”

And He gave him his sight.

But kindness is a trait that
should be true of every single

one of us.

And if you’ll think about it,
there is no reason

not to be kind.

The fruit of the Spirit, which
says because the Holy Spirit

lives inside of you, you have
the capacity to be kind

to people no matter what.

Being kind is what believers
who know Christ as their Savior,

that’s what we would do.

We express kindness to people
no matter what the situation

may be.

And so, in thinking about that
and thinking about your life,

for example, ask yourself
the question: At your house,

when there’s nobody there
but your family,

are you kind to each other?

On your job, are you kind to
your boss or to somebody that

you don’t think maybe is doing
the best job they’ll–that is,

watch this, is it a part
of your makeup, is it a part

of your being?

Is it who you are to be kind, to
be thoughtful, to be generous,

and to reach out to someone?

Especially if you see them,
for example, in need,

whatever it might be.

Now, sometimes kindness doesn’t
mean that you’re a pushover.

It doesn’t mean that you ignore
wrongdoing.

Doesn’t mean that you just put
up with anything, but it means

that you express it in
the spirit in which Jesus

would express it.

Kindness also recognizes
the worth of a person.

And so, you don’t ever want
to do anything, watch this,

you don’t ever want
to do anything

or say anything to somebody that
strikes at their self-worth,

who they are.

Their actions, yes,
but not who they are.

If you’ll think for a moment,
listen, in Titus chapter three,

because our salvation is an act
of God’s kindness.

So, listen to what he says
beginning in verse four.

“But when the kindness of God
our Savior and His love for

mankind appeared, He saved us,
not on the basis of our deeds

which we’ve done in
righteousness, but according

to His mercy, by the washing of
regeneration and renewing of the

Holy Spirit, whom He poured out
upon us richly through the Lord

Jesus Christ our Savior.”

That is, one of the expressions
of the Holy Spirit in our life

is to be kind.

So, if somebody says, “Are you
filled with the Spirit?”

And you say yes,
then they have a right

to expect you to be kind.

Now, I say it again.

That doesn’t mean being kind
in every single situation

and being like a teddy bear.

No, kindness is also strong,
because kindness responds kindly

even in difficult situations.

And so, ask yourself
the question: Would you be

considered kind?

And then, for example,
in Romans chapter two,

look at this chapter two
and look, if you will,

in this fourth verse.

He says, speaking of kindness,
chapter two, verse four,

He says, “Do you think lightly
of the riches of His kindness?”

That is, he says the riches
of God’s kindness, which means

He’s very kind to us.

And think about this:
God is kind to wicked–

to the wicked people.

He could strike them dead
in a moment if He wanted to.

God is always kind.

He’s kind, He’s strong,
He’s deliberate, He’s holy and

righteous, but He’s also kind.

And the truth is, none of us
probably would be saved if God

were not kind.

He’s kind, He’s thoughtful,
all these characteristics.

“Do you think lightly of
the riches of His kindness

and tolerance and patience,
not knowing that the kindness

of God leads you to repentance?”

That is, we repented of our sins
because of God’s goodness

and kindness and love
and forgiveness and all the rest

that goes with it,
all the fruits of the Spirit.

So, would you consider yourself
a kind person?

If you live with somebody who’s
unkind, you live with a burden.

You live with someone who
mistreats you, says ugly things

to you, does all the things
that unkindness would do.

That’s very, very difficult.

And what’s more difficult is
that you remain kind in

the circumstance where kindness
is not seen anywhere else,

it’s very difficult.

And I’ll tell you something
else, God rewards our kindness.

He rewards our kindness.

And the more difficult
the situation you live in and

you’re kind, God will reward you
for your kindness.

I’ve watched that happen
over and over and over again.

So, somebody says, “Well, what
about when people mistreat you

and say terrible things–
you have to defend yourself.”

Not necessarily.

And I’ll tell you something
else.

An act of kindness sometimes is
a most–is the strongest defense

you can have.

When somebody just tells you off
and lets you have it and you

just stand there, what I’ve
discovered is this: They do not

know what to do with kindness,
especially when

they’ve really lost it.

And you just stand there
and take it and say nothing.

Besides the testimony you are–
and I remember one time that

happened to me, and somebody
just telling me off and

accusing me of something that
was absolutely ridiculous, and

I knew how ridiculous it was.

So, I just stood there and said,
“Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.”

And then, when they finished,
I said,

“Is there anything else?”

Down they went.

I mean,
you can’t fight kindness.

How do you fight kindness?

You can’t fight it.

It’s a conquering element
of character to be kind when

someone is very unkind to you.

Kindness is not an excuse
for letting people get by

with whatever it may be.

It’s a strong, vibrant,
godly trait to be kind.

So, we don’t have any excuse
for not being kind.

And so, let’s think about
the–some expressions of

kindness that God has expressed
toward us?

Well, the first one is
He pardons us from our sin.

Not a single one of us can brag
about anything we’ve ever done

to gain redemption.

So, He pardons our sins.

The second way He expresses
kindness is He provides

for our needs.

You just think about how often
you’ve been needy in your life,

whatever it might be.

Whether it’s emotion
or physically, materially.

And what happens?

God in His gentleness, kindness,
goodness, what does He do?

He provides for your need.

That’s who He is.

He provides our salvation,
He provides our needs.

Then He protects us, oftentimes,
in times of danger.

How many times we’ve been in
situations and circumstances and

God reaches down to protect us,
or our children,

whoever it may be, in times
when we desperately need Him.

And often, think about this,
we don’t even realize how often

He’s being kind to us.

We don’t know who’s plotting
against us.

In your job, for example,
to take your position,

or whatever it might be.

Or in your home,
or whatever it might be.

And yet, God is being kind.

Oftentimes,
He sends you a signal

to watch out,
whatever it might be.

And then, think about this,
every answered prayer is an act

of kindness on the part of God.

None of us would say, “Lord,
I want You to answer my prayer

because I’ve done thus and so.

I want You to answer my prayer
because I deserve this.”

None of us can boast of that.

He answers our prayers as an act
of pure kindness to us.

What have we ever done and done
enough to merit God’s kindness

toward us?

Nothing, no matter what we do.

And if you’ll think about He
reached down when you and I were

living in sin and He forgave us
of our sins, He wrote our name

in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

We have the gift
of eternal life, which no one

can take from us.

You talking about a gift
of kindness,

that is awesome kindness.

A gift, listen, remember
He saved you and me knowing

we weren’t always going
to obey Him.

He saved us knowing that
sometimes we’d get

out of His will.

He saved us knowing that
sometimes we wouldn’t act

very godly.

He saved us, sometimes we’d be
selfish, sometimes we’d be

prideful, sometimes we’d be
arrogant, sometimes we just

wouldn’t be fit to live with.

And what did He do?

He saved us and, watch this,
He not only saved us, but He

reached out to put His divine,
supernatural, awesome, loving

hand upon us to keep us until
the last moment of our life when

He takes us home to Himself.

That is unbelievable kindness,
that’s who He is.

So, with that being the case,
how do I have any legitimate

right to boast of anything that
would cause me to deserve

kindness?

We don’t have it.

It’s Almighty God working in
our life and through our life.

And watch this,
because He lives within us

through the Holy Spirit,
the Holy Spirit within you

will enable you to express
kindness no matter what happens.

And I’ve seen people
in situations that I’ve had to

think, could I respond that way?

Because they have rooted their
life in a relationship to Jesus,

and He was always kind.

Then, likewise,
look at the promises He’s kept.

Every promise God has made
to His children, He will keep

every single one of them.

Once you have the gift of
eternal life, that’s a promise

He’ll always keep,
no matter what you do.

But you’ll pay the penalty
of disobedience even though

you’re a child of God.

That is, when God makes
a promise, He’s gonna keep it.

Now, you may be in a situation
where you think, “Well, if God

kept His promises, He wouldn’t
allow me to be in this.”

It may be that you stepped
into something out of His will.

And what’s God doing?

He’s keeping His promise.

“How could God keep His promise
and cause me to hurt like this?”

Because He made a promise.

He promised that
He’d chastise us out of love

when we disobey Him.

What is He doing?

He’s keeping His promise.

You can’t ever come to a place
in life where God does not keep

His promise.

And so, people go through very,
very difficult hardships

in life, oftentimes because
they didn’t keep His Word,

didn’t obey Him.

And so, what is He doing?

Here’s what He’s doing.

You’ll reap what you sow,
more than you sow,

later than you sow.

You say, “Well now,
what about a promise?”

Well, that is a promise.

If you’re sowing wonderful seed,
you love that, right?

If you’re disobeying Him,
you don’t love it.

But it’s just God keeping
His promise.

It’s God being kind.

If He did not do that,
you and I would never know

where we are with Him.

He’s kind no matter what.

“The soul that sinneth,
it shall die,” is an awesome,

awesome, warning of God,
but it’s a warning.

It’s not a warning
because He hates,

it’s a warning because He loves.

He’s kind to us, He wants us
to tell us ahead of time what’s

gonna happen if we don’t repent
of our sin.

You can’t ever accuse God
of being unkind about anything,

not legitimately.

Every once in a while, somebody
will say, “Well, if God was

kind, He would never let this
happen in my life.”

We’ve all got those kind
of things.

But the truth is,
He’s keeping His Word.

So, I’ll ask you this question:
Would you want a God, if you

could, would you want to have a
God who does what He says most

of the time, sometimes, but
every once in while He doesn’t?

You want that kind of God?

No, we want a God who’s
absolutely true all the time

because He is true.

Now, it may not fall under
your category of kindness,

we all probably have our
category of what kindness is.

And then we have a category
of what God’s kindness is,

that’s always true.

But He’s always kind.

And when we bring difficulty
upon ourselves, it’s because

we have disobeyed the great
giver of kindness

who wants the best for us.

Then, of course, He’s personally
involved in our life.

Think about this.

Not only did He save you,
but He sent you the Holy Spirit

to be personally involved in
every single area of your life.

You’re talking about a gift
of kindness.

Listen, He’s there whether
you and I are obedient or not.

He wants to express kindness,
He loves expressing kindness.

Now, what do you think would
happen if you disobeyed God,

and all of us have.

You disobeyed God and said,
He said,

“Well, nobody’s perfect.

We’ll forget that.”

You know what it would do?

It would unseat your faith
in God.

Because you wouldn’t ever know
exactly where you are if He

let you get by with something.

But kindness involves
truthfulness.

It involves discipline,
it involves instruction,

it involves love, it involves
gentleness, kindness.

It involves lots of things.

And so, all of this is part
of it, and then of course,

His promise of presence with us.

Listen to this, “I’ll never
leave you, nor forsake you.”

Is that kindness, or is it not?

Now, it’s one thing for somebody
else to say that.

But for God to say to you,
“I will never leave you

nor forsake you,” and period.

He didn’t say, except, if,
and but, when, except who.

No, “I’ll never leave you
nor forsake you.”

God’s kindness is absolutely
indescribable.

But it’s also feel-able,
and it’s also enjoyable,

and it’s also true in our life,
the kindness of God.

So, I would simply say that
our lifestyle should be an

expression of kindness of God.

Now, I want to give you
several Scriptures,

you can jot them down.

Proverbs nineteen, twenty-two
says, “What is desirable

in a man is kindness.”

That’s Proverbs.

What is that?

What is desirable in a man,
that is kindness.

Now, what does the world say?

Muscular, strong, handsome,
rich, lovable, and all the bunch

of stuff that the world has.

The Bible says, what’s desirable
in a man is kindness.

Listen, Proverbs three-three,
“Don’t let kindness and truth

leave you, bind them about
your neck, write them

on the tablet of your heart.”

Keep it close in your thinking
and actions.

Listen to that, “Don’t let
kindness and truth leave you.

Bind them about your neck,”
not your ankle, not your knee.

Why does He bind them
about your neck?

Get them as close
as He possibly can.

In other words, make this first.

Bind them around your neck.

Write them on the tablet
of your heart.

That is, it’s not enough to know
about kindness,

write it on your heart.

It’s got to be a part of you.

Keep it close,
thinking and in action.

Zechariah, chapter seven,
verse nine.

Listen, “Practice kindness
and compassion to one another.”

Practice it.

Now, I’m glad
He said practice it.

Because, sometimes kindness
has to be practiced.

And sometimes, you may have
a very difficult time with

the person you are married to,
or your children, or whatever.

And you’ve not been very kind.

You’re sitting here thinking,
“Well, who told him about me?”

Nobody.

Everybody goes through
those periods at some point in

their life, of not being kind,
probably.

But what’s our responsibility?

Watch this, the Bible doesn’t
make any mistakes.

He didn’t just say be kind,
practice kindness.

Wouldn’t you say at your house
maybe at times you’ve had

to practice it.

Practice kindness, because it
doesn’t always come easy.

And then He says,
in first Peter, chapter two,

verse three,
“Tasting the kindness

of the Lord,” which simply means
experiencing it.

Do you experience
the kindness of God?

Do you sense it?

Now, since His readers
had tasted or experienced

the goodness and grace of God,
he wants to make it very, very

clear that you and I realize it
to be a part of our life.

And if anybody should desire any
quality in life, I would place

kindness right close to the top.

Now, if you’re not kind, let me
tell you how you ought to feel:

Very convicted,
very much ashamed of yourself.

You ought to feel like going
home and confessing to your

family that you’ve not been
the kind dad or son or daughter

or mother that you ought to be,
and that you’re asking God to

forgive you, and you’re asking
them to forgive you.

And with their help, you want
to start being the kind husband,

father, wife, daughter, sister,
you name it.

You want to be the kind
of person God made you to be.

Now, you say,
“Oh, that’s not necessary.”

No, it’s necessary,
but it takes a man to do it.

It takes a real woman to do it.

To say, “You know, I’ve not been
kind to you,” especially

if they’ve mistreated you.

To say, “I just want you
to know, I want–I haven’t been

as kind as I ought to be,
and I want to be.

If you’ll help me to be,
I want to be kind.”

Kindness’ll change
your family.

It can change your working
location.

It can change your friendships.

It can change the people
you mix with.

Kindness is a gift from God,
provided by the Holy Spirit,

and we are the channels through
which Almighty God speaks

kindness to those we live with,
those who are our friends,

strangers, wherever it might be.

Kindness.

Now, one thing you cannot say,
“I don’t know how to be kind.”

Yes, you do.

Just do the thing that’s proper
from God’s viewpoint.

You’ll change your family.

Watch this: it only takes
one person.

And if it–to change
a whole family.

You’ll change the atmosphere
where you work.

They won’t know what happened.

You’ll change the atmosphere.

You’ll change the atmosphere
around your dinner table

at night.

You’ll change all the commotion
early in the morning when

everybody’s getting ready to go
ten different places and

you’re trying to fix breakfast.

Kindness changes everything.

Now, if you’ve never trusted
Christ as your Savior,

that’s not going to work.

Because you see, He gives
the gift of kindness to those

who are His children,
those who’ve trusted Him.

So, I want to encourage you
to ask the Lord Jesus Christ

to forgive you of your sin,
your lack of kindness,

all the things you’ve said
and done, hurting people

around you, whether
it’s in your home or where

you work or where you play.

Asking God to so change your
life that when they see you,

they will know that something
has transpired in your life.

You’re not the same person,
because God is now expressing

kindness through you.

Father, we love You and praise
You, and thank You for kindness

that we couldn’t ever fully
comprehend.

And when we look at the cross,
we see the most powerful,

unforgettable, eternal example
of kindness.

When we didn’t deserve it,
You loved us anyway.

And I pray the Holy Spirit has
spoken to every single person

here today, my heart,
every heart, to examine:

Are we really kind
in our actions?

Do we show it?

Father, examine our hearts,
do we express kindness in

difficult situations, hardships,
trials, suffering,

rejection, hurt, pain.

Show us that we have
the Holy Spirit within us

who will enable us
even in the midst of being

blistered by someone else,
we can act kindly

in forgiveness toward them.

You have been so kind to us,
show us how to be kind

to everybody we meet.

We love You, Father, we love You
for Your kindness toward us

that You saved us, and we bless
Your holy name this morning.

Amen.