Life is all about relationships—with family, friends, yourself, and God. If you take relationships out of your life, what do you have? Learn the importance of having healthy relationships and how to foster them. For more messages from Charles Stanley, including this week’s broadcast, go to www.intouch.org/watch
[Music]
[Music]
timeless truths
a collection of classic sermons from dr
charles stanley
today’s selection recorded in 2003
how to treat one another
[Music]
i’d like you to answer this question
with one word
listen carefully
what is life all about
how would you answer that what’s life
all about
life is all about relationships
relationships with
your family your friends your co-workers
relationships with yourself
relationships with strangers though it
may be brief relationship
with god life is all about relationships
because you see if you take
relationships out of your life
what do you have the only thing you have
is things that are material
secular and really meaningless without
relationships because
without relationships how can you enjoy
anything in life
relationships are very very important in
fact
they affect every single area of their
life they really determine whether
you’re happy or unhappy they determine
whether you have real peace or not
relationships are essential in business
in your family
relationships to your children in every
aspect of your life
relationships are very important how
would you
judge your relationships with your
husband or your wife
with your children with your parents
with your friends with your co-workers
how do you relate to people that you
meet for the first time
you may have a very brief momentary
meeting but what kind of relationship
do you have at that moment oftentimes we
think these are things we can just take
for granted
but not really we have to learn how to
do it
and jesus gave us the basis of strong
relationships
in one single verse of scripture in the
sermon on the mount
matthew chapter 7 verse 12.
a verse of scripture that many people
will say oh i know that verse of
scripture
well you know what knowing how to quote
a verse and knowing how to practice a
verse
is two different things and oftentimes
we can quote a verse we know a verse by
heart
and we know what it says at least we
think we do and therefore because we can
quote it we think we practice it
not necessarily jesus has just begun to
talk about prayer
and he says ask it it shall be given you
and seek and you shall find
knock and it shall be opened then he
talks about how the heavenly father
desires to answer our prayers
and when he finishes that he says in
verse 12
in everything watch that not some things
not most things in everything
therefore treat the people
the same way you want them to treat you
this is the law and the prophets look at
that
he says treat people the same way
you want them to treat you this is the
law and the prophet somebody says now
wait a minute
that’s not practical with jesus who is
the son of god tell us to do something
that’s not practical no he would not
do something we cannot do no he would
not
and if you’ll notice he says in
everything not when it’s convenient or
not convenient
not at specific times not at other times
and you’ll notice he says
treat people what does he mean that
means everyone
i can’t pick and choose and be obedient
to god
i can treat this person the way i want
them to treat me and that person or this
group of that group
but he says in everything treat people
that is everyone the same way
you want them to treat you now it’s very
evident
that many people who call this the
golden rule
and who know this particular passage by
heart
and will say to us oh i know that
passage
the truth is they don’t practice it ask
yourself the question
do you really and truly treat people the
way
you want to be treated well it’s very
evident
that oftentimes we do not and i think
all of us would have to say
at some time all the other in our lives
we’ve rationalized that away and said
well
but you don’t know how badly they’ve
hurt me
you don’t know how they’ve treated me if
you knew how they had treated me
you would not expect me to treat them
the way i want to be treated
it’s not a matter of what you and i
expect jesus the son of god
said this is one of his commands and his
command is that you and i treat other
people the way we want to be treated
now let’s think about what’s involved in
that so what i want to do is this
i want to begin by simply giving you
a list of words that really are words
are characteristics
character traits actions that you and i
should take
if we want to build strong relationships
now i’m going to put them on the screen
here so you can follow them
and i want to encourage you to jot them
down because you can’t just listen to
this message and walk away and practice
it
and besides the fact that it affects
your marriage
your relationship to your children your
parents
your friends your co-workers god
yourself this is an extremely important
message
now when you think about a strong
relationship what it would be involved
in a strong relationship so i want to
give you a list of words
and i want to encourage you to jot them
down right quickly it’ll be worth it
number one a strong relationship’s going
to be enjoyable
it’s going to be satisfying
it involves loyalty one to the other
it certainly involves trusting each
other
and certainly there is a mutual interest
between people who have a strong
relationship
there is a genuine concern for the other
person’s welfare not only today but also
for their future there’s a desire to
please the other person
when you have a strong relationship you
look for ways to please them
you discover ways to please them
likewise there’s a sense of truthfulness
you can’t build a strong relationship
without truthfulness
lying and deception manipulation will
destroy a relationship
then there’s prayer if you’re going to
build a strong relationship
you pray for one another you call each
other’s name before god
you lift up each other’s burdens to the
father
you desire the best for one another you
have a strong relationship you want the
best for that other person whatever that
may be
likewise you will protect each other
protect them when people falsely accuse
them
protect them for example physically if
you see harm coming their way
you want to be a protective someone with
whom you have a strong relationship
likewise you’re forgiving we all offend
each other at times we say things we
should not say
sometimes we’re insensitive in what
happens if you have a strong
relationship
you’re very forgiving you want to
forgive and you certainly want
to be forgiven in return likewise you’re
an encourager
you have a strong relationship with
someone you want to encourage that
person
any way you possibly can you see them
down you see them
going through a difficulty a hardship in
life you want to be that encourage them
either by a phone call a letter
or by personally putting your arm around
them and saying listen i want you to
know that i’m with you
in this circumstance you want to be
supportive they’re going to feel your
support when you have a strong
relationship
you’re going to be very supportive of
the person with whom you have that
relationship
likewise you’re going to be generous not
stingy and tight
you’re going to be looking for ways to
say or to do things or to give the other
person something that you know
would bring them a sense of happiness
and joy likewise you’re going to honor
that person you honor them for who they
are you respect that person you accept
them
as who they are just the way they are
you don’t build a relationship to change
someone
you respect and honor them as they are
accepting them as they are
and of course above everything else
loving that person
you say well i don’t love anybody i feel
that way towards well maybe you ought to
start changing
if you want a strong relationship listen
can you name any one of these
issues any one of these items that we’ve
mentioned here that you would not want
someone to feel that way toward you
don’t you want to be accepted and loved
and supported and loyal and truthful and
all the rest
yes you do do you not want relationships
in life that are enjoyable that are
satisfying that are exciting that are
stimulating that are motivating
yes you do well those things don’t come
automatically it doesn’t just happen
people get married and they say their
vows before the pastor in a church or
before
someone else and saying those vows
somewhere along the way they have the
idea
that’s just going to make it work that’s
not going to make anything work
you have to work at building strong
relationships
and oftentimes with children people have
great difficulty with their children
because they don’t know how to build a
relationship you think just because
you’re the mother and father and you
have the final word
what you say is the law but what about
building a relationship with your
children that they enjoy
they love being with you they want to be
supportive of you they want to tell you
the truth
they genuinely care for you and you see
you look around you see the kind of
struggle that people have
look for example among labor and
employees and
employers and the strife the discord the
discussions the arguments the deception
the manipulation that goes on why
they don’t know how to build
relationships with people that they can
enjoy working with
why do you think our courts are so full
running over on the schedule with
lawsuits
we can’t get along we don’t know how to
treat each other
if i make a mistake i admit that and we
go on in life but no we’ve got to take
people to court and sue them
get everything we possibly can greed and
selfishness and all the rest
and you see when you don’t have a good
relationship with someone
selfishness self-centeredness and pride
and greed can enter in
very easily ask yourself the question
are you building strong relationships
with people
what kind what kind of home life what
kind of nation do we have
that we no longer know how to treat each
other then we wonder why all the strife
and all the heartache and the way we
mistreat each other and abuse
verbal and sexual and physical abuse and
all the rest
what in the world has happened jesus
made it very clear he said
treat other people the way you want them
to treat you so well i’ve heard that all
of my life
well you may have heard about how much
of it have you practiced in fact
do you even understand what it means
do you understand what it means to treat
someone else
the way you want them to treat you
and so it’s very evident we look around
that’s not the way people are living
that’s why most homes are in turmoil
most people in the relationship to their
kids having all kinds of difficulty
why jesus gave us in one single verse
the problem is we don’t understand the
verse
if you think about this is a command and
a principle
it is a command watch this it is a
command that reveals the very heart of
god
it is the command listen that tells us
how god thinks about us it tells us
how god wants you and me to treat one
another
you see listen carefully we live in a
society that’s wrapped up
in the triad me myself
and i we’ve become a selfish and a very
self-centered generation of people we
have so much
but we act like we don’t have enough
because we can’t figure out what enough
is
and let me just say that you can’t get
enough things
material things or prestige your
prominence of
popularity or any of the rest listen
that will
listen that will even begin to
substitute for one
great strong satisfying enjoyable
relationship
because you can have all the stuff life
has to provide
but if you don’t have a loving
relationship you know what you’ve missed
it
life isn’t about things life’s about
relationships
our relationship to ourselves
relationship to our heavenly father
to his son jesus christ of the holy
spirit
relationship to our friends our family
relationships that are often times very
brief
momentary meetings what kind of
relationships do you have
let’s think about this verse for a
moment because oftentimes people
misinterpret it
somebody says well i don’t hurt people
i don’t lie to people i don’t manipulate
people
i don’t do this and i don’t do that and
i don’t do the other that’s not even the
issue this is not what you don’t do
a person who’s not even a christian who
doesn’t even know anything about jesus
who’s not even religious
would fall in the category of people
maybe who do not steal they don’t lie
they don’t cheat they don’t commit
adultery and they don’t
they don’t do a lot of things that’s not
what jesus said he said
treat them positive action treat them
the way
you want to be treated to boast about
what you don’t do to people
it’s not even the issue the issue is how
do you treat them
how do you want them to treat you and
it’s very important that we understand
what jesus said in this simple verse
listen
in everything that is in every
circumstance
in every situation how we to respond to
those around us
we’re to treat them in the same way
we want to be treated listen if we were
in their circumstance that is
i am to treat the other person the way
i want them to treat me if i were if the
situation were
reversed then i were them and they were
me how do i want them to treat me
well now there’s a little catch at this
and i want you to watch this carefully
because you see i wonder if you’ve ever
asked yourself the question
how do i want to treat people and how do
i want people to treat me
could you even answer that question
you said well why is that so important
i’m going to show you in a moment why
it’s
extremely important that you know
how you want people to treat you how
many words would it take
would you say well i think what i would
do
i was i would take your list i would
take this list and i would say well
i certainly want them to enjoy me to
take pleasure in me
to be loyal to me trusting me be
interested in me concerned about me to
be truthful to me to pray for me to
desire myself
on down the list we go is that what you
want
make a list you say well if i presented
that list to my husband and wife they
just have a fit
no you know what they’d probably do
they’d probably say
well now understand
where i fail and you understand where
you failed
what i want you to think about seriously
do you do you know
how you want people to treat you
on your job how do you want the boss to
treat you
how do you want your parents to treat
you
do you want them to say because i said
so that’s not what you want them to say
how do you want your friends to treat
you
how do you want strangers to treat you
when you meet them
we don’t think about that until we get
in some situation
and in the midst of the situation then
we’re trying to figure out what our
feelings are
well let’s say somebody hurts your
feelings really badly but something they
say
how do you feel
and let’s say for example that you you
hurt their feelings
how do you want them to respond have you
ever just stopped to think
how do i want people to treat me in
every aspect of my life for example
let’s take the lady the the mother let’s
take the wife
she cooks this fantastic meal but she
tries two or three things she’s never
cooked before
and she’s given her best and she sits
down at the table and big smile
wondering how you’re going to respond
and you say what’s that
that is not the right way to respond
or she comes out and you’re going
somewhere for the evening and you say
are you going to wear that that’s not
the way you want to respond
is that what you would want her to say
to you if you walked out in a sport coat
and
some silly tie that you thought looked
absolutely fantastic and she thinks it’s
terrible
you want her to say well are you going
to wear that thing no
you know what we hurt each other
we have misunderstandings we create them
because we don’t stop to think
how do i want someone to treat me now if
you’ve heard everything i’ve said so far
say amen
here’s the catch whatever you decide
about how you want people to treat you
you make a commitment automatically
that’s the way you intend to treat
everybody else
so when you make your list you have to
ask yourself the question am i
am i willing to treat everybody else the
same way
you’ve made a list this is the way i
want people to treat me listen to what
jesus said he made it very clear
very very clear in everything therefore
treat people the same way you want them
to treat you
so if i decide how i want you to treat
me
if i’m obedient to his command then what
i’m saying is
therefore this is the way i’m going to
treat you
you see the world can’t understand this
because the world
the world’s idea is what i i beat you
too before you beat me
greed selfishness self-centeredness
reeks in our society and so you come
along and what do you do
you you live a whole different lifestyle
you’re asking the question
now how do i want that person to treat
me i don’t care what they do that’s
where i’m going to treat them
they know how to handle it and so
therefore if you say
in your own heart well you know what i i
do understand that but
i i’m not sure i could i’m not sure i
could do that
you can’t do it apart from our father
you can’t all of us have enough
naturalness in us
listen when somebody wrongs you
if listen if you live on the edge and
many people are living on the edge of
anger
somebody wrongs you says the wrong thing
and you snap back
you know what the problem is you in the
very listen
you snap back so quickly to defend
yourself
is that necessary not nearly necessary
suppose you said
well i appreciate you telling me how you
feel what what what
what do you mean you appreciate me
telling you how i just told you off and
you’re telling me you appreciate it
yes i do now i know how you feel toward
me you know what they know how to handle
that
the natural man and woman that is the
person who does not know jesus christ is
their personal savior
listen they’ve grown up in a society
listen what
eye for an eye tooth for tooth now in
our society
it’s not an eye and for an iron tooth
for a tooth it’s many
eyes for a eye and many tooths for a
tooth
it take you to court see you get
everything they possibly can is that the
way you want them to treat you
i don’t think so i know that’s not the
way you want them to treat you
now what does it take to obey this
command here’s what it takes
it takes a personal relationship with
god
through his son jesus christ because
everything in us the naturalness with
which we came into this world
paul calls the flesh arrow carnality
those propensities towards sin and
disobedience that lie within all of us
we have to deal with that and it is only
when christ comes into our life
and we begin to honor him as our lord
and we begin to
follow him as our savior lord and master
then he empowers us that is the spirit
of god who lives within us that’s what
he empowers us to do what to be
forgiving
and to be thoughtful and to be kind and
not to be prejudiced toward people
but to be what to be
willing not to pick and choose but to
treat
everybody the same way you say will he
do that in my life yes he will
he will enable you strengthen you
listen he he is the only one who can
enable you to live this out
to help you understand what are the
desires of my heart
and how do i want people to treat me and
how do i therefore to treat them in
return
treat them the way i want them to treat
me
it takes a relationship with our lord
listen to these verses and there are
many many verses that you’re not going
to talk about listen to what he says he
says
matthew 10 he says watch this he says
freely you have been given freely give
to others
matthew 10 verse 8 freely it’s been
given to you freely give to others
think about how lord’s given you so much
freely give to others
you want other people to give to you
freely give to them
does he not say give and what it shall
be given to you watch this verse now
give and it shall be given you what is
what’s the it anything and everything
given it shall be given to you how good
measure pressed down shaken together
it shall return to you say now wait a
minute you mean to tell me
that if i treat people the way i want to
be treated that they’re going to treat
me right
i can’t guarantee that i can guarantee
you this
listen carefully when you treat people
the way you want to be treated in a
godly fashion
our heavenly father is going to see to
it
he’s going to see to it that you get
treated
by him through somebody through others
maybe through many
the way you want to be treated it may
not even be the person
that you would like to influence an
impact
he’s not going to overlook your
obedience to him
and i can think in times in my life
where maybe someone else has mistreated
me
and i’ve tried to treat them the way i
want to be treated and they didn’t treat
me that way
but you know what god supplied
that treatment in ways i would never
have been able to imagine
in an abundance i could never begin to
enjoy listen
god isn’t going to come up short with
you
when you obey him no matter what so
let’s say you live with somebody who’s
not treating you right in
you you try your best to treat them the
way you want to be treated they don’t
treat you that way
you say well now how long am i to do
that does this verse
say listen you’ve already got the
message haven’t you
in everything for a short period of time
no he doesn’t say that
you know what happens when you and i
obey this command please don’t overlook
this when you and i obey this command
you never come up short you never do the
wrong thing
listen it’s never a failure it’s never a
sign of weakness
when you treat people the way you want
to be treated
and does he not say in his in the
scripture very very clearly
he says listen let’s watch this you see
we say we believe
all this whatsoever man a woman
sows that shall they also reap
reap what what they sow more than they
sow
later than they sow and you know what
you can’t determine
what field it’s coming from when you and
i do the right thing
god always honors that here’s what’s
going to happen now watch this
when you treat people the way you want
them to
the way you want them to treat you
you’re going to have this sense of
accomplishment first of all that you’ve
done the right thing
secondly you’re going to have the
awareness in your heart
that you just please the father you
please the father because that’s what he
said
treat other people the way you want to
be treated thirdly
you’re going to have this sense of
excitement of how is god now
going to treat me through others when i
treat this person the way i know
that i want to be treated how is god how
is god going to restore all this
and then you’re going to have this
awesome sense of awareness
that the love of the father is flowing
through you to the other person and you
know what
they may resist it or they may not it
won’t make any difference
watch this carefully don’t forget this
when you and i treat other people the
way we want them to treat us
the father will bless us in ways
we could never begin to imagine we don’t
have to worry about the consequences
he assumes the full responsibility
for our future treatment when we obey
his simple command